Takes

The Minnesota Vikings franchise is the 'Hall of Very Good' of NFL teams

Minnesota Vikings franchise hall of very good 65 seasons. 32 playoff appearances in 65 seasons. They've literally been in the playoffs almost exactly half the time. ... They've never won a Super Bowl. They're the hall of very good franchises.

Above-ground pools are 'very good' and belong in the Hall of Very Good

Our second pick is going to be above ground pools. ... They're very good. They're very fun. I've had a fun time in an aboveground. ... So much better than no pool.

Canada is a 'Hall of Very Good' country, but not a top-three country

Our next pick is gonna be Canada as a country, which is very good. Not Hall of Fame country... They're just very good. Seems pretty good... But have they ever been in history, a top three country? No. No. And that's okay. They're like the Scottie Pippen of countries.

The Stanley Cup tumbler craze is overhyped because it is just a cup

We're gonna take Stanley cups, drinkware, the big fucking Stanley Cups that everyone goes crazy about. All the women love it. Don't understand the hypes... It's literally just a cup... they're almost like beanie babies, like the newer version of Beanie Babies where people collect different colors.

Cold plunges are a form of performative suffering for wealthy people

It was widely considered like one of the worst parts of our week when like everyone on our team had to do a cold plunge and then out of nowhere it has just become widely known as like the best thing that people are like paying to go do for luxury... life is so easy that they like to do something that makes them feel pain... I heard about this on a podcast.

The hype around being an adult is unmerited; everyone rushes to grow up for no reason

Being an adult, I don't understand the hype on like being an adult. Everyone. You're as growing up. Everyone was like, I can't wait to get older, get older, get older. And I'm like, why are we rushing these things?... I don't get the hype on everyone wanting to age so quickly... I just, not all the aspects are the best.

AI is overhyped and will likely ruin everyone's life

I don't get the hype on ai. I feel like at best it's gonna just like, ruin everyone's life. Except for like a few people who will make all the money... I don't get why anyone is like pro ai... this could be really bad for everyone.

A girl throwing with perfect form is one of the hottest things imaginable

Throwing a perfect spiral. It is so sexy. The Kelsey Plum video... A girl throwing with perfect form is so hot. It's a regular thing... when a girl does it, it's so hot.

I can't wait to use a handicapped parking spot when I'm old

Handicapped parking. I can't wait to fucking do it... Primo spots. Oh, I always pass it. I'm like, obviously don't want, I'm very thankful to be able to be able, but if you're old, that's a good, that's a good deal.

Riding a bike as an adult is overrated compared to being good at golf

Guess what? Riding a bike. Overrated When you become adult. Golf is way more useful. Like I would trade being able to ride a bike for being able to golf well instantly.

Italian food in Italy is far superior to American-Italian food.

American food is meant to be had in a chain restaurant... Italian food in Italy is better than American food in America. Correct. I have never been to Italy, but I imagine.

Con Air is a bad movie because the plot is ridiculous

Our first pick is going to be Conair. Mm. I feel like that's a good movie. It's a really, but you think about the plot of the movie. It's bad.

Nobody cares about your fantasy football team

The first pick [for Mount Rushmore of things people don't care about], we will take your fantasy team. Don't care about your fantasy team. It's a good pick. When I say it to someone, I'm like, this is the most boring thing I could possibly tell someone.

Disney World with kids is the absolute worst place in the world to be violently hungover

Disney World with kids would be hell on earth. Because then you actually actively have to parent and chase them around and worry about where they're being and stand in lines and eat gross food. I actually don't think that there's, I've never been to Disney World as a kid or an adult, but I think that might be the worst place in the world.

Michelangelo is the best Ninja Turtle because he is the only true 'party dude' and stays chill

Michelangelo Ninja Turtle party dude. Party dude. He literally just eats pizza and parties. And I think extremely true. I think as much as Raphael wants to fuck April O'Neal, I think, I think Michelangelo is what? April? O'Neal. Lusts after... He's a part, literally is a party dude. He's always trying to keep everyone chill.

