Takes

The Minnesota Vikings franchise is the 'Hall of Very Good' of NFL teams

Minnesota Vikings franchise hall of very good 65 seasons. 32 playoff appearances in 65 seasons. They've literally been in the playoffs almost exactly half the time. ... They've never won a Super Bowl. They're the hall of very good franchises.

Nobody cares about your fantasy football team

The first pick [for Mount Rushmore of things people don't care about], we will take your fantasy team. Don't care about your fantasy team. It's a good pick. When I say it to someone, I'm like, this is the most boring thing I could possibly tell someone.

Peyton Manning's wife is a Mount Rushmore steroid user

Peyton Manning's wife. Yep. That was my fourth bet... Alleged, all alleged... we are not saying Peyton did it. No, no. His wife, his wife, his wife is a steroid guy. His wife was coming back from a very bad neck injury.

I am willing a Tom Brady return to the Patriots into existence

If I'm gonna put it on my Florio hat real quick here... I will Tom Brady back to the Patriots. ... Tom Brady has been linked to conversations coming back to New England Patriots this year per us.

I bet Hank $50,000 that the Patriots won't make a Super Bowl in the next five years

Hank and I have a five year Super Bowl bet. If the Patriots don't get back to the Super Bowl in the next five years... If they do get there in the next five years, I owe Hank $50,000. If they don't, he owes me 20 grand.

Peyton and Eli Manning are the most overrated siblings of all time

If we're saying most overrated siblings of all time, [the Mannings] would probably be up there. Peyton, everyone talks about Peyton, he basically won one. Eli stole two from [the Patriots].

The David Montgomery run against the Packers is the greatest highlight in football history

If we did a Mount Rushmore of legendary runs, that [David Montgomery run] is number one. We'll always have 'the run'. It's number one.

Kicking a field goal down 8 points in the NFC Championship was a terrible idea

Kicking a field goal down eight with two minutes left and the best quarterback of all time on the opposing team in the NFC championship game. Yes. That would be a bad idea. Mathematically and spiritually also just bad vibes from that decision. My goal is to never, ever let that go.

Sean McDermott is a sleeper pick for a fight because of his wrestling background

This one I think is also pretty obvious, but might not be to the naked eye. It's Sean McDermott. He was a back to back national prep champion wrestler, like all time. Good wrestler had a 61 and oh record surrendering just one take down. You get in a fight, how many people that you fighting know how to wrestle?

Bill Belichick would be an elite fighter because he knows pressure points

Bill Belichick. He's a little older now, but Dalton and Roadhouse where he sees all the angles and he sees a guy with a knife in his boot before the knife comes out. I also feel like he's a big time pressure point guy. He could just walk up to you and you'd faceplant.

Derek Carr will win NFL MVP in 2022

MVP 2,500. Oh wow. Jersey Jerry... Jersey Jerry gave it to me. I put it in. It's the first future I have. MVP the whole league... With one of the best wide receivers actually. And one of the best offensive coordinators. And they had a lot of promise last year.

Russell Wilson will win NFL MVP in 2022

I think I'm gonna pick Russell Wilson because it's like, you know that the narratives there... If the Broncos are incredible, Russell Wilson will get all the credit. Yeah. All of it. Everything... Peyton Manning his first year in Denver what happened? He went fucking nuts. Exactly.

The Green Bay Packers will win the 2023 Super Bowl

The green bay Packers won the 20, 23 super bowl. Congrats. Aaron Rodgers super bowl MVP. Yep. He did it. So when that happens, you guys all remember that it was team cat com that picked that.

The story about Zach Wilson sleeping with his mother's friend is a lie

The reason why it was never clarified is because it's a lie. It was said by a [Sod] lover... They just threw out that slander. Homey hopper. Exactly. I think that Zach is an outstanding man on and off the field.

I always bet the over on Bedlam no matter what

My favorite college tradition... betting the over in Bedlam, no matter what, no matter what. Oklahoma/Oklahoma State play, over, put it on your phone.

Football is the quintessential American thing

Football. Football is the quintessential America. And it is an American, it's just wholly American sport... if you can think of like one, what's the most American thing out there, it's Sunday football.

