Takes

I am going to retire from podcasting in three years

I'm going to retire in like three years... I think as soon as I'm like, it's funny being old right now, but then when I'm real old, old, it'll be like, this sucks.

Drew Brees will not be a good broadcaster

I got a hot take. I don't think Drew Brees is going to be that good in the booth... There's going to be a wave of people being like, and as much shit as we give Tony Romo, he's objectively good... I don't think Drew Brees has a personality. I would sell all my stock on Drew Brees being good in the booth.

Pardon My Take is in danger because Rex Chapman is starting a sports podcast

My fire fest is we're fucked boys and girls. Pardon My Take is fucked because Rex Chapman is doing his own sports podcast... I don't think that there's any chance that we can compete with Rex just saying like, 'We don't deserve dogs, brah.'

Gronk would be an elite lacrosse player without needing stick skills

Gronk wouldn't even have to worry about stick skills. I mean, the stick would be invisible. You'd stick him on attack, and he'd be able to run through everybody.

The Water Dogs MUST draft Chris Hogan in the Premier Lacrosse League

[Chris Hogan] has declared for the Premier League lacrosse draft... We have equity in the Water Dogs. Whatever we have to do to get Chris Hogan on our team, we have to do it.

Tom Brady's 'drunk' tweet and stumble off the boat were a choreographed joke.

I'm very woke about the drunk Tom Brady tweet thing because I think it was on purpose... He was having fun with the fact that people thought he was too hammered to walk after he got off the boat. I think they were doing it as a joke. I think the guys were like, 'hey, let's pretend that Tom, you're so hammered that you can't walk.' Tom Brady has gotten so good at the Internet in the last three years that I think he's fucking with everybody.

Darren Rovell should have to delete his Twitter account forever if I beat him in a fight

I will kick his ass. If he agrees to delete his Twitter account, I want to wipe them off the face of the internet. I feel like I am, I'm fighting for not just myself, but everybody that's had to wake up to Darren Rovell, tweeting out a video in 4k of JFK getting his skull blown off.

Darren Rovell is only challenging PFT to a fight for the engagement and would weasel out of a real match

My first thought when I saw him say he would fight for $2 million is that Darren Rovell would get in the ring and literally sprint around for three minutes straight... And then as everyone called him a coward, he'd be like, whatever... I'm $2 million richer. Ha, ha, ha, ha.

The return of the EA Sports College Football game is a monumental and universally loved day

The best day I haven't seen the Internet universally love something more than this game returning. It is so fucking great. It is going to take like two or three years, which who cares? ... This was a monumental day. This is a great day.

In-person interviews will likely return after the Fourth of July

Would you guys say over, under, Fourth of July? [for having people back in-person] Over, probably, if I'm being realistic, yeah. I really hope that it does [happen].

Part of My Take is the undisputed number one podcast

Bangers. No matter what. That's just a fact. Pardon My Take is number one... We don't brag because, you know what, when you get to a point where you just don't have to brag because the people know. The real people know. Don't let everyone else try to tell you some other story. Just know what it is and how it's been for basically five years.

The PLL and MLL merger is a monumental moment in lacrosse history

I think that this is actually probably like a huge moment in the lacrosse history. This is like when the NFL and AFL merged.

Twitter's decision to discontinue Periscope is a mistake

Hot Seat Periscope. It's been discontinued in March. The Twitter made the decision to, it's going to be Twitter live. So the memories that the Cat caves there. Twitter does that. They choose the wrong thing to do and do it more than any company that's ever existed.

A period is the only acceptable punctuation for a social media blowout tweet

I've definitely noticed the Final period, period is the, the piece of punctuation you'd have to use. Like if it's a blowout, you can't do a comma. You certainly can't do a semi-colon because then that opens you up for more. Final period conveys like the right amount of sobriety and conveys, like we're not going to discuss this anymore.

Bill Walton's commentary only works at 11:00 PM; he is 'exposed' during daytime games

The problem is it's in the middle of the day. Bill Walton is exposed when he's in the middle of the day. It's usually 11 o'clock at night... and it's pretty much just you and Bill Walton. Right now, the whole world's kind of watching because it's sports during the day... we've got to get him off of this daytime slot.

Vine was the perfect social media app

Vine, it was the most perfect app that's ever been invented. Vine was everything that TikTok and Instagram stories and fleets always wanted to be. Vine was the perfect app. Six seconds. It also, Vine was like the greatest, because TikTok, anyone can do anything... Having to be funny in six seconds or less is very hard to do.

I will be addicted to Twitter Fleets within a month

We're actually really going to like fleets. I'm guaranteeing. Give me a month. I'll be addicted to fleets.

Camo Crocs are sick and making a comeback

Camo Crocs are sick. Crocs might be making a comeback.

