Takes

Benchining a player for being too fat isn't discrimination if they were already heavy when they signed

They accepted [Pablo Sandoval] as being a loud ass when they signed him. He was heavy. So they didn't discriminate in the beginning. And so they will accept him the way he was, but it turned out that he couldn't hit his weight.

I'm an underrated emailer because I'm more persuasive when people don't have to look at my face

I'm an underrated emailer. What can I say? I'm a lot more persuasive when people don't have to look at my face.

The punt is the most important play in football

No, I've said it's [the punt] the most important play. All right, the most important play.

The 200% deposit bonus on BetDSI has to be a typo

We're going to give you a free $10 just for registering and a 200% bonus. That's got to be a typo, but it says it several times. So it's a 200% bonus with your first deposit.

The Cubs will win a World Series before the Knicks win an NBA championship

Of course the Cubs are going to win one before the Knicks. No, I'm not saying it's this year, but here's the answer to your question straight up. As long as James Dolan is the owner of the Knicks, the Knicks aren't winning shit.

The Knicks will never win as long as James Dolan is the owner

As long as James Dolan is the owner of the Knicks, the Knicks aren't winning shit. And you know that. I know that. Spike Lee knows that.

Joe Flacco is elite because he has a Super Bowl ring

Is Joe Flacco elite? Duh. Obviously. He won a Super Bowl. Hello.

The Giants will beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl again this year

We also correctly predicted, I think, that they're [the Giants] going to beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl again this year. Oh. So pat ourselves on the back for that. And if it doesn't happen, we'll just delete it.

Eli Manning is a prankster who likes to crop dust and fart on teammates

Eli is the kind of guy, like, he's definitely smart, but, like, likes the pranky, slapsticky type stuff. And, like, it'll just – he'll be sitting down in a meeting or something talking to someone, and he'll kind of crop dust you or just, like, drive by, fart you, and then just walk away. He's a big fart guy, yeah.

I will issue a cease and desist to anyone else who tries to do airport reviews

Oh, we're called the Flyboys. I can't wait until someone actually does the airport reviews and we're like, cease and desist. We've been squatting on that idea for five years. We're patent trolls for podcast ideas.

Grayson Allen should seek treatment for his tripping addiction

He's addicted to tripping. He's got a problem. He should go to rehab. Go to rehab for tripping. Seek treatment.

Grayson Allen is everything I need in college basketball right now

Grayson Allen is everything I need in college basketball. And I think most Duke fans, the rational Duke fans, we have a mutual respect. I hate their guts. But they're like, you know what? [We] need [each other] to exist.

Coach K uses 'dizzy spells' and gray hair as deflection tactics when Duke is struggling

Look out for Coach K to maybe take a little heat off Grayson Allen, have a little dizzy spell sometime soon... Or he could grow the gray hair out a little bit and be like, you boys are giving me gray hairs. And then once they start playing well again, just dye it totally jet black again.

Bet the Under on the first three NBA games on Christmas Day

So everyone remember, Christmas Day, my theory, the Unders in the NBA, if you bet the first three Unders, I think you've won every year in the last decade... The teams are going to take a little too long, eat a little food. It's only for the first three games, though.

Any movie made before 1990 sucks

Any movie that's made before 1990 can just piss right off because I don't care about it... It's movies with subtitles and movies that are either black [and white].

Tom Savage is a one-week wonder

I think Tom Savage is a one-week wonder.

The Vikings' trade for Sam Bradford was a dumb move

I always told you guys that Sam Bradford trade was a fucking dumb move. The Titans and the Lions. Let's check the tape on that one. Yeah, we'll check the tape maybe after New Year's.

NBA superteams and a lack of parity make the league boring

There's not a lot of parity in the league. It's super teams. Why even watch? If you have one unbelievable player, then it's pretty much a guaranteed win.

Henrik Lundqvist has flawless, dreamy hair

Mostly his hair... When [Lundqvist] is playing, he kind of either goes with the cap on or the cap off, and when the cap's off, it's... It's dreamy. Yeah, it's flawless.

Steve Smith wouldn't even dare to get in a wrestling ring

Steve Smith wouldn't even get in the ring... But he wouldn't. We can put that challenge out right now to him.

Video games and social media have killed the camaraderie and road life of modern wrestlers

The guys nowadays... pretty much stayed to themselves. A lot of video games, a lot of stuff like that. Social media is tough. The guys don't go out like they used to. It's just different times... it's a different time. And the scrutiny of social media... we all have fun but it's in a place where we're safe from scrutiny.

I've never been with a woman in the wrestling business

I've never been with a wrestling girl. Never, no... and then all of a sudden they want a favor, and I don't like when it holds it back... Don't crap where you eat.

Wrestling is definitively real

Is wrestling real? Yes. Great answer. Most definitely. And anybody that doesn't think it is should come down for a workout one day.

WWE's production values are superior to the NBA and NFL

WWE's production values are [so good]. Their stuff is better than NBA, NFL, Namath. Their stuff is so good and so far advanced.

Michael Floyd should get off for his DUI because sleepwalking isn't a crime

It's a bad visual, but I guess it's better that he was asleep behind the wheel than if he was fully conscious and was thinking to himself, I'm driving drunk... He was asleep, so he couldn't have been thinking, I shouldn't be doing this. So technically, it's not really a crime... he should get off for this one.

