Takes

The Mayweather vs. McGregor fight is all risk and no reward for the sport of boxing

If they have a boxing fight, it's basically all risk, no reward for the sport of boxing. Because if McGregor wins, then it's like, okay, MMA fighters are not only better, MMA fighters are better boxers. They could cuck themselves. And if Floyd Mayweather wins, it's like, well, no shit he wins. Boxing's really hard.

The Jacksonville Jaguars are the funniest long con in professional sports history

The Jacksonville Jaguars might be the funniest thing to ever occur in professional sports. This has been a long con. We've all been owned... It's like a Wes Anderson movie. It's like you don't really appreciate a Wes Anderson movie. That's what the Jaguars are saying to everyone. You don't look at it the right way.

I have a twin who is an jacked Instagram model, and my life is a failure by comparison

Ken Jack, who helps out with this show, revealed my twin who is incredibly jacked and a muscle freak and an Instagram model. So Jimbo to me for spending the last five years getting increasingly fatter and making it super depressing when I see this guy who is awesome looking... owned my life.

Jim Harbaugh Will Smack Your Jaw

This that Jim Harbaugh that'll smack your jaw.

Unsubscribe Then Subscribe — That's The Motto

Unsubscribe, then subscribe, baby, that's the motto.

We Like Our Apples Unwashed And Bought On The Side Of The Road

We like our apples like we like our clothes: unwashed and bought on the side of the road.

Pull Up At The Cincinnati Zoo And Pay Our Respects

Pull up at the zoo, pay our respects.

Skyline Chili Is Thicker Than Chris Sabo's Rec Specs

Skyline thicker than Chris Sabo's rec specs.

Is That Mario Andretti? No, That's Jim Irsay

Is that Mario Andretti? Nah, that's Jim Irsay.

Barstool Sports Gets Billed For Travel

Barstool Sports gets billed for travel.

Piss In Your Pants Just To Make A Statement

Piss in your pants just to make a statement.

Grit Is Undrafted Slow-Twitch Muscle Fibers

This is undrafted slow twitch muscle fibers.

Matthew Dellavedova Taking A Charge Is Peak Grit

It's Dellavedova taking a charge.

Use Your One Phone Call From Jail On Mike And Mike

It's getting locked up for getting hyped tonight and using your one call on Mike and Mike.

Woodhead In The I-Formation Is What Grit Looks Like

This is Woodhead in the I-formation. This is the coach's son, son.

I'm picking the Cavs in seven over the Warriors

PFT, you're on the record as saying the Cavs in seven. Yes, Cavs in seven. Dangerous pick. I'm going out on their limb. Just because if I'm one of many people who are right, nobody gives a shit. But if I'm the only one who's right, then people pay attention.

The Warriors vs Cavs Finals will be a bloodbath and a forgettable postseason

I think the Warriors are going to. I think it's going to be a bloodbath. I think it's going to be the most forgettable postseason we've ever had.

Kevin Durant will be the NBA Finals MVP and play better than LeBron

I think Kevin Durant is taking this personally because he takes everything personally... I think Kevin Durant is going to be the MVP of the series. I think he's going to play even if not better than LeBron all series.

If one nuclear bomb is launched, the whole world will blow up in a chain reaction

North Korea is developing nukes, and my theory is once one of those... So I've always thought once one nuclear bomb goes in the air, then... All the other countries and worlds are going to let them off, and then the whole world's going to blow up.

The Browns hiring Ryan Grigson is a threat to the AFC North

My hot seat is the AFC North. And my reason why is because the Browns hired Ryan Grigson. So watch out... I'm very excited to see how Ryan Grigson can fuck up the Browns even more. It will be interesting. That's a great challenge for that guy.

I'm destined to see Ovechkin win a Stanley Cup with a different team

The Washington Capitals are... Our fans, we're entering cuck territory. And it's Ray Bourque all over again. So I'm destined over the next five years to see Ovechkin win a Stanley Cup with a different team. And for me to cry during it and be like, I'm so glad and applaud him and be like, I'm glad he finally got his chance.

The Capitals and Ovechkin should split up because their regular season success is too good

I do think I am of the mindset that the Capitals and the [Ovechkin] should just be like, you know, hey, maybe this thing isn't working out anymore. Maybe our sex is just too good. Our regular season sex is too good. So we got to split up.

Grit is the ability to keep your confidence when your results aren't being met

I think grit is the ability to keep your confidence when your potential is not being met or when the result is not being met in a particular time in life or in a particular moment... When things aren't going well, can you continue to play without being distracted, without letting doubts, without letting the doubters get in and knock you off your game?

I want to coach at a championship level again

Well, I want to coach. But I want to coach. I want to go to a championship capacity type program... having the job taken from us like that [at Indiana], I mean, I've never let it get in and take my nerve or create doubt that I can't do this at the highest level.

Dwyane Wade and Victor Oladipo are the best and most versatile players I've coached

The best guys – were the most versatile guys because they made everybody else better. And I think the thing about a guy like Dwyane Wade, the thing about a kid like Victor [Oladipo], Jerel McNeal and Wes Matthews were like this for us at Marquette. Those guys didn't have to score and they didn't have to be making shots to have their presence felt in a big way.

LeBron James is in a unique ballpark of basketball intelligence

Dwyane said this about LeBron. Dwyane is very smart, incredibly smart player... Dwyane said, I'm smart. He said, I know I'm smart. I'm not even in the same ballpark as this guy. And he's pointing at LeBron in the sense of how smart he is on the court... LeBron's in a very, very unique place for his mindset.

