Takes

Pool water isn't actually blue; the lining is white and the water is clear

No, the water's clear... I think the walls, the walls are white, the bottom's white and the water's clear... This is the hill I'm dying on right now. The teas were definitely black... the water is clear and the lining of the pool was white.

I can hold my breath for over 5 minutes

I did his [Wim Hof] technique. One day I was about to fall asleep. I was like, I'm just going to try, I'm going to try holding my breath. I dude, I made it five minutes and six seconds. Yeah. In the scariest part, the scariest part is I, I felt fine.

The Pyramids of Giza were probably built by aliens

I'm going to go with the real pyramids, Pyramids of Giza... the greatest structural engineering ever done, probably done by aliens.

Porn is the driving engine behind the internet

Anytime they try to take porn off of the internet, it's like that's what the internet was... The driving engine behind the internet is porn. It is. It's like trying to shovel a driveway in Antarctica. If you took all the porn off the internet, people would just not be on the internet anymore.

A visor has never won a Super Bowl

You're not going to wear that visor in the regular season, right? Oh, yeah. What the fuck, dude? Please talk me down from that ledge. Don't do that. You don't want me to wear it? No. A visor has never won a Super Bowl. Ever.

John Mara is the driving force behind the NFL's new 'anti-fun' taunting penalty

Co-owner John Mara was the driving force behind the new taunting penalty in the NFL... It's honestly stupid... Mr. Mara, he is the man. He is the machine that needs to be raged against. He looks like when you die, if you still have a boss, that's what he looks like.

Larry the Goldfish is officially admitted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame archives

We can certainly put him in the archives... we will take good care of it. Preserve it... he will be included in the archives of the Hall of Fame.

Elephants think humans are cute in the same way we think puppies are cute

Elephants look at humans like humans look at puppies. Elephants think that humans are cute the same way we think puppies are cute because we're like small creatures to them.

Hot fashion brands typically only last five to seven years

The cycle of generally for fashion, a hot fashion brand lasts about five to seven years. There's a unicorns like Nike and Louis Vuitton. But you'll notice whether it's Benetton or Levi's... [they] chip away.

Usain Bolt is the greatest sprinter because he's the only one who didn't test positive for steroids

The fastest man, currently the Italian guy Lamont... basically of all the sprinters to break nine seconds, 9 out of the 10 have tested positive or been accused of using steroids except Usain Bolt. [He's] the greatest of all time.

Josh Allen's massive jump in completion percentage is a historical aberration that is unlikely to be repeated by others.

He is a very good player, and historically he has done something that no one else has in terms of improving his completion percentage... People don't leave college football and become as accurate as he has... his increase in completion percentage is historically good. [It is an aberration].

Olympic runners are breaking world records because there are no fans to suck the oxygen out of the stadium

If there's no crowd at all, does that mean that there's more oxygen for the people to breathe on the track? ... They're sucking all the oxygen out normally, but when there's no fans there, it's a richer environment for especially distance runners to be able to breathe more efficiently.

I realized early that to get an edge I had to out-prepare everyone because I couldn't out-throw or out-run anyone

I came to the realization that I couldn't out-throw anybody. I couldn't throw it 85 yards down the field like a Brett Favre. I couldn't outrun anybody clearly. I realized that to get an edge, I had to try to out-prepare anybody. I told myself that I was [working harder]. The main people I was trying to outwork was our opponent. It gave me confidence to go full speed ahead.

Most distance runners don't reach their peak performance until they are 30 years old

I'm 27 and most people get real good at running when they're like 30. Why is that? The Kenyan guy could be 45 and know it, but there's a guy from Norway that's 19. That's crazy. So you do have another chance. You're going to have another chance.

The mile world record set in the 1990s was likely fueled by heavy steroid use

The mile world record is three minutes and 44 seconds. The dude with the mile world record right now is so juiced up and liked the 1990s that drug testing—I mean, no one dopes anymore, but this dude was just literally coursing with steroids.

The Pi Coin cryptocurrency is officially a pyramid scheme and a scam

That Pi coin I was telling everyone to do is a scam. Yo. Basically it's sort of a big kind of pyramid scheme mask type thing. What made you think it was a pyramid scheme? Was it the fact that you had to get other pioneers to make yourself more Pi? That, and you know, the sort of pyramid part of it.

I have successfully beaten 'Old Takes Exposed' by blurring the lines of my seriousness

I think I've beaten old takes exposed. We've blurred the line enough where it's like, I don't know if this I'm going to get roasted for an old takes. If I try to old takes Big Cat on them. Right. He's, he, every single time, it's just like, oh, that's just Big Cat making a joke or trying to jinx one of his bets.

