Takes

Francis Ngannou's life story deserves a 30 for 30

We do need a 30 for 30 on Francis Ngannou's life. It's crazy. He worked in a sand mine when he was 10 years old in Cameroon... traveled to Europe, took 14 months, failed a bunch of times, had to go to prison because he illegally crossed the border... and now he's a world champ.

If a guy has cauliflower ears, stay far away from him.

That's the oldest rule in the book. If a guy has cauliflower ears, stay far away.

I would fight a Paul brother and probably nobody else

I'd fight a Paul brother, and I probably wouldn't fight anybody else.

I will fight Darren Rovell anytime, anywhere for zero dollars.

My Fyre Fest is that Darren Rovell doesn't look like he's going to fight me anymore... I told Barstool, I said, 'I will do it for zero dollars.' And I removed all stipulations. Anytime, anywhere, I will fight Darren Rovell. Anytime, anywhere. He just loves being talked about... The only thing I will say is anytime, anywhere, if he wants to fight me, I will show up and I will kick his ass and I will do it with a smile on my face.

Jose Canseco didn't have any power and essentially quit the fight

Once he punched me, I realized the fucking wizard behind the curtain was fucking just a man. I fucking went after him... He didn't give me... He quit. No, he quit.

I am 100% confident I could beat up Darren Rovell

Listen, I'm going to beat the shit out of Darren Rovell. If you were to ask me, name one person in the world that I'm confident that I could beat up, it's Darren Rovell. I don't think anybody in the world couldn't kick Darren Rovell's ass.

I will beat Billy Football easily in our Rough and Rowdy fight

He's going to beat you? Yes. Would you like to put a side bet on that? ... Five grand that I beat him easily. ... If he runs from me, I'm not going to chase him.

I'll fight all three of you tomorrow at the same time — MMA rules

How about if I fight all three of you tomorrow? At the same time. But we do MMA. How's that?

I'll take a dive tomorrow if you guarantee me A-Rod in the ring

If you guarantee me I can fight A-Rod here in Barstool, I will take a dive tomorrow. That's how bad I want that punk bitch.

I am going to 'skull fuck' Jose Canseco in our fight

I'm going to skull fuck him. ... I'm absolutely going to skull fuck him. No doubt. He's tiny. I mean, yeah, he looks big. He's 270 pounds. But I just care about the frame. He has a smaller frame than I thought.

I am guaranteeing that I will enter 'Berserker Mode' during my fight with Jose Canseco

I'm guaranteeing berserker mode... It's this sort of being where you use your mind to get your body into a total higher element of operation... I've been really studying this whole training camp, how to get myself in the zone and get in berserker mode. And you're going to see it tonight.

I am going to 'skull fuck' Jose Canseco with my fists

My hot seat is Jose Canseco. I'm going to skull fuck him with my fists.

Billy Football can beat Jose Canseco by moving around and avoiding toe-to-toe fighting

I know how you can beat them. You have to move around. You cannot fight with him. Toe to toes because you might get killed. But you move around, you're going to have a better chance... He's just a handmaker, you know. I don't think he knows how to fight, but he don't know how to survive.

I would fight Jay Mariotti for charity at the United Center

Jay Mariotti. He went after me so bad... I told him, I said, let's go to United Center for three rounds. You pick to put the money in, whoever wins. You give the money to charity. It's still on. If I want to do that, if I want to do charity in Chicago, I don't mind.

I am an absolute weapon and I'm going to give 180 seconds of hell to Jose Canseco

I'm fucking gonna go balls to the wall... I'm an absolute weapon... I can get hit. I can look like I'm about to die when I'm a zombie. Keep coming.

I will out-muscle Jose Canseco in our boxing match

I knew I was going to out-muscle [Jose Canseco], if anything. So I've just been training speed, punch, output, that sort of stuff, footwork... I am going to kill this guy legitimately.

The only way I lose to Jose Canseco is in some messed up split decision

The only way I lose to Canseco is in some fucked up split decision. Even if I lose, I'm not going to get knocked out in the first 30 seconds. No, I'm not losing.

I would 100% beat the shit out of Jake Paul in a boxing match

By the way, I'd 100% beat the shit out of Jake Paul. He wouldn't touch me. They'll never fight me because I actually would beat them. They only choose guys they know they can strategically win with reach.

