Takes

Jared Stidham might have a vestigial tail that acts as a biological gyroscope for his balance

J Stidham might have a tail. An actual tail. ... Everybody was thinking that J Stidham might have a tail. ... if you have a tail, it helps you balance. It acts like a stabilizer. When you're twisting, when you're throwing, it's a biological gyroscope.

The 49ers' high injury rate is caused by an electrical substation next to their practice field

Only one variable is unique and the players know it in their guts... Players have joked around about there being an electrical substation right next to the practice field and how that has led to the Niners injury problems... This guy went to the practice field with a gause meter. It read 8.5 plus milligauss.

The 49ers' high injury rate is caused by an electrical substation next to their practice field

The 49ers are statistically the most injured team in the NFL over the past decade since moving to Levi's stadium... Only one variable is unique and the players know it in their guts. ... Players have joked around about there being an electrical substation right next to the practice field and how that has led to the Niners injury problems. ... This guy is saying that the Niners are just getting bombarded with electric waves all day, which is fucking up their bodies.

The Kansas City Chiefs should just quit for the rest of the season since they are already eliminated

There's never been a team that like deserves to quit more than the Chiefs. They've been playing so much football for the last five years... Patrick Mahomes just tore his ACL. If you're a Chiefs player, listen to this right now. Just fucking quit.

The 'torch' has been passed to Drake May and it cannot be passed back to Josh Allen

The torch has been passed and that's it. It's over... Drake may has the torch and then it will go until we pass it to someone else... It can't go back.

Matthew Stafford's 31 career pick-sixes is actually a complimentary stat

Matthew Stafford has 31 [pick-sixes]. Brett Favre has 32. And you're like, 'Ooh, that's a bad stat.' And then you realize... that means you're very, very good because you played long enough that it didn't actually matter. It's actually kind of a compliment that the rest of your game is so good that 31 pick-sixes are completely irrelevant.

The Colts are the best team in football right now

The Colts who are the best team in football... Their offense is absolutely electric. They are like, they're just well-rounded all the way through.

Tua Tagovailoa has 'low eyes' which causes him to miss linebackers

I feel like this is why in the draft you measure quarterbacks up to the eyeballs. You don't measure 'em to the top of the head. Tua's got a lot of wasted space in the forehead. Makes him a little bit taller on paper than he really is. He's got low eyes.

Patrick Mahomes is officially washed

Mahomes is washed. Washed. These two days under 500 he's washed.

The 2024 Eagles are the worst 20-1 team in NFL history

Is this Eagle's team the worst 20 and one team in their last 21 games of all time... every, literally every negative thing that I've said about the Eagles this year has come from a place of extreme jealousy and also trying to stir Max up... I think the Eagles, yeah, they're the worst.

Jalen Hurts is the new Joe Flacco

I think he's, he's become the new Joe Flacco where he won a Super Bowl, but everyone's trying to fight. Is Jalen Hurts Elite sound off in the comments?

The Patrick Mahomes 'conversation' will be triggered if the Chiefs lose badly to the Ravens

At what point do we have to say there's maybe Mahomes isn't what he was... This is the conversation game. If they lose and it's close, then it's not time for the conversation. Right. But we will have a definitive answer after this game. Yeah. We'll give you your answer on Sunday night.

Caleb Williams needs to take more shots and throw more interceptions

I wouldn't mind if Caleb had a couple more interceptions. We're getting to a point now where he doesn't throw interceptions and it feels like I'd like him to take some more shots. Just take a couple shots. Take like that hesitancy he talked about himself. Let it rip.

I am officially back in on Kyle Pitts this season

I'm officially back in on Kyle Pitts. Oh no. I'm officially back in. Hear me out... [Kirk Cousins] is a different quarterback than has been throwing the ball to Kyle Pitts over the last two years. He might be smart enough to realize that Kyle Pitts is really theoretically good at football.

The Packers are the best team in the NFL by far and will win the Super Bowl

I'm gonna take the Packers in this game. The Packers are the best team in the NFL. I don't even think it's close. Not close. They're gonna win the Super Bowl... If the Packers somehow don't win the Super Bowl, which it's would be pretty crazy. If they don't, I will be first in line saying I was wrong.

Patrick Mahomes might be washed

Mahomes might be washed. He just discussed, he didn't play great at the end of the year. They choked in the Super Bowl.

Jaden Daniels is the fifth best quarterback in the NFL

I watched an hour of his highlights in the 4th of July... I think he's five. I think just, yeah, he's five.