I threw between 3 and 8 touchdowns during Packers OTAs

I also got a new job. Yep. And green bay I threw and give or take four touchdown passes during the OTAs. So have you ever take, three to eight? You pick a number of all right. Somewhere in there under 10.

Ordering soda without ice is a smart consumer move to get 25% more drink

I think that's just being a smart consumer. You get more soda that way. I think it's something with you. I think Europeans don't... you get extra probably 25% of the drink with them and you don't need the waste.

Peyton Manning's Hall of Fame debate only lasted 10 seconds

He knew it, it took 10 seconds for him to get in the hall of fame. You know, Mike Chapple from Indianapolis did his presentation. And I think all he said was Peyton Manning dropped the mic. Yeah. And, and, and he, he didn't have to make the presentation. Everybody knew he was going to.

NIL is a primary driver for Texas and Oklahoma's move to the SEC

Texas and enable to get way more. And I am on you for the recruits than probably other colleges with the Longhorns network. Yeah. So I was thinking that would probably be a huge reason why they want to go into the sec because they all this money, they can pay the recruits.

Milk is the official state beverage of Kentucky

Kentucky state beverage is milk... for how much bourbon they store, largest in the world, and the mint juleps they serve at the Kentucky Derby, Kentucky state beverage is milk.

Tortoises have no natural lifetime and never die of old age

Tortoises have no natural lifetime. Only be killed by other things. They never die of old age... if you left a tortoise alone and kept like forever, right.

Squirrels can survive falls at terminal velocity

Squirrels can survive terminal velocity. Oh my God. What is that? Oh, fuck. Yeah. Are you kidding me? 69 faxing back 60 nines.

I have conquered my free throw shooting struggles by finding a consistent routine

Well, if you have noticed, I'm shooting at least 70 right now. So I think that's something I've conquered already... I found a routine and shot it the same way for the entire summer. And it's been my routine ever since.

LeBron James is definitively a top 25 NBA player of all time

Write that down. Can you stop the beeping again? Write that down. Big Cat said something nice about LeBron. He is a top 25 NBA player of all time. That was huge of me.

The Nassau Coliseum has the best Wi-Fi of any stadium

The biggest thing I could not figure out... is the fact that we went to the Nassau Coliseum. The venue's a dump. It's a time travel. By far and away the best Wi-Fi I've ever had inside of a stadium. The Wi-Fi was incredible... I was on the Wi-Fi and it was fucking humming. It was better than Barstool's Wi-Fi.

Tom Brady was talking about the 49ers and Jimmy Garoppolo when he said 'you're sticking with that motherfucker?'

Tom was talking about the courtship, the quarterback courtship that happened last year. And there was one team in particular where he said, really, you're going to stick with that motherfucker over me? ... Sabermetrically, it's also most likely to be Phillip Rivers. ... [Billy: I think it was Garoppolo] Actually, that is who it is. No, I really do think that's who it is.

Wingstop changing their name to Thighstop is due to a national wing shortage

My hot seat is Wings. Wingstop is now Thighstop due to the national wing shortage. There was a three-time price increase in Wings, so it actually had... been a better investment to invest in Wings than... some cryptos right now.

Super Bowl winning teams always have a talented tight end, so the position should be paid more.

If you look at the last year, 10 Super Bowls, I think every team that's won has had a very, very talented tight end. So, like, it has to do with winning Super Bowls. So, I mean, I think that's the most important thing, so you might as well pay the tight ends.

Black bears are 'pussies' that humans can beat in a fight

Black bears, actual pussies. I saw you. You were right on that video. You could beat the shit out of a black bear. You snuffed that out. I appreciate that. Black bears would run like pots and pans get rid of black bears. Black fight back. brown lay down lay down white say good night boom there it is that's how you handle bears.

T-Rexes lived closer in time to humans than they did to Stegosauruses

T-Rex are closer to humans in time than they are to stegosauruses. Whoa. So T-Rexes and humans are 65 million years apart. Stegosauruses and T-Rexes are 85 million years apart.

I invented the wrap sandwich in 1981

A couple of the really school reporters up there decided that they'd get their friends at the Wall Street Journal to do a national search to find out who had a wrap sandwich on the menu before 1981. And guess what? They couldn't find anyone. And they said I invented the wrap.

