Takes

Basketball is a 'candy-ass sport' because players require music and atmosphere to find a rhythm

See, this is why basketball is like a candy-ass sport. You need all these little distractions and stuff because there's so many breaks in the action. It's not like a nonstop thrill ride like the NFL is where you don't need any commercials or music playing or replays or anything like that.

I could still average 10 points and 5 assists in the NBA right now

I still play with pros all the time. There's moments where you watch guys who just got paid $60, $70, $80 million for having marginal numbers where I'm not going to sit there and tell you, I feel like I can get nine or ten points a game in the league. I feel like I can get four or five assists in a game.

LeBron James reading 'The Godfather' while walking is a calculated camera stunt

Did you see last night LeBron walking from the bus to the locker room reading The Godfather? And did you also think that was the lamest, most ridiculous thing you've ever seen in your entire life?... He was doing it for camera. He wasn't actually reading.

The Bulls would be stupid to trade Jimmy Butler

I definitely do not [think they should trade Jimmy], and I don't understand the question. ... You are hoping to get a pick to draft a guy that you hope in three or four years will develop into someone as good as Jimmy Butler. ... Guess what is a guarantee of something? The guy on your roster who plays really well.

Draymond Green wouldn't be able to lead Paul Pierce's pre-KG Celtics teams to the playoffs

Draymond came over the top today and said, people tend to forget that [Pierce] was struggling to get to the playoffs. He was on the trade block every year, then all of a sudden Ray Allen and KG showed up... I would love to see Draymond Green on the teams that Pierce had and lead them to the playoffs.

Mark Cuban is a genius for 'controlling' the media to protect his players

Mark Cuban, this is sneaky genius. [He's a] player's owner. All the players want to come play for him because they know he's got your back on Twitter. If someone is even remotely, even like a little bit mean on Twitter, he's going to CC the bosses and tell them that they're all in deep shit.

Shaquille O'Neal is a victim of 'athlete funny' and is not actually humorous

Shaq has always been a victim of athlete funny. Where someone in the locker room once told Shaq he was funny, and he has gone with that throughout his whole career thinking he is actually humorous, and people want to hear Shaq tell jokes when in reality he's not funny.

LaVar Ball is like a bird that sits on a rhino and shits everywhere

[Lonzo Ball's] father is going to be over his shoulder the whole time. His father is like one of those birds that sits on the back of a rhino and shits everywhere. That's what he's going to be.

Buddy Hield lacks a killer instinct because his name is 'Buddy'

If you name your kid Buddy, you're saying you're going to be in the friend zone with everybody. That's what the name literally translates to. You're not a tough guy if your name's Buddy. You lack the killer instinct.

Following who NBA players follow on Twitter is the best way to predict trades

It's a big time of year to see which players that different NBA teams are following on Twitter. That's how you tell. [Big Cat]: Because Isaiah Thomas also followed Melo, right, on Twitter. So that's a big thing as well.

Kyrie Irving's flat earth comments were likely a headline grab or a prank on the media

Kyrie Irving... let's just call a spade a spade, he was doing this for headlines. I can't decide if it's either a headline for the podcast... or if it was simply all the NBA players getting together and being like, 'Let's prank the media. Let's fuck with them.'

Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook are officially 'friends with benefits' after their All-Star Game alley-oop

An alley-oop is kind of like makeup sex. You connect in that one little instant, and you're like, yeah, I remember this whole relationship could be a lot of fun. I'll just say that they're friends with benefits now.

The Dunk Contest is boring because there are a finite amount of body positions possible

It's not like the dunks aren't super impressive. It's just that we've seen every dunk. It's like watching porn. There's a finite amount of body positions that the human form can get into. Eventually, you just get bored with it.

Carmelo Anthony's legacy is choosing the most money over winning championships

Thoughts and prayers to the man [Carmelo Anthony] who has taken every single dollar at every turn in his career instead of maybe trying to win a championship... He took the most amount of money to stay in the dumpster fire that is New York. That's kind of your situation, Melo.

Kobe Bryant failed in his attempt to copy Michael Jordan's entire career

Do you ever sit back and you are like, damn, Kobe Bryant tried to copy everything Michael Jordan did and he totally failed?

Magic Johnson is the greatest basketball player and the number one Laker of all time

Magic Johnson. Without a doubt. He's the number one basketball... him and Larry Bird, they are the NBA. Magic and Bird put NBA in prime time.

