Takes

You have to be a little crazy to be a professional goalie

All goalies are a little bit off. You've got to be a little bit off to do that for a living.

Pat Maroon is correct that the NHL is a 'man's game' because the league is currently 100% men

Well, technically, the NHL is 100% dudes, right? It's a major sausage fest. Sounds like [Pat Maroon] is right.

Connor McDavid is the best hockey player in the last 10-15 years

Connor McDavid, for all you hockey guys out there, is probably the best player in the last 10, 15 years. I mean, he's like a Sidney Crosby, Ovechkin-type guy, so he's exciting to watch.

The Washington Capitals will win the Stanley Cup this year

I like Washington. I can't get away from it. Everyone says it's their time, I'm telling you... they're so deep and you can tell that they're kind of almost one of those teams [waiting for the playoffs].

NHL teams are generally locked into their final standings by Christmas

I think if at Christmas, Christmas right around the new year, if the team is – that's pretty much where you see a lot of teams are going to end up where they are then. They can go up and down a little bit, but bearing a huge kind of run or something like that, teams are kind of going to end up where they are around Christmas.

You need to hammer the over on the Ottawa Senators every night

You need to start betting the over on the Ottawa Senators every night. I'm talking hammering. They're not great defensively, but they can score goals. They are commonly in like 4-3, 5-3 games... I haven't been doing as great as I'd hoped, but I believe they're going to come around.

LeBron James would be the best hockey player ever but would never play due to minor injuries

LeBron would be the best hockey player of all time... [but] he wouldn't play in one because in the preseason he'd probably get like an elbow bruise. Like, you know when you, like, hurt your bursitis in your elbow?

Auston Matthews' 4-goal debut is suspicious and requires a 'witch hunt'

Auston Matthews... He had three goals on his first three shots in the NHL. He actually had four goals on the night in his debut... Hmm. Interesting. Maybe a frozen envelope. I'm just saying maybe these bullies just, hey, yo, we'll let [Auston] score. Hmm. Interesting.

The US should invade Canada for their hockey players

Just invade Canada already... I'm sick of America being nice. Where's that gotten us? We haven't won a Hockey World Cup ever... Just do it just for the sports. Or just be a really bad neighbor... Let's shade all of Canada and then we own it.

Losing a Stanley Cup Final is even worse than blowing a 3-0 series lead

At that point [blowing a 3-0 lead against the Kings] I said it's way worse to blow the lead but... you go all that way, and you think you're going to win it, and then it just comes crashing down... it definitely fucking sucks.

The NHL should remove the penalty for shooting the puck out of play

If you could change one rule in hockey, what would you change? Um, the, the shoot the puck out of play penalty. I hate it. I, I don't know why it's a penalty, honestly, because you're not shooting the puck into the stands on purpose. That's one thing that needs to change.

NHL players likely won't participate in the next Winter Olympics

You know what? I don't think NHL players are going to the next Olympics... I think most hockey players would [go], but it's like, is it worth it?

Hockey helmets have increased concussions because they evolved the human skull to be thinner

I actually think that helmets have done more to increase concussions in hockey than they've done to help because it's like evolution. It kicks in a little bit and your brain, your skull doesn't have to be as thick anymore. Like the way that we coddle these athletes, it's actually hurting them in the long term.

Every person on the ice for the Stanley Cup celebration should be required to wear skates

I don't like the fact that they roll out a carpet onto the ice. I feel like if you're going to be celebrating something on the ice, it needs to be done by only people wearing ice skates. So like the guys in the tuxes, the girl that comes out to sing the national anthem, they all need to be wearing ice skates. Like respect the sport a little bit.

Hockey is better than basketball because the games are more competitive

The NBA was blowouts everywhere, okay? Most of [the hockey] scores are either one goals or two goals. That's not a blowout. Hockey's better than basketball.

The Ducks will play the Capitals in the 2018 Stanley Cup Final and Ovechkin will be on the Ducks

I've got the Ducks and the Capitals. Ducks and Caps. And Ovechkin's not on the team anymore, by the way. Ovechkin's on the Ducks.

The Oilers will face the Panthers in the 2018 Stanley Cup Final because they'll hoard more first-round picks

I got the Oilers because they probably have – they're going to somehow figure out a way to get like six more first-round picks between now and 2018. And the Florida Panthers.

