Takes

The Minnesota Lynx are an 'odd-year' dynasty

Are the Lynx still considered a dynasty, or was this their dynasty year because they won in 2011? 13, 15, people forget, odd year Lynx.

White is the combination of every single color

white is a combination of every single color out there so they [the Packers] actually had the most colorful uniforms people didn't realize that

Mixing together every color of paint will result in the color white.

If we got a bunch of paints of every color and we put it together... It'd probably come out as white. No, it'd be absolutely white.

Squirrel tail circumference predicts the length of winter

You look at the squirrel's tail, the circumference of a squirrel's tail will tell you how long the winter's going to be... That's a little farmer's almanac trick for you.

I did not fart on the air during ESPN Sunday Countdown

It wasn't me. Not at all. It wasn't me, absolutely. I would take blame if it was me, because that was a doozy. But I don't think, and everybody looked at me, but I don't think, I don't even think it was anybody passed gas. I think it was a chair, somebody moved in the chair.

We have officially run JJ Watt off the internet

How long has it been since J.J. Watt tweeted? 20 days. 20 days since J.J. Watt has tweeted. We have officially run him off the internet.

Wi-Fi signals should be stronger on planes because you're closer to space

Wi-Fi come from signals in space, right? Yes. So how come if you're in the plane, shouldn't the signal be stronger in the air? I agree. Yeah, no, that's a good point.

The Indians logo is back on the hot seat because the team is actually winning

Hot seat, Indians logo. They're going to be in the ALCS, and that means the Indians logo is going to be on the hot seat again... If you stay bad, no one cares that your logo is offensive.

Every new iteration of Jesus is better than the last

Every time that Jesus shows up, he's better than his old Jesus. He makes his old Jesus look like a chump. Jesus 2 never hit a dinger. That's a facts only right in everyone's face.

The Spygate tape contains footage of the cameraman creeping on cheerleaders

The starter tape is great because the guy is focusing in on women in the stands. ... Total creeper. He's focusing on, like, women in the stands, and he's focusing it on the Jet cheerleaders. And he's a totally creeper. And then all of a sudden, boom, goes to Jets coaches.

This is the year the Cubs are having the most fun

This is the year that we're having the most fun. I guarantee you that. We're having a lot of fun, guys.

I can't remember a single dirty joke Joe Maddon has told me

Can't remember that.

The Pfister Hotel in Milwaukee is haunted

The Pfister Hotel is haunted.

The 2016 creepy clown sightings are a viral marketing stunt for the movie 'It'

What's behind all of this is that Stephen King's movie It is coming out in a couple months. They're doing a remake of it. That's it then.

Urban Meyer buys fake Twitter followers

Jim Harbaugh and Urban Meyer, I guess, are buying fake followers. I would definitely think Urban Meyer is buying fake followers. Jim Harbaugh, someone in the Michigan office is doing that. Urban Meyer definitely – I mean like I said, he fakes other things.

Jesus only had twelve real followers and none of them were fake

Just want a PSA out there for everybody. Jesus only had 12 followers. None of them fake. No, they were all real.

Wearing black jerseys is a guaranteed loss for Georgia football.

It's when we pull the black jerseys out. If we pull the black jerseys out, it's a guaranteed L, so we need to stay away from that.

The U.S. won the Ryder Cup because they wore hats and visors while the European team didn't.

Could not help but notice that pretty much nobody on the European team wore a hat or a visor. And the entire U.S. team... They were wearing hats, and the U.S. won... It's also probably my favorite part about golf, which is when they take their hats off... and you see the insane forehead tan.

The Dodgers intentionally lost to the Giants to avoid facing the Cardinals in the postseason.

Dodgers lost on purpose. They knew what would happen if they met the Cardinals in the playoffs... Dodgers lie down and roll over for the Giants, knocking the Cardinals out of the playoffs.

My batting average for making Lorne Michaels laugh was around .300

My batting average with Lorne was probably... in baseball we're talking about baseball batting yeah that's batting right baseball yep um i probably would say i was in the 300 area okay yeah yeah i did pretty well he liked a lot of my stuff

Son of Zorn is the first ever show with a cartoon as the main character of a sitcom.

Zorn is the first ever show that is a cartoon as the main character of a sitcom. I think that is absolutely true.

I can bench my own body weight

What do you bench? I can bench about 170 maybe. Oh, what do you weigh? About 170. Oh, man. Okay. I can bench me.

IPAs create man boobs

Fun fact, IPAs create man boobs, and that's why I'm going to get breast cancer someday.

LSU will go after Nick Saban to replace Les Miles

One name that's floating around that LSU is allegedly going to go after, Nick Saban. LSU wants Nick Saban to coach their football team.

Flossing is a myth and doesn't actually help your teeth

I don't floss. You guys heard flossing is not – yeah it doesn't do shit... It's a myth... It was on the internet. Dude, there was an article about it. Four to five dentists recommend you not floss.

Peyton Manning will not sign with the New England Patriots

Hard no. [Peyton Manning signing with the Patriots is a] hard no.

The Chicago Bulls have the only logo in the NBA that has never changed

The Bulls logo. Here's a fun fact for you, Hank. The only logo in the NBA that's never changed. And it's got blood on it, too. People forget. It's got blood on the horns.