Scott Hanson is a superior RedZone host to Andrew Siciliano

Who do I have to tell go Siciliano? Oh my gosh... I'm taking PFT's gun and shooting Siciliano... why is that? [Scott] Hanson is far superior. He's an animal. He is outstanding what he does.

Stephen A. Smith refusing to mock the Cowboys is the meanest thing you can do to a fan

By saying this, this is the most he could ever make fun of... saying you're not even worthy to be made fun of, I feel so bad for you... I'm taking away the very last smidge of relevancy that you have is me making fun of you when you lose. This is the meanest thing that we could ever do to you.

Being an NFL media personality is more mentally exhausting than actually playing in the NFL

I get more tired at this than I did at playing... when the bodies are exhausted, the mind is still racing... But in this [media], when you're exhausted, you're exhausted here in the mind... the mind is shut down. I never was going to shut down after a long game on Sunday.

Joe Buck did nothing wrong with his flyover comments

Recurring guest Joe Buck... our good friend... he's on the hot seat because some rat from the Fox Sports production crew leaked audio of Joe Buck and Troy Aikman talking about the flyover and how it's like a waste of jet fuel... he didn't say anything wrong, right?

Gen Z's lack of cable is the primary reason for declining sports TV ratings

Our biggest fan base comes from gen Z and younger Millennials... consume more basketball and NBA than any sport online but they don't have cable. They don't have satellite and so they couldn't even get ESPN and TNT. So that's a real problem for us... it's not about making excuses, the reality is this is just a different year.

The 'Bigger Than Ben' documentary is better and more timely than HBO's Hard Knocks

Summer Ben Roethlisberger being able to update in faster time than Hard Knocks is really an indictment of HBO Sports. Yes, that place is really falling down hill, huh?

Sports will never return to a state where players don't use their leverage for political activism

I don't think it's ever going to go back to players not using their leverage in terms of getting into political arguments or political discussions or activism or that sort of thing. So at this point it's like you can either stop watching sports entirely or you can just kind of accept that this is going to be the new normal. You're putting your head in the sand if you think that it's ever going to go back to more of the way it was when these two things didn't interact as much.

The 'Bigger Than Ben' documentary is just a love letter to Roethlisberger's own pain tolerance

It was a love story to his wife, to his own pain tolerance, I would say. And then also I didn't understand the beginning when he was talking about all the haters and it's like who is really hating Ben? ... It was essentially the 'hey we need to remind everyone that Ben's the toughest' quote.

Thom Brennaman will lose his job for his hot mic slur

So if you're living under a rock he... had a hot mic situation where he used a homophobic slur and probably is going to lose his job.

Kirk Herbstreit and Chris Fowler on Monday Night Football will be phenomenal

One positive. Let's finish this with one positive Kirk Herbstreit, Chris Fowler on Monday Night Football will be phenomenal. They're a great Monday Night Football both they and they're going to call Monday night.

Sachin Tendulkar is the greatest athlete on the planet in terms of cultural impact

I asked you for the biggest Alpha... and Sachin Tendulkar... In a country of over a billion people of every Faith on the planet, there's one God and it's the Master Blaster. Sachin is he's everything. He's LeBron plus Tom plus Usain Bolt times a million in terms of what he means to that country.

Reading a Twitter fight between Clay Travis and Darren Rovell is worse than a 20-year prison sentence

If you're like, hey, you have to go to prison for the next 20 years or you have to spend the next two days reading their [Clay Travis and Darren Rovell] back and forth. I choose prison. Yeah, it's like the most popular nerd verse the least popular not nerd.

The movements in the new Madden are too jerky and unrealistic

The new Madden sucks... the movements my eyes cannot understand the movements. They are all herky-jerky. I don't understand how the players move in that game. It's too hard to play because the kids grow up playing those games that have higher frame rates... these games have gotten too realistic. Give me some glitches. Give me some weird shit.

Jay Glazer 'held the world hostage' with a dud scoop about a player getting COVID

Jay Glazer held the world hostage for 24 hours thinking he was going to break the biggest news ever and then just told us a guy [Brian Allen] got coronavirus. But he was fine. Hundreds of thousands of, I think millions, yeah, millions of people have had coronavirus and he was like, big news coming tomorrow.

Media members who hyped the Redskins report to boost their own social cloud are douchebags

The media part pisses me off to no end because anyone who said out loud, there's a big report coming just to flex their own muscles and boost their own fucking social cloud and say, I know something you don't know... you're a douchebag because you basically made it about that.

Woj will only be suspended for 24 hours and will be back by Tuesday

I think he's going to be suspended for like 24 hours. He's going to be back breaking news on Tuesday. Well, how can you suspend a person who's just like reporting news?

