Takes

Brooks Koepka is officially back

Brooks Koepka. Bruxy is back. He went lights out today.

The Masters greens are so soft it looks like golfers are hitting shots into a memory foam mattress

The greens are soft. These are remarkably soft. They look like they're hitting shots into a memory foam mattress. Yes, like hitting and kind of sinking a little bit maybe rolling an inch or two.

Bryson DeChambeau's 48-inch driver is cheating

I've never even tried 48 inch driver, but I would be lying if I said Bryson's not making me like kind of considering... sounds like it's cheating. I think it's cheating. [Big Cat: We decided it is cheating.] I'm a third party so that's not you as the fans can decide.

Bryson DeChambeau lied about his dog to get internet clout

Bryson DeChambeau got him Duffy big time in a massive massive internet controversy. He took a picture with their golden retriever, Trigger is a name of this dog. And he said this dog Trigger was here and helped me win the amateur open back in 2015. Well record scratch, it turns out the Trigger, the sweet boy, was born in 2017. So Bryson got him tied up trying to chase them internet clout like a dog chasing his tail. Got caught big time.

Brooks Koepka was clearly injured at the PGA Championship and everyone mocking him should go fuck themselves

Brooks lost the course one. What the fuck do you want from us? Of course one this weekend. He didn't have he was hurt... if we were to make an excuse for Brooks, he was so clearly hurt and anyone who's talking bad about him right now can go fuck themselves.

The Bryson DeChambeau vs. Brooks Koepka rivalry is exactly what golf needs to be interesting

I'm fine with this. I'm glad that there's a rivalry in golf. We needed something like this. The Tiger-Phil just doesn't do it for me... today was actually one of the first times that I've been watching golf and I've been more excited to watch somebody else besides Tiger.

Brooks Koepka's recent struggles are due to his knees still hurting

I'm not going to make – [Brooks Koepka] would never say it, but I'm just going to say it for him. I think his knees still hurt. So that's probably why he hasn't been that great.

Playing golf without fans will be awful and weird

I don't know, I feel like it's gonna be weird. I think it's gonna be awful without fans. I really do. Like how weird is it going to be watching on the TV? ... Imagine this: you sink the putt on the last hole and no one's clapping.

J.B. Holmes is the slowest golfer ever

Slowest player ever. Very slow. And he shot an 87. So if you're going to be that slow and shoot an 87, that's an issue.

Sergio Garcia will never win another major championship

Sergio Garcia from España... he's never going to put it together in major championships, so it looks like [Koepka] is in the catbird seat.

Brooks Koepka ghosting Tiger Woods shows he cares more about winning the Blake of the Year award than anything else

Tiger texted him [Brooks Koepka] asking to play a round of golf before the British Open. He just ghosted him. So he cares more about the Blake of the Year than he does about Tiger Woods.

The 2019 U.S. Open course at Pebble Beach was a disappointment

The course fucking sucked. A bit of a disappointment for the guys that root for the course out there. ... Overall, kind of a disappointing showing from the course. I feel like it's got to drop a little bit in the world rankings.

Tiger Woods beating the athlete golfers he inspired (Koepka, DJ) is his most impressive feat

There's a whole wave of guys that he created, right? The guys that look like Dustin Johnson and Brooks Koepka that could be athletes in any sport... And they all kind of wanted to be him. And he beat all of them... when it's over, he wins.

Francesco Molinari's Sunday collapse will be forgotten because Tiger Woods won

[Molinari] is the one guy that's going to walk away from this the most gutted because if he doesn't make a couple mistakes, then maybe it's him. [Big Cat: I think he's the luckiest guy... no one will remember it because it's Tiger]. SVP: I hadn't even considered that... that actually makes a ton of sense.

Tiger Woods will win the Masters this year

Tiger will win the Masters this year. [If he doesn't] I'll get Hank two years of tuna fish for his cat.

Tiger Woods is all the way back

Tiger Woods is all the way back. He won the Tour Championship... Tiger Woods still was able to break through to anyone who's even watching football who doesn't even care about golf.

Tiger Woods is officially back because he is contending in majors again

The Tiger's back crew that I despised for many years, the 2014-15 Tiger's back because he, you know, finished top 10 in a stupid tournament in Bermuda. That sucked. Now he's back because he's actually finishing second. I think he shot like six under today. He had that tiger stalk. He's back.

Tiger Woods actually won the British Open and the PGA Championship on aggregate

He actually won the British Open and the PGA Championship on aggregate. His score from those two tournaments were the lowest of any professional golfer. So Tiger Woods, [is a] two-time back-to-back major title holder if you add it all up.

I went from a 110-golfer to shooting an 80 in just four weeks to win a $550K bet

I had a year to shoot 80. Well, I got a month to go, and I still can't break 105... with a week to spare, yours truly shot the 80 and sent it to the ATM... In four weeks, I did that.

The PGA Tour is ridiculous for investigating Bryson DeChambeau for using a compass

[Speaker 1] (16:38-16:41) My hot seat is Bryson DeChambeau. [Speaker 1] (16:41-16:47) The PGA Tour is investigating him and trying to figure out whether it was legal of him to use a compass or not. [Speaker 1] (16:48-16:49) What century are we in? [Speaker 3] (17:16-17:21) I love this that it's a compass is now an illegal tool in golf.

Phil Mickelson disgraced the game of golf by hitting a moving ball at the U.S. Open

He basically disgraced the game of golf. I actually saw Golf Channel wrote an article saying not only did Phil Mickelson manipulate the rules of golf, he broke the spirit of the game. True. He broke it. There's no more spirit left.

