Takes

Joe Buck did nothing wrong with his flyover comments

Recurring guest Joe Buck... our good friend... he's on the hot seat because some rat from the Fox Sports production crew leaked audio of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman talking about the flyover and how it's like a waste of jet fuel... he didn't say anything wrong, right?

The 'Bigger Than Ben' documentary is better and more timely than HBO's Hard Knocks

Summer Ben Roethlisberger being able to update in faster time than Hard Knocks is really an indictment of HBO Sports. Yes, that place is really falling down hill, huh?

The 'Bigger Than Ben' documentary is just a love letter to Roethlisberger's own pain tolerance

It was a love story to his wife, to his own pain tolerance, I would say. And then also I didn't understand the beginning when he was talking about all the haters and it's like who is really hating Ben? ... It was essentially the 'hey we need to remind everyone that Ben's the toughest' quote.

Sachin Tendulkar is the greatest athlete on the planet in terms of cultural impact

I asked you for the biggest Alpha... and Sachin Tendulkar... In a country of over a billion people of every Faith on the planet, there's one God and it's the Master Blaster. Sachin is he's everything. He's LeBron plus Tom plus Usain Bolt times a million in terms of what he means to that country.

Reading a Twitter fight between Clay Travis and Darren Rovell is worse than a 20-year prison sentence

If you're like, hey, you have to go to prison for the next 20 years or you have to spend the next two days reading their [Clay Travis and Darren Rovell] back and forth. I choose prison. Yeah, it's like the most popular nerd verse the least popular not nerd.

The movements in the new Madden are too jerky and unrealistic

The new Madden sucks... the movements my eyes cannot understand the movements. They are all herky-jerky. I don't understand how the players move in that game. It's too hard to play because the kids grow up playing those games that have higher frame rates... these games have gotten too realistic. Give me some glitches. Give me some weird shit.

Media members who hyped the Redskins report to boost their own social cloud are douchebags

The media part pisses me off to no end because anyone who said out loud, there's a big report coming just to flex their own muscles and boost their own fucking social cloud and say, I know something you don't know... you're a douchebag because you basically made it about that.

ESPN+ is the worst app in the history of the world

My entire thoughts on the evening are fuck ESPN+. It's the worst app in the history of the world. Every time there's a fight, this is what happens every single time. I buy it on my phone. Doesn't work on my phone. I try to login on my computer. Doesn't work on my computer.

Monday Night Football has lost its sense of occasion and gone to the dogs

For whatever reason they've let Monday Night Football go to the dogs and it's been that way for a while... Five six seven seasons, they don't have the cameras. They don't have coverage... There's no sense of occasion. They're literally telling you this is Monday and this is football, but you feel like you're watching a game that could be on any day anywhere.

Shitty sports columnists like Phil Mushnick make sports more fun

We need shitty columnists. Shitty columnists make Sports more fun while they're trying to make it less fun. Right, exactly.

NBA 'Aura' rings prove that the wealthy have access to secret medical technology

Why doesn't everybody have a titanium ring that will tell you 3 days in advance if you're going to get [the virus]? It essentially confirms what we all knew but didn't fully know that rich people just have medicine and technology that the rest of us can't have access to that will keep them alive forever.

ESPN's 'Long Gone Summer' documentary stunk because it taught us nothing new

The long-gone summer stunk. It was impressive in the fact that it was a two hour long documentary that taught me absolutely nothing new. It will have—that's a—I've never sat down and watch which should be like a detailed look at an era where they—there were no new facts. It was a YouTube compilation with some Radio Calls.

Sports leagues should offer a 'Darren Rovell-free' broadcast option for extra money

Just give me a Darren Rovell free option and I'll pay extra for that. Right? Even if he wasn't going to be on the original cast, they could be like, hey extra $10 a week to watch Sunday Night Football with no Darren Rovell on. I'd be like, yeah, just to be safe. To make sure that he doesn't show up.

Lance Armstrong is the most self-centered and selfish person in the world

Does who the fuck is Lance Armstrong think he's fooling to be like remorseful without remorse... he's realize he's he's the most self-centered person I think I've ever ever seen like that's not really an exaggeration I think he's the most selfish person the world but he's reached the point in his life where he's had to confront what a dick that he's been in public.

Peter King's power rankings are influenced by which coaches and quarterbacks return his phone calls

Once you get out of the top five, you can tell which coaches and quarterbacks return Peter King's calls. Because that's also why Tom Brady's up there is because he calls him back.

