Takes

I'm hammering the Vegas Golden Knights at home whenever their opponent has a night off in Vegas beforehand

Whenever a team has a day in Vegas, I just bet the Golden Knights, and they've been great. People get fucked up there. In Vegas? No. It's an 82-game season. You get there, you're just going to rip it up.

Coyotes rookie Clayton Keller is so skilled he should have been a lacrosse player

I'll give you Clayton Keller, and since he's on Phoenix, Arizona Coyotes, nobody will really know him. Clayton Keller. That guy's lacrosse. He should have been a lacrosse player, yeah.

Marian Hossa is the best player Patrick Sharp ever played with and it's not even close

Patrick Sharp, who has played on a lot of three Stanley Cup teams and Team Canada, once told me that Marian Hossa was the best player he's ever played with, and it wasn't even close.

Winning back-to-back Stanley Cups is basically cheating

I didn't know you could win back-to-back Stanley Cups, so that's kind of cheating in my mind. I hate the Blackhawks. We never knew that those rules existed.

The Nashville Predators fan who threw a catfish on the ice in Pittsburgh should walk free

This guy should walk free simply because he vacuum sealed the catfish and put it in his pants. He really prepared for that.

The Washington Capitals will be 2018 Stanley Cup champions

I might just go tonight and get a Washington Capitals 2018 Stanley Cup champions tattoo.

The Capitals will win Game 6 and then lose the series in Game 7 in D.C.

The Caps are probably going to win on Monday night. Of course. And then they're going to lose on Wednesday night in D.C. In a brutal fashion.

Sidney Crosby is going to destroy the Capitals

And Sidney Crosby, make no mistake about it, is going to be heavily involved in the destruction of the Capitals.

The St. Louis Blues will not win the Stanley Cup for the 50th straight year

For the 50th straight year, the St. Louis Blues are not going to win the Stanley Cup. That's a shame.

The Capitals will win Game 5 and 6 because they don't let their fans die that easily

I have a theory, and I told you this theory today. I think the Caps are going to win game five and six because the Capitals have that knack. They're not going to let their fans die that easy.

Alexander Ovechkin drinks Coca-Cola on the bench instead of Gatorade

So instead of drinking Gatorade on the sidelines, he just drinks Coca-Cola. ... So he's in the training room and they're like, hey, do you want painkillers? Do you want a shot? He's like, give me Coke. Give me Coca-Cola.

The Blackhawks have no chance to win the series after Game 2

The Blackhawks had no chance after game two. Did they score a goal? They scored a couple goals. They actually doubled. No, they scored, what, three goals in the series. That's pretty good.

I am concerned about the Blackhawks' aging core and bad contracts

I actually – I don't want to get too deep into it, but I do think there are issues at hand. They were – It was one of those situations where they had a lot of old guys, a lot of young guys... And I am concerned about some of the contracts. Let's just say that.

Sidney Crosby and the Penguins have the Capitals' number

I thought if the Caps could overcome this, they would do okay. But, man, Sidney Crosby and the Pens have their number, man.

The Nashville Predators are my pick to come out of the Western Conference

I mean, I like St. Louis, too, but I think Nashville just looks too good right now. That's who I would pick.

The Capitals need the Blackhawks to win some games so they aren't the only story of disappointment in the first round

The Capitals need the Blackhawks to win at least a couple games because the Blackhawks, as it stands right now, getting swept, will be the story of the first round in terms of disappointment and people laughing at something.

The Capitals will still win their series against the Maple Leafs

I still think the Capitals are going to win the series. I do. I really do. ... I watched the Capitals versus the Leafs and I was like, the Capitals are the better team. They turtled at the end there. They look like the better team.

The Blackhawks will not come back against the Predators

The Blackhawks are the worst team by far in that series. The Predators have taken it to them every single period. Nine out of ten periods, they've just dominated them. So that's one of those ones like, Blackhawks aren't going to come back. They're not.

The Maple Leafs play hockey like kids having sex

I will say this about the Maple Leafs. They... play hockey like their kids, like the same way that kids have sex. ... kids get out there and they start fucking and they're like, I'm going to go a million miles an hour and just go fast and score. That's what the Leafs do. So they come out and they skate too fast and they go a hundred miles an hour. They'll burn out.

I am not worried about the Capitals losing home-ice advantage to the Maple Leafs

I'm not worried at all. It's not time to press the panic button. My overtime genes are still 1-0 in single overtime. I'd just like to point that out.