ESPN+ is the worst app in the history of the world

My entire thoughts on the evening are fuck ESPN+. It's the worst app in the history of the world. Every time there's a fight, this is what happens every single time. I buy it on my phone. Doesn't work on my phone. I try to login on my computer. Doesn't work on my computer.

Gambling on which celebrities or athletes will test positive for coronavirus should be a new sport.

They should let us start betting on these things. They should let us start betting on who tested positive and that will be its own sport... It's basically like watching reality television like Big Brother with celebrities and then the gamble is who will stay coronavirus free.

It is easier to make the US Olympic handball team than it is to bowl a 300 game

What's harder to do: roll a 300 or make the US Olympic team handball team? Absolutely make the US Olympic handball team is easier than rolling a 300.

Joe Rogan is officially uncancellable

Twitter decided to go like they went full send and I'm going to tip my cap to The cancel Brigade because they went for the final boss Joe Rogan and failed... he is uncancelled because he would actually let's say that Twitter was able to get his contract with Spotify canceled, right? He would just take that ride that wave of publicity. Go back to what he was doing before and still make a shitload of money.

Monday Night Football has lost its sense of occasion and gone to the dogs

For whatever reason they've let Monday Night Football go to the dogs and it's been that way for a while... Five six seven seasons, they don't have the cameras. They don't have coverage... There's no sense of occasion. They're literally telling you this is Monday and this is football, but you feel like you're watching a game that could be on any day anywhere.

Shitty sports columnists like Phil Mushnick make sports more fun

We need shitty columnists. Shitty columnists make Sports more fun while they're trying to make it less fun. Right, exactly.

NBA 'Aura' rings prove that the wealthy have access to secret medical technology

Why doesn't everybody have a titanium ring that will tell you 3 days in advance if you're going to get [the virus]? It essentially confirms what we all knew but didn't fully know that rich people just have medicine and technology that the rest of us can't have access to that will keep them alive forever.

Tearing twins apart at birth causes permanent psychological separation anxiety

I think the reason they didn't open up the study is that they realize that by tearing twins apart actually made them crazy. Remember when they said they had separation anxiety? I think that's what they found out... you tear apart two twins they get fucked up from it.

ESPN's 'Long Gone Summer' documentary stunk because it taught us nothing new

The long-gone summer stunk. It was impressive in the fact that it was a two hour long documentary that taught me absolutely nothing new. It will have—that's a—I've never sat down and watch which should be like a detailed look at an era where they—there were no new facts. It was a YouTube compilation with some Radio Calls.

PFT Commenter will finally beat Hank in a ping-pong match

Tuesday tuned in, we're going to go dogs at three stool streams. PFT, I think PFT's going to win. I'm hear he's going to win ping-pong against Hank.

Sports leagues should offer a 'Darren Rovell-free' broadcast option for extra money

Just give me a Darren Rovell free option and I'll pay extra for that. Right? Even if he wasn't going to be on the original cast, they could be like, hey extra $10 a week to watch Sunday Night Football with no Darren Rovell on. I'd be like, yeah, just to be safe. To make sure that he doesn't show up.

Lance Armstrong is the most self-centered and selfish person in the world

Does who the fuck is Lance Armstrong think he's fooling to be like remorseful without remorse... he's realize he's he's the most self-centered person I think I've ever ever seen like that's not really an exaggeration I think he's the most selfish person the world but he's reached the point in his life where he's had to confront what a dick that he's been in public.

Lance Armstrong is exactly like Pete Rose in how he only admits to what he's already been caught for

[Lance] actually reminds me a lot of Pete Rose in the way that he deals with things where he wants he's like caught red-handed he'll admit something and maybe he'll give you like a little bit past what you already know about right but then you ask them well what about all this other stuff and then he'll put up like one blocker but like no I never did that.

Peter King's power rankings are influenced by which coaches and quarterbacks return his phone calls

Once you get out of the top five, you can tell which coaches and quarterbacks return Peter King's calls. Because that's also why Tom Brady's up there is because he calls him back.

Roger Goodell is actually on the Barstool payroll to play the ultimate heel

There's actually a conspiracy theory going on now that Roger Goodell works for Barstool because he continually plays into our hands. And I actually am starting to buy it. I'm starting to think that it's not so far off to think that Roger Goodell is on Barstool's payroll deliberately to play the heel.

Fake crowd noise in sports broadcasts is a good idea with no downside

I'm totally down with the fake crowd noise. They had it for the Bundesliga. I thought it was awesome. It really does make it seem like a real game... I don't see any downside. I know the opposition to that is we want to hear the players talk, but as soon as players know that they're on a live mic, they're not going to talk the same way.