Takes

Oklahoma and Baker Mayfield have the edge over Georgia in the Rose Bowl

The closer I look at it, the more I just really think that I can't go against Baker Mayfield in a game like this and against that Oklahoma offense, which has just been absolutely superb all year long... I just feel like when you get to a playoff, if you have a unit like Oklahoma's offense, which is just that much better than everybody else that's there, that gives it something of an edge.

Alabama will win the National Championship

My heart wants to say Oklahoma, but my head says Alabama, just because, like I've said, I think Alabama's the best team in the country... I just don't think anybody's beating Alabama this year... I think they're going to finish as national title champions once again.

Kevin Durant has officially eclipsed LeBron James as the best player on the planet (according to Skip Bayless)

He [Skip Bayless] says that Kevin Durant has now eclipsed LeBron as the best player on the planet, and Fox News tweeted out the torch has been passed... Officailly KD is the torchbearer, according to Skip Bayless.

NFL replay should be fixed using a 'possession arrow' system from pickup basketball

I think they should just go to a straight pick up hoops thing where no one knows who hit the ball out, so it's like we get the next one. But any, like, controversial call, it's like, all right, you get it this time, we'll get it next time. That's good. I like that. Just keep trading it all year long.

The Bears will lose to the winless Browns

The Bears are going to lose to the Browns. So John Fox [is] 0-7 as a Bears coach when they are the favorites. That's a very impressive stat. Straight up losses. And the Browns, I will contend the Browns, in terms of pure full roster, probably have more talent than the Bears.

Blake Bortles and Jimmy Garoppolo are currently the two best quarterbacks in the NFL

I said earlier on Larry's picks, this is the as-we-all-expected game because Blake Bortles and Jimmy Garoppolo are the two best quarterbacks in the NFL right now, as we all expected.

The Falcons are going back to the Super Bowl

Falcons-Saints. This is actually a good game... I've put myself in the Falcons camp, and I say they're going back to the Super Bowl. I agree with that. I said that three weeks ago. They're a classic team where they have all the talent in the world, and they've played their worst football ever... the Falcons could be trouble for someone.

Roger Goodell will news dump something major this Friday before Christmas

I'm just calling it right now... this is the friday before christmas this is roger goodell's wet dream of a friday for a news dump... he is definitely gonna dump something

Lock of the Week: Jaguars -4.5 vs 49ers

I have the Jags. Blake Bortles. [The spread] is four and a half, by the way. Minus four and a half.

Lock of the Week: Chiefs -10 vs Dolphins

I'm going to take the Chiefs. I think the Chiefs have figured it out. Minus 10 Dolphins in Kansas City. Dolphins already won the Super Bowl. Beat the Patriots on Monday night. So this is all just gravy.

The first three Christmas Day NBA unders will always win

I bet the first three Christmas Day unders every single year, and I think it's won every single year for like 15 years. The only year it didn't win was the lockout year when the first game of the season was Christmas Day. And it's basically because everyone's full... And they wear those stupid jerseys... Take the Christmas Day Unders first three.

Bitcoin will be worth nothing within a year

The other not-so-optimistic side, I guess, would be that in about six months or a year, [Bitcoin] will be worth nothing... I know you guys don't want to hear that, especially Dan... but who knows what's going to happen with that.

Carson Wentz could not have played through his torn ACL like Philip Rivers did

I highly doubt that Philadelphia Eagles or the team doctors proposed that to Carson Wentz... Yes, he's a young quarterback... Totally different type of quarterback. Of course, I have no idea of the associated injuries, but it has come out in the media that there was some sort of partial IT band and or meniscus that might complicate things for Carson Wentz. And, you know, you saw the instability just walking on the field where his knee jutted out... That is concerning. And also you can't risk the franchise.

Andrew Luck feels more pain from his injuries because he is smart

My theory on Andrew Luck is that he's smart, so he feels more pain. Is there any credence to my dumb theory?

Florida State has a 'turtle murdering problem' and a bad culture

I'm guessing the Tallahassee police are somehow involved in this... Knowing that there's been one turtle murder that I know of this year, and it happened at Florida State, that's conclusive. Bad culture.

Apple purposefully slows down old iPhones when new ones are released

Apple has come out and admitted that they slow down your old iPhones when they release a new one. Yeah, we predicted that like two months ago once my phone started to suck. We all knew this was the case, so fuck you, Steve Jobs... You fucking slow down our phones?