Conor McGregor is done being a consistent threat for the UFC belt

I asked the question, is he done in terms of like – is he done being a threat for the belt consistently? It feels like that. I don't know it well enough, but it feels like that just by the fact that he's fought like three times in the last four years and one of them was an old dude who he beat and he's lost twice.

I am going to kick Jose Canseco's ass

I'm going to fucking kick his ass... I'm going to fuck him up. No, yeah, you are. Dude, I've hit the point in my athlete-to-weapon transition where it's like, the only way to win and to get this guy to stop punching me is I have to punch him harder to make him quit.

I will 'wipe Jose Canseco off the face of the earth' and force him to retire from public life

If I beat up Jose Canseco and he loses his fight, I don't see how he can even show his face in public again. So I'm literally wiping him off the face of the earth. We're never going to hear from him again.

Dana White is going to honey-pot UFC streamers with virus-infected links

Dana White says he has a special surprise for anyone who pirates his UFC... I bet he is going to send out a bunch of troll links... all infected with viruses. So he makes people scared. It's like a landmine.

Billy Football will fight Jose Canseco as my champion in a trial by combat

I have found a champion in my place. Learn the Game of Thrones, Jose. Ever heard of it? My champion is Billy Football. I will have him fight in lieu of me... Billy is fighting for my honor.

Jake Paul is a fraud and I want to fight him

Jake Paul... everyone's mad at him... I'll just say it right now... he's a fraud. One step closer to me beating his ass.

Jake Paul is lying about being 6'1" and is actually 5'9" because he is the same height as Dave Portnoy

Jake Paul is lying about his height. He's listed at 6'1", but is really 5'9"... I have a picture of him next to Dave Portnoy. And he is basically the same height as Dave Portnoy. He's two inches taller than Dave, who is 5'10".

I would rock Jake Paul's shit because I have fewer commitments than anyone else

I legitimately have the least amount of commitments out of the whole company at this moment... I also like to work out and have endured a good amount of head trauma, which make me suitable for boxing... I would make him think I was easily beatable, but I would rock his shit.

A boxing match between me and Jake Paul makes perfect financial sense as a promotion for the Barstool Sportsbook.

Hypothetically, we need to promote the Barstool Sportsbook app in a new state where it's launching. We do this event sponsored by the Barstool Sportsbook... all that sponsorship money pays for Jake Paul to make the fight worth it, dude.

I would fuck up Jake Paul in a fight 100%

I will fuck up Jake Paul 100%. He's small. He's 5'7 at the tallest. I looked at a picture of him next to Dave Portnoy, and they were the exact same height... I have a bigger reach than Jake Paul. I would totally be able to pick him out from the outside.

I will officially retire from wrestling in a couple of years

I have an expiration date on my wrestling days and it's a couple of years from now because of the slow pace that I'm going at it right at this moment.

The Mike Tyson vs Roy Jones Jr. exhibition fight is going to suck

The Tyson fight, I can tell you right now, I'm going to spoil it for you. It's gonna suck and we're all going to pay way too much money to watch two old dudes go around the ring and throw jabs at each other.

I'm pre-mad about how much the Mike Tyson vs. Roy Jones Jr. fight is going to suck

Mike Tyson is back. He's going to fight Roy Jones Jr. in September... I'm going to buy this fight... and it's going to suck. It's going to be sadder than the Kimbo Slice Dada 5000 fight. This is going to without a question suck and I'm going to get so excited for it.

Kamaru Usman's foot-stomping strategy should be illegal in UFC

Who's Mondo foot-stomping. I mean that's just—that should be legal. It should be any it's more like just a pride thing dude, like beat someone without stopping their toes... It sucks.

Anyone who actually expected UFC fights to take place in the sand on a beach at Fight Island is an idiot

For the people who thought it was literally on a beach, you're a fucking idiot. The lighting rig that would have to be set up... would be impossible to do on the beach... not to mention the fact that it's 118 degrees here with 100% humidity. You would drop dead walking to the octagon.

Conor McGregor is not retired for good and will likely return to the octagon next year

I don't think that Conor has retired for good but... I think Conor's is going to take some time and and sit back and figure out who's next, you know, and it probably won't be till next year.

Conor McGregor would beat up all six members of the Pardon My Take crew in a street fight

I think it would take all six you. I think a couple of you are definitely going to be hesitant and not jump right in and Conor will fuck up three or four [of] you before the other [two] decide [to] jump in and you know, somebody's probably going to run... Conor wins against almost six [of] you.

