Takes

Mountain Dew prevented me from getting cramps during NBA games

I was a full-blown addict, man, with the Mountain Dews... I used to have a liter, like, just in my locker... third quarter comes, bam, Mountain Dew, no cramps. Then fourth quarter comes, bam, Mountain Dew, get buckets. I hit game winners because of that shit.

Michael Jordan's claim that I was the source for 'The Jordan Rules' is a lie

For MJ to say I wasn't the source of this book, that's a lie. That's a downright lie and he knows that... Sam Smith spent more time with Bill Cartwright, BJ Armstrong, Paxson, Tex Winter, Johnny Bach... I don't know where that comes that I was the source behind the book. It's a straight-up lie.

Jameis Winston's performance is significantly better on turf than on grass

his grass versus Turf split you ready for this... on grass 22 touchdowns 27 interceptions on Turf 11 touchdowns three interceptions. Wow, his passer rating is almost it's 35 points higher on Turf than it is in Grass.

Tomato juice only tastes good when you are on a flight.

Tomato juice is so gross to pick and anyone who says 'oh, it's not that bad' they're just lying because they like it with vodka... I've noticed that people only drink tomato juice on flights... Tomato juice tastes better on an airplane.

There is no difference between 1%, 2%, and whole milk.

Drinking whole milk is disgusting... I do [drink it]... I bet you big guy, we do a taste test, I would be able to... there's no difference.

Leroy is retiring from the scoop game

I'd like to pivot [Leroy] out of the breaking news game, put him out to stud, put him out to retire... and then use the account to grade the scoops of actual insiders. Leroy serves as the judge.

Leaked Wonderlic scores are a smokescreen designed to hurt Tua Tagovailoa's draft stock

They were also incorrect leaked Wonderlic scores all that which tells me it's smokescreen season for someone out there. Like someone wants the rest of the NFL to believe that Tua is dumb because they gave Tua a 13 in the first Wonderlic score. It's not true at all. That's not what he got.

A good portion of high-level winning college basketball programs are cheating

I think that if you let's say it's 300 schools. I don't know how many is division one... a good portion of the schools that are are winning at a high level are doing something and it doesn't necessarily mean that they're dropping bags off at someone's house. But you've got to get creative man. Like this is It's a blood sport to get talent.

I would not have a spot in today's NBA

No, not at all. I would probably be playing overseas... I'm glad I came along when I did. nowadays, if you assume that you gotta have a 40 inch vertical, you gotta be able to run the floor like a gazelle. No way I would have been able to keep up with the pace.

I could break 100 on the golf course playing left-handed

I don't know if I broke a hundred, that'd be pretty good. I'd be happy, pretty satisfied... I can hit it pretty far. I think I hit it like the driver... somewhere, I mean the guy hit it like 300 yards [left-handed].

Bigfoot is a prehistoric ape called Gigantopithecus that hides its tracks by burying its dead

There's actually a giant ape, a prehistoric ape called gigantopithecus... If they were burying their dead, it means that they have ways to cover up their tracks. So if they like kept going on this, they could definitely figure out ways to like totally avoid humans at all costs like secret tunnels and stuff under the woods.

There are alligators living in the New York City sewers

New York city sewer gators... they brought them home, they then saw that they were getting way too big or they got bored of them and were flushing down the toilet. They're all the New York City sewers eating giant rats. They're actually down there because it's super hot during the winter, it's super cool during the summer. Confirmed.

Global dimming will cause a short-term increase in global warming this summer

There's something called global dimming which is the effect that aerosol and all those little particles have... It actually protects us a little bit from the sun's rays and makes the earth a little bit cooler because we put so much shit into the atmosphere now that all that's dipping down. It's actually going to increase the short-term effect of global warming, so we're doubly fucked.

Billy Mitchell is an assistant who talks in the third person to reporters

Shawn Jones is definitely Billy, right? Talking the third person. That's absolutely it's an assistant that Billy made up like Trump made up John Baron back in the 80s to like talk to reporters and shit.

A-Rod used to buy three custom suits for every rookie on his team to teach them how to dress in the big leagues

A-Rod every year would buy every new player on the team, every rookie who was coming up, three new custom-made suits... he'd take them to his tailor, he'd buy them three suits and say 'this is how you have to dress, you're in the big leagues now kid.'

