Takes

The visiting clubhouse at Wrigley Field was extremely small and inconvenient

Same one. It's like this. Yeah, no. It's about this big. It really is like this wide... it wasn't just not good for the visiting team, the visiting clubhouse staff. Everybody that had to be in there, it was just making life difficult.

I am officially panicking about the Cubs in the first week of April

I've already taken the panic button out of my closet for the Cubs. It's April. I know. I don't care... If I have to watch Yu Darvish pitch more fucking walks and Jason Hayward hit into more double plays, I will smash the fuck out of that panic button.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

I think it's pretty clear he's going to go to the Phillies. They're the last team that's willing to deal with this bullshit. It's basically he's doing a pretty good job of weeding out all the teams that would get pissed off at him if he did sign that big contract.

Bryce Harper is going to sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

Bryce Harper, it's alleged that he's going to be signing with the Phillies any day now... I think he's going to be a Philly.

I support a three-batter minimum for MLB relief pitchers

Three batter minimum, love it... I actually think they should go further with that. I think they should have a, if you come in on an inning, you have to finish the inning. Just watch guys get fucking torched.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Philadelphia Phillies

Bold prediction. Phillies.

Mike Wilbon thinks analytics have hijacked baseball

Wilbon... actually thinks that we're under an analytics hijacking... Analytics have hijacked his sport, baseball. And he says that we've gone so far and we undervalue wins. He doesn't care about ERA... He cares about wins.

Clayton Kershaw is still kind of a bum in the playoffs

Clayton Kershaw still kind of a bum. Whew. That was tough. If [David] Price had done what Kershaw did, you'd be killing him. Bum is hard. But today was a moment... when you give up a two-run homer in the first inning, that's tough.

The Dodgers' bullpen would be their undoing

I said that the Dodgers' bullpen was going to be their undoing. From the start. I also said Red Sox in five. So not to brag, but I called it.

David Price officially has the clutch gene

Does David Price have the clutch gene? That is the question. That is the segment. And I'm going to say yes. He does. When it matters the most.

David Price's postseason demons won't be fully exercised until he wins in the World Series

I'm not ready to declare the demons exercised. The demons are warmed up. They're jazzercising right now. To be fully exercised, it has to be in the World Series.

David Price's good postseason game was actually mediocre by normal standards

Strive in life to be like David Price where you set the bar so impossibly low for yourself that pitching four and two-thirds and four earned runs is actually, people are saying, you were dominant.

No one will ever hit .400 in MLB again

No. No one will ever hit .400 or even come close to hitting .400... over the course of a full season ever again. There's just too many defensive shifts and there's so much data on hitters and pitchers... those days of come and gone in baseball.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Phillies

To be honest with you, I think Philadelphia... Philadelphia's trying to win a World Series the next few years.

Joe Maddon gave an Urban Meyer-esque answer regarding Addison Russell's abuse allegations

That's an Urban Meyer-esque answer, basically saying my internet doesn't work and my brain doesn't work and I forgot that I should probably read about my accusations that my players committed domestic abuse. Whether it's true or not, bad answer, Joe Maddon.

Christian Yelich will win the MLB MVP

It's Christian Yelich since appearing on Pardon My Take in July. He's first in batting average, tied for first in home runs, first in runs, first in RBIs, and first in slugging percentage. Many people are saying he's going to be the MVP.

Bryce Harper will be in pinstripes next year

Yeah, there's nothing you can do. So [Bryce Harper] will be in pinstripes next year. Whichever pinstripes, we don't know. Could be Phillies pinstripes.

The current Dodgers have the best team in baseball and should be back in the World Series

I think that our team, our team should be in the World Series again because we have the best team today. And they're going to show now that the time has come where we really have to go.

No baseball player will ever hit .400 again unless they cheat

Do you think anybody's going to hit 400 again? No. No. Only way they'll hit 400 is a cheat. ... Nobody hit 400.

The Nationals should have traded Bryce Harper at the 2018 MLB trade deadline.

As a [Nationals] fan, I guess I can say I'm a [Nationals] fan now, yeah, Natitude. As one who possesses Natitude, I think they probably should have traded him. My guess is they just got a bunch of shitty offers for him because he sucks this year, no offense Bryce.

Derek Jeter is such a fierce competitor that if he lost a bet to you, he would pay you entirely in pennies

He was such a competitor that if he lost, he would pay you in pennies... it would be like $100 on something stupid... he would literally have a bag of pennies the next day. And it wasn't like a dollar. It was like $100. That's a lot of pennies.

The Red Sox will win the World Series this year

You're going to guarantee the Red Sox World Series this year? [PFT] Yeah. [David Ortiz] Oh, heard here first... First reported. After first reported, I call the Red Sox World Series champ.

The Oakland A's will make the Wild Card in 2018

The Oakland A's will happen to creep into that Wild Card spot in the AL. The Oakland A's will be playing meaningful and potential postseason baseball come the finish of... late September.

Bryce Harper will not be a National next year.

We commonly agree that, yes, Bryce Harper is no longer going to be a National next year.

People who get offended by bat flips in baseball are silly

People getting offended by bat flips are so silly. I fucking love this. I think this might be a straw man now. I think we've gotten to the point where... now I think we might just be arguing against no one.

Mike Matheny is a 'dumb-dumb brains' for his management and team culture issues

Thoughts and prayers to Mike Matheny. Dumb-dumb brains is what I have been calling him over the years. So he got fired mid- I think that probably had a lot to do with his firing. Dumb-dumb brains. Once you get labeled as dumb-dumb brains, you can't come back.

