Takes

Heat Wave's bloodline produces the most delicious cattle of all time

You would know that the most tasty cow of all time is Heat Wave and Heat Wave's bloodline lives on to this very day. And if you buy a direct descendant you from the Heat Wave, the most Billy cow of all.

If you have to ask if a guy is serious about a relationship, he's just trying to fuck

I think if you're asking then it's he's just trying to fuck. Like if this is like the old... if you're asking if he's into a relationship or just trying to fuck, he's probably just trying to fuck.

Bats can predict the future using echolocation

Bats can actually see into the future because they predict where the inset... They've gotten so good at using echolocation, they can predict where an insect is going by processing the spatial information... So they can predict the future.

I can still bench 315 pounds once my rotator cuff is fixed

I've got a torn rotator cuff the last two years and I can only close bit dumbbell, press that's it. I can't miss Preston more has been about two years. So maybe I can get it fixed. But once I get it fixed, I guarantee I'll do it [bench three plates] again. I'll let you break the story of my torn rotator.

John Wall playing cards during an interview is more disrespectful than what Jeffrey Toobin did

I don't know that I agree with that because I think that when he [John Wall] know I don't... he was saying that the two guys that were doing the interview? I'm gonna fucking beat you guys and I can do what I want... jacking off on a zoom call work bad got moderately bad playing Spades during an interview with field Yates. Death penalty.

It is better to be polarizing and polarizing than to be untrusted

It's better to be—there's no gray in this life. I mean, so it's black or white and polarizing and that's okay. It would be worse for me—it's okay if I'm not liked, it would be bad if I were not trusted. So that would really bother me, but I'm definitely trusted.

I am being scammed by an Airbnb host for $40,000 in pool damages

I'm being investigated for $40,000 worth of damages by Airbnb... the homeowner has contacted me saying that I caused $40,000 worth of [damage to] the pool... They say that I didn't keep the pool at the correct level and that the motor and the pump broke down... I think she's scamming me... I didn't even cause a penny worth of damage.

I accidentally put a down payment on a hedgehog while drunk

I accidentally put a down payment on a hedgehog... Basically I got drunk last Sunday. I was like fuck it, I'm gonna buy a hedgehog. Yep. Then I woke up the next day and I was like, wait a second... It was $75 down payment and a hedgehog's about $250 on top of that.

Asteroids are frauds and won't actually hit Earth

Asteroids do something, they're all talk no walk... Asteroids you're on my shit list and you're frauds. If it shows up to Earth it will probably fuck me up but you're frauds.

Intelligence is better defined by curiosity and problem-solving than by memorization

I submit to you that most challenges in this world are best served not by someone who memorized the encyclopedia but by someone who has a deep sense of curiosity and tools to empower that curiosity to figure stuff out.

Suggesting humans are the only life in the universe is inexcusably egocentric

To suggest that we're the only life in the universe would be inexcusably egocentric... Recognizing the likelihood of there being life in the universe is not the same thing as agreeing with UFO enthusiasts.

The Las Vegas Raiders' new stadium is the most erotic stadium ever built

I want to fuck The Las Vegas Raiders new stadium... I want to fuck it is the most erotic stadium that I've ever seen almost it almost looks better with no fans... that thing is sexy as shit, and I want to fucking fuck it.

Skateboarding was the 90s version of modern Twitch streamers

Twitch streamers are like the 2020 version of skateboarders when I was coming up. Mostly people following your passion and doing something they're good at and finally getting an audience for it. I never imagined I'd be making money at it, and I applaud those guys.

Platypuses are the only venomous mammals

Fun fact platypuses are the only mammal that are venomous... they are the only mammal that are venomous. How about that?

90% of all koalas have chlamydia

Billy's fun facts: 90% of koalas have chlamydia. Anyway, like people who handle koalas at zoos sometimes catch chlamydia.

Using leverage to protest for change is the most American thing you can do

I'll always support the right to protest in this country. Being able to use your leverage and power to protest to try to enact change is kind of the most American thing you can do in my mind personally. It's why this country so great is that you have the ability to say, I don't agree with something, I want to change something.

