Takes

LeBron James calling DK Metcalf 'Baby Bron' is the lamest thing ever

How come we didn't talk about this earlier? DK? LeBron James posting a story on his Instagram referring to DK Metcalf as baby Bron. Lamest thing ever. This guy's really good. He's baby Bron? I would be so pissed off if I was DK Metcalf.

The Falcons won't blow any more games because the internet has figured out the joke

I have a theory PFT as soon as the internet catches on to something that's when it's done. And if you watch the timeline and everyone talking in the fourth quarter, like, how are the Falcons going to blow this, right? Falcons aren't going to blow any more games now Falcons might even go on a run because as soon as everyone starts figuring it out and making the same joke.

Todd Gurley is a Russian agent sabotaging the Falcons

I think really Todd Gurley is a Russian agent. He's sabotaging the [Falcons]... Why is he trying because he's just sabotaging the Falcons. Are you go spy mean? That's what from also from Russia.

Chasing gambling news regarding COVID-19 absences never works out

I feel like it never works out if you immediately bet Boston College for Saturday Clemson's not going to win. Like 55 instead of 45 and so like it will just blow up in your face. I just chasing it just never works. For some reason. You just can't like whenever you think you got to beat on it. You just don't

The Browns are a better team without Odell Beckham Jr.

We are right in the middle of the takes of the Browns better without Odell Beckham. I don't even know if it's not any I think that they kind of are... Baker is a better quarterback without Odell Beckham. Yes. Yes. They try to force the ball to O'Dell and now Baker doesn't have to worry about that and he can spread the ball around.

The Lions will beat the Colts and continue their 'baby run'

Colts Lions... Lions itty-bitty little ooh baby baby run could keep going here actually like them against the Colts. I am starting to doubt the Colts... I'll stick with my Lions baby run.

Take the Vikings to cover because the Packers are 0-6 straight up on Daylight Savings weekends

The Packers have lost the six six times in a row on daylight savings we can... I think I won six straight out. I thought it was against the spread. I don't know. What is it Jake find it whatever it is. I'm fall forward happened... you probably going to want to take that stat into your real to your play Barstool app picks.

Greg Williams is going to try to injure Patrick Mahomes

If I'm Andy Reid, I'm pulling Patrick Mahomes at halftime because Greg Williams will make his name off trying to injure a guy like Pat. I hope that Greg Williams has learned from his past mistakes. He absolutely has not by the way.

The Rams are winning the Super Bowl

the biggest winning Super Bowl the revs winning the Super Bowl. Yeah, I want on the record. Really. Yeah. Wow, but you don't like golf. I love Jared go. You said you hated to no one of my best friends in this world... Jared has the experience. Aryans he's been there before this time. He's gonna get revenge.

The Steelers are frauds until they win a playoff game

You know what if the Ravens beat the Steelers you have to take the f-word off of... no they're not losing the fraudulent tag if they don't... They have to win a playoff game. They have to win a playoff game. This is big.

The Saints are bringing Michael Thomas back just to trade him

I feel like they're bringing [Michael Thomas] back and then they're going to try to trade him. Maybe maybe that'd be weird to like bring him back for a game... I think that relationship is probably pretty much gone right now.

The 49ers will 'take the soul' of the Seahawks defense

I like the Niners in this. Yeah, I think so too... Niners come out and just absolutely take [the Seahawks'] soul from them. I'm excited for that game.

The Seahawks defense is soft

I'm going to say that I think that the the Seahawks defense I'm going to use the S word. I think they're soft. I'll link their sauce sauce. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry, you know, what's terrible, you know, I'm doing right now. I'm giving side I to I'm throwing shade. Yeah all the s words for Seattle's defense know they're really I think that the Niners come out and just absolutely take their soul from them.

Le'Veon Bell will have a massive revenge game against the Jets

Le'Veon Bell avenge game against the Jets. He's gonna go off... like when you boyfriend breaks up with you and you look super hot and go hook up with a guy just to get the other team jealous. I call them. They aren't gonna do to the Jets as we may be on Bell because he plays like a pussy.

Joe Burrow will be a championship quarterback in the NFL

Joe's gonna get a Supporting Cast will be a championship quarterback. No doubt. Yeah, you know the harder you hit Joe Duffy gets yeah, you know, you know, he's taking some hits for us and that Fiesta Bowl he took you know, I don't know if you'll get out of going for miles to come in he goes, he's one more unexpected of word know about you know, yeah. He just started on that ignites it

I can still bench 315 pounds once my rotator cuff is fixed

I've got a torn rotator cuff the last two years and I can only close bit dumbbell, press that's it. I can't miss Preston more has been about two years. So maybe I can get it fixed. But once I get it fixed, I guarantee I'll do it [bench three plates] again. I'll let you break the story of my torn rotator.