I saw a UFO above Shea Stadium and another over the Colorado River

I saw a UFO once... I believe you. I saw one during a press conference. Yeah, and we stopped at Chase [Shea] Stadium. Everyone looked, everyone pointed. I said to the press, 'Did you see that?'... I think there's stuff up there.

Reggie White's 21-sack season in 12 games is a record that will never be beaten

Reggie White... had the greatest year that I've ever coached in that he had 21 sacks, which was the record for a long time. But that was in a 12-game season because we had a strike... So in 12 games, he had 21 sacks. I mean, I don't think anybody's going to ever come close to that.

Coach K is the greatest college basketball coach of all time

This is the greatest coach in the sport, and all you guys do is make jokes and mock him. Most wins of all time. 12 Final Fours. 15 ACC Tournament titles. 97 NCAA Tournament wins. 126 weeks ranked No. 1.

Joel Embiid didn't hurt his knee; he actually hurt his back or tailbone

I don't think [Joel Embiid] hurt his knee. I think he hurt his ass slash back. He grabbed his back. He fell on his back. His back has been bothering him all year. He grabbed his back, but he also grabbed the back of his leg. This is Drew Brees' ribs all over again. Joel Embiid's back is hurt.

No visor quarterback will ever win a Super Bowl

We know that a visor quarterback will not win a Super Bowl... No visor quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl, just a heads up.

The entire NFC North could fit inside the landmass of Jacksonville

Did you know the entirety of the NFC North could fit inside Jacksonville? Every other city. Chicago, Detroit [In the landmass of Jacksonville]. And they only add up to, like, half of Jacksonville.

The medication in Medina Spirit's system made zero difference in the Kentucky Derby outcome

The amount of beta-methasone that he had in his system absolutely positively in my opinion and according to the opinion of some of the top veterinarians that I've talked to made zero difference whatsoever in the way the horse ran in the derby. It was one one millionth of a gram... There's no way that it had any impact at all on the way he ran.

I can still throw a football 60 yards

I bet I could hit 60 [yards]. I saw you threw a fastball. You did the first pitch for a Mariners game, and you got, what, 68? Yeah, and I got to 72 the next year. You still got a cannon. My goal was, but it's funny, that sounds so lame.

Ben Affleck was 'tampering' with J-Lo while she was engaged to A-Rod

Ben Affleck was tampering. Ben Affleck, it was reported, was texting J-Lo in February when J-Lo and A-Rod were still engaged. That is illegal. That is tampering.

The punt is the most challenging play in football because it requires a player to switch roles instantly

Why is the punt the most challenging play in football?... Well, I'll tell you why, because it's the only play in football where you start out as an offensive player, and then you become a defensive player. You have to block and be responsible for all the protection phase... and then you have to go cover the kick and become a defensive player.

No long-hair quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl

We've come across a little bit of a theory that no Longhair quarterback has ever won a super bowl. So you might want to just get in front of that right away.

The Cardinals are dedicated to rebuilding their franchise using 'short kings'

I've noticed that the Cardinals are kind of dedicated to rebuilding their franchise using short kings. So, Andy Isabella... Rondale Moore, that's the guy from Purdue, right? He's awesome. Short king that squats like 700 pounds or whatever. It's partially that you don't want Kyler [Murray] to be shorter than all of his receiving options.

Essential Quality is a machine but hasn't run a fast race yet

He's just a machine so far... The one knock on him... [is] he's yet to run what most people would consider to be a fast race by Kentucky Derby favorite standards.

Citizen Kane is no longer the best movie of all time according to Rotten Tomatoes

Someone that works at Rotten Tomatoes found an 80-year-old review... talking a negative review about Citizen Kane. So they put it in the Rotten Tomatoes whatever system, and now it's 99 on Rotten Tomatoes, not 100. Paddington 2 is 100. So Citizen Kane, by Rotten Tomatoes metrics, no longer the best movie of all time.

There are more complete-game one-hitters than no-hitters in MLB history

I'll bet that there's more. [Complete game one-hitters]. I'm not a math guy, but I'm rolling with math on this one.

Kyle Shanahan wants to draft Mac Jones while the Niners personnel staff prefers Trey Lance

What I'm told is, and from people that I really trust in the league, is that the personnel department would like to take Trey Lance from North Dakota State. But Kyle Shanahan, the head coach, wants to take Mac Jones.

The NFL stashed the news about Justin Fields' epilepsy to drop during a slow news week.

If the draft wasn't pushed back this far, we might never have found out about it... They're like, hey, the week before, let's drop the epilepsy story. We're going to stash that one away because people are going to be starved for some news.