Takes

Zach Miller's gruesome non-catch against the Saints was definitely a touchdown

It was a touchdown. Yes, it was a touchdown... and almost lost his leg for a non-touchdown. It was crazy.

The Tampa Bay Lightning are 'light work' in the playoffs based on my 2015 experience

I have been at war with Tampa before, the 2015 Stanley Cup. It was light work, even though we were down a little bit, but it was light work. They're not that hard to beat. I'm going to teach you a couple things about what Tampa hockey looks like.

Joel Embiid should stop talking trash and worry about breathing through his nose in the 4th quarter

Joel Embiid, I get it. You're funny. You're good on Twitter. The Rihanna thing. Cool. I actually like your game a lot. I think you're going to be a great player. But, dude, you run out of gas every fourth quarter. You can't talk shit when you can't even speak. Stop talking shit and worry about breathing through your nose.

Michael Jordan is definitively better than LeBron James

I'm exhausted by the debate too, but guess what? I'll still stand here and say MJ's better. I don't care.

Any EPL team that allows an 'American stink' on them deserves to be relegated

If you get an American stink on your EPL team, you deserve to be relegated. [referencing Bob Bradley at Swansea City]

Tom Brady looked like a 'plastic weird doll' at the Met Gala

My other hot seat is Tom Brady for looking like a plastic weird doll... Take away the clothes. His face looked weird. I definitely don't understand fashion. I don't, but I don't think it was a fashion. Take away the clothes. His face looked weird.

Younger players learn differently now because of the 'BlackBerry' technology shift since 2006

I think we deal more with the way these younger players learn and the way they've learned the advent of so many different technologies that didn't exist. Maybe back in '06, even 2006, when I got hired, the BlackBerry was your main thing... I was still hitting [the button] two, three times to get like a 'C'.

The best drafts in NFL history are built in the 2nd through 4th rounds

I think the key for us are we try to look closely at what are the things that these players that we've hit on have in common... the great drafts in our league history consist of second rounders, third rounders, fourth rounders.

Patrick Mahomes would have been the target for the Saints at pick 11 in 2017

Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11 [in the 2017 NFL Draft]... Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11.

Winning a Super Bowl makes a quarterback 'elite' regardless of other stats

I think when you win a Super Bowl at that position, the way he [Joe Flacco] played, you're elite. When Joe won, that was kind of a contract big year. And look, it's still the ultimate team game. And you bring up Trent [Dilfer]... Ultimately, your defense has to be playing well, and you've got to be playing well as a team.

Matt Harvey moving to Cincinnati is hilarious because the city lacks New York models

Matt Harvey in Cincinnati is hilarious for a couple reasons... I don't think the models that are walking around New York City are going to be walking around Cincinnati. And if they are, they probably have diarrhea from Skyline.

Every woman past the age of 22 adds one pillow to her bed every year

I think it's just every woman who gets past the age of 22 decides that every year they're alive, they need to add one pillow to their bed. And then just eventually they end up with an entire house of pillows. And you're not allowed to sleep on them.

Brad Stevens is the best coach in the NBA

I mean, I think [Brad Stevens] is the best coach in the game. He's a mad scientist.

Ben Simmons is playing like a rookie because he can't shoot

It's a real problem that [Ben Simmons] can't shoot. He's playing like a rookie. So this actually... I've changed my mind now. He is a rookie based on how he's been playing.

Brad Stevens is a better coach with less talent than Gregg Popovich has ever been

I saw some people saying that Brad Stevens is doing more with less than Popovich ever has. [Big Cat:] I'd agree... Popovich had Tim Duncan, who's like a top 10 player of all time... People are pretending that [the Celtics] are not talented because they don't have their number one guy, but they still have a ton of talent.

I will not pick against LeBron James in the Eastern Conference until he actually loses

Looming is LeBron James, who I'm happy that I'm on the right side of history on this one because there was a lot of talk that he was ripe for an upset in the East this year, and I'm firmly in the I'm not picking against LeBron in the East until he loses, until I watch him lose in the East because it seems like it will never happen.

