Takes

Being the designated TV remote guy at a bar is a 10 out of 10 job

Had dinner at a local establishment last night and was informed that someone on staff was the designated TV remote guy to switch between games. No bartending, no waiting tables, just ball. 10 out of 10 job. You don't do this job without immense pride. It's the best job ever.

If your relationship is built on the Chili's Triple Dipper, you will make it

If the foundation of your relationship is the Chili's Triple Dipper or bottomless chips and salsa, you're gonna make it. They're not thinking prenups or joint bachelorette parties.

Doing 30 minutes of cardio drastically improves your video game performance

If you do 30 minutes of cardio, it could drastically change performance in virtual worlds such as video games. I hit the treadmill last night... I was two and three, but that's drastically better because the previous evenings I was like oh and six, oh and seven.

Midweek college basketball is better than the NBA

That's why I love college basketball so much, especially this time of year where every game feels so important... there's nothing like these college basketball games, a midweek game where the crowd and you get true home court advantage. And it feels like there's big, big time stakes.

Landon Dickerson and Lane Johnson will definitely be back for the Eagles next season

They'll be back. They'll be back... a couple months away from the game and you know, your body starts to heal up a little bit. You start to get that itch, they'll be back.

LeBron James is the face of the NBA until the day he retires

As long as LeBron's in the league, LeBron is not only the face of the league, but definitely has a weighted opinion on basketball... LeBron is the face of the league until he is no longer in the league.

The average global height for men is only 5'9"

I'm also five nine like Diego Pavia... That is average globally. I have, you never take what you take out that NFC West... When we say globally, we mean globally. Right. So five nine.

LeBron James is officially obsessed with golf

He is checked out. He's got the bug. He's officially obsessed with golf. I would like to see his YouTube stats... I think he's deep into the Pop Does Sports Universe. He probably watched the Internet Invitational.

The Rams money line is the play because of Sean McVay's new baby

Sean McVay, they, the Rams money line's gotta be the play. ... Absolutely. New baby. Good vibes.

The future of the NBA is in Victor Wembanyama and Sam Presti's hands

I would say the future of basketball's in [Wembanyama] and Sam Presti's hands. ... The Thunder are also in Dodger land. They are in Dodger land. ... Which is insane 'cause they're doing it with a cat.

Trix Yogurt is an elite-tier snack

TRX Yogurt is elite. The best. No free ads, but that's a good free ads. Do they exist? ... TRX Yogurt was discontinued in 2016... but it's since returned to the market.

Jalen Hurts catching his own Hail Mary rebound would be the coolest play in sports history

The wide angle of the Hail Mary came out and Jalen Hurts tried to get his own rebound. ... I'll say this right now, if that ever happens, that will be the coolest play in all of sports. ... That was sports history. If there, the fact that he got as far down as he did was... if there was a, if there was two bobs, he would've been there.

Bill Nye and Weird Al are the two people whose cancellation would wreck my childhood

I respect Bill Nye just as a human. He would be probably top five for me in terms of if Bill Nye was canceled for being a scumbag... that would wreck my childhood. It's him and Weird Al. Those are the two big ones.

The MLB rivalry between the Padres and Mariners is called the 'Eddie Vedder Cup'

It's the Eddie Vedder Cup... The competition is named after Pearl Jam front man, rock and roll legend Eddie Vedder, who lived in both cities during his life and personally designed the trophy, which features a guitar.

Number 47 is a terrible number for a BYU quarterback

Bear's a bad start. You can't. You put harder earned money on a team and you see a quarterback coming out wearing number 47. Terrible number for a quarterback.

I have no confidence in the Phillies right now

I, I, I'm, I'm tuned in. I watch every game. It's just, I, it's, I don't know. They're frustrating squad... Dude, I just don't have a lot of confidence in this, in this team right now.

