Takes

A golf match featuring OJ Simpson and Tiger Woods would be the highest-rated television show of all time

Tiger Woods and OJ Simpson as a team? Who is not watching that? I do believe that that would be the highest-rated television show of all time.

I could break 100 on the golf course playing left-handed

I don't know if I broke a hundred, that'd be pretty good. I'd be happy, pretty satisfied... I can hit it pretty far. I think I hit it like the driver... somewhere, I mean the guy hit it like 300 yards [left-handed].

Donald Trump is a better golfer than Barack Obama

You've golfed with both Trump and Obama who's better? [Trump]. Trump's better, a little better. Yeah.

Playing golf without fans will be awful and weird

I don't know, I feel like it's gonna be weird. I think it's gonna be awful without fans. I really do. Like how weird is it going to be watching on the TV? ... Imagine this: you sink the putt on the last hole and no one's clapping.

Bryson DeChambeau worries too much about angles and should just play golf

He does like the compass and the he does like all the math behind his shots. Just go out and shoot the ball, dude, maybe if you stop thinking about it, you'd be like Brooks [Koepka] and wind shit... You worry too much about angles buddy.

Golf takes too long and should be reduced to 14 or 15 holes

Nobody wants to spend five and a half hours out there... Literally, I would just make it like 15 holes, 14 holes. Because then you get to go in the 19th hole a little bit quicker.

Brooks Koepka is going to win eight majors next year

Well, he's going to get five, six, seven, eight next year. He's going to get eight majors next year. Yep. Yep. Yep.

You shouldn't be allowed to take three and a half minutes for a putt and then miss it

I'm pretty sure that you're not allowed to take three and a half minutes to line up a putt from eight feet and then miss the putt. If you make the putt, I think people overlook it. But if you miss that putt, then we're going to have an issue.

You shouldn't be allowed to dress in tribute to Payne Stewart and then play slow as fuck like Bryson DeChambeau

You can't dress in tribute to Payne Stewart and then act like this Bryson. Payne Stewart would complete a round of golf faster right now than Bryson DeChambeau.

Brooks Koepka is the greatest golfer of all time this year

[Brooks Koepka] is the greatest golfer of all time this year. So I don't understand how it works, but I just know that this one triggered all the other finishes, and now he won it all.

J.B. Holmes ruined the Open Championship with his slow play

Fuck J.B. Holmes. Fuck him. Brooks Koepka would have won. He ruined the Open Championship. Ruined it.

J.B. Holmes is the slowest golfer ever

Slowest player ever. Very slow. And he shot an 87. So if you're going to be that slow and shoot an 87, that's an issue.

Tiger Woods intentionally missed the cut at the Open so people would forget how poorly he played

Credit to Tiger being smart enough to just not make the cut so everyone forgets he didn't make the cut and we don't talk about him on Sunday. Like, hey, Tiger really sucked.

I don't think Tiger Woods' body can be competitive in every tournament anymore

I just don't know if his body can [compete]. He looked every bit his age and maybe even older on Thursday when he teed off and he did the wince because of his back. And he also did the old guy move... when it rains, he says, my knees hurt.

Brooks Koepka will win the British Open

Brooks Koepka is back and he's going to win the British Open. He's killing it. He's three under. He's not in the lead. Two strokes back. But his caddy is basically cheating because he's from Portrush.

Sergio Garcia will never win another major championship

Sergio Garcia from España... he's never going to put it together in major championships, so it looks like [Koepka] is in the catbird seat.

No amateur golfer has ever actually shot a 13 on a single hole

My theory is that nobody except for professional golfers have ever shot a 13 right? That's true because you just pick it up after a while.

Brooks Koepka ghosting Tiger Woods shows he cares more about winning the Blake of the Year award than anything else

Tiger texted him [Brooks Koepka] asking to play a round of golf before the British Open. He just ghosted him. So he cares more about the Blake of the Year than he does about Tiger Woods.

