Takes

Connor McDavid is the greatest hockey player of all time

I just started running around the room... running around greatest hockey player of all time. I just started tweeting that like, it's just, it's incredible to watch him.

The Capitals are going to 'skull fuck' Paul Bissonnette and the Maple Leafs in the Eastern Conference Finals

Paul Bissonnette, you better hope that you get your ass kicked in the second round because I wouldn't like nothing better than the skull fuck you in the Eastern Conference finals. And I will, I will skull fuck you. Tom Wilson will skull fuck you.

Leon Draisaitl is more valuable to the Oilers than Connor McDavid this year

I'm an Oilers guy and Leon Draisaitl has just to me been the best player in the league. The most valuable player of the Oilers McDavid's had this great year still, but not McDavid. And then he's leading the league in goals by a lot.

The Penguins faked the bobblehead truck hijacking because they forgot to order them

I don't think the bobbleheads existed. I think maybe I, I think that maybe there were no bobbleheads and the Penguins were like, fuck it's bobblehead night. We forgot to order these things... It's Jussie Smollett. It's Jussie Smollett bobblehead night. And they're like, well we don't have, oh yeah, the cops, we called the cops. They're looking into it right now.

Connor McDavid and Leon Draisaitl are the best duo since Michael Jordan and Scottie Pippen

I say he's Pippen and Jordan, I say the best duo since Pippen and Jordan. Wow. They're gonna, I think they're gonna win win a championship.

If Connor McDavid doesn't win the Stanley Cup this year, he is a 'bum'

My big bet is gonna be on the Oilers... because I'm sick of you telling me how Connor McDavid's the best athlete in all of sports... this is a personal one-on-one legacy match... If he doesn't win the cup this year, he is a bum.

The NHL beat writer who celebrated with the Stanley Cup should be fired for a lack of integrity

There was a Colorado Avalanche beat writer that picked up the Stanley Cup and celebrated with the team and called it one of the best nights of his life. And frankly he should be executed. Yeah. Send him to the LIV tour. They should chop his head off. That's not what journalism is supposed to be in America. It's supposed to be fearless truth tellers, impartial scribes.

The Maple Leafs will finally get over the playoff hump this year

I'm confident that they're going to be able to get over that edge this year... I've doubled down on my four skin challenge where I'm going to double down and you can chop my whole cock off and keep it if that fucking team can't make [a run].

Alex Ovechkin will officially be better than Wayne Gretzky after he scores his 700th goal

And Ovi just scored his 700th goal. ... I'm predicting. I'm going to be at the Caps game on Saturday night. I'm going to see him score two more goals. And then it's going to happen. Now he's officially better than Wayne Gretzky. Perfect.

If the Hurricanes lose their playoff series, Big Cat will track down and kill Hamilton the Pig.

If the hurricanes lose, I'm going to try to track down the pig and kill it... I'll kill a pig. Let's do bacon until it dies of a heart attack.

I will eat one bite of horse shit if the Capitals beat the Penguins

I think you should have to eat shit if they beat the Penguins. Agreed. Just one bite. I'm not saying... Just one bite. Everyone knows the rules. ... Caps beat the Penguins. We're going to Central Park, and PFT's going to eat some shit. Just one bite.

The NHL needs another Sidney Crosby concussion to get back into the limelight

I'll tell you what we need. We need a Sidney Crosby concussion. That always gets the NHL into the limelight. Just another one of those. Even if he's not concussed, just say, yeah, he's concussed and he's actually going to skate tomorrow.

The Washington Capitals will be 2018 Stanley Cup champions

I might just go tonight and get a Washington Capitals 2018 Stanley Cup champions tattoo.

The 'Crosby Theory': A team gets better after losing its best player

I think it's fair to ask now if the Penguins are better without Sidney Crosby... If you lose your best player, but your team gets better, the Crosby theory.

The Capitals will sweep the Penguins in the next round of the playoffs

I've taken my fingers so far off the panic button. I've got ones in the air right now. I've got my finger in the air calling it. We're going to sweep the Penguins. Next round. I'm not even concerned with Maple Leafs anymore.

The US should invade Canada for their hockey players

Just invade Canada already... I'm sick of America being nice. Where's that gotten us? We haven't won a Hockey World Cup ever... Just do it just for the sports. Or just be a really bad neighbor... Let's shade all of Canada and then we own it.

Hockey helmets have increased concussions because they evolved the human skull to be thinner

I actually think that helmets have done more to increase concussions in hockey than they've done to help because it's like evolution. It kicks in a little bit and your brain, your skull doesn't have to be as thick anymore. Like the way that we coddle these athletes, it's actually hurting them in the long term.

Capitals goalie Braden Holtby is using Adderall to play well in the playoffs

I don't follow hockey that closely, but I know that there's always one good goalie in the playoffs. And whoever that guy is this year. I want to go Holtby. Braden Holtby. Holtby is using Adderall.