Takes

I am going to do a 72-hour fast to reset my system

I'm thinking about doing a 72 hour fast... People help me out. Let me know if I can do a 72 hour fast... I wanna test myself. Can I stop my addiction to food for 48 hours? Probably not.

James Franklin is leaving Penn State to become the head coach at Virginia Tech

James Franklin is using the Penn State private jet to move to Blacksburg... I am so pumped that of course. That's the other reason why a jet would go there... I do think that [James Franklin] is gonna be the next coach... somewhere else next year.

I will beat Hank in an 18-hole match play golf game for $5,000

I am now very excited about beating you [Hank] at golf and taking the thing that you love the most in this whole world away from you.

I can win the Internet Invitational golf tournament

I shot a 44 on the front today. I'm telling you guys, I think I can win the Internet Invitational. I think I can.

The Barstool office ice cream machine will finally be operational by Wednesday

99% chance there will be soft serve... We will be experiencing ice cream before July 4th break. Wednesday is when I want... Wednesday.

Bill Belichick is likely having a baby with his girlfriend Jordon

If I had to give one piece of advice to Jordon, have a baby. No, no. With Belichick, with Bill. Have a—let's get a baby in this thing. Consummate this love with a baby. A baby in the mix of this would be one of the greatest stories.

Helly is going to kill her father in the Severance Season 2 finale

I want death. I want multiple deaths. Oh, I think Helly's gonna kill her dad. No, I mean, she's showed... she tried to kill herself. They think that she's her daughter who's like the whatever of the company, but they don't know Hellie down there.

I will break 85 in golf by July

Break 85. That's my goal by... By July.

I will shoot an 84 in my first golf round of the year

I'll shoot 80. I guarantee I shoot 84 first round out this year.

I am officially going to learn how to dunk a basketball

I have a announcement for you guys. Ready for this? I think I'm gonna dunk. I think I'm gonna dunk. I've never dunked, but I think I'm gonna train in dunk.

The Seahawks are a 'hammer' for a Super Bowl future bet next year

Seahawks Super Bowl future for next year... probably got 30 to one odds right now. I would hammer it.

I will get a cat and shave my face if PFT Commenter beats me in a three-point contest

I don't want to own a cat, but I also you also know I'm gonna beat PFT... [If PFT beats me] I'll do it. I accept. [A cat and shave my face].

Mike Tyson is in a dark, 'no fucks given' place and might actually beat Jake Paul

That tells me Mike Tyson is, he is locked in right now. He's in a dark, no fucks given place right now. He's just [talking to a kid about death]... it actually does make me think that Mike Tyson might be able to do it.

The USMNT should reach the quarterfinals of the 2026 World Cup

I think our ceiling is probably the semi-finals at the very best in the next World Cup... Quarterfinals in the World Cup. And we've got a good enough team. The players are good enough to do it.

People catching and eating cicadas at baseball games will be a viral trend this summer

We're gonna see more and more, I predict this summer of just cicada cam. Just people just grabbing a cicada and eating it on camera. . . normalize it.

I will find a middle ground with my sleep schedule to avoid missing shows

The first incident sleeping in too late kickstarted my fitness documentary journey, which has me waking up early, which then forced me to be tired and sleep late. So I just gotta find that middle ground. But I'm gonna find it.

I will give it my all and I believe I will be able to dunk

I'm in it. The bet's out there. It's 20, it's 20 k. ... I'm going to give it my all to be able to dunk. I think I'm gonna be able to do it. I know the haters and you guys and everyone in the world doesn't think I'm going to, but I I welcome that. I welcome that. ... The only way that's gonna stop me is injury.

If the Celtics win the championship, I am going to shave my head

If the Celtics win the championship, I am gonna shave my head. So maybe I'll get a taste of what that looks like. ... I'm gonna start trying to do some preemptive [hair loss] things. I'm probably gonna stop wearing a hat as much.

