Takes

Nick Saban appearing on the championship telecast while LSU won was a weird move

I don't think I would do it soon as LSU is there I think I'm like, you know what I'm gonna sit this one out... why don't I mean to have your arrival win in you're doing the I don't know. I don't think I would do it. So Saban became a meme I think for a minute.

Nobody could have ever stopped LSU's offense this season

I really don't think anybody ever could have could have stopped this. I mean we were we were just rolling we had I mean I could just throw up a I could throw the ball with my eyes closed. My receiver is going to go catch it. That's that's how we felt and We were just playing with so much confidence.

It's not fair that I'm 23 years old playing against college kids

I'm graduating I'm 22, and I'm 23 years. So I can do whatever ask me whatever the hell I want... I mean, we it's really not fair. How old I am but I'm playing against these [college kids].

Smashing televisions should be a top responsibility for a baseball manager

My favorite part of the story is that AJ Hinch not once but twice smash the TVs that Alex Cora was using to help cheat... I don't know what your job duties are as a manager, but I'm pretty sure that smashing televisions should be pretty high up on that list.

Alex Cora should get a lifetime ban just because it sounds 'juicy'

Alex Cora, I'm not in favor of a lifetime ban, but I am in favor of hearing the term lifetime ban. Oh, yeah. Definitely. It's awesome hearing Alex Cora has been issued a lifetime ban from baseball. Like I don't think that he deserves it and what I deserve to hear that... there's nothing more satisfying than just like when you read the words lifetime bans.

Kirk Cousins was not the main reason the Vikings lost to the 49ers

I'm not going to sit here and do the lazy Kirk Cousins stinks, he can never win a big game. He wasn't good, but his offensive line was worse, and I'm not going to put all the blame on Kirk Cousins. To me, this game was way more about the Niners' defense than Kirk Cousins screwing up royally.

The Cleveland Browns franchise is built around immediate success

The Browns franchise is built around immediate success. Listen, when you're the Cleveland Browns, you can't afford to give up two more weeks to wait to hire the right coach. It's a win now [mentality].

The divisional round exit is the ceiling for the current Minnesota Vikings

This is their ceiling. And it's a pretty good ceiling. I mean, you made the divisional round of the playoffs. You won a road playoff game in New Orleans... You should be happy with this, kind of. Eventually they're going to get exactly where they are every single time with Kirk Cousins.

The Ravens panicked against the Titans and abandoned their identity

Holy shit, was that a fucking inexcusable loss at home where they just looked terrible. And I know Lamar Jackson had a million yards. But I actually don't blame it all on him because it felt like the Ravens... they panicked when they went down, and how many times are they going to run empty backfield when all season long they were fucking everyone up? That's the stupidest thing you could ever do.

Running backs are back and the NFL's offensive pendulum is swinging back to the ground game

Running backs are back. That's going to be the next take that we have. Are we seeing the pendulum swing? Because there's one really outstanding running back, Derrick Henry... you're going to see some general manager draft a running back in the top five.

Scoring a high amount of points is a curse that prevents winning championships

Scoring points is bad, and you should actually be bad on offense... The 12 highest scoring teams in NFL history have zero championships. Zero. That's good enough for me. Zero championships. Scoring points is bad. You do not want to score points.

Lamar Jackson might simply not be able to get it done in the playoffs

He just might not be able to get it done in the playoffs. Peyton Manning, another MVP caliber quarterback, couldn't get it done in the playoffs [early on]. It might not just be like that he has weaknesses in his game. He's clearly the MVP. He just might not be able to get it done in the playoffs.

You cannot beat the Kansas City Chiefs by kicking field goals

You're not going to beat the Chiefs by kicking field goals. You're not. So I don't understand why [Bill O'Brien] doesn't go for a touchdown.

Roger Goodell will try to engineer a Chiefs vs. Packers Super Bowl for the 100th anniversary

Roger Goodell is absolutely smashing the nut button on the prospect of a Kansas City Chiefs-Packers Super Bowl rematch of Super Bowl I in the 100th year of the NFL. Doing a major stay woke on that one. If Roger Goodell would be the kind of guy to pull any strings behind the scenes... [he] is absolutely going to try to engineer that.