The 2016 Pittsburgh Penguins are the softest and worst team to ever win a Stanley Cup

Congrats to Pittsburgh, right? They are probably the softest team to ever win a Stanley Cup... I think that this Pittsburgh Penguin team is probably the worst team to ever win a Stanley Cup. And we don't even know if they won it. That's how bad they are, that we have no confidence that they're going to win.

Phil Kessel will celebrate a Stanley Cup win by eating whatever he wants all summer, possibly filling the Cup with queso or hot dog water

Phil Kessel, though, you think he eats now. If he's a Stanley Cup champion, you can eat whatever you want for the rest of the summer... I wouldn't be shocked if that was a story that came out in a couple months or, like I said, just some hot dogs. Like some good old hot dog water and some boiled hot dogs.

I am officially unretiring for a $10 million starting spot

Retired. Done. [Big Cat: $10 million?] Yeah, for sure.

The San Jose Sharks have no chance to come back against the Penguins in the 2016 Stanley Cup Final

Done. Done. Oh, that's not a chance. Like it was pretty stupid. They would even waste the money that it costs to pay for the private jet out to play the game and lose and then have to fly home. ... They're just a better team overall.

NHL superstars like Sidney Crosby get better treatment from refs and can bully linesmen into letting them cheat on face-offs

Typically superstars do get a better treatment just because they can bully linesmen a lot more than say no namers... Whereas if Joe Thornton's like, 'Hey, drop the fucking puck when I want it,' he'll be like... 'Hey Michael [Jordan], I didn't see it, but I'm going to call it now.' It's very similar to that.

I would beat Conor McGregor in a fight if we were both wearing hockey skates

If it was you and Conor McGregor fighting... but you're both wearing hockey skates, who wins? Well man, he's got pretty good balance. I would put my money on myself just because I'm a lot bigger than him.

The 'glowing puck' ruined the NHL and likely caused the 2004-05 lockout

The glowing puck, did they get rid of that because it was easier to play defense? I think they took the non-hockey followers word too seriously and kind of ruined the game. I really think that's probably why the lockout happened.

The Blackhawks' championship window is still open because their management is elite at filling core pieces

No, their GMs and staff are just so good. And they're like one team that has truly, they've picked out their main core. They know what it is. And they just do a great job of filling in the pieces and finding ways.

The Canadian dollar is the only thing that can stop the Blackhawks because it drags down the salary cap

The only thing that can stop the Blackhawks is your stupid fucking Canadian dollar... when you have Toews and Kane both making like 10 and a half a year and the cap keeps going down because Canada can't get their shit together, it makes me a little upset.

It is easier for the US to win an Olympic gold medal than for a Canadian team to win the Stanley Cup

I would probably say it's easier to win an Olympic gold medal in hockey than it would be to win a Stanley Cup just based on how hard it is... if you have a good two weeks at the Olympics and all your lines are clicking, you get a gold. So I would say U.S. winning gold.

The San Jose Sharks will defeat the Pittsburgh Penguins in the Stanley Cup Finals

The Stanley Cup finals. Sharks eat penguins. Not to brag, but I called it. Yes, you did. Because it was the only matchup that could occur in nature.

Sidney Crosby is a less classy player than Alex Ovechkin because he touched the Prince of Wales Trophy

What I care about is that Sidney Crosby touched the trophy. He touched the trophy. Big no-no. You know who's never touched that trophy? Alexander Ovechkin. That's why he is a classier player than Sidney Crosby. That's why he doesn't have bad luck. That's right.

Joe Thornton is wrong for playing with his kids instead of watching his potential Stanley Cup opponents

Joe Thornton, when the Sharks won the Western Conference Finals... said that he was going to play with his kids during the Game 7 Penguins-Lightnings. Not watch who he was going to play in the Stanley Cup Finals. Mike Milbury was not happy... how you win a Stanley Cup is being always focused and making sure you tune in to your opponent even when you're not playing them.

There is a greater chance of America taking over Toronto than the Maple Leafs winning a Stanley Cup

I think that there's a greater chance of America, like slowly encroaching into Canada and taking their land away and taking Toronto, than there is like the Maple Leafs winning a Stanley Cup before that time.

Canadians actually hate Sidney Crosby

Canadians hate Sidney Crosby. That's actually a fact... Everyone hates Sidney Crosby. It was just decided upon, and that's how it is. He doesn't have a man card.