It is embarrassing for a grown man to wear a bike helmet

You just can't, you just look like a fucking fool and you look like an idiot. Especially when you get off the bike and you're like, walking without the bike.

It's embarrassing for a person to use an umbrella even though it's better than getting wet

Holding an umbrella... even though it's obviously way better than being wet... there's something about holding an umbrella that just sucks.

It is a soft move to block people on Twitter during an argument

Blocking people on Twitter during an argument. I understand people block people on Twitter, but when someone will get in an argument and then just block the person when like they're about to reply. That's the softest thing in the world.

McDonald's French fries are definitively yellow

McDonald's French fries are yellow. If you were to give a little kid an outline of French fries and told him to color it, they would get the yellow crayon to color it. Thank you, Hank.

Mick Foley (Mankind) is the toughest person ever

I'm gonna go with Mankind, Mick Foley, toughest dude ever fucking going. When he got slammed on a bed of tacks from Undertaker from the top of the Hell in a Cell... he is literally the toughest.

I used to think my testicles were made of Play-Doh and that eating actual Play-Doh would make them grow bigger

I thought my balls, my testicles were Play-Doh. So when my parents told me don't eat Play-Doh, I thought they were trying to be like, Hey don't eat Play-Doh because your balls will just get bigger because it will just go right to your balls... You just don't know what they are when you're a little kid and you start touching 'em, you're like, this is weird. I'm like, oh, it must be Play-Doh.

Pie is vastly superior to cake as a dessert

I'm more of a pie guy than I'm a cake guy. I think pie clears cake all day. Birthday cake. Pretty decent pie. Vastly superior.

Ice cream is vastly superior to cake for birthday celebrations

Ice cream is better than cake. Why don't they just do ice cream at every birthday? No, they do cake way more than ice cream at a birthday. [Ice cream] is better.

A bowl is a perfect delivery vessel because you never have a bad meal served in one

There's nothing really that you have a bad bowl of. You know what I mean? When you're getting, when you're getting a bowl out, you're getting just good. It's like soup, ice cream. Cereal. A bowl delivers great things.

Breakfast burritos are better than breakfast tacos outside of Austin

In Austin, you are correct [that tacos are better]. But the rest of the country breakfast burrito is always better than a breakfast taco. Where have you had a good breakfast taco outside of Austin? Breakfast tacos are good, but they're like a, they're a treat for like certain parts of the country.

The Taco Bell Breakfast Crunchwrap is the best fast food item in the entire world

This is my, maybe my favorite item that you can purchase at a fast food restaurant in the entire world. The Taco Bell Breakfast Crunchwrap. It is so fucking good. I want, I'm gonna order one tomorrow.

Cold pizza is an elite breakfast food

I think it's an elite breakfast: cold slice of pizza. So good. It's zero calorie. Tastes great. Just put a little hot sauce on it. Yeah, it's great. I love, I love having pizza for breakfast.

Meatball salad is an excellent Italian staple

I'm gonna go mushrooms... I always pick meatball. Great salad. Meatball salad is an excellent salad. It's an Italian thing. Meatball salad.

Pineapple absolutely belongs on pizza

I fucking love pineapple on pizza. I love pineapple with, with barbecue chicken on a pizza... At what point did it become a thing where people are like, pineapple doesn't belong on pizza?

Seasons three through eight of The Simpsons are the best television ever made.

I think Seasons three through eight on The Simpsons are the best TV ever made.

MVP Baseball 2005 is the greatest baseball game ever created

MVP Baseball 2005 was the greatest baseball player—was MVP Baseball? Yeah. The greatest baseball game. I think '04 as well was very good... those two versions were so, so elite.

The Banh Mi is the best sandwich in the world

I'm gonna go with it Bon me [Banh Mi] the Vietnamese sandwich. It's so, fuck. I, I think it's rated as like the best sandwich in the world. I read that a couple places... It's awesome. Yeah. It's, I would say it's worthy of a first round grade.

