Takes

Herm Edwards could go 4-7 at Arizona State just like every other coach

I bet you $1 that Herm Edwards could get the exact same record as all of our other coaches and go 4-7.

I will knock out Tex in the second round

Second round knockout. Woo! Boy. Actually, I'm 100% on board with that... I'm going to knock his ass out. Double sit-em. And my sleeper is the left-handed uppercut. Watch out for that in the second round when I fucking knock Tex's ass out.

The Patriots will beat the Steelers in Week 15

Everyone's talking about the Patriots-Steelers game. And I'm saying, hmm, the Steelers, like, everyone's healthy. Le'Veon Bell's healthy. They could probably beat the Patriots. Don't overthink it. Patriots are probably going to win.

The coaching disparity between Bill Belichick and Mike Tomlin is the most stark in the NFL

I also think there's never been a more marquee matchup in the last decade where teams have met up in big games and the coaching disparity is more stark between Mike Tomlin and Bill Belichick.

Aaron Rodgers will beat the Panthers in his return from injury

Packers-Panthers. Aaron Rodgers back. Everyone's saying, well, he's rusty. I'm not overthinking it. Aaron Rodgers is going to win this game.

I'm betting on Cam Newton over Aaron Rodgers because he finally has weapons like Devin Funchess and Christian McCaffrey

I'm going to bet on Cam Newton because he finally has a receiver... Funchess. And Christian McCaffrey. People don't talk about McCaffrey being a threat in the passing game.

The Seahawks will beat the Rams at home in December

Rams-Seahawks. Again, don't overthink it because I love the Rams. I love Jared Goff. But the Seahawks don't lose at home in December. No. They do not... Not against the quarterback caliber of Jared Goff.

The Chiefs will beat the Chargers because it will be cold and Phillip Rivers will fail late in Kansas City

Chargers Chiefs. The hottest team in the league. Chiefs at home. Yes, yes... because I'm doing the old close your eyes and think about what's most likely going to happen, and it's going to be cold, it's going to be loud... Phillip Rivers is going to be down a score and doing his thing... It's not going to work.

The Bills will beat the Dolphins because Miami players hate playing in the Buffalo cold

I'm taking the Bills, whatever it is. The Dolphins going from the best game of their season on Monday night to Buffalo and being like, fuck, we don't want to be in Buffalo... The Dolphins' jerseys and their colors look cold. It looks like the players get colder in them in cold-weather climates.

The city of Buffalo gets more snow on Sundays than any other US city

I'm not a meteorologist, but I'm sure that it's going to snow on Sunday up in Buffalo. That city, and I have no facts to back this up, but the city of Buffalo gets more snow on Sundays than any other city in America.

Josh Cribbs was the best returner I ever played against

I would say at the time, Josh Cribbs. He was the guy, like, once I got to the locker room after the game, I'm like, man, did he take a point back today? Did he take a kick back? So I would go look him up and see how he did.

Matt Ryan is the best all-around quarterback I ever played with

I would say... Matt Ryan. The time I did, it was just because it's the type of player he was. He was a quarterback on and off the field... he treated the scout team like he was a starter... all-around, the all-around best quarterback I ever played with.

I am a Hall of Famer because I was the best ever at my position

Of course I do [think I'm a Hall of Famer], man. I always look at the Hall of Fame. I think the Hall of Fame should be judged off the best player at that position. That's it... When you look at the best player at every position that's in the Hall of Fame right now, they're the best player at their position.

The Miami Hurricanes are officially 'back' because of their recent recruiting success

When we start getting the players that used to go to the mind, the type of players that we used to recruit, when they start signing... I think we're back.

I believe ghosts are real

I actually completely believe this. Like, I'm a big ghost guy. I believe ghosts. If you don't believe ghosts, I think you're full of shit. And, I mean, we saw a ghost in Miami.

Russell Wilson is better than Matthew Stafford because Stafford was drafted higher

I actually came up with a couple reasons why I might agree with [Andy Benoit]. Number one, Stafford was drafted first overall. So Russell Wilson was in the third round. This is called the Kevin White law. If you're saying that Russell Wilson is better, then that's a slap in the face to all the people that do mock drafts... Number two, he gets paid more. Matt Stafford gets paid more. So are you saying that capitalism is a flawed system?