I started an OnlyFans for my feet called Billy Feetball

I actually have a confession to make. I have an OnlyFans. Ever since I wore my toe shoes, people actually started DMing me asking me for feet pics. They were offering money and I actually set one up. It's Billy Feetball. I've been making... around under $1000 but over... I've made $800 around there.

I am a massive nerd who embraces the label

I'm very much a nerd and I absolutely embrace that... I mean I have Star Wars socks on right now.

Holding a baby is the perfect cover for committing a crime

I think I need to get into a life of crime using my son as like pretty much... a prop... The guy looked at me and he was like 'this guy... is a dad he can't steal.'

It is not remarkable how little Billy Football actually does for the show

What made you what I don't like. I thought we can't answer probably is not remarkable how little we ask you to do and how little you actually do towards those girls.

Crutches are useless because they hurt your armpits more than your foot

I'm putting a man named... Emil Schlick in 1917. He invented the crutch and I'm saying the crutch is useless. It is my armpits are more sore than my foot.

The seeds from China are 'murder gourds' designed to destroy American pumpkins and cancel Halloween

He planted him seeds and a gourd pops out. Personally I think that the gourd was... going to try to harm American gourds with some sort of disease or murder gourds. And guess what's a very American gourd? Pumpkin... trying to cancel Halloween exactly. Wow, and guess what? That's Because no pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving. Oh my gosh trickle down. Christmas gets ruined.

Gardner Minshew is effectively the vaccine for COVID-19

My hot seat is the coronavirus. That's right. It's back on the hot seat because we've discovered a vaccine. And that's just being Gardner Minshew. Yeah. So Gardner Minshew tested positive and he said that the virus took one look at him and turn the other way.

You should definitely plant mystery seeds sent from China even if the government says not to

I saw the story over the weekend and I get the US government was saying do not plant seeds that come ship to you from China. Fuck that. If I get mystery seeds. The first thing I'm going to do is plant those.

Serious golf guys who travel to Scotland won't cheat on their wives, but business golf guys will

What from you from your perspective... the business golf guys will [cheat]. The like I'm just going to play a few rounds here and there, that guy will cheat on you. The I want to go to Scotland and all I want to do is play golf at one golf... that's his form of cheating on me.

August is the 'Sunday of Summer'

My real who's back to the week is Seasons. Yeah dude, it's August. Yeah... August for me is always like oh, it's Sunday. Oh because back to school. Yeah, you're still in the mode where like I go to the department store with your mom and you see backpacks on sale.

I will eat one hot dog every hour for 24 hours during the grit stream

Big Cat's going to be eating a hot dog one hot dog every single hour. I will go back and forth between buns. I will probably more buns and last but there will definitely be some hours that I Rod... I want to eat 24 hot dogs.

I will drink one beer every hour for 24 hours during the grit stream

I have to drink a beer at the top of every hour one deer per hour. I'm still a little bit nervous about that. I don't think I've ever drank 24 beers over that long of a period of time before.

Viagra is an effective pre-workout supplement for getting a pump

And sildenafil is for a pump. It just gets your veins... sildenafil is the active ingredient Viagra, but it's sick for pump.

Aliens come from the center of the Earth, not outer space

Honestly, there's aliens of courting the government but I don't think the aliens come from outer space. I actually think that they come from within the center of the Earth... they are beings at the center of the earth that are coming to the surface.

I am the Mount Rushmore of swag

You have probably the most swag of any athlete ever it something truly Mount Rushmore, right? [Deion]: That is true. Yes. I'm not no. I'm not in the Mount Rushmore. I am the Mount Rushmore. You personify swag.

Peeing outside is better than using a public restroom

I get up I'm going to cut your first of all I see look IPS that everywhere I go out Piazza like all my outside Pier. I love the freedom. I love the air love the breeze. Oh every day I get up at night and go outside just to Peak.

The more trash bags you use, the better it is for the sanitation worker

I stay the light of the biggest the better it had to go through for bag instead of two or three. I don't mind carrying. There's two bigs was carrying an extra 20 pounds in the bag. It might rip in the street. I got to clean it up.