Aaron Judge is not a true Yankee because he hasn't won a World Series

I would go even further and say he's [Aaron Judge] not a true Yankee. Which is funny because he's had some of the best seasons of all time by any offensive player. Still not a true Yankee... You can't be a true Yankee in the regular season. The Yankees season starts in October.

Jalen Brunson is the next 'Can't Win The Big One' guy in the NBA

How about this one? Hank, you're gonna like this one. Jalen Brunson. Mm. Does that do anything for you? Yeah. Not clutch at all... I'm trying to predict where the narratives are gonna go next... The Knicks were built to beat the Celtics this year.

Kevin O'Connell is a regular season merchant who can't win in the playoffs

Kevin O'Connell. Can't, can't win in the playoffs. Oh. He's a regular season merchant... Bringing the best out of him. Getting high seeds, losing the playoffs. Just something to keep your eye on. Keep an eye on.

TJ Watt's injury might be a psychological 'Art of War' ploy to trick the Ravens

I have a theory about TJ Watt's injury... I think this could be an Art of War situation. Sun Sue Art of War. Make your enemy think that you were weak when you were strong... Start throwing out the one in 10 without TJ Watts Stats... Let people start thinking during the week of practice. Maybe TJ's not gonna be playing this week.

Mike Vrabel and Josh McDaniels will be the next New England Patriots coaching duo

Vrabel McDaniels... that's the combo. [Josh] McDaniels had Mac Jones in the Pro Bowl... give me Vrabel and McDaniels and I am pumped.

The Jaguars +14 against the Lions is the NFL makes no sense game of the year

I think so. This is like, this is the 'NFL makes no sense' game of maybe the year... NFL makes no sense. There's not like stats behind it. I am very close. But that, but it happens every year. There's always games where it's like, how the fuck did the Lions lose to the Jaguars when the playoffs come?

Jerry Jones should trade Micah Parsons to reload on draft picks

If I were Jerry Jones, reload on draft picks and trade Micah Parsons. You have to pay him and your problem right now is it seems like you have lack of depth going forward. What's gonna happen yet? You locked up Dak, you locked up CD, you're gonna have to pay Micah Parsons. You could probably get a lot for him.

Mike Tomlin is starting Russell Wilson to prove he's bad and go back to Justin Fields

Mike Tomlin, a man of his word, is like, I know I have a better chance with Justin Fields, but I promised Russell Wilson he's the starter. He's gonna throw him out against the Jets to basically have him suck. And then he's gonna be like, 'See, you guys told me I need to start Russell Wilson. I told Russell Wilson it wasn't his job to lose. He sucks. Justin Fields!'

Connor Stallions has been working for the Baltimore Ravens since resigning from Michigan

Do you think that there's any chance at all that Connor Stallions has been working for the Ravens since he resigned from Michigan? I think it's not a 0% chance... I'm just gonna float it out there with absolutely no backing behind it. Besides the fact that McDonald's used to coach at Michigan. And Connor Stallions is a hardball guy for life.

Sam Howell is officially an elite NFL quarterback.

I might've just jumped past the whole Is he the guy conversation? I'm ready to ask if he's elite. Because there's as many insult graphics have been going around. There's a lot of complimentary graphics going around about Sam Howell. He's first in big time throws.

The NFL has finally figured out Travis Kelce

Has the NFL figured out Travis Kelce finally? Well, I think it's the, the NFL has finally figured out that the Chiefs might have some work in progress when it comes to wide receiver position.

The Cowboys are frauds if they lose to the Eagles

I say if the Cowboys lose this game. Frauds. Yeah. We're we're, we're gonna call 'em frauds. Yep. If the Eagles lose this game and it's close, we're gonna say, should you take out the panic button?

The Los Angeles Rams actually stink and were overrated due to a lucky Week 1 win

I have a theory that I would like to throw out there. The Rams stink... Every year there's like one or two teams that have a great week one and it sticks in our head for a while. Maybe too long. The Rams beat the Seahawks week one... Since then... their two wins after the Seahawks week one win was against the colts in overtime... and the Cardinals.

Tyrod Taylor is a better quarterback than Daniel Jones

Tyrod Taylor is better than Daniel Jones. It's so crazy how much the giants fuck that up. Like you had Daniel Jones for four years and he was, what the, somewhere between like the 15th and 20th best quarterback.

Sean Payton is intentionally tanking for Caleb Williams

Sean Payton is very clearly tanking this season... I think that the Broncos are intentionally tanking for Caleb Williams and it's maybe a smart move.

Julio Jones is currently 'Prime Julio Jones' again

I'm also fully back on Julio Jones... He's Prime Julio Jones... He said he is gonna dominate and if he says he's gonna dominate, then [I'm in].

