Takes

The Phillies will sweep their three home games and win the World Series without returning to Houston

I love my guys. We're gonna win the next three games. We won't even go back to Houston. ... We're gonna score so many runs this week.

Utah will demolish USC in their upcoming matchup

Utah's going to demolish USC. How you say that? That's just candy ass football versus man football.

Wisconsin would hire Urban Meyer and put morals aside for a national title

Hypothetically, would you like to put your morals aside to win a national title? Yes. The answer's yes. The answer is yes.

The Dolphins will be 11-0 in December

I think there's a chance that after this game they might be favored in every game until December... that's when they go to Buffalo... so we might have 11 and oh. That's call my shot. 11 and oh in December.

Matt Nagy will ruin the Kansas City Chiefs from within

If I had to guess, I would say that [Eric Bieniemy] and Patrick Mahomes's relationship is probably not on the best terms right now... because they got [Matt Nagy] who's now the assistant quarterbacks coach in Kansas City. So he's probably... telling Patrick Mahomes, like, you should hear what Bieniemy says to you about in the coaches' meetings. He mother fucks you. He definitely will ruin that franchise from within. Absolutely. He probably called the fake field goal.

Magnus Carlsen is a 'baby back bitch' for quitting the chess tournament

And then they, they, they finally have another matchup yesterday and Magnus quits after one move. He retires. And he disconnects his entire computer. I might not be this goat thing might not be working out. He might, he might be baby back bitch.

Kyler Murray will play poorly because of the Modern Warfare II beta release

I'm taking the Raiders in this one because this weekend we've got Modern Warfare II's beta coming out. So it's the first weekend where people can play the next Call of Duty dropping... Kyler is gonna have to spend a lot of time on the sticks this weekend... Kyler is gonna play with whatever version of a video game hangover that he plays with.

I am officially the next Wolverine

I am pumped baby. No, I'm like, you're talking to the next Wolverine. I'm gonna do it. I'll... get those fans, you know, get me the job.

The Packers franchise is crumbling

Aaron Rogers hates his wide receivers. He hates them... I'm living in the moment and this moment is very fun. The bears are, want to know the Packers are on one and that franchise is crumbling.

The Sun Belt is the best conference in sports

The Sunbelt is the best conference in America. Yep. Sunbelt east... Best conference in sports.

Do not draft any Los Angeles Rams players for fantasy football

No Rams, no Rams at all. Not one... I have never met a Rams fan ever until about seven months ago. And it's just at Los Angeles, they're just, it's a town of bandwagons. It just drives me crazy.

Mike McCarthy is extra dumb because he is also overweight

I'm just going to say that's what Big Cat's thinking. We all think it, Mike McCarthy is a dumb-dumb. And it's also just a fact as a bigger guy myself, like when you're overweight and you're dumb, you're extra dumb. Like, it just there's something about it where it's just like, well, he's really dumb.

Stephen A. Smith would win the Presidency if he ran

Stephen A. Smith said that he would run for president... I'll tell you this right now. Stephen A. Smith, you would win. Yes, you would win. Who would debate against Stephen A. Smith? He would literally go to Texas and mock the Cowboys and be like, I don't give a fuck about your votes and still win.

Zach Wilson will show out in week 15 because Aiden Hutchinson's mother is attractive

Are the jets playing against the lines this year? Because if so, Zach Wilson is absolutely gonna show out in front of his mom... I'm putting the Bon on Zach Wilson on that one. Cuz I know, you know he's at home. He doesn't have anything else to do. He's he's recovering from surgery. He's watching this episode. He's put a big fat circle in week 15.

Not pulling out is a bad idea

Not pulling out. He's saying not pulling out when you were supposed to pull out. [Big Cat: You're against cream pies?] Billy Football, anti-cream pie.

Oxygen is a universally loved thing

Something we all take for granted... Oxygen. Everyone loves oxygen and especially, hey, we've all been carrying stuff around altitude... If you didn't have oxygen, you would die. Do you love breathing? You want to breathe. If I took you out to the water and drowned you... you gotta succeed as much as you want to breathe.

The Cleveland Browns are the 'rapist franchise' for betting on a light Deshaun Watson sentence

Anytime you're like I'm betting on a sex criminal getting a light sentence. That's the good thing that can happen for me. You're fucked. It's also like betting on Hitler to win World War II. Right? It's like you won, but it's like now you're the rapist franchise. Yeah. Congratulations.