Gardner Minshew intentionally injured his own hand to get a medical redshirt year

Do we think the Gardner Minshew maybe smash his own hand like he told us absolutely so that isn't the played for the Jaguars anymore. Absolutely... he on our show told us the story about how he smashed his own hand with it with the hammer after getting really really drunk so that he could what was it so we could read surely you want. Yeah. I wanted to the medical register. Maybe he's been seeking Redshirt this season possibly

Wisconsin's football season is effectively over

My fire. First two of them Wisconsin's football season is over pretty much that sucked

March Madness is at high risk of cancellation or major forfeit issues

I'm really starting to get worried about college basketball... if we don't have March Madness this year. It's going to be weird because if they have to play so many games, right if one team gets an outbreak. They basically have to Forfeit.

Patrick Mahomes would have been a bust if he were drafted by the Chicago Bears

This is why I've always said when everyone's like well, we could have Patrick Mahomes. Patrick Mahomes would have got hit by a bus if he had been a Chicago Bear. There is just it's never going to be in the cards for the Bears to be able to move the football.

The Bears might get lucky and beat the Saints on Sunday

I'm still not gonna apologize for five and two... I'm running the luck train. The Bears are they have one very lucky games this year. They're not a very good team. But sometimes the NFL you'll just get the lucky bounce and just ride it. So I'm not going to apologize for five and two and I think they might even beat the Saints on Sunday.

The Rams play 'Mickey Mouse' football with their excessive pre-snap motion

I agree with your take that they're playing too fast. That's gonna be Mickey Mouse football when Sean McVay gets in his huddle and then he has his players shift around like it's a game of three-card monte at a carnival just to confuse the defense.

Jerry Jones should treat Mike Nolan like he's in prison until the Cowboys' defense improves

If you're a good owner and you've got someone as shitty as Mike Nolan that's still employed, he shouldn't be allowed to season his food or have any flavor. You need to treat him like he's in prison... until he either quits on his own or decides that he's going to get better and be accountable and start to make improvements. You take away all salt, pepper. He should not be eating hot food or spicy food at all.

Kevin Cash let his computer ruin the World Series by pulling Blake Snell in Game 6

The game was a Kevin Cash versus computer and he let his computer fuck him in the face and the Rays died by sabermetrics and congrats to the Dodgers... Blake Snell was 73 pitches, zero runs into the game and he pulled him after a single... The computer says we've got to go to the bullpen. I'm gonna freak out I'm a nerd I've never realized that the game is played with emotion and humans and not on a spreadsheet.

Every front office run by 'nerds' should have one 'asshole' in the dugout to veto computer-driven decisions

If you have a team that's comprised of nerds of the front office controlling decision-making, you should have one asshole in the dugout and during the playoffs that asshole gets to fight the nerd or the dork that's telling them to do something completely against the asshole's gut feeling. You get one fight. You knock them out and you get to take that decision making.

The Washington Nationals are still the current regular full-season World Series champions

I'd also like to say that the Washington Nationals are still current regular full season World Series champions that is for the record that I've gone to game seven. What the fuck? What happened?

It is incorrect to claim that shaming the Cowboys for not defending Andy Dalton is 'toxic masculinity'

There was a guy from Pro Football Focus who said that in my humble opinion, attacking the Cowboys for not going after [Jon] Bostic, who by any means wasn't a threat to [Andy] Dalton anymore, is toxic masculinity at its peak. ... Forgive me for not wanting to trust what a German has to say about a bunch of people with stars on their shirts.

Baseball Prospectus banning the word 'assets' to describe players is unnecessary word policing

This is Disney's a type of decisions that people make that you're just playing into the angry guy online. You make a decision about a fucking word that no one has ever thought twice about. They now can just argue about like 'they're trying to take away our words'. You can't even say 'asset' anymore?

The Big Ten made a mistake by deciding to play the 2020 football season

I'm down to just shift and be like, you know, the Big Ten was a bad idea. I'm down to just shift and be like, 'The Big Ten was a bad idea.' I have no idea what's the right amount of days [to quarantine].

The 2020 Dallas Cowboys offensive line injuries are unprecedented in NFL history

I don't think we've seen a team hit by injuries like the Dallas Cowboys. I don't know if ever in the history of the NFL. Your both offensive tackles—not just tackles, these two pro bowlers—gone. Your starting Pro Bowl Center retires on you. Then the second guy they look he goes and get hurt. Zack Martin was the only guy that was consistent and he's in and out of the lineup.

Dak Prescott's leverage increases every time the Cowboys lose a game without him

Jerry every time you try somebody else out there, he's making me money. This is Dak sitting back at the table like let my leg get healed up, you give me my money... Watching the team go without him, his head has calmed down. He's saying right now, 'Yeah, my money. I'll be there.'

A dynasty ends the moment a team stops expecting to win by 30 and starts wondering if they can win at all

I remember the moment the dynasty ended. Deion [Sanders] came to me and we were talking about something. I said to Deion, 'It's over.' We were not having that feeling where we walk in and say, 'How many points are we winning by?' Now we were going into these games saying, 'Okay, can we win these games?'