Luke Walton was a better coach for the Golden State Warriors than Steve Kerr

I would actually say [the Warriors are] Luke Walton's team. People forget he was their coach in the first half last year. They were a lot better then.

Austin Rivers is the guy whose 'mans' it is for the Clippers because of his dad

Austin Rivers. His dad is the coach and the GM. That's a good call. Austin Rivers, no one likes the coach's son.

I actually thought the boos for Kevin Durant's return to Oklahoma City weren't loud enough

I actually thought the boos [for Kevin Durant's return to Oklahoma City] weren't loud enough. [Durant] said, 'I thought that they'd be louder.' Kind of a little twist in the knife there.

Kevin Durant is the most coddled star in the NBA and has received significantly less backlash than LeBron James did

[Kevin Durant]'s been the most coddled star out there. I mean, LeBron got killed for not winning a title in Cleveland the first go-around, and basically killed for going to Miami and all that stuff. Kevin Durant got a little bit of backlash, but for the most part, he's supposed to be one of the top three players in the league, and he hasn't won a title.

Russell Westbrook would 100% win a fight against Kevin Durant because he would just bite him to death

[In a fight between Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, I'd take] Westbrook, 100%. Just purely because of his anger. He's just angry. I think he would just use his teeth. He would just bite Kevin Durant to death.

Rajon Rondo passes up easy layups specifically to hunt for assists

You know what Rondo does that's so fucking annoying? Everything, but he also loves, loves, loves to pass up super easy layups just to get assists. He's the worst with that. He did that today when the Bulls got smoked by the Wolves. He was ready to go for a layup, and then he passed it for a three-pointer. Dude, just fucking shoot the layup. Stop trying to get assists.

James Dolan planted security to get Charles Oakley banned from MSG

I think it's James Dolan continues to disrespect the Garden by putting out awful teams and not caring. And I think, stay woke, that was all a plant to get him [Oakley] banned from the Garden forever because if you noticed, it was security guards all around him. He got mad because I think that's just Charles Oakley's resting heartbeat.

Kevin Garnett is a fake tough guy

Kevin Garnett always struck me as a semi-fake tough guy. His routine was head-butting himself to get pumped up. That's a fake tough guy move. Like punching walls and stuff, that's a fake tough guy move.

Bill Laimbeer would absolutely beat up Kevin Garnett

You think Bill Laimbeer would beat up Kevin Garnett? Yes, absolutely. ... Kevin Garnett, though, isn't really human. So I don't know if he counts in this because he's an alien that was put on Earth to fire people up.

Isaiah Thomas is in the 'Jimmy Butler zone' of being good, but not great

I think that Isaiah Thomas is firmly in my Jimmy Butler zone. ... Good, not great.

Michael Jordan is better than LeBron James because he has the clutch gene

LeBron is a fraud. He's a hot fraud. Michael Jordan's all that. He's an all that guy. Get your 32, 11, 6, bank it. More importantly, clutch gene.

LeBron James' subtweet is the most passive-aggressive thing he has ever done

The big story that we have waiting for the Super Bowl week to start is LeBron with the most passive-aggressive tweet I think I've ever seen... He said, I'm not mad or upset at management... I just feel we still need to improve in order to repeat, dot, dot, dot, if that's what we want to do. That is the most ridiculous subtweet that LeBron has ever, it's not even a subtweet, it's a direct tweet. He didn't add anyone, but he's adding the management.

LeBron James is setting up a pre-planned excuse in case the Cavaliers lose the Finals

[LeBron is] also setting expectations. So, like, if they lose in the finals, like, hypothetically, if it's a 4-0 sweep, hypothetically speaking, that's definitely not me saying that's going to happen. He's got an excuse prepped right there.

Jimmy Butler is a top ten player in the NBA

How many players play on a basketball team? Five. And how many teams play at the same time? Two. Okay, so that's what? Ten. Okay, so the NBA All-Star Game rosters came out. Jimmy Butler was named a starter... that would make him a top ten player.

LeBron James knows he is a physical specimen but still flops to manipulate the game

It's so funny when LeBron has one of those flop moments, and it's almost like he thinks that we don't realize that he's 6'8 and 260 pounds of pure muscle. And this guy's like flopping. Draymond Green's smaller than him. And they collide. And LeBron basically can bulldoze over anyone in the NBA whenever he wants. But at this point, he's dead. And then he pops back up and he's okay.

