Takes

1917 was a better movie than Parasite

I did like 1917 more, but Parasite was just as good. Like it was one of those—let the record show, 1917 was better.

Russell Wilson looks like a baby caterpillar dipped in Vaseline in his latest photoshoot

[Russell Wilson] looks like a baby caterpillar, those fuzzy baby caterpillars dipped in Vaseline.

Jennifer Lopez will start the halftime show with 'Jenny from the Block'

Jennifer from the Block. Put it in the bank. I think she's headlining.

Madison Prewett will win The Bachelor because her dad is the Auburn coach

My prediction is there is a girl who is a four-time state championship basketball player, and she goes to Auburn, and her dad is the coach of Auburn... My money's on her. Clearly, she knows the long haul, the grind.

The murderer in Don't F*ck With Cats was not a genius mastermind

This guy is not as smart as everyone's making him out to be. He is not some mastermind. He's a fucked up piece of shit... he's narcissistic and he got caught in like three days.

Today's wrestling has lost the spontaneity and sense of urgency of the Attitude Era

To me, it's just maybe, I'm not picking on today's product, but I just think the spontaneity is lost. Like that feeling that anything could happen is lost. And if you bring it back and create that excitement, I don't think you need to go to filling up this with that or crushing things. Sense of urgency I think is the most important part.

The movie Cats will release a new version next week to exploit its own failure

I'm a little bit woke because it is getting people talking about the movie Cats... what they're doing is they're taking the movie back. They're re-editing certain scenes and sending an entirely new version out next week. So now the people that already saw it are going to want to go back and see it again.

Baby Yoda is the breakout star of The Mandalorian

Baby Yoda is the breakout star. It's basically the main character of the show, but he's electric. If you watch the show, he is so cute.

The Kane vs Undertaker storyline is the best in WWE history

I agree with you. It was the best story WWE has ever done, not because of what I did but because they did such a great job telling it... four months before Kane ever debuted, you had Paul Bearer talking about it and you have all this backstory.

Shawn Michaels and Daniel Bryan are the best performers at connecting with an audience

As far as connecting with the audience overall, Shawn Michaels and Daniel Bryan are the two best people that I've seen that can just like pull an audience in like no one else can do.

James Holzhauer will win the Jeopardy GOAT tournament

I'm going Jeopardy James [to win]. [Ken Jennings] is from Utah. I just assumed he soaked. He seems like a guy who soaks.

Imagine Dragons music should be in the public domain

I think if it's Imagine Dragons Imagine Dragons should just be in the public domain there should not be the other attack. They got to protect their art like what those guys make beautiful beautiful art Imagine Dragons The Beatles Mozart and happy birthday.

We should use truth serum to find out if Steven Avery and Brendan Dassey are guilty

You just look at the [Steven Avery] case... just give them truth serum and will fucking find out in two seconds if they were murder... There is sodium pentothal. Sodium Pentothal, yeah. Yes methamphetamine. Okay a combination. Yeah combination and a cigarette... and you can find out where the bodies are. Did they really do it?

The best actors are actually not acting at all

Acting is the absence of acting. It's believing in the truth of the moment you're creating at that time with your heart without thinking.

Storytelling is more important than stunts in a wrestling match

The story is what gets people... the perfect match to me is something that just builds throughout and you're engaged in the whole time and by the end of it, you're almost like emotionally drained. If the story is garbage. All those other things don't mean anything.

Space Jam 2 is going to suck

He's [LeBron] doing Space Jam 2, man. It's going to suck. Yeah, for sure. He'll ruin it.

Green Day is officially an 'oldies' band now

I was thinking that Green Day would you consider them to be classic rock at this point... yeah I guess... when does the 90s become classic rock... I think it's now. Fuck. I think Green Day is an oldies band.

LeBron James is an asshole for trying to trademark 'Taco Tuesday'

LeBron's an asshole. Let's just go business hour with LeBron. I do just hate him. He is trademarking Taco Tuesday. Trying. This is the guy who his big inventions, his big ideas, business ideas. Talking in a barbershop. With his friends. Space Jam 2. Remember when he created Plinko?

My upcoming diss track will put Drake out of business

Oh, yeah, the diss track is coming. I wrote it on Friday. So, yes, I'm continuing my battle against Drake. I murdered him. He's dead. He's already dead. I haven't even laid it down yet. I almost feel bad putting Drake out of business like this.

Comedy specials should be canceled because they require too much of a social stance

I want to cancel comedy specials. Because I'm sick of people telling me, I haven't seen the Chappelle special, but I know I'm not supposed to like it or I am supposed to. I just want to watch a comedy special and laugh, but now it's become something that I have to have a very strong opinion about.

Breaking Bad is the best show in the history of television

Breaking Bad movie following the season finale... I'm very excited about that. Very excited. Best show in the history of television.

Jewel was the Rihanna of her time

Jewel was Rihanna before Rihanna. I'll say it. [Big Cat: That strong?] Yeah.

Chappelle's Show is the greatest TV show of all time

Chappelle's show... Greatest show of all time. Undeniably the number one pick.

Odell Beckham Jr. will eventually bring back his old hairstyle

I predict that the old hair is coming back... I do too.

The Area 51 meme is the reason people are now bum rushing music festival gates

I blame the organizer of the Area 51 thing for just convincing people everywhere to get a big group and run through a fence. Some of these kids were jumping fences [at Lollapalooza], and I was just shocked by their athleticism.

Drake is not a talented rapper and has 'low T'

I don't get why Drake is pop. I don't really like his music... I don't think he's a talented rapper. They're all slow. He's low T. Drake is very low T... He does the thing where he rhymes the same word with the same word a lot. He's kind of slow. He mumbles. He's got low T. Actually, he's kind of like me.