MLB is stupid for deleting the Terry Collins viral 'Ass in the Jackpot' video

They finally had a video where people were like, this is awesome. This is fun. ... You should actually start doing that and show just umps and managers yelling at each other about asses in the jackpot. They did the exact opposite because they're MLB. They pulled it.

Hank is correct: MLB baseball seams are 9% bigger than in previous years

I saw an article in, I think it was The Athletic, that they tested baseballs. And the biggest difference between baseballs from, I think it was this year or last year, and say 2013 or 14, was the seams were 9% bigger. Hank is right. Hank is actually right.

Clayton Kershaw is not finished as an elite pitcher

Neither [done or finished]. Come on. I'm a Kershaw fan, even though I work for the D-backs... I never count that guy out. He works too hard.

The Yankees' protest against ESPN's scheduling is a power move using Aaron Boone's inside knowledge

It's also a power move because you know Aaron Boone knows the inside deal with ESPN, so he knows the leverage he has.

The MLB is likely 'juicing' balls by sewing stitches tighter to reduce air resistance

I've talked to Ron Darling... and he says the stitches are sewn tighter. They're not as elevated... Ronnie says when the ball leaves the bat, there's no seams to grab the air and the ball travels further. I never thought of that. And it makes perfect sense. They do other ways too. That little core there, they can make that thing like a rubber band as much as they want. But don't ever admit, throughout my playing day, there has always been talk of the ball's juiced and they want more home runs today. And the MLB will always deny it.

Mike Trout is the best player in the game

Oh, Trout. Trout's the best player in the game. He's ungodly.

Yu Darvish reading hate on Twitter is making him sad and affecting his play

Yu Darvish is sad because he thinks that all of the Cubs fans and all of Chicago hates him because he's been on the DL twice and it's just now June 1st. And he also reads everything on Twitter and doesn't like getting the hate.

Derek Jeter will not last five years as Marlins owner

I'm being told by some other people I know in baseball... We don't think Jeter lasts the five years. We think that the owners and investors have a pressure on him.

Mark McGwire's claim that he didn't need PEDs for 70 home runs is ridiculous

Mark McGwire has come out out of nowhere and said that he didn't need PEDs to hit 70 home runs. He could have done it without him. All I got from this is Mark McGwire did PEDs. Sammy Sosa now was the home run king in 1998 with 66 home runs. It is hilarious to look at a picture of Mark McGwire on the A's and then look at a picture of Mark McGwire on the Cardinals.

I'm off the Tim Tebow train until he learns a third skill

I'm off Tim Tebow until he learns another skill... Learn a third skill. He can hit home runs and he can circumcise babies. So learn a third skill.

The Washington Nationals will win the World Series based on the Sports Illustrated cover logic

Actually, what this means is that in what, seven years the Nationals beat World Series champions? Because they predicted the Astros, the rise of the Astros. True. So whenever the first time that they picked the Nats was like eight or nine years from then, that's when they're finally going to win.

Mike Matheny is a 'big dum-dum' manager

Mike Matheny. Yeah, I think he's a dummy. He's a big dum-dum. So wrong. Yeah, big dum-dum.

MLB baseballs have been juiced since the 2015 All-Star break

Nate Silver's website... Went and x-rayed baseballs from the year 2014 and 2015. And baseballs in 2015 had different cores after the All-Star break. And that's when the power surge started to happen. That carried into 2016, 2017.

The Philadelphia sports winning streak will end when baseball season starts

I mean, I don't know when this run is going to cease. Probably baseball season. Hopefully. Definitely baseball season.

Scott Boras is on the hot seat because the MLB collusion against him is working

My other hot seat is Scott Boras. So Scott Boras, the number one MLB agent. He has had a tough offseason. He promised a lot of money to a lot of people, and he hasn't really come through... basically the entire collusion against Scott Boras has worked. And he's especially on the hot seat too because he's trying to convince everyone how he's doing well.

The 2017 World Series baseballs are 100% juiced

There is zero chance these balls have not been altered. You got guys talking about it. The guys who rub these things up are telling you they feel different. They look different... You can't even get ink to set in these things because they're cue balls, bro.

The Astros will win the World Series in seven games

It's going seven, Cat, and the Strohs are taking it in seven. All right, the Dodgers bounce back after a day off... But H-Town rises above in seven. They do it at Chavez Ravine out here in L.A. Strohs in seven.

The Dodgers are a better team than the Cubs

I am ready now to admit that the Dodgers are the better team. Was it a gentleman's sweep? Yeah, it was. I love the gentleman's sweep.

The Red Sox are officially done and finished

Is it time to push the panic button? Would you say that the Red Sox are done or finished? Ah, they're done.

Washington sports teams will win the World Series and Stanley Cup this year

Washington is back. It's the Nats year. It's the Caps year... So they're going to win the World Series. They're going to win the Stanley Cup.

It is better to watch the Yankees lose late in the playoffs than in the Wild Card game

I'm going to disagree on the fact that you're glad they lost tonight because it's going to be so much better to watch them lose two games or three games.

Robot umpires would fundamentally change how catchers play defense

If you had the robot umpire and you now have a guy on first base, catchers have to worry about trying to frame the pitch before they throw out the runner. Now, if you had robot umpires and framing the pitch had no consequence... the catcher would just be in a position purely just to throw out the runner. You're changing the game.

The Red Sox Apple Watch scandal is good for baseball because it fuels the Yankees rivalry

Baseball needs rivalries. Red Sox-Yankees has been simmering. This kind of brings it up a notch.

The Washington Nationals have a 100% chance of making the NLDS

The Nationals are officially Gucci... The Sabermetrics came out, and they have a 100% chance of making the [NLDS]. I don't know how they can calculate that just yet, but I'm not very smart.