Joel Embiid needs to earn his 'umlaut' like Yankee stripes

You earn your umlaut, Joel. Your Yankee stripes. That's right. So, here's a little tip, buddy. So you kind of dug yourself in a hole with this one. Maybe bury the hatchet. Go on [Mia Khalifa's] Amazon wish list and buy her... get her that Sibian she's been looking for.

LeBron James is the perfect laboratory-engineered basketball player, more so than Jordan

In all seriousness, I think LeBron is... If you had to clone a guy and put five of him on the floor, he's clearly the guy that you would want. If you're making a basketball player in a laboratory from the ground up, you build LeBron James.

Mike Greenberg's take that the College Football Playoff is better than March Madness is ridiculous

Did anyone tell Greeny that he doesn't know about either of these playoffs because he didn't play sports? ... I mean, it's the most ridiculous statement.

You cannot be a serious basketball analyst if you never played the game

I just want to ask these fucking nerds. Like, did you ever play? ... If you are a basketball dude and you never played basketball, even in your heart of hearts, and you took it seriously, it's hard for me to take you seriously. Because anybody could play basketball, really, until any age.

Shooting 'granny style' should be rebranded to 'pimp grip' to make it cooler for NBA players

I think the problem is that it's called granny style because nobody wants to shoot it with that name. If it was like pimp grip or like called baller style or something like that, I feel like more people would try it.

NBA players are just as tough as hockey players

I think it's more so that people try to go at NBA players like we're soft. Well, we're just as tough. Just as tough as hockey players.

NBA superteams and a lack of parity make the league boring

There's not a lot of parity in the league. It's super teams. Why even watch? If you have one unbelievable player, then it's pretty much a guaranteed win.

It is an ethics violation for NBA media to vote on the All-Star Game

If you're going to have journalists that cover the NBA determining what's going on in the NBA and who's good or not... That's just a major ethics violation. Conflict of interest. Stay in your lane.

LeBron James is taking money out of kids' pockets by resting for games

It's honestly a little bit disgusting on LeBron's part to take a day off... He's taking money out of kids' pockets. He is.

LeBron James is the 'Disney' of the NBA and corny as fuck

He's the Disney of the world. He's the Disney of the NBA. He's the Disney of memes. He makes everything corny as fuck.

You should never do water bottle flips at Madison Square Garden because it is the Mecca

First of all, I just want to jump in and say this is not behavior you do at the Garden. No. Respect the Garden. You can do this at any other stadium, but you don't do that at MSG. Mecca of basketball.

Great winners don't joke around or get complacent in the 4th quarter

Great winners, when they win, they don't get complacent. They want to win more. They don't joke around playing the fourth quarter. You win one championship, and all of a sudden it's all fun and games, rainbows, and ponies.

LeBron James makes every viral trend lame and manufactured

I just realized that this is – LeBron is Disney. He's like, if there's a meme on the internet, he's going to do it in the most Disney lame move ever. You know, like the mannequin challenge. Oh, they did the mannequin challenge at the White House. He just makes everything so fucking lame.

Al Horford should not have missed a game for the birth of his child because basketball is forever

Al Horford skipped a game to be with his wife who is having a kid. But come on, man. They could have lost. It's a kid. Kids come and go. Basketball is forever.

Al Horford should have just blamed his move to Boston instead of his kid for missing a game.

Don't blame it on the kid. Don't blame it on the pregnancy. Just say, hey, guess what, guys? Moving sucks. And everyone will be like, yeah, you know what? You're right.

Magic Johnson is healthier than LeBron James because he conquered AIDS

I would make the case Magic Johnson might be a little bit more healthy [than LeBron]. Like the guys, he's conquered AIDS. 25 years. But I guess they didn't factor AIDS into this equation. But still.

A team of all-star white guys would beat an all-star team of black guys because of 'grit' and 'taking charges.'

Who do you guys think would win, a team of all-star white guys or black guys?... Like I said, a lot of grit on our side. Miles and miles of heart. You guys could just take charges every possession.

NBA players don't start playing real defense until March

Oh, playing defense? Oof, gosh, what, March? I think when the tournament starts and then everybody's like, wow, they play so hard, that's when we're like, okay, now we've got to step it up.

Paul Pierce was just being honest when he criticized Kevin Durant

It's not like Paul's just out there talking about Kevin Durant. Like people are asking him questions and he's answering them honestly... you don't really go at Paul because, you know, he's just answering a question that he was asked.