Brooks Koepka's primary focus for 2019 is winning the Open Championship.

He said to us that he's really focusing on the Open Championship this year, the British Open. That's the one he doesn't have. He really, really wants that one. ... He was looking ahead to whatever [course] they're going to be on in a couple of months.

The 2019 U.S. Open course at Pebble Beach was a disappointment

The course fucking sucked. A bit of a disappointment for the guys that root for the course out there. ... Overall, kind of a disappointing showing from the course. I feel like it's got to drop a little bit in the world rankings.

Brooks Koepka was screwed by the fact that the U.S. Open was moving too slow.

Brooks got screwed by the fact that everything was moving too slow. And we know Brooks doesn't like to play slow. He likes to play fast. ... He's an adrenaline guy. So the second you slow him down, it was like putting in a relief pitcher. They kind of took the rhythm out of Brooks Koepka.

Gary Woodland was a poor sport for chipping off the green at the U.S. Open.

By the way, Gary Woodland, very, very poor sport when he chipped off the green. ... Are you allowed to chip off the green as long as you don't take a divot and you apologize to the course afterwards?

I want the US Open course to be harder; currently it is being a 'wussy'

The course is being a little bit of a wussy... I want even par to win my U.S. Open. I want shitty golf. I want awful golf.

The deer seen on the US Open broadcast at Pebble Beach are fake props released from a truck

Those are fake deer... I'm saying there's a guy. I'm saying a guy's standing on the beach with a big fucking truck of deer and just letting them loose... There's no chance [they are real]. I've been to US Opens. There's just so many people.

If Brooks Koepka wins the 2019 US Open, he is the 'new Tiger'

I want Brooks to win... If Brooks wins this one, he's the new Tiger. I'm going to say it. He's a Blake and a Tiger and a Brooks.

Donald Trump cheats at golf by giving himself club championships he didn't win

What he does, he plays the first round at any course he opens by himself with Melania in the cart or whoever, and he calls that the club championship... And there was one he won when he was in Philly and the tournament was in Bedminster. And he called and said, well, won the club championship... make me the club champ. Just on his word.

Donald Trump would shoot an 85 if he were completely honest

[Big Cat]: What would you say Donald Trump would shoot if he was completely honest about every shot right now? [Reilly]: 85. That's still pretty good... But at Tahoe they kept track, right? And he didn't break an 80.

Tiger Woods should have turned down the Presidential Medal of Freedom from Donald Trump

And Tiger Woods represents complete opposite. The Tiger Woods Foundation bringing golf to all these people that didn't know about it. You're going to take that award... How is that an objective recipient of the Presidential Medal of Freedom? I mean, I get he can't turn it down. But to me, that's just star fucking of the worst kind.

We are definitely kingmakers because Brooks Koepka dominated after appearing on the show

We need to start the show with the question, are we kingmakers? I think definitely we are. Because Brooks Koepka just dominated the PGA Championship.

I have half the field beat mentally in majors because most golfers can't handle a tough course

It's easier when it's tough. You already know you got half the guys beat mentally, they can't play the course. And then the other ones just mentally can't hang. And so you only got to beat a few.

I don't watch golf when I'm away from the course

I'll be honest, I don't watch it. I don't watch it when I'm away from it... If I was going to watch anything, I'd watch Augusta and all the majors. But other than that, I'd much rather be watching basketball late night.

I guarantee I will win the career Grand Slam

At what point in your career do you think you'll have all four majors? Guarantee it. I'm trying to figure out when the next time we play St. Andrews because I will win one at St. Andrews. I know that.

Golf courses should be shortened to 14 or 15 holes to be more fun

How do you speed up the game? Literally, I would just make it like 15 holes, 14 holes... Because then you get to go in the 19th hole a little bit quicker... It gets boring from like hole 5 to 12. You're just like, where am I right now?

