Takes

The Blue Jays' World Series loss is the worst loss of all time

I think that might be the worst loss of all time for the Blue Jays... the slow burn of the loss where if you're a Falcons fan and you're looking at 28 to three... those happen all in one game. This was 10 days where it just, and you had 3-2 going back home. It's just insane.

The Dodgers will sweep the World Series in four games.

I will go Dodgers in four... I just think that's going to be the case.

The Phillies' loss to the Dodgers is the worst in playoff history since Bill Buckner

It's the worst loss in playoff history since Bill Buckner. He should have gone to first. That is a play that you would be shocked to see on a little league field.

The New York Yankees will miss the playoffs in 2025

Before Gerrit Cole needed Tommy John surgery, I still had the Yankees winning the American League East. I do not have that as the case anymore. I don't have them making the playoffs... the floor happens to be lower I think, than it is in typical years for the Yankees.

The Boston Red Sox will win the American League East

The Red Sox I have winning the division. I feel good about what they did. Getting Garrett Crochet and Alex Bregman this winter.

The Dodgers will win the World Series and 125 games

My prediction is Dodgers win the World Series and they win 125 games. Dodgers over Rangers in the World Series. Dodgers win 125.

The Yankees should extend both Aaron Boone and Brian Cashman

I think they should extend Aaron Boone. Yeah. I think he's the steady hand and Cashman. I think Aaron Boone is a steady hand that the Yankees need to control their franchise. ... We official vote of confidence as they should extend both of them. Yes.

Philadelphia fans giving Trea Turner a standing ovation is strategic and genius

Philly being the big sports town that they are... rallied together and said instead of booing [Trea Turner], we're going to give him a standing ovation every time he gets to the plate... all of our boos are strategic... that's just like us being a very smart sports town and knowing that.

Players caught using steroids should be able to win their freedom back by winning the Home Run Derby

I was thinking that they could incorporate a rule change where if a player gets busted for steroids, they could then elect compete in the home run Derby to win their freedom to win their way out. If they win the home run Derby, they get to come back for the rest of the year and they get to continue using steroids for the rest of the year.

Keith Hernandez has toxoplasmosis from his cat, which is why he's messing up player names

Keith Hernandez has toxoplasmosis from living with his cat. Oh. That's why he's messing up names. But I mean, is it really a mess up? Because Chaz Chisholm [Jazz Chisholm] is just a Hall of fame name.

The Phillies will sweep their three home games and win the World Series without returning to Houston

I love my guys. We're gonna win the next three games. We won't even go back to Houston. ... We're gonna score so many runs this week.

The ceremonial first pitch should count in the game as a ball or strike

The first pitch should count. It should count as a ball or strikes. How great would that be though? So the home team always gets to pick the first pitcher and someone will like air mail it... so the first batter gets up there and it's a 1-0 count. It wouldn't actually change any outcomes... but it would add a fun wrinkle.

Jacob deGrom is the best starting pitcher to ever play the game

I think [Jacob deGrom] is the best starting pitcher to ever put on the uniform... just what he's able to do with the baseball... it's just, I think he's in his own league. And I hope he stays healthy for another 15 years because if he can do that, I think it'll be the best ever.

Derek Jeter sabotaged the Marlins on purpose

I, you know what I agree with Marlins man. Yeah. I think Jeter fucked up the Marlins on purpose.

If I had played every day in 2010, I would have been better than Shohei Ohtani

It is crazy [what Ohtani is doing] until you look at how I hit in 2010 and realized that I was basically Shohei Ohtani in 2010. If I would play every day like Ohtani, I would be better probably than Ohtani. The only thing that he can do that I couldn't do is run, and I couldn't run that well.

I will retire if Christian Yelich ever gets caught doing steroids

I will retire if Christian Yelich ever gets caught doing steroids. Boom. Oh man, I can't get insurance plan out on that. Nope, that would be great.

The Washington Nationals should be awarded the 2017 World Series title

I actually think that [the Nationals] should get the Astros' 2017 World Series because they beat the team that [was cheating]. They acquire the Astros' cheating World Series because they beat them while they're—the only team that has ever beaten the cheating Astros in a World Series is the Washington Nationals.

Bryce Harper will retire by midseason due to the Philadelphia media

I also predict that Bryce Harper is going to retire by midseason because the Philadelphia media and fans will be too much for him to handle.