Britney Spears set a world record by running the 100m dash in 5.97 seconds

Britney Spears set a world record in the 100 meter dash. She ran a hundred meters in 5.97 seconds on a treadmill which is four seconds faster than Usain Bolt... no one's gonna break that record.

The 'Comfy' is my most profitable Shark Tank investment ever

The one that I made the most money on already in just a few short years, millions of dollars, is Comfy... They've sold over 70 million dollars... I took just a 30% of their interest just because I like the guys.

My worst Shark Tank investment was a weight loss lipstick that burned people's lips

The lipstick that makes you lose weight. It doesn't make you lose weight. What it does is burns the crap out of your lips so you don't want to eat a hot dog... terrible. That's a real thing.

Bears in zoos do not hibernate because they have constant access to food and warmth

Animals in zoos do not hibernate. Bears in zoos don't hibernate if they have plenty of food and water and warmth. They don't hibernate. Hibernation is only in a state of cold.

Bears recycle their urine and feces into carbohydrates while they hibernate

They recycle their poop and pee while they hibernate... we don't poop and they turn it into more carbohydrates while they hibernate.

The 2003 Panthers team all took steroids at the same time

Jake Delhomme parentheses non-steroid Panthers. Because that team like when they went to the Super Bowl just everyone took steroids at the same time, it was awesome.

Big Baller Brand is worth over one billion dollars

The net worth of big baller brand is estimated to be over 1 billion dollars... what's it worth? why everybody knows it's worth a billion. Why do you think they come at me so hard? Because I know it's worth a billion dollars.

Young people are not invulnerable to COVID-19 and must help protect the elderly

No one's invulnerable. But even if you are doing very well, you have to be a very important part of our national effort to contain the outbreak but importantly to protect the young individuals. . . This isn't something that can be successful without you.

Recovering from the virus likely provides immunity for a prolonged period

For the most part once you're infected with a particular virus the next time you get exposed if you've recovered from that virus you're protected. . . You can have herd immunity, which means the virus doesn't have a lot of places to go because most of the people in the population are protected.

Ryan Tannehill is effectively on a two-year franchise tag deal with the Titans

It's essentially they've they've franchise tagged Ryan Tannehill for two years right on this and probably saved a little bit of money right on a two-year franchise tag. So it's not bad because Tannehill, you know, he is who he is.

The DC Defenders are the official XFL East champions

I'm still absolutely claiming the XFL East for the DC Defenders. First place in the XFL East.

My recent gambling hot streak was the best of my life

I have never been hotter as a gambler in my entire life, 20 years of gambling, than I have been in the last three weeks and Coronavirus stopped it all. I honestly have two losing days in the last 21 days.

The butt is the easiest hole to get any disease through

I think the—let's be honest—the butt is the easiest hole to get any disease through.

Daylight Savings Time adds an hour of sun to the day

Hank thinks we've added an hour of sun with the change we have. [Hank:] We have an extra hour of sun this afternoon. Correct.

ESPN wants Al Michaels and Peyton Manning together in a Super Bowl booth

ABC Disney they on ESPN... They're trying to get Al Michaels... maybe team up with Sheriff Peyton Manning a peg put them in the booth together and make me TV magic happen Okay, so essentially yeah ESPN is trying to get the perfect booth in their minds of Al Michaels and pei-pei together so they can get in the Super Bowl rotation.

Eli Manning had dinner with the Chicago Bears to discuss joining the team

Eli Manning was having dinner with the Bears last night. Allegedly Leroy heard that from a source close to the situation... I truly believe that Eli Manning was having dinner with some represented from the Bears last night.

Tom Brady is going to check out all his options in free agency

I think I know he's going to check out his options. I can give you that much. Okay. Well ya know how many how many he's going to have probably 31 other options.

Jayson Tatum's scoring increased by 9 PPG since he connected his beard

Since Jayson Tatum fully connected his beard... first 42 games in the season he was averaging 21 points per game... The 11 games after he connected it 30.5 points per game. So he jumped up a full nine points... it is the true definition of look good feel good feel good play good.

I can sense the 'aura of success' or failure in a person before they even speak.