I'm betting $100,000 total against the Oakland Athletics this season

I think I'm gonna bet a hundred thousand dollars total against either the Athletics or the Chicago White Sox every single game this season... officially decided I'm betting a hundred thousand dollars against the Athletics.

I will be able to dunk a basketball and hit twenty three-pointers within the next ten months

I'm going hard to dunk... summer, that's exactly my plan. I'm already over leveraged. What if I do both and hit 20 threes? I just have to basically change my entire lifestyle way of thinking and everything.

I will be in the best shape of my life when I turn 40

I have the double whammy of our birthday month is coming up and it's our last birthday in our thirties. And I am trying to tell myself that when I turn 40, I have to turn 40 in good shape in the best shape of my life... I'm going to put in a very concerted effort starting on Tuesday.

Wisconsin will shock the world and upset Number 3 Ohio State

Boys, I believe that the badgers are gonna upset and shock the world. And I know that this is how it happens to me... 20 years ago this month a freshman Big Cat stormed the field when Wisconsin... beat number three Ohio State.

The Cubs will not make the playoffs after their September collapse

The Cubs have had just an epic collapse. The Cubs are most likely not going to make the playoffs because they don't have any tiebreakers. Suzuki just missed a ball, it went right by him. Easy catch. There's nothing worse than a September collapse.

I cannot run a 5K in under 33 minutes

I'm not gonna be able to run under 33 minutes. I'm not gonna be able to do that and I can't do that. Physically... I'm going to end up, I'm gonna get an injury.

The Bears are coming to get everyone in the NFL this year

My son, who's four ... keeps saying that the bears are coming to get him. I feel like that's a good thing for the bears season. ... The monsters of the midway are back.

I am going to start taking Ozempic to lose weight.

I'm just gonna go on Ozempic. I don't fucking care. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna tell everyone to do it and then I'm gonna look hot and then I'll get off of it and then I'll gain it all back. Drop like 25 pounds and then just slowly gain it back.

I will become a scratch golfer by the end of the week

I'm gonna become a scratch golfer by the end of the week.

The Bruins are the greatest regular season hockey team ever and will dominate the playoffs

I'm all out on this team. This team is different. They're the greatest hockey team I've ever watched in the regular season. They're the greatest regular season team of all time. They're gonna dominate, they're gonna run through these playoffs.

I will join the 1,000 pound club naturally within a year

Challenge myself and I'm gonna get hurt. And that's gonna suck... I'm gonna try to do a thousand pound club, Billy... It's deadlift, squat, bench. A thousand pounds... I'm doing it all natural. No, I'm doing it. It's either all natural or can't do.

I am going to have 'final four abs' by getting cool sculpting done on my stomach

When I went in to get my platelet-rich plasma injections into my scalp, I got upsold into getting cool sculpting done on my stomach. And so now my stomach hurts really bad. The good news is I'm gonna have final four abs.

I am going to start taking Ozempic and tell everyone I just learned how to eat right

I am going to do that insulin medicine without telling anyone, and someday I'll just start shedding pounds and everyone be like, 'what is he doing?' and I'd be like, 'ah, I just learned how to eat right. I'm 40 years old, I just started following a diet.'

Anthony Richardson will be the #1 overall pick in the NFL Draft

I'm all the way back in on Anthony Richardson... he also knows I love value... Anthony Richardson +10,000 or whatever, 100 to 1 to go number one... I'm reading all the articles, trying to just will him to somehow become the number one overall pick.

I'm going to beat Billy McFarland in a fight, and it's going to be a public execution.

I'm gonna beat his ass. Gonna skull fuck him. It's gonna be sick. This is gonna be a public execution. He's gonna be a Christian in the Colosseum and he's gonna get fed to the lion.

I will cut my hair short by the summer if it doesn't improve

I'm dealing with my hair issue... noticeably thinning out back there. I've made the executive decision if it doesn't improve by the summer, we're taking it off. We're going short... I got my own blood injected into my head earlier today... if I haven't turned it around by then, gotta come home.