You can't beat a Waffle House cook on his home turf; you need to use sneaky tactics

I obviously I'm very much on this guy side. I want him to win. I think he needs to start thinking a lot smarter though... you're not going to beat him on his home turf. No, you have to find a sneaky way to do this.

I would be more concerned about the COVID-19 response if Dr. Fauci threw a 90mph strike

It would actually be concerning to me if Dr. Fauci went out there and grooved one like 90 miles an hour right down the pipe. That would be like, I don't know if I want this guy leading my response to infectious disease.

The 'Law of Attraction' is real and explains how I married Rebecca Romijn

I'm married to a former Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Covergirl Rebecca Romijn... I have no right. I have no money. I have no real status in society... I did thumb through [The Secret] and I found it to be very very helpful. I carried around a picture [of her]... and it'll be like a law of attraction.

Sports could save millions of lives by providing a model for solving COVID-19

Sports might save millions of lives. And this is definitely not just me talking insane because I haven't had any sports on TV... Because if you can test, if you have a test case and a model for how to solve it amongst a given population, you can expand that out.

Zoom happy hours suck and the novelty wore off in two weeks

Zoom happy hours. Remember when people tried to make that a thing? Everyone acted like, oh, we don't see our friends, so let's do a happy hour on Zoom. And then I think people did it for like a week or two... Everyone realized it sucked.

Putting an Under Armour logo on a kilt would make men willing to wear dresses

Somebody just needs to invent... If you slap an Under Armour logo onto a kilt or onto just any sort of nice, flowy, long skirt, you can make a dude wear anything. You're just like, this is a sport performance kilt. A guy will wear a dress. It's a golfing kilt.

Getting engaged during your senior year of college is a terrible decision

Trevor Lawrence got engaged... say nothing about being like a future NFL superstar, but just getting engaged when you're a senior in college is dumb as shit.

Nobody actually wants a real dad bod

Fuck the people who have made dad bod culture seem cool because I know deep down, no one actually wants dad bods. They want the Zac Efron six pack dad bod... reality is if you have a true dad bod you're just really tired all the time because your metabolism is fucked up and you're overweight.

I can no longer be a Navy SEAL because I am too famous from the podcast

I can't be in the special forces because too many people know my taste nowadays. And I wanted to be... it's actually really disappointing. Every time more people recognize me, it gets me really freaked out. I can't be a Navy SEAL.

I am the alpha of the show because I squat and bench more than everyone else in the room

I 100% squat and bench more than anybody in this room. And because of that, I think that makes me the alpha.

The next two weeks are make-or-break for the return of sports

I feel like this next week and a half, two weeks, is going to be make or break for the next six months to a year. We have baseball hopefully starting next Thursday, basketball bubbles going, scrimmages about to start, hockey, and then training camp. If these can go off without a hitch, I think we're back.

If a bear can use nunchucks, a gorilla can fly a Black Hawk helicopter

It turns out that bears actually can use weapons... If a bear can pick up a nunchuck, a gorilla can pick up a fucking rocket launcher. A gorilla would be able to fly like a Black Hawk helicopter if a bear is able to use these martial art weapons.

I need to catch a bat to test it for rabies so I don't have to get shots in my stomach

If I catch the bat then I can test the bat for rabies. So I don't have to get a bunch of shots in my stomach... I'm going to stay up all night to find this bat.

A man's singing voice reaches full maturity at age 38

I know that the male voice reaches full maturity. They say it 38 years old.

I actually enjoy staying at a Motel 6

I'm not here for the Motel 6 slander, by the way. I enjoy a good Motel 6. You're not getting any frills. I'm more of a Red Roof Inn guy, but I just like hotels. You just go in, you run the hot shower, get that hot water going for 30 minutes at a time.

I thought the police were defunded so I could speed 89 in a 55

I got a really bad feeling, I got a speeding ticket. Turns out there was a speeding camera that caught me... I thought they defunded the police. I actually was like, 'no police.' I read the news, they defunded these guys. I'm good.

Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of all time

Joey Chestnut is the greatest athlete of all time. That's it. It's over. If you look at the career that he's put together and how he keeps beating himself. He doesn't have a guy that he's going up head-to-head against he's only competing against his past self and he continues to dominate himself from a year ago.