A quarterback taking snaps under center is low-key gay

Our next pick is a quarterback under center... Pro-style offense. What does that mean? Putting his hands in you basically. The ass. Tom Brady has a very specific way that he likes his center's ass to be... he makes the center put a specific type of towel like in his ass cheeks.

A 'thunder and lightning' backfield is the best thing in football

I'm going to go with thunder and lightning, but specifically in your backfield. Nothing better than that when you got the big bruiser between the tackles and then a scat back on the outside.

Roger Goodell effectively 'starved children' by refusing a $250,000 charitable donation from Marlins Man

Never forget that Roger Goodell elected to starve children instead of accepting money from Marlins Man... That Goodell is not accepting for children.

Bill Romanowski is one of the worst teammates of all time for ending a teammate's career with a punch

I will go with Bill Romanowski. Roy Rage ending his teammate's career by punching him in the face, spitting on people... Bill Romanowski.

Joey Harrington was going to be an unbelievable NFL pro

I would have put my life my 20 no my 18 year old life on this guy being an unbelievable Pro Joey Harrington. I was convinced Joey Harrington was going to be so good... it was also like Oregon up-tempo. This is all new. Who is this guy? Joey Harrington, I was convinced I was going to be that dude.

If Rex Grossman beat Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl, Manning would have never won a ring

I still think that Rex Grossman could be a great quarterback because that arm strength come on... you could say that if Rex Grossman had beaten paid Manning in that game. Peyton Manning would have never wandering correct correct facts.

The Monday Night Football outro is one of the worst sounds in sports

Thank you for watching this presentation of the National Football League on a Monday night. That sucks... you just came off a whole Sunday of football, and then that hits, and you're like, well, no more football for another fucking three days.

The NFL catch rule is getting more confusing and I will never understand it

Still don't understand what a catch in the NFL is. I feel like it's getting more confusing, not less confusing. And, yeah, someday I think we'll get it... if Zach Miller can break a leg in the Saints end zone and [his] broken leg lay on the ground for three seconds and still not have it be a catch, I will never understand a catch.

Kirk Cousins is the most average quarterback of all time

Kirk Cousins, probably the most average quarterback that these two eyes have ever seen. He will beat every team that is less than 8-8, and he will lose to every team that is better than 8-8... you never expect him to do anything great, and guess what? He never does.

Recognizing a flea flicker as it unfolds is one of the greatest thrills in sports

My last one is when you realize that it's not a handoff, but you recognize that it's a flea flicker. When the running back is going deep. When the running back tosses back, everybody who's watching the TV stands up. They're like, oh, shit.

The fullback is the one who actually makes the quarterback successful

Well, [John Kuhn] played, if you look at who he played with, his quarterbacks, Ben Roethlisberger, Aaron Rodgers, Brett Favre, and Drew Brees. There's an argument to be made that the fullback makes the quarterback.

Fullback assists should be an official NFL stat

I would like to actually make the fullback assist a real stat that's recognized. So that's whenever a running back scores a touchdown inside the five-yard line and a fullback makes a block, they should get an assist like in hockey or in soccer.

Barry Sanders is still capable of an NFL comeback

My last one is more of a hypothetical comeback because it hasn't happened yet... Barry Sanders, always going to come back. A lot of rumors ever since he retired. I still think he could go out there and do it. I think he could.

The day after the Super Bowl must be a national holiday

Day after Super Bowl has got to be a national holiday. That's really actually exactly what I would say if I ever stepped foot in the White House.

The Herschel Walker trade is the worst in NFL history

I'll go with the worst trade in NFL history, Herschel Walker to the Vikings that basically started the entire dynasty for the Cowboys in the 90s... and then the Cowboys won three Super Bowls.

Establishing the run game is the foundation of all football success

Mine [Mount Rushmore] is establishing the run game. Love when a team establishes the run game. Just run, run, run, run, run. Because then you get that play-action pass and the cameraman misses. It opens things up. ... Everything starts with establishing the run. That's just a fact.

I could be a professional kicker in the NFL with enough training

I honestly think I could be a professional kicker with enough training.