I've been a whole milk drinker my entire life

I've drank whole milk my whole life and like still... I just thought everybody drank whole milk. Um, because that's what my mom and it was always like, yeah, it'll make your bones really strong.

The 'PMT Bump' gets guests massive contracts

You touch part of my take, you turn into gold. Facts are facts. David DiCastro... Kyle Long... Chris Long... A.J. Hawk. We told him how to get hired... Boom. On a team. Rainmakers. We are rainmakers.

Pardon My Take has more listeners than Bill Simmons

We have over 40 million listeners in six months. That's crazy... I'm just going to say it's more than Simmons. Yeah, it's more than [Bill] Simmons.

Buying a Pardon My Take shirt makes you a part-owner of Larry the Goldfish

If you buy a Pardon My Take shirt, you are an owner of Larry [the Goldfish] like the Green Bay Packers, except you actually own something, not fake own it.

I am officially not retired and looking for the right NFL situation

I guess I am officially not retired at the moment. I think I'd pick up the right call, like the right situation that came about. I'm not completely done.

Jim Trestle believed the punt was the most important play in football

[Jim Trestle] sits in the punt meeting, special teams, he said, 'Punt, the most important play in football.' And he just kept repeating that... I believed him because that's how we played. They called it Trestle Ball.

I don't watch the game if the ball is out of the infield because of my bad eyes

I don't sit in bleacher seats. That's what the common people say... I have bad eyes, so I can't see that far. If it's out of the infield, I don't see it. I have to listen to the crowd.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen might be getting a divorce

Like, maybe things aren't going so well in paradise? Maybe the big D word coming down the pike? Like, maybe he doesn't have such close ties with Brazil anymore?

The mosquito is the state bird of Minnesota

State bird here is the mosquito, too. That's the only place you could say that.

Lions do not eat giraffes

I don't think that lions eat giraffes. No, I don't think so either. Giraffes would just kick the shit out of a lion and strangle them with their necks.

I only got a college scholarship because I won $1,400 in an underground poker game

I went to this underground game in Pittsburgh. I borrowed 100 bucks from one of my friends... I had jack nine... I caught a full house... I end up having $1,400. My dad spots me the other $100. I go down to the camp. I kick a 65-yard field goal... Tony Gibson from West Virginia University is there. 'You want a scholarship to West Virginia?'... without that tournament happening, [I have] no chance.

SportsCenter highlights of twins games are obsolete in the mobile era

If you just rolled tape from one of [Dan and Keith's] shows and watched it now, you'd say, man, that Twins highlight was pretty long. You just can't do a minute 30 of a Twins highlight that people have already seen on their phones.

The number one lie in sports is a coach claiming they aren't interviewing for other jobs

Number one [lie] is every time any coach anywhere says they're happy with their job and they're not interviewing. That's number one lie in all sports.

Christians get circumcised and then receive their 'big boy pants' as a rite of passage

Jewish people get circumcised and here's a pair of pants. [Big Cat]: That's exactly how they do it. Timeline is not exactly right on that, but we're going to – you know what? Close enough.

Ed Hochuli wears extra small jerseys to make his biceps look bigger

I'm saying if you think a guy that buys extra small jerseys and cuts off the ends of them, if you think and does 100 push-ups before he goes out on the field to make them look bigger, if you think that's a show-off, I think it's a show-off.

The regular NFL officials 'beat the league' in labor negotiations because the 'Fail Mary' gave them massive leverage

And the second thing is, they beat the league. The officials beat the league. They got more than what the league wanted to pay... because of what happened with the fail Mary play, you know, the thing was saying quickly and beat the league at their own game. They got more money than the league was planning to give. And they got extension of their pension, which the league wanted to bust.

Giancarlo Stanton's season-ending injury is definitive proof of the Home Run Derby curse

He had the home run derby curse... so we actually predicted this. Not to brag, but we called it. Like a month ago, we said whoever's going to win is going to be out for the rest of the season. So sometimes it's tough to keep track of how right we are all the time.

The years AD 614 to 911 did not actually happen

The phantom time hypothesis. So there are a bunch of people out there that truly believe that the years AD 614 to 911 didn't happen... They were all made up by the church. So like that's 300 years of human history that we just were taught about, but they don't happen.

The 1969 moon landing was faked

I also don't think the moon landing was real, but that's, again, those are more facts, not conspiracy theories.

Tim Tebow has a better playoff record than many 'great' NFL quarterbacks

People forget Tim Tebow is 1-1 in the playoffs. .500. That's a better record than a lot of great quarterbacks out there... That is the same amount of playoff wins as Tony Romo.

Prince Fielder will finish his career with the exact same number of home runs as his father

If Prince Fielder never plays another Major League Baseball game, he will end his career with 319 home runs. Same amount of home runs as Cecil Fielder.

I am 100% innocent of all criminal charges

I'm innocent without a doubt. The charges are related to some hedge funds I operated in a public company I operated. Don't have one person who has ever complained. You won't find one person that ever lost money in these funds.

My company Turing is worth one billion dollars

I don't like to talk about it, but if you look at the company, Turing, that I own, I think that company is worth a billion dollars.