Russell Wilson probably invites his trainer to help him with dry reps in the bedroom

I actually think that Russell Wilson probably like cares so much about doing a good job that he would like invite his trainer to help him with... dry reps on the practice field. He probably does that in front of the mirror. Just like fully hard, no partner. Just working on his cross.

The New York Jets are an absolute wagon this year

My hot seat is the AFC East today. I visited Jets camp and I have to say they are all totally on the hot seat because the Jets are an absolute wagon. And their offense looked electric. Seriously.

The ceremonial first pitch should count in the game as a ball or strike

The first pitch should count. It should count as a ball or strikes. How great would that be though? So the home team always gets to pick the first pitcher and someone will like air mail it... so the first batter gets up there and it's a 1-0 count. It wouldn't actually change any outcomes... but it would add a fun wrinkle.

Dan Orlovsky will do a one-on-one sit-down interview with Deshaun Watson to teach him how to 'not be horny'

I think that we are going to get a, one-on-one sit down interview with Dan Orlovsky and Deshaun Watson. And he is going to set him straight on how to not be horny... Dan Orlovsky, according to his rules, it would be like, 'Deshaun, don't ever go to a room by yourself. Don't ever be in the same room as a woman.'

Jeffrey Epstein was definitely a CIA asset running a honey pot operation

I'm fully, I have Alex Jones myself on, on the whole Epstein situation because I know if you, if you connect all the dots, the dude was working for the CIA. ... He cultivated all these different networks of people... befriending the most powerful people in the world got them in a honey pot operation... And he was working for the CIA as well on their payroll.

The James Webb telescope images are fake and look like a lava lamp

Those images... are freaking me out... but that could also just be some fucking scientists lava lamp and they just send it out and they're like, check this out guys... I did see this picture and I just said that's fake.

I am the Neil Armstrong of Pac-Man

What's absolutely gorgeous about [the perfect Pac-Man score] is other people can do it. Friends can play, we can learn. We can teach. We can have fun. They can do it. But they're simply repeating what I already did. Right. There's only one man who stepped on the moon first... so it's fun being Neil Armstrong.

Nuclear-powered 'air cruises' are fake and would definitely crash

It's a plane cruise. Yeah. It's like a massive, massive, massive, bigger than whatever name like four aircraft carriers... 20 electric engines powered by nuclear fusion. I'm just going to say this. If this is real, I will absolutely laugh when it crashes and everyone dies. There's no way to test fly this until you actually make the real thing.

Grady Dick will be the first white American drafted first overall since 1977

The guy that's going to break the streak. I'm calling my shot right now. He's going to go to Kansas and his name's Grady Dick... There's no better shooter in this class in McDonald's All-Americans.

You shouldn't be able to win a Major while wearing braces

Not to teeth shame, but I don't think you should be able to win the US Open with braces... I'm happy that he's getting his teeth fixed... but in the moment the take was, this is bullshit. Take his trophy away.

The PLL will be a top six sport in North America within five years

The PLL will be a top six sport in North America. There's just so many... it's competitive now. I used to say like, we're always talking to the big four, but it'll be the top six... Someone's got to go. We're probably seven or eight [currently].

The University of Washington is the new college basketball powerhouse

Washington is a great basketball school. Spencer Hawes, the Pacific Northwest is on the up and up. I mean, you look at the great products. They put out Markelle Fultz, Isaiah Thomas, Spencer Hawes. I mean they are. They're the new powerhouse right now. So it's no shame in losing a player [Keion Brooks Jr.] to the university of Washington.

Shiba Inu cryptocurrency will eventually go back up

I get them to get back on the Shiba Inu train, man. I mean, it's last summer. I think he got some hype earlier this year, but it's always going to come back up. Stocking crypto only goes up as we all know, you're gonna, you're gonna make a lot of money.

Bronny James is already the #1 prospect on my draft board

Bronny [James], I see him. He's going to be an NBA superstar... We have a draft board and he's already number one.

Michael Jordan is not the greatest of all time because you can only be the greatest of a decade

Michael Jordan is not the greatest of all time. It's the same reason Michael says he's not the greatest of all time because he didn't get to play against the other greats of all time. You can be the greatest of that decade. So in the nineties... Michael Jordan was the best period. But then before that it was magic and bird. And before that it was Dr. J.