I am losing 25 pounds in 2023 for my 'hard body' year

2023 is a hard body year. I'm gonna get a hard body... I'm losing 25 pounds in 2023. Losing 25 pounds in 2023... January 1st, new me.

I am going to lose more weight than you can imagine after football season

I'm gonna lose so much fat fast. ... I'm just saying I'm gonna lose more weight than you could even imagine. ... Once football's over, I'm back.

My World Cup betting strategy is to bet every game in the group stage to be a tie

My strategy in the opening round of the World Cup in the group stage. I'm just gonna bet every game to be a tie. Ooh. Across the board that's, I'm rooting for ties nonstop. You usually get good plus signs next to 'em.

I am going to win the $1.2 billion Mega Millions drawing

By this time tomorrow, I'm going to be 1.02 billion in debt with a B... I've worked my own way into that sort of situation. Cuz I went out to the store. I bought $500 worth of mega millions tickets... I've fairly confident that I'm going to win the drawing tomorrow night.

I'm betting on a Subway Series between the Mets and Yankees in the World Series

I'm putting in subway series, future. The Mets and the Yankees to meet in the world series. I think it's 14 to one... I just want to see it in this office and the chaos that ensues.

The PMT office 'jeans ripping' trend will end in a legitimate fight

We've found ourselves into a jeans ripping problem on this podcast... It's going to end poorly. I don't know how it's going to end, but I just know that no one's going to be happy and we're going to get into a small fight about it. And then it's going to be no more pants ripping.

I will be a shell of a human being by Monday due to my March Madness diet

I'm going to be a fucking trash disposal. I'm going to be a dumpster. My body's going to be broken at the end of this weekend, I'm going to feel so bad. I'm going to have bad bowel movements. I'm probably going to ship blood... I am going to be a shell of a human being Monday.

I will get a Warzone win before the new season or I'll get duct-taped to a wall

A month and a half ago I was playing War Zone... I was like I'll get a win before the new season comes out, which is next Monday or Tuesday... if I don't you'll get duct tape to wall. I was like absolutely. There's no doubt in my mind I'll get that win. No problem at all.

I am going to watch sports on Sunday without gambling on anything

I got like a little bit of bad news... I'm going to watch sports on Sunday without gambling on any of them. So I have responsibly reached the end of my allocated fund for myself that I had through November.

I am going to partially ditch wearing my sunglasses on camera

I told him something that I've been thinking about for a while here, which is the sunglasses at, at some point can be a big hindrance to me... So I'm trying to think of ways to partially lose the glasses. And I'm also thinking that people are going to be pissed when they see my eyes, at least for a little bit. Not because they're like free guys. I think I'm a pretty normal looking guy.

Billy Football will not have a six-pack for next year's Grit Week either

I'm not trying to be a hater, but I don't think you'll have a six-pack for next grit week either. [to Billy Football]

I will be the play-by-play announcer for the PLL doubleheader on July 31st

It is happening. July 31st, a doubleheader. I'm [on] Peacock. I will be doing the play-by-play. It would not be possible without all of you guys in here. Paul Rabil was a big advocate.

I will have a visible six-pack by the end of the summer

I'll have a six pack. You will never have a six pack. [Hank]: Yes, I will. All right. Great. How much time? Give me a month. By the end of the summer. Six pack summer. You're going to have a visible six pack? [Hank]: Yes.

The PMT YouTube channel will not hit 500,000 subscribers by August 15th because listeners don't have it in them to watch

The listeners don't have it in them. Yeah. They don't have it in them. We're not going to hit 500,000. We're not gonna be able to do the live stream. They're listeners. They're not watching.

The Washington Capitals are going to be 'Team of Destiny' because TJ Oshie is playing through the loss of his father

I'm starting to get team of destiny vibes from the Washington Capitals because... TJ Oshie scored a hat trick on the day that his dad passed away. I've loved the guy ever since then... in America, Captain America, I'm starting to get team of destiny vibes.

I am going to blog seven times a week

Probably like seven [blogs a week]. I'm not going to blog about anything unless I seriously have a good opinion on it, and that's something I'll promise you.