The least realistic thing about Entourage is the four guys being together so often

Whenever anybody asked me about the realistic stuff of the show, the thing I always said was the least realistic thing is that four guys would be together this often.

Dude Perfect is college life if you never drank or talked to girls

If you ever think like, what would it have been like if we didn't drink? Just watch this Dude Perfect. Like if we just never had a sip of alcohol and didn't talk to girls, what would my college life have been like? Dude Perfect documentary.

The Undertaker vs. Mankind 'Hell in a Cell' included an outer-body experience

I kind of had like an outer-body experience when I threw [Mick Foley] off onto the table is like I could see myself standing up there and I could see Mick Falling and it seemed like it took an eternity for him to hit that table.

Mick Foley is one of the five toughest people in WWE history

[Mick Foley] is definitely top five. That's for sure. Some of the bumps he's taken is this like proof they're off the chart.

The Undertaker and Kane storyline is the greatest in WWE history

I think the the storyline of you and Kane and Paul Bearer is the greatest story line that that has ever been written in the WWE... [Taker responds] it just it just grew and grew... it was so many layers to it.

Clever comedians will always find a way to thrive despite PC or 'woke' culture

Whenever a new stricture comes along, there's always someone that can then come along and find a cool way around it that actually advances things. ... Now it's the PC woke people trying to tamper everything down. People find clever ways around it. There's always the push and then the push through. ... Our job is to find the clever way around it. The clever way around it is to not throw a temper tantrum.

Episode 7 of The Last Dance was the strongest episode of the entire documentary

I thought Episode 7 was the strongest episode of the entire documentary. It was so, so well done.

Established media columnists in the 90s were no better than modern-day Twitter eggs

It's wild to think that in the mid nineties media, all these people who were given columns were no better than just like some Twitter egg that wanted to like put this shit out there and they got away with it and they still have jobs to this day.

Video games should only be played with a controller, regardless of PC or Console

I play video games with a controller. Like I'll never play video games... [without a controller]. Video games we play with a controller. Yes. I don't want to hear anything different.

Rick Pitino is definitely a guy who has nipple rings

I think the two of them probably have a lot in common as you like Cuomo Rick Pitino has probably a nipple ring guy. Yeah. Oh, yeah big time nipple ring guy if he doesn't have them he loves them.

Dan Orlovsky uses his kids' handprints on footballs to prevent people from trolling him

He is constantly reminding people watching him, hey, if you're going to tweet at me about running out of the back of the end zone, just remember you're doing that to a father of three. His background should just be him like behind the end zone and then to his right should be the end zone... He's just permanently in the back of the end zone when he's on TV.

Darren Rovell is legitimately losing his mind

Rovell is kind of a misunderstood but nice guy. I think he's losing it—like he is legit losing his mind. He's on a bender from non-alcoholic beer. This is what happens when you drink like 12 a day for a week straight.

Mr. Portnoy is more valuable in a media trade than Dickie V

I would say. Mr. Portnoy is more valuable than Dickie V at this point... Mr. Portnoy still has like a decade left, at least.

ESPN wanted Tony Romo so the NFL would give them better matchups

I think they were just ESPN was thinking if we get [Romo] in our booth then maybe we'll get like some Steelers Patriots matchups on Monday Night Football figure it out later... having a guy that Roger Goodell likes working for your company will make Roger Goodell just like give you all the business advantages.

Pay-per-view shamers need to get a life

You pay per view shamers. I see you you guys get get a fucking life the people who pre complain about the fight there like I'm not going to buy the fight because probably the last like three rounds and the undercard sucks. It's not about the fight. It is about the fight but it's also about the experience of buying the pay-per-view and being like, holy shit.

All screenwriting books are absolute bullshit

I just said for the fuck of it one day: All screenwriting books are bullshit. All of them. Read screenplays, watch movies, and let those be your guide... if you have to go to a Radisson for a seminar, it's fake. It's fake.

You only learn a commissioner's name if they have fucked up

If you learn a commissioner's name it's because they fucked up at some point. It's like learning the name of an offensive lineman or a referee in football.

U.S. NFL players would dominate Olympic Handball within months

You play a sport that if we decided to stop playing all the other sports, there would be a lot of guys better than what you're doing. ... If we were to take our best NFL players and put them in rugby uniforms... we would be much, much better. ... I'm not saying that I would be a gold medal handballist. I'd be probably a top pro. [Baker] his arm is better than any handballist's arm.