The Minnesota Wild are going to have a 'mump slump' after several players contracted the mumps

So it's the [Minnesota] Wild that has the mumps, right? So calling it right now, it's going to be a mump slump. There's your headline.

The Washington Capitals are too good to never win a Stanley Cup

They're too good to never win one. But, I mean, they were the Presidents' Cup trophy winners last year... They have the most points in the league.

The Bruins firing Claude Julien during the Patriots parade is the greatest PR 101 move ever

The Boston Bruins who fired Claude Julien... The morning of the New England Patriots parade and held a press conference during the parade. That is the greatest PR 101 story of all time.

The Capitals are regular season heroes who always look awesome in January

And I know not only is the Capitals year, but the Capitals in January, this is when they get hot. This is when they beat teams. You can count on the Capitals in the regular season to look awesome.

The Canadian dollar is the only thing that can stop the Chicago Blackhawks

The only thing that can stop the Blackhawks is your stupid fucking Canadian dollar... because what they do is they keep escrow based on the Canadian dollar pretty much. So they're going to get none of the 20% they were paying.

Professional goalies lose 10 to 12 pounds of body weight during a single game through sweat

With goalies, we have more dehydration issues because we sweat like crazy. We got all the gear on, super hot... I probably lose 10 to 12 pounds in a game.

Pat Maroon is correct that the NHL is a 'man's game' because the league is currently 100% men

Well, technically, the NHL is 100% dudes, right? It's a major sausage fest. Sounds like [Pat Maroon] is right.

Connor McDavid is the best hockey player in the last 10-15 years

Connor McDavid, for all you hockey guys out there, is probably the best player in the last 10, 15 years. I mean, he's like a Sidney Crosby, Ovechkin-type guy, so he's exciting to watch.

NHL teams are generally locked into their final standings by Christmas

I think if at Christmas, Christmas right around the new year, if the team is – that's pretty much where you see a lot of teams are going to end up where they are then. They can go up and down a little bit, but bearing a huge kind of run or something like that, teams are kind of going to end up where they are around Christmas.

Auston Matthews' 4-goal debut is suspicious and requires a 'witch hunt'

Auston Matthews... He had three goals on his first three shots in the NHL. He actually had four goals on the night in his debut... Hmm. Interesting. Maybe a frozen envelope. I'm just saying maybe these bullies just, hey, yo, we'll let [Auston] score. Hmm. Interesting.

NHL players likely won't participate in the next Winter Olympics

You know what? I don't think NHL players are going to the next Olympics... I think most hockey players would [go], but it's like, is it worth it?

The San Jose Sharks have no chance to come back against the Penguins in the 2016 Stanley Cup Final

Done. Done. Oh, that's not a chance. Like it was pretty stupid. They would even waste the money that it costs to pay for the private jet out to play the game and lose and then have to fly home. ... They're just a better team overall.

The Canadian dollar is the only thing that can stop the Blackhawks because it drags down the salary cap

The only thing that can stop the Blackhawks is your stupid fucking Canadian dollar... when you have Toews and Kane both making like 10 and a half a year and the cap keeps going down because Canada can't get their shit together, it makes me a little upset.

The Sharks will beat the Blues in the Western Conference Finals

[The Sharks] need to beat the Blues, and I need to have that Sharks-Lightning finals so that we can just pretend the Stanley Cup didn't happen this year.

The San Jose Sharks will win Game 7 against the Predators

I mean, I got a good feeling about San Jose, to be honest. I mean, I know this isn't going to air in time, but big game seven tonight, so we'll see what happens.

Alexander Ovechkin deserves the heat for the Capitals failing in the playoffs

I'm going to blame Ovi... Call me a dumb fan. That's fine. Call me a dumb fan... But if you want to be a top player in any league, you're going to get this heat. It just happens. It happens to every guy. It happened to Peyton Manning. It's happened to A-Rod.

I'm dreading the Capitals' inevitable playoff exit more than ever

I should schedule a reminder in my phone that goes off this week every year saying, okay, schedule some time with your therapist... this is the gut punch that I get every year and I've gotten it for the last 15 years.

People forget that the 1980 US Olympic hockey win over the USSR was not the gold medal game

People forget that when the United States beat the USSR hockey team, that wasn't the gold medal game. [That was the medal round.] I would say actually 60% of America would forget that.