Kenny Pickett will win multiple Super Bowls

I ain't seen Superbowl. I'm seeing super bowls [for Kenny Pickett].

There will be a quarterback controversy in New England where Bailey Zappe challenges Mac Jones

Maddie. Think about this magic Mack Jones gets benched for Bailey. ... I think there's going to be a court quarterback controversy in new England. That we're is going to actually like really tank them. I'm just saying why they draft Bailey just saying,

There might be as few as one intelligent civilization per galaxy

I think there's a good argument that there might be a very few of those. And actually there's a reasonable argument we might assume there's about one per galaxy on average, any one time, which means that we're it.

Unspayed ferrets will die if they do not get pregnant

Unspayed ferrets will die if they don't get pregnant. Die of stress.

Trayvon Walker will be a bust

I want to say Trayvon Walker, just because like I'm a traits over production guy and that's what the whole draft is... we haven't seen it on field... What are we doing here? ... I would say if I would pick one bust, it would be him.

You cannot win an NBA championship when your best player is a primary ball-handling guard

I'm not ha—I don't know if I believe it, but I'm ready for it. I might be more of the mindset of like, you can't win a championship when your best player is a guard. Yeah. Like is a primary ball handler. Yeah. But then the Golden State Warriors might fuck me up on that one a little bit.

Jacob deGrom is the best starting pitcher to ever play the game

I think [Jacob deGrom] is the best starting pitcher to ever put on the uniform... just what he's able to do with the baseball... it's just, I think he's in his own league. And I hope he stays healthy for another 15 years because if he can do that, I think it'll be the best ever.

Dan Snyder is finished as an NFL owner because he took money from other owners

I think Dan Snyder has done. I think that motherfucker is done... it's been proven through the other books that have been released now, the documents that have been sent to Congress, that he was taking money out of the pockets of Jerry Jones out of all the other owners. And if there's one thing like you can have 40 sexual harassment claims against you. If you take money from the other owners, that's when they're going to do something about it.

Duke might not be a 'Blue Blood' program without Coach K

Is Duke a blue blood? Are they a program that had one good coach? I'm talking about Vic Bubas who... went to the Final Four. Take away the Coach K era, what has Duke done?

The Will Smith slap at the Oscars was a fake, staged event

When Chris Rock took the slap, he watched Will Smith walk up to him... the whole time Chris Rock has hands behind his back. And when he got slapped, you know, he was just totally open... honestly, I fall for a lot of fake stuff on the internet. And this is one of those ones where I'm just like fake.

Gonzaga is never going to win a national championship

Gonzaga is like, does I don't there'll be back. I'm sure they have great recruits and everything, but damn, that's a [loss]. That's never going to get to a final four [again].

The Rams are throwing money away by signing Matthew Stafford to a massive extension

Stafford resigned... You'll never win one enough. No, it's throwing money away. I don't know what the Rams are doing with their cap right now. Like they don't have any draft picks... I don't see this working out in terms of a cogent team building strategy.

Kentucky's blue blood status should be on the hot seat

I actually think that we should not talk about coach Cal being on the hot seat as much as we should just put the status, the blue blood status of Kentucky on the hot seat. What have you done for me lately Kentucky?

Troy Vincent was the source for the false Deflategate report

We outed the source for Chris Mortensen's report that 11 to 12 footballs were two pounds underinflated... That was false information that was given to him by Troy Vincent from the NFL office. We report that in Playmakers.

Tom Brady will play for the Raiders under Josh McDaniels

My theory is that Tom Brady wants to play for the Raiders for [Josh] McDaniels who's now the head coach of the Raiders, his old offensive coordinator... Pioli being very weird and cryptic on NFL network today about whether or not Tom Brady was going to come back and play for the bucks. Like he knew something.

Coach K might coach the Lakers next year

Maybe a chance that [Coach K] goes and coaches the Lakers next year. Why not? LeBron needs a coach. LeBron basically went to Duke. LeBron did say he was his favorite coach he ever had.

Derek Jeter sabotaged the Marlins on purpose

I, you know what I agree with Marlins man. Yeah. I think Jeter fucked up the Marlins on purpose.

Drew Timmy is soft because his shoulders are too small

I think [Drew Timmy's] shoulders are too small. They sink down a little bit. They're too small. He doesn't have—you can't play in the low post without man shoulders. He's got like Reggie Miller shoulders. They're two slender.