An alien invasion would be a blessing in disguise because it would unify Earth against a common enemy

I actually think that this could be a blessing in disguise for Earth. Because it's like Earth has been in training camp with each other for the last, like, 2,000 years... And now all of a sudden we've got an enemy to play against. It's fun hitting somebody else, right?

Aliens will eventually hack the cloud and release everyone's deleted messages and photos

I've always thought that at some point in the future that every text message, Snapchat, picture message, picture they've ever taken and deleted, that's all going to end up on the internet for everyone... Aliens are about to start that. They're aliens, so they obviously know how to get to the cloud.

The US military is faking alien news to distract Donald Trump and steal NASA's funding

The military saw how good NASA was at holding [Trump's] attention... they're like, this president fucking loves aliens and loves space. And they're getting... NASA's shine is getting too bright right now. We want a slice of that pie. And so now they're trying to distract him... they're like, fuck it. We're going to make up some aliens and we're going to pretend that there's a war because there's nothing more than Donald Trump wants.

Dry, crisp cookies are better than soft, soggy cookies

I'd rather dry with a crisp than soft, like a wet, soft, soggy cookie in my mouth.

Shaq was the 'Robin' and Kobe was the 'Batman' during their championship runs together

Shaq needed Kobe more than Kobe needed Shaq... Shaq needed the wing scorers to be Shaq. He needed Dwyane Wade to be unbelievable Dwyane Wade. Shaq was Superman, and Kobe was Batman. [But] Batman isn't a superhero... he's just a rich guy with a bunch of gadgets.

The 2012-13 Lakers with Steve Nash and Dwight Howard was the most stacked team of all time on paper

That team, though, the Steve Nash, Dwight Howard team, that's my favorite Lakers team of all time... When that cover came out, it was like, who the fuck would beat the Lakers? ... When that happened, I was like, oh, my God. This is the most stacked team of all time.

Belichick rescinding Alex Guerrero's credentials is good because friction causes fire and will motivate Tom Brady

It's not a friction. It's actually a good thing. It means Belichick's lighting a fire under Brady's ass because friction causes fire. So Belichick knows he's got to push Brady's buttons if he wants him to keep playing at this level at such an old age.

I will highly suggest my kids do not play football because it is an extremely dangerous sport

Not a chance. No, no, no way, man... I'm just going to highly suggest that they don't... There's no point for you to do so... This is a, it's an extremely dangerous sport... I took all those hits. I sacrificed. I may develop CTE in my life. There's no telling.

Football will be in danger of disappearing in 50 to 60 years due to safety and science

I would say like 50, 60 years down the road [football is in danger], because if you look at the science and getting more and more clear on it, that this is a, it's an extremely dangerous sport... And the reason why we fell in love with football was because it was very violent in nature. And you love those big hits. And the science keeps coming, and the rules keep digressing.

The NCAA system for athletes is a form of indentured servitude

No, that's indentured servitude. If you go to Google, just look up indentured servitude and you'll find that exact definition... The NCAA is the only establishment where their interns are their product. It's the most ridiculous, backwards, twisted system of in existence.

Matt Schaub was a good quarterback whose career was ruined by a loss of confidence

Matt Schaub is definitely number one [on the Mount Rushmore of Texans QBs]... No, he was a good quarterback. He had a bad season. And I think it ruined his confidence, but he was a good quarterback when he was balling. He had a bad run.

Russell Wilson is lying when he claims God speaks to him directly

Are you saying that when Russell Wilson says that... God spoke to him as he was walking to the sidelines... you don't think that that was actually God talking to him? You're calling him a liar? [Foster]: Yeah, I am, actually. I don't think that we have an intervening divine presence in our universe at this moment... I don't believe your claim.

Wolves are not as tough as people make them out to be

I don't think wolves are as tough as we make them out to be. I think we just built up this prestige of them in our heads.

Joel Osteen manipulates people by 'selling hope'

I've read my fair share of the Bible, man, and Jesus specifically preached about being rich... It's easier for a camel to go through the eye of the needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom... You have private jets. You have, like, a mansion. Like, that's not the life that Jesus taught... you are selling hope. And I feel like any time you sell hope, you're manipulating people.

I support Big Baller Brand and the Ball family's mindset

I bought three pairs of Big Baller Brand shoes... I love their mind frame, man. Their mindset is going to do it our way, so I support that... It's all about small business. Big business is ruining America... so support small business.