Golfers wear metal spikes just to hear the clicking sound on concrete

I don't wear the spikes... soft spikes. [Some] guys wear the metal ones. I have no idea why. I think it's just to hear the click clack when they're walking over concrete... to make them feel like athletes.

I was wrong about Tiger Woods never winning another major

Hand up, I never thought I'd see Tiger back in this spot. I was definitely in the camp of he'll be in it maybe a couple times, maybe flirt with one... but he'll never win another major. I was very wrong.

The 2019 Masters was a bad weekend for the Augusta National course

I don't think I root for the course anymore. The course got embarrassed. This was a bad weekend for the course. Yeah, low scores.

Tiger Woods beating the athlete golfers he inspired (Koepka, DJ) is his most impressive feat

There's a whole wave of guys that he created, right? The guys that look like Dustin Johnson and Brooks Koepka that could be athletes in any sport... And they all kind of wanted to be him. And he beat all of them... when it's over, he wins.

Francesco Molinari's Sunday collapse will be forgotten because Tiger Woods won

[Molinari] is the one guy that's going to walk away from this the most gutted because if he doesn't make a couple mistakes, then maybe it's him. [Big Cat: I think he's the luckiest guy... no one will remember it because it's Tiger]. SVP: I hadn't even considered that... that actually makes a ton of sense.

Masters Sunday is the biggest napping day of the year

Everybody watches the Masters by themselves, maybe with their dad, maybe with a roommate or something like that, but it is the one day a year where you can take part in the biggest sporting event of that sport of the year and just sit there and chill, fall asleep, take a nap. It's the biggest Seebs Day of the year.

The Masters deserves all the hype it gets and cannot be overhyped

You can't overhype the Masters. Take your microphone off. That's a bad take. The Masters deserve all the hype.

Patrick Reed's Masters menu looks like what a 14-year-old thinks an adult dinner is.

This menu really is like what a 14 year old would think an adult's menu looks like. He basically was forced to be like well I like steak and and I don't really like anything else. I like macaroni and cheese. I'm surprised chicken fingers weren't on here.

Tiger Woods will win the Masters this year

Tiger will win the Masters this year. [If he doesn't] I'll get Hank two years of tuna fish for his cat.

I could beat some professional golfers on the senior tour

I could beat, not be one, I could beat one [professional golfer]... Trevino, all the old guys... At some point, the father time is on my side. I'm 41... An average round for me, if I go out and just play average, I'll shoot in mid-80s.

It is great for golf that Patrick Reed is a villain everyone hates

Patrick Reed, though, he is the bad boy of golf. And I love this because this just keeps his street cred just keeps going up, up, and up. Everyone hates him. Guess what? It's fucking golf. ... It's actually great to have a bad guy in golf.

Tiger Woods will win every major championship next year

I'm a Tiger guy. I want Tiger to win every tour major championship next year, but if it's not Tiger, I want Patrick Reed just to piss everyone off.

Bryson DeChambeau is an asshole for deciding to leave the flag pin in while putting

He has decided that this year he will be leaving the pin in when he putts... depending on the coefficient of the restitution of the pin. What an asshole.

Illegal streams for the Tiger vs Phil pay-per-view will lead to a hacking bloodbath

If you are a hacker on the internet, the Tiger and Phil pay-per-view illegal streams will be a field day. Because I would imagine a lot of 50-year-old white dudes trying to find a Twitch stream will end up with a lot of hacking... It's going to be a bloodbath on the internet.

France is not a golf country

Ryder Cup. What a waste of a tournament. France is not a golf country. I agree. France is not a golf country.

Tiger Woods is all the way back

Tiger Woods is all the way back. He won the Tour Championship... Tiger Woods still was able to break through to anyone who's even watching football who doesn't even care about golf.

Tiger Woods means more to the sport of golf than any other athlete means to their specific sport

The Tiger effect is very real. I mean, we knew this was going to happen, but it just goes to show, like, I don't think there's ever been someone who's meant more to one specific sport than Tiger Woods to golf.