It is hard to beat the Packers and the refs at Lambeau Field

It's hard to beat the Packers and the refs. It's hard to beat the Packers and the refs. And again, I'm not going to complain about the refs. But if I were to complain about the refs, that bullshit spot [on Jimmy Graham] was bullshit.

If it were 400 years ago, David Baker would be the king of Europe based on his size alone

David Baker, the biggest man, the largest human being that's ever been created... he would be a king 400 years ago. He would have been the king of all of Europe, just by size.

The Lakers are peaking too early in the NBA season

The Lakers are really fucking good... peaking too early. They didn't even have Anthony Davis and LeBron the other night, and they fucking smoked the Thunder... I'm putting in the tickler file... peaking too early.

Josh McDaniels staying in New England is a beta move

Josh McDaniels is back in New England... He brought his wife with him to his interview. Kind of a beta move... Apparently, they went out for lunch at some country club with Haslam... and it was a guys-only place. So his wife had to go out to lunch [elsewhere].

I would take Trevor Lawrence over Joe Burrow right now

I'm getting killed also, too, because I would take Trevor Lawrence over Burrow. What he showed in that Fiesta Bowl, the amount of times he got hit... the Clemson has the goods.

Bo Schembechler does not belong in the top 20 college football coaches of all time

Look at Bo Schembechler... go back and look at his record in bowl games. I think he coached in 10 Rose Bowls. You know how many he won? Two. Two and eight. But he's a god... Schembechler in the top 20 is not right.

The solution to Miami's football struggles is to hire a massive cheater and pay more money to players

Miami is a really easy problem to solve. It's like just let them cheat. Just hire the biggest possible cheater. Pay more. All the time. Find another guy that's got a Ponzi scheme going there and let him run the program again.

Texas will make the College Football Playoff within the next five years

Give me one or two teams that hasn't been there [the CFP] that you could see realistically being there in the next five years... Texas... I believe in [them].

Greg Schiano will win more than 7 games in his first two seasons back at Rutgers

Over-under wins for Greg Schiano in his first two years. Seven... Over. Because I would imagine he took that job and can finagle maybe that second-year schedule.

LSU will beat Clemson 36-33 in the National Championship

I think Clemson hangs around, maybe goes up early, but I see LSU winning 36-33. Clemson covers.

Mike Leach in the SEC is a match made in heaven for entertainment

Mike Leach in the SEC, a match made in heaven. Maybe not from a football standpoint, from an entertainment standpoint. Lane Kiffin versus Mike Leach in the Egg Bowl. I hope it happens for 50 years.

Mike Leach will have the best quality of players he has ever had at Mississippi State

it's going to work because what Mike Leach does better than any coach is he goes to programs that are not traditional powerhouses... and he wins with not the best recruiting classes. He actually will have probably his best recruit. He'll have his best quality of players at Mississippi State than he's had anywhere else.

The 49ers, Ravens, and Chiefs money line parlay is a can't-lose bet

The 49ers, the Ravens, the Chiefs. Parlay them all, plus 105 on BetMGM, even money everywhere else... How does that lose? I don't see a way that it does.

The Titans will win if they have a single drive over 11 minutes long against the Ravens

If the Titans have a single drive that's over 11 minutes long, then they will win this game.

The Chiefs will blow out the Texans because Houston are frauds

I got Kansas City. I think they're going to blow them out. I think Houston, they reveal themselves to be frauds. That game against Buffalo... Buffalo lost that game more than the other way around.

Russell Wilson is not good in cold weather

The only thing I'm worried about is I don't think Russell Wilson can play in the cold. I don't think he's a cold guy... his record and his stats in the cold, he's not good. He gets spooked.

I will go to church every Sunday for a year if the Vikings win the Super Bowl

I should start going back to church every single every single Sunday for an entire year... if they [Vikings] win the Super Bowl.

The Minnesota Vikings defense is the worst in the NFL against 21 personnel runs

Minnesota is actually the worst defense in the NFL against 21 personnel runs. They allow 6.7 yards per carry and a 74% success rate... And guess who runs the most in the entire NFL? Kyle Shanahan in the 49ers.

I actually think I am going to make the DC Defenders XFL team as a kicker

They suggested, as a joke, that the DC team they don't have a kicker right now... I started practicing, and now I actually think that I'm going to make the team... I want to be a professional football player. I want to make this team. And I believe that.

