Takes

The Raiders vs. Chiefs game is an elimination game and the Chiefs will lose

It is officially a loser leaves town game because I think the loser of that game is done, and I think the Chiefs are probably going to lose.

The Jaguars will beat the Seahawks and prove they are for real

I'm just going to call it right now. The Jaguars are going to beat the Seahawks at home. And then afterwards, you know what the big talk of the town is going to be? ... These Jags are for real.

Eggnog is disgusting and anyone who says otherwise is lying

My sit-em is eggnog. If you like eggnog, you're a fucking Muppet. That shit is disgusting and anyone that says otherwise lies.

Gonzaga is America's team because everyone's main team is secondary to them

I would describe us [Gonzaga] as America's team because we're always like, right? You have your main team, but everybody kind of cheers for Gonzaga, right?

LeBron James doesn't actually know what he wants to do in free agency yet

I'll give you an honest answer. I don't think LeBron knows what he wants to do. ... Like, I think at this point he has no – I think he's – I honestly don't think in his heart of hearts he knows what he wants to do.

A major college basketball coach always knows when players are getting paid

There's no way a coach of a major program doesn't know exactly what's going on at his program. 100%. Totally agree. ... Especially with the sneaker companies doing that type of stuff, you have to kind of know that somebody's getting greased on the backside.

If Tom Izzo doesn't make another Final Four in the next two years, he is officially overrated

We're squatting on a take. Yeah, we're a couple years ahead of the curve. If Tom Izzo doesn't get back to another Final Four in the next two years, then he's overrated.

The 2017-18 college basketball season is Duke's to lose

I think by the end of the year, they [Kentucky] can be good. But this year, it's Duke's to lose.

Kentucky's current freshmen are not good enough to go to the NBA and will all return

I honestly think this year's freshmen aren't good enough for to go to the NBA. That's what's weird about this group. But what that means is they're all going to come back.

Marquette has the worst campus in America

The two shittiest campuses in America to go to school, in my opinion, would be Marquette and Purdue. Marquette is trash. ... Marquette, I think, was the worst place I went.

Rick Pitino will lose his $38 million lawsuit against Louisville

Rick Pitino, he is suing Louisville for $38 million. Is he going to win? No.

Mike Mitchell saved football by blaming Andy Dalton's poor play for dangerous hits

Mike Mitchell from the Pittsburgh Steelers went on an awesome rant, basically saving football. ... Where the genius comes in is he basically said it's not that hitting in the head is a problem. It's that Andy Dalton sucks at football.

The 2017 natural disasters are the start of a trend for the 'century' disasters

I'm going to wait until the science comes out on global warming. But let me just say, I put a little pin on 2017 when we had like four or five natural disasters that were like dubbed the disasters of the century. ... And then they had like five of them in a row.

Football is inherently violent and trying to make it safe is a contradiction

And the fact that they've tried to change the rules means that they've conditioned us to think that football can be safe. And football is just not going to be safe. That's why it's an alpha males game.

Ben McAdoo changing his hair from the goofy cut to the slick-back style caused his demise with the Giants

I would have liked to see year three Ben McAdoo's hair because he went from the goofy haircut that we all made fun of to the slick back like Joe Cool, Ryan Grigson flip phone hair, which is partly why he had his demise, because he changed his hair.

I am giving up masturbation to get an edge for my upcoming fight

I've decided to give up masturbation. So for those who don't know, Hank is actually fighting. It's a real fight, Rough N Rowdy. December 15th. I need every edge I can get.

The Celtics are saving the NBA and the league's viewership growth is because of them

NBA viewership's up like 32%. Celtics are the best team in basketball, so basically the Celtics are saving the NBA.

Hugging in the workplace is creepy and should be abolished

I think the only thing that's more creepy than hugging somebody at work is writing an article complaining about not being able to hug people at work anymore. ... Hugging sucks. I disavow hugging in general. Fuck hugs.