Michael Wilbon's 'Lordy' tweet was just a way to hide that he was horny online

That Lordy is, I got my pants out. I got my pants off, and I'm cranking it right now. That Lordy means shit. Like, Michael Wilbon was undressed when J-Lo started bouncing her booty around.

Stephen A. Smith will be extra spicy because of his apple cider vinegar cleanse

Stephen A. Smith just announced that he's going on a seven-day apple cider vinegar cleanse... He's going to be on a First Take just with a mouth tasting like all kinds of soy sauce... and he's going to have an empty belly. He's going to be sweating... a hungry dog runs faster.

Gus Johnson is not a good football announcer

I just firing off some takes that I've been sitting on and I got ratioed because I don't think Gus Johnson is a good football announcer. Okay. And people got mad.

Kevin Harlan is the best play-by-play announcer in all sports

Kevin Harlan I actually was thinking about this because he... honestly might be my favorite play-by-play like all sports.

I will fight anyone who is genuinely mad about John Rothstein's texts

If you have a problem with John Rothstein texting good luck and most of the time getting left just completely ignored by the coach, come fight us. I will actually punch somebody... open invite to anyone who is mad about this genuinely mad. If you have to actually be mad, we will fight you.

Mike Greenberg is an unapologetic beta

The beauty of Mike Greenberg is that he is an unapologetic beta and that's why I love him so very deeply... he's someone who's like 'I'm a dork'.

Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are the Mount Rushmore of Daily Show history

Stewart and Colbert... I think the two that everybody – you bear their fingerprints is either Colbert or Stewart. To me.

Mike Francesa definitely farted on air

This is well. There's a two parts that he definitely farted. Number one. That's not a question. He then also in like the last play he had he farted on Tuesday and announced his retirement on Wednesday. That's how quickly it happens.

I would return to WWE for $20 to $25 million

I think the conversation would have to start at somewhere like, I don't know, 20, 25 [million].

WWE intentionally fired me on my wedding day out of malice

It's impossible to think that it [firing] was anything but done maliciously and on purpose... they didn't ruin my day... I talk to Triple H two days before that and he was like, hey, let's talk. I was like, can I talk after my honeymoon? My wife worked there. She asked for the day off to get married. So the idea that they didn't know that that was the date and I was getting married is impossible.

Rapping is only 20% of being successful in the music industry

I think personally, rapping is like 20% of it. And it doesn't mean that you don't have the 100% potential and experience and lyrics and, you know, do what you do. But I feel like people forget about the business side.

Bill Walton should be the commentator for every sporting event televised

Bill Walton watching a baseball game is just, it's incredible. He should do way more games. I don't know why they haven't thought of this, but he should just do everything. When they do the Ocho on ESPN, it should just be Bill Walton.

Bill Simmons genuinely wants to stop the union at The Ringer

There's a part of me that thinks that what Dave was doing part edge stick today is exactly what Bill Simmons wants to do for real. Bill Simmons lucked into this day because holy shit.

Spontaneity and the feeling that anything can happen at any time is lost in today's wrestling product

When you used to watch, you know, back in the Attitude Era... it was a sense of urgency. You felt like anything could happen at any one time. And to me, it's just maybe, I'm not picking on today's product, but I'm just saying the spontaneity is lost. Like that feeling that anything could happen is lost.

If I could go back to WrestleMania 17, I would have hit Vince McMahon with a stunner and maintained my babyface run

If I could call the Audible now, I would have just told him, hey, man, I ain't feeling it... if I could go back, I just said, hey, man, I'm calling an audible, watch the stunner. And then stunned [Vince's] ass and would have maintained my baby face run.

ESPN is ruining the UFC's broadcasting model

Fuck ESPN for what they're doing to the UFC. That's a dumb, stupid fucking model. Makes no sense where the fuck you put the fights. I can't buy it or you can't buy it and it's on Sling, but then you go to Sling and it played three hours earlier.

Challenges and replay in sports are bad because they prevent fans from complaining about being screwed

I'm firmly in the stance that everyone who wants more replay and more challenges, what you're going to do is you're going to get a world where we can't complain about anything. And watching sports is half of it is winning. And the other half is saying why your team didn't lose. They got screwed.