LaVar Ball is the living embodiment of my 'future me' theory

He is the living embodiment of future me. Yes. Because he, his, his theory is as long as I never admit anything's wrong, then nothing's wrong. Right. Exactly.

LeBron James will join the Lakers in six months

LeBron and Lonzo had a very secret out-in-the-open meeting... it's either one of two things. One, LeBron just being like, yo, dude, just hang in there because I'll be there in like six months, which I think is probably the case.

Curling is an exciting sport

I don't think it's boring. I think it's very exciting... but curling is chess on ice.

Tex will beat Hank at Rough N Rowdy

I'm picking Tex. I am... Because I think everybody's on Team Hank. I'm just being a contrarian... I'm going against the house... I haven't thought about it, but I don't see a real knockout.

Tom Brady was affected by a 'boat curse' the night before the Dolphins game

I think it's more likely that Tom Brady was on a boat down in Miami the night before the game, got the old boat curse going, than it was that he's actually getting too old to play well.

The Dolphins game was Jay Cutler's one annual game where he looks elite

That was the Jay Cutler performance. And I know that all Bears fans know this. That was the one game he throws out a year where you're like, this guy's fucking good.

The Chargers will sneak into the 2017 playoffs

I think the Chargers will probably sneak in. There's not one team I can be like, you know what? They could probably make a run, which I don't think we've had that in a really long time.

The Jaguars are going to make the 2017 AFC Championship Game

I'm going out on a limb. I think that the Jaguars are making the AFC Championship. They have that right mix where it's like they have a great defense. If they just run the ball, let Blake [Bortles] be Blake.

The Falcons are a 'lurker' team that knows how to win ugly and can make a deep run

I think we haven't heard the last of Dan Quinn in the Falcons. I feel like they're the lurker. You know what I mean? The team, it's like they have all the pieces, and they've played really shitty and survived... They would know how to win ugly.

The Seahawks are the sorriest losers in the NFL

The Seahawks, though, can we just say that they're the sorriest losers of all time? That team, I don't know why they get a pass... That team is a fucking bunch of babies.

Tony Romo is the number one choice to replace Carson Wentz for the Eagles

Number one, Tony Romo. I would love to see Tony Romo beat the Dallas Cowboys in the playoffs. And then go to the Super Bowl and win it for the Eagles. That would be fantastic.

Colt McCoy is 75% of the quarterback Kirk Cousins is

I think Colt McCoy is about 75% of what Kirk Cousins is. So that's like... 40% of a franchise quarterback.

I am going to kill Dylan 'Tex' Stone at Rough N' Rowdy

My hot seat is Dylan [Tex] Stone. He's the person I'm fighting on Friday, December 15th at the Rough and Rowdy. It might be just because I'm all hyped up on pre-workout right now, but I'm going to fucking kill him.

I could still play as a backup in the NFL if I didn't have to take hits

I'm very realistic, man. You know what? I can still throw it. I can drop. I can do all those things. I don't know if I can take that hit anymore. That physical part of actually those 300-plus pounders bringing down your neck, that's a whole different story.

The Eagles should simplify the game for Nick Foles by focusing on the running game

I think with Nick, I think there are certain things that they're going to probably focus more on with him... And I think that will be more so on the running game... You create matchup opportunities where it simplifies the game for Nick Foles.

Steve Young essentially disappeared from the team for months after getting injured in San Francisco

I've been in situations where... I was backing up Steve Young. All of a sudden Steve Young goes down in San Francisco and he kind of disappeared for a couple months. You never saw him around the locker room, never saw him in the meeting rooms... we could have utilized his knowledge and experience, but he had his own stuff that he was going through.

Terrell Owens is a 'no-doubt' Hall of Famer

Yeah, I mean, hey, that's the decision of the voters and the writers... But, hey, the guy has put up the statistics that leave him in the conversation with the top two, three receivers ever in the National Football League... It's just a matter of time.