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are moving to Canada as part of a British monarchy plan to retake dominance over the country

I think that this is the British monarchy trying to retake over Canada... Canada is like four Greenlands put together... This is the United Kingdom trying to retake over and establish dominance over Canada.

Kansas City and Houston will go over 24 points in the first half

I think that Kansas City-Houston over 24 in the first half is an interesting wager. [Big Cat]: Reputation on the line. [Sharp]: I said interesting.

Matt Rule is the most intriguing coaching hire of the 2020 offseason

I'm most intrigued by the Matt Rule hire because I want to see if what he does transitions over. And we know that he's working with an owner who just like spend, spend, spend on everything.

Bill Belichick definitely uses analytics despite his public denials

He's going to deny most everything possible unless there is an advantage to him. And he could easily say, I don't look at analytics... but somebody else there is giving him the research. He's got a team of guys that are using things, including computer vision... and that's all, in a nutshell, analytics is.

The Waterdogs will have a stadium built exclusively with taxpayer money

I'd like to do a census, some type of study to figure out where we could build a stadium exclusively with the taxpayer's money. I don't want to pay anything for my new stadium. Let's find out... figure out what location in America the voters are dumb enough that they'll just give us a lacrosse stadium.

I will bet on the Waterdogs and the over in every Waterdogs game

I want to be able to bet on the dogs and the over in dogs games. [Paul Rabil] says as long as we don't short our teams, we can wet our beak elsewhere.

Running is not good for you because human hearts have a finite number of beats

Running isn't good for you. No one should ever think running's good for you. As far as I'm concerned, your heart only has a finite amount of beats programmed into it at birth. It's like eggs in a woman. So I don't want to raise my heart rate too high because then it's not going to be around to beat when I'm past the age of 70.

The first day of March Madness is the most stressful betting day of the year

First day of March Madness. Because there's just so much that can go wrong, and if it goes wrong, you're... you can be in a hole and look up out of the hole and be like, how am I going to get out of this hole? And then it's, oh, whoops, it's also a sinkhole.

You have to compare Joe Judge immediately to John Harbaugh

You have to compare [Joe Judge] immediately to John Harbaugh. Of course. And say, okay, this guy could work. Because not enough special team guys get opportunities.

I would rather hire Matt Rhule than Nick Saban or Urban Meyer

I actually would feel more comfortable getting a Matt Rhule type than like an Urban Meyer or even a Nick Saban... Matt Rule did more with less. Temple is not really a football powerhouse. Baylor was obviously in kind of a disaster zone. So he wasn't beating guys with just going out and getting all the recruits... He was beating them, I would assume, with at least some X's and O's.

Joe Judge is probably not that talented of a coach because he went to Mississippi State

Joe Judge... negatives, everyone had to Wikipedia who [he] was. Also negative, he went to college at Mississippi State. So probably not that talented.

Mike McCarthy is just a fatter version of Jason Garrett

It's a great hire for Jerry Jones because he basically just hired a fatter Jason Garrett. Do you think Mike McCarthy's going to steal the show in Dallas? Do you think he's going to make the headlines?

Mike McCarthy only winning one Super Bowl with Aaron Rodgers makes him just an okay coach

If you asked any Packer fan, though, and let's just say that Aaron Rodgers is not going to win another Super Bowl, the fact that Mike McCarthy had Aaron Rodgers that type of talent and they only won one is an okay coach.

The NFL has only 3 or 4 difference-maker coaches and about 20 interchangeable ones like Mike McCarthy

The NFL is probably three or four difference maker coaches. Then there's 20 guys who are all kind of interchangeable. That's Mike McCarthy. And then four or five guys that will like actively hurt your team.

There is a Blake of the Year curse

So it's time to ask, is there a Blake of the Year curse? You've got Griffin [surgery]. Bortles got traded. He moved teams... and went bald.

Stephen A. Smith will be extra spicy because of his apple cider vinegar cleanse

Stephen A. Smith just announced that he's going on a seven-day apple cider vinegar cleanse... He's going to be on a First Take just with a mouth tasting like all kinds of soy sauce... and he's going to have an empty belly. He's going to be sweating... a hungry dog runs faster.

College bowl games are boring and pointless

Good riddance. Bowls are boring. What's the point?