I can actually tell now when they step out on that carpet... and at that moment I can sense their aura. And I know exactly whether we have winners or losers. They don't even have to say anything. I'm right a hundred percent. I can now at this point sense the aura of success or losers.

Jayson Tatum's back tattoo is grammatically incorrect

He did get a new tattoo on his back huge tattoo God's will God's will mmm. No apostrophe though, God's will God's will is God's will... if he wants to be the best player in the league. He cannot have grammatically incorrect tattoo. Kind of sucks has been Kevin Durant people like didn't know he had tattoos till he was like five years ago. They were all grammatically correct.

George Clooney is a college-level athlete

So Clooney's very, very good. He's college-level athlete. Full college level... [Clooney] was a great baseball player, like college-level baseball recruited for baseball and he really knows how basketball works. Like he knows how to do a pick-and-roll. He understands basketball.

Woody Harrelson has legitimate basketball hops

I thought I could beat Woody... and he destroyed me, man. He was up at the hoop. He could really get right to the hoop... Woody has hops. Yes.

The NFL has audio from the Miles Garrett/Mason Rudolph incident but is refusing to release it.

The NFL should just they have to have they've got out here. Now, they know they've got audio... I think the NFL had audio because you'll remember they have audio that they play like every Tuesday on Showtime... and their excuse was they have a guy who pushes a button to stop recording in between plays. That doesn't exist.

Kevin Garnett's refusal to be friendly on the court changed Joakim Noah's career and taught him 'no love in battle'.

I remember asking [KG] a question... just trying to be cool like I would just wanted to be I just want to say something to my idol and he just like looked over and he was like... who the fuck you think you talking to... that moment right there changed everything... I learned that there's no love in battle.

NBA ratings are only down on TV because younger fans are cord-cutters

NBA ratings have taken a little bit of a dip totally different right... cord cutters, right? If your shows on television a nobody watch it... our numbers are down primarily on TNT which doesn't have as much carriage and as much linked to younger audiences... our streaming numbers the really really good.

NFL games only have 12 minutes of actual action while the NBA has 48

The thing about football on TV... you only have to watch 12 minutes. There's only 12 minutes of action. In an NBA game, it's a little bit harder. Yeah, because you're watching 48 minutes of action, there's always something going on.

Lanyards are the key to getting into any event

When you have a lanyard, people think you mean something. Like that was really the big key because I flashed it. When you flash a lanyard, people are like, well, that guy knows what he's doing.

I am officially 5'10"

All I wanted from that interaction [with police] at the time was just to have my information put in an official police record That says that I'm 5'10". And they were never going to allow that. Because at that time, from that moment on, I am officially 5'10".

The altitude in Denver adds 5-8 yards to your throw

I thought you're getting five to eight yards on a throw there. And the ball just cuts... in Denver, the ball just keeps sailing. It just keeps going. [In Denver], probably high 70s [is the farthest I could throw].

I throw up before every single football game

As soon as we come back in from warm-ups. I go puke... hundred percent for every game... I always think I'm like, I'm a step faster now. That's my positive mindset.

Shaq admitted he used to coast through the summer because he knew I was training

When we sat down we did the interview together. He finally He copped to the fact that after we won championships, she's like I can just relax and Coastal with the summer because I know I got a teammate who's going to be training 8 10 hours a day and I was like see that's the BSS yet that would piss and shit.

I am a better kicker than the kickers at Alabama

Alabama could do a lot worse. Dude, I'm a better kicker than Alabama. Saban would have another chip if he had you as a kicker. That's a fact.

Jeffrey Epstein is still alive

We need to find Jeffrey Epstein. Because he's still alive. That motherfucker's still alive. Let's do that. Dog the Bounty Hunter Season Two: On the Trail of Jeffrey... there's no way this guy's dead. This guy is overseas somewhere.

Rapists almost never commit suicide

All rapists do not commit suicide. A person that does, shot someone else... Rapists are sissies. They like that feeling when a girl [says] 'please, please, please don't.' I've arrested a lot. And they will not most of the time kill themselves. No, he [Epstein] didn't kill himself. Somebody hung his ass.

Tim Tebow is better at baseball than Michael Jordan was

Better than Jordan at baseball, yeah. Oh, the stats will bear me out.