Terrell Owens' mood in the locker room depended entirely on his personal statistics rather than team wins

[Terrell Owens] was the type of guy that, like, if he didn't get a lot of opportunities to make plays and we won the game, he was kind of over there not real thrilled about it. But if he put up a 15-catch game and we lose, you see him there with a smile. So what does that tell you about kind of their mentality?

I am the best red-headed Mexican to ever play in the NFL

Carson Wentz is a little bit [of a redhead]. Well, you know what? He's a ginger. He definitely is a ginger... but you know what? For the few that have played, I'm the best red-headed Mexican that's ever played the game.

Jeff Fisher failed his quarterbacks by not providing expert coaching

Definitely not a whisperer, you know. I think quarterbacks were dying when they went out and played under him, unfortunately. And I think a lot of it was because he didn't surround them with the necessary expertise from a coaching standpoint.

The 2004 Cleveland Browns were so poorly run they didn't even have an audible system for the quarterback

I just realized going from a system where in San Francisco... and then not having that freedom to do that in Cleveland. I'm like, are you serious? We're in the National Football League, and we have no audible system to get us out of a bad play. And it just was like, that's shocking.

I have a valid Hall of Fame case when combining my NFL and CFL stats

As much as I think when you combine my entire career and you really bring in the CFL statistics as well... you can look at Troy Aikman's stats and you can look at my stats. And they're very similar. But Troy has three Super Bowl titles.

Joe Namath's statistics stink and he was a horrible quarterback

You look at Joe Namath's statistics. They stink. He was horrible. He had maybe one year where he threw more touchdowns than interceptions. But he's in the Hall of Fame. That's crazy, right?

The NFL Network should hire Jeff Fisher to bring them back to mediocrity

Jeff Fisher, he brings the mediocrity back. So you're going from low... To right in the middle. I think Jeff Fisher's the perfect hire.

Tom Brady hates your fantasy team and intentionally performs poorly during the playoffs

Tom Brady has a very suspiciously poor performance in games that are right in the smack dab middle of fantasy football playoffs... So he hates your fantasy team. Tom Brady hates your fantasy team. It actually, it would not shock me if this was a New England Patriots strategy to do nothing but just fuck with people that play fantasy football.

Derek Jeter is going to look 'really fucking ugly' if he gains 15 more pounds

Derek Jeter, by the way, he's one of those guys that if he puts on another 10 or 15 pounds, he's going to be really fucking ugly. Because when you get the bald head and then you get the big cheeks, it's bad. You need hair if you're fat.

Most men who appear on The Bachelorette are 'betas'

And most of those dudes [on The Bachelorette] are betas... I tell everybody, if I was on that season, I would have liked Chad... The things that he was saying was pretty true.

Jack Del Rio stinks

They're starting to wonder if it's more than just the water that smells in Oakland because Jack Del Rio stinks.

The Chargers will be the best team to not make the playoffs

The [LA] Chargers might be the hottest team in the NFL right now... ever since I said they were going to be the best team to not make the playoffs and you guys laughed. The Raiders probably will be the best team to not make the playoffs [initially], but I was so right. This Chargers team not only is their schedule cupcakes, but they are balling.

The Chargers are going to make the playoffs

I am sorry about the Raiders comment, but you were very wrong about the Chargers comment because they are going to make the playoffs.

The NFC Championship will be Vikings vs. Packers

Aaron Rodgers isn't even going to play this season, and he's going to somehow get to the NFC Championship game... It's going to be Vikings-Packers for my real personal hell.

Joe Flacco will eventually draw a pass interference call on a spike

I think Joe Flacco is probably going to be the first quarterback in history to draw a PI [pass interference] on a spike, like when he's just killing the [clock].

I would love to see Greg Schiano coach the Chicago Bears

I would love to see [Greg] Schiano in Chicago. I mean, what's the worst going to happen? He could have the worst record of all time as a Bears head coach? John Fox is doing that right now.

Derek Jeter is a sleeper cell/traitor to the Marlins

Derek Jeter still works for the Yankees. I don't even think that's a hot take to say that... Because it's commonly accepted as the fact that Derek Jeter is a traitor to the Marlins organization.