Stephen A. Smith has a point about his 'Screaming A. Smith' nickname being unfair

Stephen A. Smith says there's racial undertones to anyone who calls him Screamin' A. Smith. So he says there's a lot of people out there who scream. Why don't they get the Screamin' A. Smith nickname? ... I've done some thinking about this out loud, some verbal thoughts, and you're right. I will stop saying screaming.

The NFL hiring cycle is just old GMs hiring their friends from their physical Rolodexes

Ernie Acorsi, because he is now, this is a fun thing that happens in football, when you fire someone for being shitty at football, you hire someone who's been in the NFL forever to go find the next person, and he just hires his friends.

Baker Mayfield is going to win the Heisman Trophy

TMZ video... I think he's got probably a great shot at winning. I can't confirm or deny [my vote], but I think he's got probably a great shot at winning.

Left-handed quarterbacks have 'lefty swag' and being a lefty is awesome

I think being a lefty is fucking awesome, dude. ... We got lefty swag. ... I know what it takes [to look good throwing], but I will say this. ... [Alex Hornibrook] has got a funky delivery, doesn't he?

Josh Rosen is a more refined and natural thrower than Sam Darnold

I think you look at Josh Rosen. Rosen is really refined. He's a great thrower. He's got a great arm, but he's a natural thrower. Sam [Darnold] is a little more funky, a little more unrefined, but a different type of player.

The 'beer bong' photo in Arizona was harmless and unfairly maligned, but it might have changed the path of my NFL career

Harmless. I'm 22 in my house in my backyard. Completely harmless. ... And probably changed the path of my career, which is crazy. ... With Ken Whisenhunt and just how it was portrayed because I just thought I was like—first of all, I should have had a rager if that was going to happen.

Alabama only made the College Football Playoff because of their name, not because they are better than Ohio State

I don't think Alabama is unequivocally better than Ohio State. I just haven't seen that from Alabama this year. I think they're great, but I think they're in because of who they are. And I think winning a conference championship at some point should matter.

Oklahoma is the best team in college football right now

But I think Oklahoma is the best team right now. Baker Mayfield, they're a great man.

Lamar Jackson and Baker Mayfield will be drafted higher than people think

I think Lamar [Jackson] is going to get drafted higher than people think. I think Baker Mayfield is going to get drafted higher than people think.

LeVar Ball is a mastermind at putting out 'hater bait' to control the news cycle

LeVar Ball at this point, he's just masterful. He's just putting out hater bait for everyone. He's just like, go ahead. I'm going to pull my son out because we haven't been in the news cycle for maybe 24 hours. And then everyone's going to get mad.

Arizona State football is going to 'fucking suck' under Herm Edwards

Herm Edwards sucked when he was still a coach, and he hasn't coached for 10 years. And now he's going to go back to a college campus and coach. Arizona State football is going to fucking suck.

Every man in the world farts when they pee in the morning

Every time he pees in the morning, he farts and then laughs to himself. ... Do all guys do this? Yes. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. ... That's how every guy ever wakes up.

I would rather root for a team that loses in the big game than one that never makes it

I still think I would take a team that's consistently – I would rather be in the big game and lose the big game than never sniff the big game. I can't imagine being a fan of Vanderbilt football.

Wisconsin will never win a national championship because they don't get fast five-star recruits

I'm sticking with what Wisconsin has, even though I know in my heart of hearts they'll never get the fast guys, they'll never get the really good guys, so they'll never win.

Case Keenum has reached the point where he won't be benched even if he loses a game

Case Keenum has now gotten to the point where if he loses a game, I think he still gets to play the next game. So it's really Case Keenum, we're going to do this.

The Packers will run the table and make the playoffs when Aaron Rodgers returns

The Packers are definitely – I mean, they're going to run the table. Hey, Aaron Rodgers, remember when you created that? ... Run the table.