LeBron James intentionally makes his teams worse as a GM so he can stand out more

One thing, we can actually make the argument that LeBron James is at his worst as a GM, but I think that he makes his teams... I think he makes his teams worse on purpose, so that he's the guy that stands out. And it's like, oh, look at these shitty teams.

James Harden is officially on my enemy list

James Harden, he's got to be the most annoying player in the entire world to guard... He's infuriating to watch. You know what? I've turned the corner on James Harden. I used to like him. I don't even like watching him play basketball... I'm putting James Harden on my enemy list. There we go. I have a feud now.

If the Capitals don't win Game 6 in Pittsburgh, the series is over

I'm already looking at Wednesday in D.C. Game 7. I've seen this movie before. I know it's going to happen... If we don't win in Pittsburgh, we're fucked. We're fucked.

Brad Marchand licking people is one of the funniest things to happen in sports

The biggest story, maybe the funniest sports story of 2018 is Brad Marchand licking people. He can't stop. It's actually a great litmus test for who has a sense of humor because the people who get legitimately upset about that, fuck them. That is one of the funniest, trollest things to do.

Nobody in hockey analysis actually knows what they are talking about

Here's what I've learned about hockey analysis. Nobody knows what the fuck they're talking about ever... Hockey is the toughest sport to... You could put a lineup of five random guys in the NHL and just put them on a team, and I would not be able to tell you who's good and who's bad.

Tuukka Rask is good but bad in big moments, which makes him not good

The Tuukka Rask thing to me... if he was good, you wouldn't have to tell people he's good. He's good but bad in big moments. So it's like, is that really good? So that's kind of bad.

Albert Pujols is the best Angel of all time

3,000 hit club, Albert Pujols, Los Angeles Angels. Probably the best angel of all time, right? [PFT:] Angel for life. [Big Cat:] Move on. Best angel going into Cooperstown with that halo.

If you sue someone for steroid accusations, it proves you didn't do them

I think Albert Pujols like, if you sue the guy for saying you did steroids, then guess what? You didn't do steroids. That's very... Absolutely true.

Baker Mayfield is a great competitor and will be successful with the Browns

No, [Baker Mayfield] is going to be great. He's, you know what, he's just got this thing about him that... Baker, he's just like a competitor, man. Like, I was happy to see him go number one. If anybody can, like, move forward with the Browns [it's him].

Brad Stevens is a great coach who has no business being up on the 76ers without Kyrie Irving

You see Brad Stevens. That's a great coach... Not that those [Celtics] guys aren't good, but do they have any business being up 1-0 in the second round without Kyrie? Gordon Hayward, all those guys. The biggest thing for me... is the coach's adjustments game to game.

Being an NBA referee is an extremely difficult job

It's a very hard job, and they do their best. And one time I tried to ref one of my kids' camp games, and it was really hard, so I understand what they're going through.

LeBron James' game-winner shouldn't count if he didn't call 'bank' because I'd rather be good than lucky

If you don't call bank in a situation like that, I don't think it should count. [Big Cat:] I'd rather be good than lucky... Skip [Bayless], he knows. [PFT:] It was a bad shot that happened to go in. Which doesn't count the same as a good shot.

Matt Harvey will regain his form and have a good season now that he's left the Mets

Matt Harvey's going to still have a good year in his career left simply because it's the Mets... If you're a team looking for a pitcher, you should probably take a flyer on Matt Harvey because it would just be so perfect Mets for Matt Harvey to regain his form.

The new Monday Night Football booth will be Joe Tessitore, Jason Witten, and Booger McFarland

Booger, he got the gig as first reported by me. The Monday Night Football gig. So it's going to be Booger, Jason Witten, and then [Joe Tessitore]... as far as I know, the first to say it was me.