Pimento cheese is an overrated sandwich filling

I think pimento cheese is overrated... The problem with pimento cheese is there's absolutely no crunch or hard factor in there. It's just soft. Just soft.

Lobster meat is definitely meat because it is a crustacean

Lobster meat is considered meat because it is a crustacean and a type of seafood. ... [To Max] You grew up in a dumb household [if you think fish isn't meat].

Disney Adults are the weirdest people in the world

Disney adults. They're the weirdest people in the, the world now... There's a lot of people out there that get married at Disney World. Yeah. Get propose at Disney World. Yeah. They dress up as Disney characters. And I actually think... Disney adults, their hobby becomes their personality traits because the rest of the world no longer accepts 'em.

Being a 'wife guy' or significant other enthusiast is a hobby that becomes a personality

I was gonna just do like significant other, like when a guy gets a new girlfriend or a girl gets a new boyfriend and they just start posting about them 24/7... significant it plays together is more that's, that's more hobby-ish.

Chris Paul will never win a championship

Second pick is gonna be Chris Paul. Chris Paul can't win the big one. Just can't do it. He's never gonna win the big one.

The losers of the 2023 Mount Rushmore competition will have to do a 24-hour stream with their partner

This is it. This is a finale of Mount Rushmore season... someone will be in a 24 hour stream with their partner for all of us to watch narrate.

The Godfather Part III is so bad that it ruins the whole movie trilogy

Godfather three... one and two are so good... The Tri literally just say the Godfather of three doesn't exist. It like they try to make it so it's not a trilogy... The trilogy then sinks the whole trilogy within itself. That's not, that is incorrect.

The Nick Castellanos home run apology call is one of the greatest moments in broadcasting history

It is such a hilarious funny call. Iconic call became a meme. It's like one of those things that I can't wait till my kids are older and be like, let me show you this video... and let me set the stage for you. Apologize for the what? Call of my life.

Having kids is a massive money pit

I want to say that I don't see this as a waste, but it is a waste. Having kids is just... it's a money pit. ... If you buy a kid a toy, they play with it for about five minutes. Then they're like, I'm gonna play with your fucking shoes or something that could kill me. ... You should actually just adopt your kids when they're 17 years old. You spend way less money on them.

Shohei Ohtani's success is not real and is impossible to believe

Shohei Ohtani. Not real. Not real. Not real. Anytime an athlete does something insane, that's not real life.

Kane and The Undertaker are actually half-brothers

Kane and Undertaker [are] siblings... Paul Bearer fucked Undertaker's mom and had Kane. ... This is all the truth.

Getting married is definitely more fun the first time

Getting married. It's definitely more fun the first time. ...When I intend to do it, I, I'll only do it once.

LeBron James is on the Mt. Rushmore of GOATs

We're going with LeBron James... I like our list. It's a team effort. I value, I value my teammates picks.

Showering in the morning is mandatory to feel accomplished

I don't understand for the life of me, anyone who doesn't shower in the morning. You gotta shower in the morning right before you go to work 'cause it makes you feel accomplished... I would feel like just dooo going to work without showering first.

Blue raspberry is the best flavor of everything

[Blue raspberry] is like the best flavor of every cake. It is. Exactly. Everyone wants the blue raspberry. Like Jolly Rancher.

Bluetooth is one of the greatest inventions of the modern era

Everyone in this room uses Bluetooth every single day. Probably one of the greatest inventions in the modern era.

Men evolved beards as a form of physical armor to protect their throats in combat

I actually read this crazy thing that men developed beards because it prevented them from getting their throat slashed in combat. It was an extra like thing of Armor.

Shower pisses are elite and I will actually hold a piss just so I can do it in the shower

The shower piss is elite. ... It's like automatic that I pee in the shower. I'll hold a piss to go in the shower. ... It's also kind of badass when you're a little dehydrated and your piss is yellow in the shower.