The course at Shinnecock Hills is a 'wagon' because it's dominating every golfer in the field

I'm telling you what, this course is a wagon. Every single golfer got shit pumped today except for, what, Dustin Johnson? ... The course is awesome. The fescue is kicking people's ass.

Tony Romo is a fraud for talking about qualifying for the U.S. Open for five years and never doing it

I would like to see Tony Romo. Wasn't there talk of Tony Romo qualifying for a U.S. Open? ... So is he a fraud? I mean, he's been talking about it for the last five years. I don't know.

Ricky Fowler cannot win a major wearing a 'candy-ass' uniform on Sunday

I also feel bad for Sergio... I mean, we've long stood, you know, the Miami Dolphins, the Oregon Ducks. Teams that wear candy-ass uniforms in big-time moments, they just aren't as intimidating. And Ricky went with the creamsicle today, and I like Ricky. But I'm thinking maybe on Sundays in the majors, he needs to tone it down a little. You can wear the candy-ass uniforms after you bring home a title.

Tiger Woods needs a 65 or 66 to win the Masters, which is unlikely

He's going to have to post like a 65, a 66 in there somewhere, which it seems from his game, it seems very unlikely that he can really go that low.

Sergio Garcia will choke in the big moments of The Masters

Sergio, I think this ship has sailed for him. He chokes every time he's in a big moment. It's Tiger. You know, it's a mental thing at this point. The second he hears Tiger sneaking up on him... he's going to melt down.

Tiger Woods return has a trickle-down effect on the US economy

My cool throne is the United States economy because Tiger Woods is back... Tiger Woods actually does have a trickle-down effect on the United States economy.

Tiger Woods will win at least one more Masters

We're now getting the Tiger Woods is going to win at least one more Masters takes. So I think that that means Tiger is like all the way back. When people are actually debating how many more Masters or, you know, championships you're going to win, I think that's exactly where Tiger is back.

Tiger Woods is officially back and ready to dominate again

I know it's not who's back because it's not Monday, but Tiger's back. Tiger's back. And that means Tiger fanboys are back. Because that's really what we care about. It's not really Tiger. It's that everyone else is getting their hopes up for Tiger.

I want to win championships on the blind PGA Tour

I want to see how far I can go with playing golf, and I definitely want to try to continue to pursue that goal. And I want to—there's a blind, actually, like sort of a blind PGA, so I want to go win some championships on that.

Tiger Woods' low bar to be 'back' only requires him to swing a club once without pain

Tiger has the lowest bar to be quote-unquote back. All he has to do is swing one golf club once without keeling over in pain, and all the Tiger fanboys will come running and be like, Tiger at the Masters... red shirt.

Ricky Fowler is on the hot seat because he hasn't won a major

Hot seat Ricky Fowler. Because he is now in the crew of guys who win majors, and he hasn't won a major.

Phil Mickelson is on the Cool Throne because of his jacked legs

My cool throne is Phil Mickelson's legs. He decided to wear shorts at the PGA Championship practice round, and his legs were looking jacked.

Golf is in good hands with Jordan Spieth as the new face of the sport

Golf is officially on the cool throne because Jordan Spieth, he is now the new face of golf. I don't know if you guys have seen, but golf is in good hands now. We're out of the woods with the post-Tiger Woods era. Jordan Spieth's the guy.

The U.S. Open course at Erin Hills was way too easy

The golf course lost. I expect more. I want to see the U.S. Open golf course. I want to see Jim Nance giving his tie to the course. Everyone was just hitting it right down the middle the whole time. Easiest golf course I've ever seen. So USGA, figure it out.

Ricky Fowler can't win a title wearing 'candy-ass' bright orange uniforms

We do have the theory that candy-ass uniforms can't win titles. So, are we a little nervous? He had that bright orange on Sunday. Maybe, like, I was just thinking, hey, is Ricky Fowler playing for the Dolphins? Because... This sucks.

Since 2014, Tiger Woods has had more back surgeries than top ten finishes

A little sabermetrics for you on Tiger Woods. I saw this stat running around. Since 2014, he's had more back surgeries, three, than top ten finishes, one.

Tiger Woods is officially back

I think he's back. Actually, being that I practiced with him and play with him before and before the Ryder Cup and leading up to the Bahamas, he kept looking better and better.

Tiger Woods fanboys are delusional if they think the old Tiger is coming back

I just can't stand the Tiger fanboys that think old Tiger's coming back. He said it's phase two, which is nice. He leaves out the point that Phase 1 stopped after he became addicted to working out with Navy SEALs, cheated on his wife, crashed into a fire hydrant and hurt his back a million times.

The U.S. won the Ryder Cup because they wore hats and visors while the European team didn't.

Could not help but notice that pretty much nobody on the European team wore a hat or a visor. And the entire U.S. team... They were wearing hats, and the U.S. won... It's also probably my favorite part about golf, which is when they take their hats off... and you see the insane forehead tan.

Ernie Els is the biggest winner of the 2016 Masters because Jordan Spieth's meltdown made everyone forget his.

You know who the biggest winner of the Masters is? ... Ernie Els. I mean, no one remembers Ernie Els shitting all over himself now that Jordan Spieth had done the same. ... Sunday was boring. Oh, but Ernie Els really sucked on that first hole of the tournament, you know? But now... Jordan Spieth takes that kick. Ernie Els, he's off the hook.