You must fade any team the week after they score 70 points

I might just put this in my gambling portfolio: any team that scores 70, fade them the next week. If you score 70 points in a game on 71 plays, you can't tell me you don't go into the facility the next day like, 'We're the best, we'll just run the same plays.'

The Bears vs. Bucs game is the biggest in Bears franchise history

I was premature. The Bears going to Tampa Bay is the biggest game in Bears franchise history. I'll just say that right now. I was a week early on my prediction of biggest game in Bears franchise history. This is a must win.

The Commanders defensive line is better than the Eagles defensive line

The commanders, I think, have a better defensive line than even the Philadelphia Eagles do. Rivera's gonna be on the war path and it's gonna be nice and I think the commanders in that defensive line, which is the best in the NFL across, across all divisions.

Anthony Richardson is a 'follower' because he copied Will Levis hitting the ceiling at his pro day

Anthony Richardson did it and said that he hit the roof on purpose because Will Levis did it. This is my red flag. I want my quarterback to be a leader, not a follower. Like he was copying someone else. He was like following the lead.

JJ Watt is a better football player than he is a person

He was a much better player? Yes. He was like one of the top three all-time players... He has three defensive player of the year awards Only one man of the year award. So I'd say he's a better, the stats don't lie. He's a better player than he is a person.

Weather is not real and the Bills vs. Dolphins game will go over the total

Hank weather isn't real. Also over 44... This is going way over. I'm a big believer in, it's one thing I know... Saturday night. Great game weather doesn't matter. This is going way over.

Removing ping pong tables from the locker room makes the Bengals a lock to beat the Browns

This is a ping pong table game for Cincinnati. No distractions. I'm a big believer in ping pong tables. If you, it doesn't matter if you put the ping pong tables into the locker room or if you take them out of the locker room, if you're moving a ping pong table around that week, I will bet on your team.

Mike White's ceiling is Tom Brady

So I like Mike. His ceiling is Tom Brady. I said this when he got his ceiling is Tom Brady.

Zach Wilson is 'overqualified' for the NFL and that's why he struggles

The guy is so capable of throwing absolute bombs and dimes that when he can't and has to make the start decision and not make a gigantic play... he's so talented that he doesn't like other... people with less talented arms work on being game managers. They can't do what he does. He's almost, they need to create a new football league, a better football league that he could play in because he's too good for the NFL.

I will buy Colts season tickets if Jim Irsay forces Dan Snyder to sell the Commanders

I've decided, you know, we talked about like, I would become a Colts fan if Jim Irsay was the straw that broke the camel's back. Yep. I'm gonna buy season tickets to the Colts next year. Wow. If, if, if Jim Irsay can get down out the fuck out, I'm gonna be a Colts season ticket holder.

The Falcons aren't as bad as people think they are

I also just like the Falcons at home, I've kind of a hot take on the Falcons. I actually don't think they're that bad. Their offense is fun. So they're not that bad. I've got a new tier for the Falcons in your power rankings. It's just 'they're not that bad.' They're not as bad as you think they are because their offense when they do get the ball to their playmakers, they're actually scoring a shitload of points.

The Commanders actually beat the Eagles in three out of four quarters

I went back, I looked at the tape from last week, 24-8 against the Eagles, the Commanders, they actually only lost one quarter. So as we know it's a game a quarter, much like the NBA. And they lost the second quarter 24 to zero. They won the rest of the quarters cumulatively eight to zero. Sounds like the Commanders really beat the Eagles three times out of four to me.

The Ravens might be fraudulent

I just got baited. Yeah, you take the [over]. The Ravens defense sucks. Their defense, they're really bad. Like I'm, for the first time in my life, I'm considering using the word fraud. I think this Ravens team might be fraudulent. I think their defense is just that bad.

Kyler Murray will play poorly because of the Modern Warfare II beta release

I'm taking the Raiders in this one because this weekend we've got Modern Warfare II's beta coming out. So it's the first weekend where people can play the next Call of Duty dropping... Kyler is gonna have to spend a lot of time on the sticks this weekend... Kyler is gonna play with whatever version of a video game hangover that he plays with.

The Commanders have a top three receiving core in the NFL

I think about the Commanders... I think they have a top three receiving core in the NFL. I think it's like, it's that fucking good.

Trayvon Walker will be a bust

I want to say Trayvon Walker, just because like I'm a traits over production guy and that's what the whole draft is... we haven't seen it on field... What are we doing here? ... I would say if I would pick one bust, it would be him.

Malik Willis is a hybrid of Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson

I think Malik Willis is going to have a really good NFL career... I think he's what they advertise him as he's Josh Allen and Lamar Jackson hybrid.