Pro wrestling is real, but has predetermined finishes

I would say wrestling is real... We have predetermined finishes. And I like to say that we were like no different than the NBA... We're like a Broadway with body slams. You know, we're a form of entertainment that you can't get anywhere else.

Participating in Dancing with the Stars is harder than being in a wrestling ring

The hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Harder than wrestling? Yes. No. Yep... they were trying to like retrain my muscles, which my muscles were like, no... I started to have nightmares about those three [clicks before the music].

The Bachelorette winner Jed and Hannah B. will break up within a month of doing a People magazine feature

I think they stay together until it's always they do like a People magazine story about the couple. About nine months later, they're usually living in some really nice Nashville house and they're like, we love our new life... right when that comes out, they'll break up within a month.

Short men should uniformly disavow Bagel Boss

We have to uniformly, all us real Short Kings, disavow Bagel Boss, man. He's also declared himself to be the MLK of short people. I don't know if you saw that.

Jake Gyllenhaal's acting in military movies is stolen valor

Fuck Jake Gyllenhaal. I've heard he's kind of a dick. Like, the whole method acting thing, it's like, dude, chill out. You weren't actually in the military. It's stolen valor, basically, what he does to just try to play badass characters all the time.

Adnan Syed probably killed Hae Min Lee

The point of that podcast [Serial] is to just inundate you with both sides of everything... The show would not be interesting if it was just very clear that he was railroaded... I think he probably did it. Yeah. All things being equal.

In The Sopranos finale, David Chase whacked the audience

I believe that David Chase actually whacked us. He whacked the audience because we're watching him and we go to black. We can't see any more of the story. So I think that we get killed.

Breaking Bad had the greatest TV show ending of all time

Breaking Bad would be like the best. I don't think it can get any better than that... Everything felt clear. His kids still get the money. Jesse gets away. He's the moral conscious. Hank does die, which I think at that point, he doesn't want to die. He needed to die.

Watching Monday Night Raw for a Stone Cold appearance is better than watching The Bachelorette

It's so lame that people watch that show [The Bachelorette]. Be a real man and watch three hours of Monday Night Raw just so that Stone Cold [Steve Austin] can come out for the last five seconds... I did that last night.

Michael Scott would definitely have voted for Trump

Michael Scott definitely did. Just because he likes a party. He probably went to the rallies. He definitely would be a guy that would start like just a pro Trump Twitter account and then he'd get famous based off that.

Winning Blake of the Year is like winning a low Division II championship

True story... I was on a flight when the Blake of the Year came out, and when I landed in Atlanta, you would have thought I had just literally won like a low Division II championship.

Meryl Streep is the all-time GOAT of passive-aggressive comments

Meryl Streep is coming in... Meryl Streep is wrecking people. She's so – her little passive-aggressive comments. She is the all-time goat when it comes to passive-aggressive comments.

The final season of Game of Thrones was actually awesome because it received 32 Emmy nominations

Game of Thrones because they led all TV shows with 32 Emmy nominations. That's actually the most all time. So the final season turns out it was awesome. So critically acclaimed. All you idiots that say that it sucked, you're wrong because Emmys matter more than your stupid opinion.

Meryl Streep is a 'bad bitch' who deserves respect.

Meryl Streep, such a bad bitch, I'm starting to respect her.

Winning 'Blake of the Year' makes a career's worth of naysayers and haters worth it.

I'd like to thank my family for believing me this whole time. Obviously, there's been a lot of ups and downs and a lot of naysayers, a lot of haters, but somehow we made it here. I'm at a loss for words. ... At the end of the day, it's worth it.

The Bachelorette having four fantasy suite dates instead of three is a smart life hack

Hannah couldn't decide who to give the final rose to... so she gave them both a rose, which means Hannah will have four fantasy suite dates instead of three... She just hacked the bachelorette by having more sex. She was like i realized that i could get more laid than other bachelorettes

The Night King in Game of Thrones just really loves cocaine

All I took away from The Night King... He fucking loves cocaine. biggest showboater of all time. Like, bro, you were walking so slow to try to win that game.

Theon Greyjoy had the best redemption and performance in the Battle of Winterfell

My best performance is Theon. Dude, Theon fought his ass off... Bran did say, you're a good man. Bran was basically like, alright, Theon, you're done.

The ending of Game of Thrones was as cheesy as the Seinfeld finale

The whole thing was cheesy as fuck, and then they're sitting around, like, the ending of, like, Seinfeld sitting in the jail. Where they're all sitting around the table at King's Landing, like, ha-ha, whoa, we gotta get more wheat for the winter... it turned into them playing SimCity around a table at the end.

Smooth by Santana and Rob Thomas is the ultimate #1 summer song

Smooth. Carlos Santana and Rob Thomas. 20 years ago. It feels like it came out yesterday. It does. The way that they play it on every sporting event.

Blue Sky by The Allman Brothers is the best summer car song

Allman Brothers, Blue Sky. When that song hits, when you're in the car, oof, nothing better, nothing better.

Step Brothers is a movie that holds up perfectly between commercial breaks on TV

Step Brothers is so rewatchable. You know what's crazy? When I first saw Step Brothers I didn't think it was that good but now if you see it on TV every scene every like in between commercial breaks holds up on its own and you have to watch the whole thing.

I hate the Walenda family and their high-wire acts

My other hot seat is the Walendas. I fucking hate those people. I'm so sick of them. It is bullshit that you watch it and you're just hoping [they fall]. And they're on straps and those sisters singing about glory to God the whole time because, you know, really God cares about you being an idiot and walking on a high wire over Times Square.

The Odell Beckham Jr. hair trend is already over

How do we feel about Odell Beckham hair? Is that going to be around two years? No way. That's over. Zac Efron has it now.