Starting Geno Smith is a cyanide pill that ends an NFL coaching career in a week

He realized that starting Geno Smith is a suicide machine for coaches. That's just a pill that you pop cyanide. It's like the dude in Bosnia, I have taken poison, should have just stood up and said, I have started Geno Smith. And he's dead within the week. It's over.

The Big Ten Championship game should be played outdoors to neutralize speed and favor Big Ten style football

It's kind of stupid that the Big Ten... plays a championship game indoors, don't you think? I think speed should be neutralized. That's probably why Wisconsin lost. Maybe play it in cold, like gross field. ... That's football. Nobody likes offense anyways.

Thursday Night Football is garbage and destroys player safety

It's the worst shit ever. It's so stupid. They could take Thursday Night Football and stick it right up their ass. Let's fuck up everybody's preparation. Let's have guys who are hurt playing on four days rest. It's just bullshit, you know?

NFL players have no leverage in CBA negotiations because they will never strike

I think they're [the owners] going to take us behind the woodshed again. They got us last time. We have no leverage because we'll never strike. They'll lock us out and really kind of just dictate the terms of everything with us.

The Bills will finish 10-6 and make the playoffs

I'll go 10-6. Okay, that's a guarantee to the playoffs. Win a road game in New England. The curse has been broken. Yes, we're coming. You just beat us, but we're coming to your house, Brady.

Tex can't fight and is a little girl

Tex can't fight. He's a little girl. I love how Tex just goes around the office and punks people just on the whole tough guy kick. ... He tries very hard and it doesn't work.

Alabama is a better team than Ohio State regardless of the committee's logic

The only thing I care about, I actually have no problem with Alabama being in because I do think that they're a better team than Ohio State. I just think the committee is full of fucking shit. At the end of the day, all that fucking matters is losses and big losses. And if Ohio State doesn't lose by 31 to Iowa, they're in.

Clemson is the best team in the country and will crush Alabama in the playoffs

I actually think Clemson's going to win it all. I think they're the best team. I think they're going to whoop the fuck out of Alabama, which is going to be hilarious because then you get the Ohio State fans being like, should have been us to get the whoop the fuck out of Clemson.

USC should have been ranked ahead of Ohio State in the final playoff rankings

USC... should have at least been discussed. They should have been ahead of Ohio State in some ways. And that's really what it comes down to, big losses. ... West Coast bias is back, officially back.

Tiger Woods is officially back, but he will never win another Major

Once [Tiger] is on the course and playing well, I can say, yeah, look, he looked good. He's back. I don't think he's ever going to win anything big again. But for right now, he's back.

Dak Prescott sucks

Dak Prescott sucks. He sucks. And anytime – everyone's like, well, he lost to Zeke Elliott. Well, if losing your running back means that you aren't a good quarterback anymore, you weren't a good quarterback to begin with.

The Dolphins +1.5 over the Broncos is a lock

I got the Dolphins. Plus one and a half. Jay Cutler's back. Yes, Mr. Fourth Quarter... Also big time revenge game against the Broncos.

The Chiefs -3 over the Jets is a lock

I think figuring out why the Chiefs are only minus three against the Jets gave me a concussion. So I think I'm going to have to take them and find out why.

Bitcoin is fake and people should buy land instead

My stardom is land. Bitcoin, currency, it's all fake. You can't see it. Buy something you can see with your own two eyeballs. Buy a plot. Buy an acre. Squat on it.

Josh Rosen is ready for the NFL now, but Sam Darnold should stay in school

I would take Rosen right now. I think Darnold needs to go back. I mean, I never want to tell a kid to go to school again for another year when he can get paid, but I think as far as being a quarterback is concerned, Darnold would be better going back for another year, whereas I think Rosen's ready to play in the NFL now.

Quarterbacks who throw bad spirals are actually harder to intercept

There are a lot of quarterbacks out there that don't throw a good spiral, and it makes them tougher to intercept.