Mike Tyson would easily beat LeBron James in a boxing match

If it's in his prime, that's the dumbest argument of all time. Mike Tyson would fucking crush LeBron James. I don't care how tall LeBron is. Hand speed, everything. LeBron can't get hit. He would flop out of the ring.

Boxing at the professional level is the most difficult sport in terms of coordination and stamina

Boxing on top. Yeah. Agreed. Because you could suck at all these sports pretty easily true. But some sports are more difficult to suck at... Boxing at the highest level, I think is the hardest difficulty in terms of everything that's involved: hand-eye coordination, fast-twitch muscles, stamina.

I could beat Jameis Winston in a boxing match

Watching him box—I actually think I could beat up Jameis Winston and I'm not a good boxer. Wow. He looks like a beginner out there... I hereby challenge Jameis Winston to fight me in Rough N' Rowdy... I'm a wide five-nine. I'm like a chode. My arms are longer than those of a five-nine man... If I fought Jameis Winston straight up, I'd just double leg him and take him down.

Conor McGregor will be out of retirement by October or November to fight Khabib

But I'm sure he's not coming back. No way. In like October. No chance. Or November. Whenever Khabib's next up to fight him.

Amanda Nunes is the greatest mixed martial artist of all time

[Amanda Nunes] is without a doubt the greatest to ever do it. Not just all the names of the who's who that she beat, but how she beats them. She has the one-punch knockout power. She knocks people out or she submits you, but she is always going for a finish.

Dana White being forced to cancel UFC events makes me very nervous about the return of sports

The UFC canceling their next pay-per-view is making me scared... when Dana White has to adhere to the rules makes me a little nervous.

I 100% believe Deontay Wilder's excuse that his 45-pound mask killed his legs before the Tyson Fury fight.

Deontay Wilder his excuse for getting knocked out by Tyson Fury on Saturday night was his legs were dead because he wore a 45-pound mask into the ring. So pretty much exactly what we said on Monday... I 100 percent believe this. He's an idiot. Like he walked through the entire casino that he put on a 45 pound weighted vest before the biggest fight of his life. That's so stupid.

UFC has ruined my brain for watching boxing

I have a take that UFC has kind of ruined my brain when it comes to boxing... I watched that fight and I was like why the fuck isn't he submitting him? Like, why isn't he taking him to the ground? Why isn't he kneeing him in the face? It's just there's a level of violence in the UFC that you expect when you see a fight and you're like I was sitting there watching like why isn't Fury just sit on him.

Deontay Wilder was gassed because he had to walk through the MGM Grand for 10 minutes

Watching Deontay Wilder have to walk through the entirety of the MGM Grand... it was no joke 10 minutes of him just walking through the through the back rooms. I said right then and there I was like he is going to be gassed because that is everyone knows that feeling when you're in a casino and you've been walking around.

Tyson Fury is the best karaoke singer in boxing

Tyson Fury, he [treated] American Pie like karaoke night. He is an electric guy, the Gypsy King... [he is] probably the best karaoke singer in boxing.

Conor McGregor is officially back after his 40-second knockout of Donald Cerrone

My whose back is Conor McGregor? He's back. He's so fucking Back. 40 seconds. Cowboys around 40 seconds. Peace, he's back the shoulder straps invented.

Conor McGregor will defeat Cowboy Cerrone at UFC 246

Connor versus Cowboy. I'm going to go with Connor in this one.

Colby Covington isn't a real fighter; he's a joke who made his career off bashing people for clicks

This dude has made literally his career because he he's not a fighter. He's made his career off bashing people bashing even the fans and this world over and over... you deserve what happened to you [getting jaw broken]. You deserve to be a fucking meme for all of eternity.

Fighters come back as better people after being sent to the Shadow Realm

If you get someone unlucky and Street Jesus baptizes you, you want [to go to] Shadow Realm my brother, but you could come back a better person from The Shadow Realm... most come back a better person. Look at Ben [Askren], some hard thinking back a better person.

Street fights are won by the person who doesn't give a fuck and keeps punching when the other guy gets tired

I never been knocked out. I never gave up... guys gave up because I got tired and I kept punching them in the face... in the street, you just go [until] somebody gives up. So in the fight game in the street. I've never lost an opponent. That's probably like 15 16 fights.