Being an NFL media personality is more mentally exhausting than actually playing in the NFL

I get more tired at this than I did at playing... when the bodies are exhausted, the mind is still racing... But in this [media], when you're exhausted, you're exhausted here in the mind... the mind is shut down. I never was going to shut down after a long game on Sunday.

The eyeball test tells me that DK Metcalf is the fastest human being to ever step foot on grass

DK Metcalf is the fastest human being alive... [PFT: He's very fast but he's not faster than Usain Bolt]. I think he might be. The eyeball test tells me that DK is the fastest human being to ever step foot on grass. It's terrifying how fast he is.

The Seahawks are the pinnacle team in the NFL right now because no matter the situation, things are going to get weird

The Seahawks are just insane... they are the pinnacle team in the NFL right now where no matter what the situation is, you're like, 'It's gonna get weird.' If they're up by ten, shit's going to get weird. They're down by 10, shit's going to get weird.

The Falcons genuinely invent new ways to lose a football game every single week

We have joked that the Falcons invent new ways to lose every single week. It is not a joke. The fact that they lost the game by Todd Gurley his momentum taking him into the end zone... It is incredible that they lost that way. If Todd Gurley just goes down, they win that game.

Win probability stats are bullshit and shouldn't be trusted

I think win probability is bullshit. Computers and robots will never beat us for this simple fact: They actually think that the Falcons have a 98% chance of winning a game that we know as human beings, that's not true. Computers don't do stereotypes... For the Falcons there should be a cap on it.

The Lions will be 5-5 going into their Thanksgiving game against the Texans

Remember what I said on Friday... the little baby run. Their schedule opens up... Colts at Vikings, Washington football team at Carolina at Houston. I think I said they're going to be five and five going into the Texan [game] on Thanksgiving.

Joe Burrow is officially 'the truth' at quarterback

Joe Burrow is the guy. I've upgraded him actually. He was 'that dude,' now he's 'the truth.' You have a guy who is the truth at quarterback... He's a good-looking dude, he's got the future.

The Titans are a tier below the Chiefs, Ravens, and Steelers

I still don't think the Titans are like top top level AFC. This is not—if we're putting it into two tiers, I'm not saying the Titans are bad. I'm saying there's a tier of Chiefs, Ravens, Steelers, and I think there's a step down to the Titans.

Michael Thomas is on the trading block and will likely be traded by the Saints

Michael Thomas, one of the best Twitter names out there... but yes he is—he's a big reason why the offense hasn't looked awesome... I think he's probably on the trading block.

Joe Brady will definitely get an NFL head coaching job after this season

Joe Brady is by—is like number one on the boy genius next boy genius list... absolutely going to happen. He is definitely going to be a feature about Joe Brady revolutionizing football.

As a defensive coordinator, I would rather die by blitzing than by playing in zone coverage

I'd rather die blitzing than die just playing in zone. If we play, if we drop back into nickel coverage or dime coverage, they're just going to pick us apart back there. So you got to get fresh on them and knock them down.

Ezekiel Elliott probably lacks motivation now that he's been paid his massive contract

Ezekiel Elliott is... time feels about right for him to fake an injury. Well, he got paid. So he's just kind of hanging. If I were him and I got paid 90 million, I probably wouldn't want to go out there and absorb hits and concussions and break bones anymore. I'd rather just chill at home playing Xbox.

Mike Vrabel could beat up every other coach in the NFL

I think [Doug Marrone] could beat up every coach in the NFL not named Mike Vrabel. Vrabel would whoop him. He would kick the fuck out of every—he would eat Kliff Kingsbury.

Cam Newton's struggles are a side effect of 'foggy brain' from COVID-19

One of the side effects of Corona is having, you know, foggy brain. He's got the long 'Rona. He's got the long cocoa Big Cat... he's look where he's been throwing weird when he throws, it just doesn't look—it looks strange.

The Patriots will win three of their next four games and make the playoffs

We need to win two out of the next four games and you have the Bills, the Jets, the Ravens, and the Texans. You can do that. Yeah, three out of four of them, and we're back in the playoffs. I'm feeling great.

The Buccaneers might implode quickly because of the Antonio Brown signing

I am a little bit concerned about the Bucks after this because of Antonio Brown. I think Antonio Brown is insane... I think the Bucks might—things might get blown up real fast.

Clayton Kershaw should be the World Series MVP

Clayton Kershaw World Series MVP, why not? I'm hoping that well—no, he's not going to pitch on Tuesday. I feel like they'll give it to him, right?

Cam Newton is not successful when he is forced to sit in the pocket and pass his team back into a game

Cam is the kind of quarterback that thrives on a good defense where they can control the clock and run the football... When Cam has to sit back in the pocket and throw you back into the game, he is not going to be successful. I've never heard no one say consistently, 'Man, that Cam is a wizard throwing the ball.'