Every crime headline should include the sports teams the criminal roots for

Every time that there's a crime in the paper, if the detectives are able to figure out what teams they supported, they should include that in the headline. So like Pittsburgh Penguins fan hits Washington Wizards fan in a drunk driving accident.

LeBron James has an irrational fear of walking into new rooms

Do you know LeBron doesn't like to walk into new rooms? That's a fear of his, walking into rooms that he's never been in before... LeBron has an irrational fear of new rooms.

Star players only sit out bowl games when the bowl has poor leadership

If those two clowns of bowls [the Citrus Bowl and the Sun Bowl] had actual leadership running the show, I don't think that the star players would be sitting out.

Christian McCaffrey lacks the genetic benefits and pedigree of Leonard Fournette

When you look at Christian McCaffrey, this is a guy that's had to scrap and work and motor and study and think his way to everything that he is today. And then you look at Leonard Fournette, and he's got all the great genetics in the world, whereas a guy like Christian McCaffrey doesn't have that benefit, doesn't have the pedigree.

Kirk Herbstreit's take on players sitting out bowl games is invalid because he wasn't an NFL prospect

[Kirk Herbstreit] forgot to mention the fact that he only started one season at Ohio State and he wasn't good enough to play in the NFL, so that wasn't even an option for him.

I have no problem with players sitting out bowl games because the system is corrupt

I have no problem with any of these guys sitting out any of the bowls... I like players taking care of themselves when the system is corrupt.

The NFL Commissioner is perhaps more powerful than the President of the United States

Al [Davis] believed the NFL was very, very, very powerful. He believed, you know, at one point he said to me... the commissioner is powerful and something to the effect of, you know, perhaps more powerful than the president of the United States.

I would never work for another NFL team because being a Raider is not fungible

I've been approached a number of times... since leaving the Raiders. I don't [have interest] for two primary reasons. I was a Raider. I spent almost 30 years as a Raider. And to me, that's not fungible... I don't know that I could ever wear the colors of another team.

There is a substantial chance the Raiders move to Las Vegas

I certainly think there's a substantial chance that they do, but the end of that story is not yet written... the team seems very, very committed to leaving Oakland.

The Raiders are officially 'back' this year

The Raiders are headed for the playoffs. They've clinched a spot, and now it remains to be seen what they do with that opportunity... Of course they're back this year. They're back. Raiders are back.

It is yet to be proven if Derek Carr can win in cold weather

We saw that the team had some problems in Kansas City. Some people want to attribute that to the pinky. I don't necessarily agree that we should be pointing to a pinky... We'll see because the team could have to travel to New England. We don't yet know if that will be the case.

It is an ethics violation for NBA media to vote on the All-Star Game

If you're going to have journalists that cover the NBA determining what's going on in the NBA and who's good or not... That's just a major ethics violation. Conflict of interest. Stay in your lane.

The Rams need to hire John Gruden because a new stadium requires a 'splash' hire

The Los Angeles Rams are moving toward a meeting with ESPN analyst John Gruden... that's really nice because you need a splash, and nothing says a splash like a guy who hasn't been coaching for about 15 years... they need a coach to bring in the new stadium.

The Rams should consider rehiring Jeff Fisher for consistency

I think what you need in L.A., and this might go contrary to popular opinion, you need somebody with a steady hand, somebody that's done this type of thing before, someone that's saved the course, consistency, a Jeff Fisher type, for example. So maybe we can get that rumor going, that the Rams are... They're willing to take Jeff back.

The NFL is to blame for security guards masturbating because they put hot cheerleaders on the sidelines

Why do they put the cheerleaders at NFL games if we're not allowed to masturbate to them in the stadium?... It is the NFL's fault because they kind of asked for it. You don't put hot women on the sidelines and expect us not to masturbate. A bunch of alpha males just walking around.

Donald Trump is the Rosa Parks of white presidents

Trump, he'll make it better. White guys. Finally a white guy as a president. He's basically the Rosa Parks of white presidents. He's healing our nation.

Matt Moore is the truth

I think Matt Moore is the truth. Did you see him? He was having so much fun out there.

I have completely sold myself on Matt Barkley

Since we're in the trust tree, I have completely sold myself on Matt Barkley.

NFL coach, beat reporter, and super fan trades should be more common

I love any non-athlete trade, and there needs to be more of them. ... I think it should be expanded to beat reporters. ... I want to see super fans getting traded.

Numbers and analytics are ruining sports

Numbers ruin sports. You made us all robots. Sports was great when it was just men grunting at each other, and there was no number for how much pain you're playing through.

Jeff Fisher will become a VP of Football Operations for the Chargers

I think we called it he's going to be vice president of football operations somewhere. ... For maybe when the Chargers move. ... The Chargers fire McCoy.

Neil deGrasse Tyson's only job is to tweet nerd shit

By the way, you know what Neil's job is? Just to tweet nerd shit. To just look at stars, right? His job is to stand inside a planetarium with a laser pointer.

Retiring NFL players lose their identity and are quickly forgotten

Very few people are going to remember that you played and even less are going to care once you retire. ... your identity better not come from playing football because your identity will be taken eventually or your career will be over eventually.

Kyle Shanahan will get a head coaching job and Mike Shanahan will be his consultant

I think what will happen is his son, Kyle Shanahan, will get a coaching job somewhere, and he'll go with Kyle to be a consultant.

NFL owners care more about profit than winning

There's a lot of owners that don't really, they say they want to win, but they don't want to do what it takes to win. They want to be profitable. They're in the entertainment business. They think it's cool to own a team.