The New England Patriots would be considered the biggest chokers of all time if not for opposing coaching collapses

A 30 for 30 about how everybody would look at the New England Patriots as being the biggest chokers of all time if it weren't for the three biggest Super Bowl collapse coaching jobs with Pete Carroll, Dan Quinn, and Andy Reid forgetting how clocks work. If it wasn't for those three, then everybody would say [the Patriots] wouldn't be a dynasty. It would be fraud. Overrated.

Never trust a football coach who doesn't use a fullback

My next one is going to be never trust a football coach who doesn't use a fullback. What's he trying to hide? That's a good one. You want a guy that's leading for your teammates out there. What is he trying to hide?

The New England Patriots current jerseys are awful

I'm going to go with the Patriots jersey... No offense, Hank, but I think the Patriots, for being such a great team, have had awful jerseys for the last 20 years.

Jimmy Garoppolo is essentially Cody Kessler with a better logo

The way I've described him is it's like if you go into a shop and you've got 10 shirts that are exactly the same. It's like buying the one with the Nike logo on it. It's not necessarily a better shirt. It just looks better. [Garoppolo] and Cody Kessler is not a big difference.

Mitchell Trubisky will win at least five Super Bowls

Kian, tell me, as a Bears fan, that Mitch Trubisky is going to be a franchise quarterback and probably win no less than five Super Bowls.

Mitchell Trubisky should start immediately rather than sitting

Normally, you want to sit a rookie quarterback if he needs to fix his footwork or fix his throwing motion... But Trubisky's got good feet. He reacts to pressure well... I would play him so he can learn. He's got good accuracy. He's a good athlete. He's really poised. He can go through reads. And I'd happily take him as a starter.

Brock Osweiler has no idea what he is looking at on the field despite his physical advantages

Brock Osweiler is beautiful because he's like a deer in the pocket where he's just falling over himself. And he's got all that height to see everything, but he has no idea what he's looking at. So he just ends up throwing the ball at defenders all day.

Tom Brady showed signs of regression in the 2016 playoffs despite winning the Super Bowl

The playoffs last year weren't great. I know they won the Super Bowl, they came back, but in the fourth quarter of that Falcons game, if you go through it, he threw the ball to defenders. On the Edelman catch, if you look at where that ball arrives and where he threw it, it was straight to the defender... That's just lucky.

Mark Trestman was a smart hiring choice for the Chicago Bears

I said that the Bears thought outside the box when hiring Mark Trestman, and it will pay big dividends as they have one of the smartest coaches in the NFL now.

Bruce Arians should win a Super Bowl in Arizona and then return to Pittsburgh to win another with Ben Roethlisberger

I want him [Bruce Arians] to win a Super Bowl. I want him to win three. Actually, I want him to win one with Arizona and then go back to Pittsburgh and win one there with Big Ben.

Les Miles eating grass makes him a true 'Football Guy'

My first one was Les Miles. Any guy who actually wants to eat the grass of a football field, that's a football guy.

Andy Reid's fupa belt is the worst look for anyone but a football coach

He puts that like right in the middle of his waist. And it's just an awful, awful look for anyone but a football coach.

Christian Ponder has the perfect look of a really good backup quarterback.

I would say that Christian Ponder has the look of a really good backup quarterback. Every good starting quarterback has a little something weird about him. But Ponder is just like, he's a good looking guy. He's just kind of, he's neutral. He's got some muscles. Like you said, he looks good in shorts and a t-shirt. Absolutely. He looks good.

Kyle Orton belongs on the Mount Rushmore of backup quarterbacks.

Kyle Orton, come on. Of course.

Josh McCown is the perfect backup quarterback

Josh McCown is the perfect backup quarterback. Because he doesn't rock the boat. He's just good enough to maybe show a little flash here and there. But then if you have to have him play more than a couple games, you're like, okay. He looks good in a set of front pleated khakis.

Jared Lorenzen is a Mount Rushmore backup quarterback

Friend of the program, Jared Lorenzen. Yes. Has a Super Bowl ring. People forget that.

Jeff Garcia is the quintessential emergency backup quarterback

Jeff Garcia. Oh, man. Dude, he was one of those guys where if your quarterback got injured in the preseason – It could be like five years after Garcia retired. You're going to make a call to Garcia's agent. He's a name that should get thrown around a lot more.