Lane Kiffin will likely only last three weeks into his 10-year contract at FAU

Lane Kiffin, coach of FAU... just signed a 10-year contract to stay at FAU. What do you think? He's going to last maybe like three weeks?

Jeff Fisher is the 'Rasputin' of the NFL and is guaranteed a contract extension wherever he goes

You're not giving Jeff Fisher enough credit because Jeff Fisher, he's Rasputin. Once he gets in the building, he knows how to whisper into his boss. You shoot him and he just keeps walking forward. Jeff Fisher is absolutely getting at least one contract extension, no matter where he goes. That's a fact.

Cash is the greatest Christmas gift you can ever give

So the real answer here is cash. All boyfriends want cash. They want cold, hard cash... Cash is the greatest gift you could ever give... When you open up a card, you're expecting cash in there. Put the fucking cash in there.

Rob Gronkowski is a cheat code and no one can guard him

Basically, you just keep throwing it to Gronk because Gronk's a cheat coach. No one can guard Gronk.

The Jaguars are a for-real team and people shouldn't sleep on them

I'm pumped because I think the Jags, like, people sleep on the Jags, and I know we laugh at them because their franchise has been pretty much a comedy of errors. But they're a for-real team.

The Jaguars defense is the best in the NFL

That defense is probably the best defense in the NFL. Like, no joke. It's them, it's the Vikings, and then there's a pretty big drop-off after that.

The Seahawks' mystique and intimidation factor is officially gone

The mystique is gone from [the Seahawks]. It's just one of those things where the mystique now comes off and you don't feel as intimidated when Jared Goff goes in there and has his way and they run the ball all over him. When a team comes in and does that, it definitely feels like a little bit of the whole mystique and the aura like you can't win in Seattle is gone.

Andy Reid is on track for his annual first-round playoff loss

We're still right on track for that first-round playoff loss from Andy Reid. Really looking forward to it.

The Celtics will win five championships after LeBron James leaves for the Lakers

[Gordon Hayward] is going to beat LeBron, then LeBron's going to leave, go to L.A., and Celtics are going to win, like, five championships.

The Rockets and Celtics will meet in the NBA Finals

Rocket Celtics calling it right now. [Warriors?] No. [The Rockets beat them] in seven.

If the Panthers sell for less than $1.4 billion, the NFL has cause for concern

I think the Bills were the last team that sold and they went for 1-4. So if you get south of 1-4, I think there's cause for concern. But if it's less than a billion, then it's like, holy shit.

The Bengals might move Marvin Lewis to the front office and hire Hue Jackson as head coach

Marvin stays in Cincinnati, graduates to the front office where he's essentially the GM because they don't have one as it is. And then, some way, somehow, they bring back Hue Jackson to be the coach of the team, and it's Marvin and Hue working together in Cincinnati.

Any head coach who goes 0-16 should be permanently disqualified from coaching again

I personally think if you go 0-16 as an NFL head coach, you should be permanently disqualified from ever being a head coach again for any team.

The Jaguars have the ingredients to win in New England or Pittsburgh in January

I think this is a team that could win in New England in the divisional round, it could win in Pittsburgh in the divisional round, and it could keep the AFC championship game from happening... It's a Florida team that has all the ingredients to play in the elements in January.

Thomas Davis will not be suspended for his hit on Davante Adams because it wasn't in primetime

Same hit that Juju Smith-Schuster put on Vontaze Burfict. But because that game today didn't happen in primetime, they're not going to suspend Thomas Davis. That's my prediction.

Never trust a man with a ponytail

Ponytails feel like a big red flag to me. As a dude with long hair, I go out of my way to not wear a ponytail ever... Never trust a ponytail.

Alex Guerrero is the head of a Tom Brady cult

[Alex Guerrero] is basically Tom Brady's cult leader. Tom Brady has a cult that he is the head of, but the real head of his cult is this quack. And so the only member of the cult is also Tom Brady.

Bill Belichick will have Alex Guerrero killed within two years of Tom Brady retiring

Bill Belichick is going to have Guerrero killed within probably two years of Brady retiring. He knows too much.

Jerry Richardson's heart transplant turned him evil

He actually has a built-in spin zone for himself because he got a heart transplant like five years ago. So it's the other guy's heart. It's not him. It turned him evil.