Phillies manager Gabe Kapler is incompetent and trying to get fired

I don't think we've ever seen someone become a baseball manager that doesn't know what the fuck he's doing whatsoever... Everyone's got to follow Gabe Kapler because I think this is the first time ever where someone got a job they didn't want and they're trying to get fired.

I will hit a home run (or at least reach the warning track) in my professional baseball debut

I plan on hitting a home run. ... I'll hit one at least at a warning track. ... I'll go $10,000 to a charity if I don't get one.

Derek Jeter is a sleeper cell/traitor to the Marlins

Derek Jeter still works for the Yankees. I don't even think that's a hot take to say that... Because it's commonly accepted as the fact that Derek Jeter is a traitor to the Marlins organization.

I could make the pros in five years as a knuckleball pitcher with seclusion and a personal chef

I said if you put me in a cabin in the middle of the woods with a personal chef and a knuckleball specialist, I could be in the pros within five years. I think with some training, seclusion, and just a lot more training, I could make it to the double A's and then, you know, who knows what happens from there.

The Marlins fake their attendance numbers using Wi-Fi logins

I bet the Marlins do their attendance based on how many people log into the Wi-Fi every night. It kept on kicking us out like every 10 minutes, and then it would just come right back on. I bet the Marlins count it as like 50 people... every single person counts for like 15.

A guy named Bryce has never won a fight

Bryce is not a tough guy. Bruce Harper does not lose fights. A guy named Bruce I don't think has ever lost a fight. A guy named Bryce has never won a fight. That's sabermetrically how it works out.

The MLB should use a radar gun to decide tied games after 13 innings

Just have a radar gun and just each team gets 10 throws. Fastest throw wins. Fastest combined average score. ... all nine players on the field have to throw. So whoever in the game... you get to see fun shit like first baseman throw and stuff.

I am not a Hall of Famer by my own standards

In my Hall of Fame, no. I think I was pretty good. I think I was better than everybody in the history of the game in October. Was I a Hall of Famer? In my Hall of Fame, no.

Sammy Sosa put Chicago on the map when nobody knew where it was

Sammy Sosa did an interview today... Sammy also said when nobody knew who Chicago was, I put Chicago on the map. So the third largest city right after Michael Jordan was the greatest player of all time. Sammy Sosa made people know, hey, Chicago's here. It's in Illinois.

The ban on rookie hazing is killing masculinity in this country

Well, I see where Major League Baseball is coming from, but the fact that they're not letting guys dress up like girls is killing masculinity in this country. It's just sick.

MLB teams should be limited to 30 fastballs per game

I think teams should only get 30 fastballs a game. ... The art of pitching, the finesse of pitching, Greg Maddux, come on. I mean, he wasn't throwing 105 miles an hour.

Zack Hample Is Jeffrey Maier With A Blog

Zack you a joke, I'll put you down like a dog. You Jeffrey Maier with a blog.

Zack Hample Is A USA-Hating Trespassing Traitor

You a USA hater, trespassing traitor. Meet me in the streets you law violator.

The Mets should ban the media from reporting Matt Harvey's ERA

The Mets need to send out a release to all the press people saying, you're not allowed to cover our games. You're not getting a credential if you talk about what Matt Harvey's ERA is. So just put a moratorium on bad Matt Harvey talk.

If I took steroids, I would have hit at least 70 home runs in a season

If you did take steroids, how many home runs do you think you could have hit in a season? 70. I was going to say 100, but okay. I would say 70. Yeah, because I remember so many balls being hit every year that just really were caught on the wall or hit off the top of the wall.

Greg Maddux was a sick individual in the clubhouse who used teammates' clothes to clean himself

He [Greg Maddux] was a sick individual to say the least. You know, there was nothing that was off limits for Greg. You know, he wasn't opposed to going into somebody's locker and grabbing a piece of piece of clothing and using it to clean himself in various ways and things of that nature.

Hating bat flips is the ultimate litmus test for being a bad person

Is there a better litmus test in the world than people who hate bat flips being like just shitty people. Like if you hate a bat flip, it's basically like people who like kill like puppies and people who hate bat flips. That's the quickest way to figure out if you're a bad person. If you don't like bat flips, I don't even know where I would love to hear someone explain to me how they got to the point where they're like, goddamn backflips.