Duke bullied the refs into calling the 2015 Championship game differently at halftime

That Final Four, that championship game, would you agree with my assessment that Coach K got to the refs at halftime and basically bullied them into calling a completely different second half? Therefore, Wisconsin technically was the national champion.

Duke's 2015 comeback was due to Grayson Allen putting pressure on the whistle

Mike [Krzyzewski] really went into a complete, we're going to drive the ball game. He put a lot of pressure on the whistle... they have an incredible record when they were getting into the bonus at the 12-minute mark of each half... you could see it because they kept driving Grayson Allen from the left wing to the middle. It was the Grayson Allen coming out part of him. If he doesn't get them in the bonus that quick, it's a different game.

Lonzo Ball is one of the most prolific passers and has incredible vision

I reserve judgment on any of that other than that he is one of the most prolific passers and has incredible vision. I don't think there's very many guys that have come across in a period of time like that.

Guys need big pubic bushes to make their dicks look bigger

Evolutionarily speaking, guys needed big bushes to make their dicks look bigger... Right. I don't know if you've seen a lot of penises recently, but they're not great looking solo. So you need a lot of distractions.

Shaving your legs is a sign of wealth because not everyone can afford shaving cream

Shaving your legs was actually a sign of being rich in olden times because not everyone had shaving cream. So you should actually take that as a compliment. You're so rich, you can shave your legs. You must be real fancy.

In every pair of twins, there is an alpha and a beta pre-cum twin

You know how when you see twins and you're like, okay, that's the pre-cum twin and that's the real cum twin. You can tell. There's one twin that's always a little bit stronger, better looking, more gregarious. The other one's the pre-cum twin.

Rihanna's weight is the business of sports bloggers because she is part of their 'ecosystem' of content

Nowadays, the new hunting for guys is sitting behind computers and blogging about stuff... If you want us to take Rihanna's picture out of the ecosystem that's basically like committing a mass extinction on all the buffalo in the plains. Now we can't go out there and provide for our families. I think the real story here is about the plight of the sports bloggers.

The Nashville Predators fan who threw a catfish on the ice in Pittsburgh should walk free

This guy should walk free simply because he vacuum sealed the catfish and put it in his pants. He really prepared for that.

The 2017 Stanley Cup Final will go seven games

Nashville was outplaying the Penguins. I think this is going to go seven. I think it's going to be a classic Stanley Cup final that only a million and a half people watch.

Tiger Woods' hair plugs are working

His hair did not look as bad as it has in the past... No, but it looks like the hair plugs might be working. Because Tiger Woods is a notorious guy who went balding pretty early.

Tiger Woods' DUI arrest gives him street cred

I didn't think that Tiger Woods could have any more street cred, but he certainly does now. Now he's got it all.

Lacrosse teams should just shoot the puck/ball more

I feel like they need to shoot more. I'm just going to say it. As a coach, if I was a coach of a lax team, I'd say just shoot. Shoot the puck a little bit more... Just put pucks on net.

I only have a Super Bowl ring because Jay Cutler got injured in the 2010 NFC Championship

I do thank Jay Cutler for getting hurt, and also B.J. Raji for being the fattest guy to ever score a touchdown in the NFC Championship... I think Aaron Rodgers is the only reason I have a Super Bowl ring, to be honest.

Justin Smith is the hardest player to block in NFL history

Currently Aaron Donald, all-time, probably Justin Smith... Dude, I mean, you can't judge toughness on a dude who has a giant Budweiser tattoo on his arm... Yeah, he was a bitch to block.

The 2017 Detroit Lions will finish the regular season 12-4

I'm going to say that we, in the regular season, let's say 12 and 4. [Big Cat: Guaranteed 12 wins.] [Graham: Guaranteed.]

The Detroit Lions will win the NFC North in 2017

I think we're going to win the division. Okay. I'll start there.

Aaron Rodgers has 10 more years in his prime

When is [Rodgers'] prime, man? Quarterbacks play for like 25 years now. He's got like 10 more years in his prime.

A guy named Bryce has never won a fight

Bryce is not a tough guy. Bruce Harper does not lose fights. A guy named Bruce I don't think has ever lost a fight. A guy named Bryce has never won a fight. That's sabermetrically how it works out.

The Warriors will sweep the Cavaliers in the 2017 NBA Finals

I got Warriors in four.

The Warriors will beat the Cavaliers in five games in the 2017 NBA Finals

My pick is Warriors in five.

The Cavaliers will beat the Warriors in seven games in the 2017 NBA Finals

I got Cavs in seven.

LeBron James is maybe better than Michael Jordan

And LeBron James... better than Michael Jordan, maybe. Tune into FS1, Colin Cowherd will tell you about it for the next four hours.

Paying recruits in Bitcoin is 'theoretically legal' because the money isn't tangible

We just pay recruits in Bitcoin. Untraceable... Is there an NCAA law that you cannot pay your recruits in Bitcoin?... Bitcoin isn't tangible. It's theoretical. So, theoretically, we didn't do anything wrong... Global Worldwide Solutions Synergy Corporation. Theoretically legal. That's our tagline.

The Cavs-Warriors rubber match is the NBA Finals we need

It is the Cavs, Warriors, the finals everyone wants to see, the finals we need. It's the rubber match.