Jeff Green is a bad basketball player despite his good performances against the Raptors

Jeff Green stinks. I thought he was dead. Jeff Green's been on a million NBA teams and he stinks everywhere he goes, and somehow he is lighting up the Raptors.

LeBron James literally owns the entire 'state' of Canada and the city of Toronto

LeBron owns them. He literally owns the entire state of Canada and the city of Toronto.

The Indiana Pacers were the toughest competition for the Cavaliers in the Eastern Conference

What if the Indiana Pacers were the toughest competition for the Cleveland Cavaliers in the East? I'm just saying. You can now say that.

Ben Simmons should be eligible for Rookie of the Postseason next year because he didn't show up for this one

Do you think Ben Simmons should be eligible for rookie of the postseason next year because he didn't show up for this one?

Terry Rozier is going to get a massive contract

Terry Rozier's going to get paid. [He]'s still got two more years left on his deal, I think. Can you pay everyone? No.

I have zero confidence in Barry Trotz because he is garbage

Listen, I'm still very confident. I have zero confidence in Barry Trotz because I think that he's garbage.

No truly fat coach has ever won a Super Bowl

There's never been a fat coach that won the Super Bowl... truly fat.

Mickey Callaway and Dave Eiland are the real deal for the Mets

I believe in Mickey Callaway and Dave Eiland. I think that that might be real. Like, I have more faith than a Met fan would normally have in what's going on.

I think all the quarterbacks drafted in the first round have very high bust potential

Darnold, Rosen, Josh Allen, Lamar Jackson, and Baker, you could tell me in three years all out of the league, and I would be like, yeah, okay. Because it's one of those things in the NFL, you just talk yourself into these guys.

Josh Allen has the highest ceiling of any quarterback in the 2018 draft class

I almost think [Josh] Allen might have ultimately the highest ceiling.

Escapability is the most important trait for modern quarterbacks

The most important thing is quarterbacks need going forward... it's escapability.

Sam Darnold has the highest floor of any quarterback in the 2018 draft class

He seems like he has the highest bottom to me. If he all these guys don't work out, I think Darnold's bottom is the highest.

The Curse of Apollo in the Kentucky Derby is absolute BS

To be honest with you, 2018, it's absolute BS. It should have gone up in flames six years ago with a horse named Bodie Meister... now this year there are two horses, Justify... and Magnum Moon... it matters not even a little bit.

Justify is the most likely winner of the Kentucky Derby

I think Justify is probably the most likely winner, although he's going to be the favorite.

Midnight Bisou will win the Kentucky Oaks

I think the winner of the Oaks is going to be a horse named Midnight Bisou... She comes from behind, makes this electrifying move from off the pace.

Jason Witten got hair plugs this offseason as part of his preparation for a TV career

You're not going to be able to sit there and tell me that Jason Witten didn't go into this offseason knowing he was going to be on TV next year... because that is not a football move.

Kurt Warner deserved the Monday Night Football job over Jason Witten

I actually think [Kurt Warner] should have gotten the job [over Jason Witten]... Your point that you should probably get it over Jason Witten because Jason Witten has never spoken into a microphone... That's a good point.

Brooklyn bourbon is a superior product and better than Kentucky bourbon

Brooklyn bourbon... it's actually been rated as being better than Kentucky bourbon, and it's a superior product. And people from Kentucky are too dumb to realize it.

David Fizdale will win 32 games with the Knicks

He's going to get 30 wins. I'll go 32. I'm going to say he's going to be a little bit more successful... [based] on the fact that Porzingis is going to have one and a half healthy legs.

The Toronto Raptors are the softest team I've ever watched

The Raptors are the softest team I've ever watched. And having Fred VanVleet take the game-winning shot in overtime, how do you have DeRozan and Lowry and you have these guys... they shrink in every big moment. They're so soft that they made Kevin Love look like the tough guy.