The Sharks will beat the Blues in the Western Conference Finals

[The Sharks] need to beat the Blues, and I need to have that Sharks-Lightning finals so that we can just pretend the Stanley Cup didn't happen this year.

The San Jose Sharks will win Game 7 against the Predators

I mean, I got a good feeling about San Jose, to be honest. I mean, I know this isn't going to air in time, but big game seven tonight, so we'll see what happens.

Alexander Ovechkin deserves the heat for the Capitals failing in the playoffs

I'm going to blame Ovi... Call me a dumb fan. That's fine. Call me a dumb fan... But if you want to be a top player in any league, you're going to get this heat. It just happens. It happens to every guy. It happened to Peyton Manning. It's happened to A-Rod.

I'm dreading the Capitals' inevitable playoff exit more than ever

I should schedule a reminder in my phone that goes off this week every year saying, okay, schedule some time with your therapist... this is the gut punch that I get every year and I've gotten it for the last 15 years.

The NHL should ban players from diving to block shots

He [my dad] doesn't think that they should allow players to dive to block shots in the NHL anymore because he likes more goals... a lot of hockey lifers are going to disagree with me because it's like you get the bruises on your body. That's how you know you're a hockey player.

The Capitals would be better if they had a 'junkie mom' coach like Bruce Boudreau

They never should have gotten rid of Bruce Boudreau... because he's a really shitty coach. ... The best analogy I can give is like if you have a mom who's a junkie. A lot of times the eldest siblings will step up their leadership roles. ... If you have a guy who's a huge putz, then everybody else on the team, all of a sudden they have to mature really fast. They raise their brothers and sisters because mom's hooked on dope in the kitchen.

NHL teams should exploit a loophole by signing injury-prone players to get opponents' stars suspended through ticky-tack hits

There's like a loophole that could be exploited here to sign a bunch of like Eric Lindros's kids, or maybe even Lindros himself, someone who has that weakness in their game, who gets concussed really easily, and then just wipe out all of your opponent's best players through really small ticky-tack hits that end up knocking you out.

The NHL handshake line is the worst display of sportsmanship because it is mandatory

If anything, the hockey line is the worst handshake line because one, it's mandatory. So there's no like actual thought behind it. They just have to line up and do it. And two, they just go and they high five and say good game. The Heat and Hornets game today, guys are like hugging and talking and catching up.

Capitals goalie Braden Holtby is using Adderall to play well in the playoffs

I don't follow hockey that closely, but I know that there's always one good goalie in the playoffs. And whoever that guy is this year... I want to go [Braden] Holtby. [Braden] Holtby is using Adderall.

If the Blues lose to the Blackhawks, the franchise should move to L.A.

If the Blackhawks do win tonight, Monday, they have to cancel hockey in St. Louis, correct? Every franchise has to move from St. Louis to L.A. It will be such an embarrassment.

Ice is the great equalizer that allows for upsets in the NHL

It's because ice is the great equalizer. That's the X factor right there. Anytime you get people on slippery substances, you open the door for a big upset, which is why I love the NHL.

I would rather get punched in the face than get face-washed by a guy with a sweaty hockey glove

The face wash is probably, I would rather get punched in the face than get face-washed by a guy with a sweaty glove.

Setting the tone is the most important part of being successful in the hockey playoffs

Setting the tone is so important in hockey playoffs. That's what everyone said. You have to set the tone. It's a very big part of being successful in hockey is setting the tone.

I agree that the Anaheim Ducks will win the Stanley Cup this year

I think Anaheim might get it right this year. [Big Cat]: OK, that's OK. I agree.

The Anaheim Ducks will win the Stanley Cup this year

Man, I'm going to—who do I want to pick? I think Anaheim might get it right this year.

The hip is the dividing line between an upper and lower body injury in hockey

I would think it would be hip, wouldn't you all? I mean somewhere below the hip since all the hip checking and the broken legs... That [the hip] would be lower.

Hockey would be much more popular if goals were worth eight points like football

The greatest trick that football ever played is making their scores worth six points... If hockey changed to eight-point goals, this guy would be in. Okay, so if we ever develop a sport – Trick number one is make the single goals or points worth like eight times. Make everything worth like eight points. And then you've got yourself a sport.

There is nothing worse than getting shut out in the NHL playoffs

And there's nothing worse than getting shut out in the NHL playoffs. It's awful. You know what else is bad is overtime hockey when your team is in it. If another person's team is in it, it's great... But when it's your team, you just want to eat a gun.