Mike Vrabel will immediately set a no-nonsense tone as a consultant for the Patriots

Vrabel is back and it's no longer the Jerod Mayo. Did you guys see this clip of Mike Vrabel... He's a boss. He's just gonna be a boss. That's a tone set. That's a man that has teenage sons at home.

The Buccaneers' 1976 throwback uniforms are top-tier and should move them up the jersey rankings

Inside this box is an early look at the modern nod to the original 1976 jersey... That thing is awesome. Those are crispy. No, those are crispy. They look great. I mean, that's hot. I know you guys were ranking jerseys the other day, I mean this has to get—we gotta go up the ladder.

Optic Texas is officially back-to-back world champions and their greatness can't be denied

My Cool Throne this week goes out to the gentleman at Optic Texas. They defeated the Vancouver surge... back to back champions. First ever in history. Back to back champions. I'm not even Optic guy, but you can't deny greatness. Mercury back to back. Never been done.

Installing a soft serve ice cream machine in the office is a life-changing move

I reassessed my life and I realized that a life without constant access to soft serve ice cream is not a life I want to live anymore... I trade [shooting a diamond out of my dick] in a heartbeat. I mean a soft serve machine. It's like a, it's a gold mine. It's a dream of mine. It's the best. I love soft serve ice cream. It's so good. And it's good for you.

Aaron Rodgers is repeating the Brett Favre path exactly

Aaron Rodgers... it is Cats in the Cradle with Brett Favre. He's just learning everything from [him] and he hated Brett Favre for it too. It's perfect.

The human body has a physical limit and the 100-meter dash world record will eventually plateau

At some point, I've always wondered this about a hundred meter dash, like when is it gonna be the fastest that you'll ever run? Because like the human body can only go so fast.

Novak Djokovic is the undisputed GOAT of tennis

Carlos Alcaraz... he got fucking worked by Kovich the goat. Djokovic is 37 years old and I thought, big bad Carlos Alcaraz, no one can beat this guy. Not so fast.

The rumored Conor McGregor vs. Logan Paul boxing match will be a 'shitty money grab' that sucks

Conor McGregor tweeted that the rumors of about with Rio are false. I'm in preliminary agreements... to face Logan Paul in a boxing exhibition in India... It's probably gonna suck. I'm sick of it. This might be, so they fight someone who's actually like at the top of their game.

I love the NBA Cup courts and the point differential incentive

I am a full NBA cup guy... The courts I love. I like something different. I also love the fact, and this is probably because I like to gamble on overs that teams are playing for point differential. That makes it fun.

The Celtics are attacking the next title rather than defending the old one

Joe Mazzulla, Celtics coach, was doing an interview and they asked him about how he feels about defending the title and he basically just took down the term forever. He said the phrase 'defending a title' is a very passive-aggressive term. If you look at the animal kingdom, some of the strongest animals don't defend—they're the most aggressive and they attack the most. So we're attacking the title.

Kirk Cousins has surprisingly good taste in music

This guy [Kirk Cousins] has good taste in music now. Or maybe, maybe we're just washed. It's actually 90% of a pop punk playlist. These are actually, this is our set list.

The first few weeks of college are the best time of your life and you should embrace it

Every year, no matter what, it's these last two weeks of August when I see kids going back to college, I'm like, fuck. That was, that's it. It is the fastest four years of your life. So just embrace it and like close your eyes and live in the moment. September is such a joke in college. You don't go to any of your classes. You don't have to worry about anything.

Robert Saleh is actually making football hard again for the Jets

My cool throne is for Aaron Rodgers because when we had Aaron Rodgers on for Chill Week, he told us 'make football hard again.' And he said that the Jets camp this year is much harder and maybe the hardest in the last seven or eight years of his career. And he said that Robert Saleh is like really cracking the whip.

Dricus du Plessis is waking up from the dead and has the world in front of him after beating Israel Adesanya

My cool throne is Dricus du Plessis winning a fight. Coming back out of nowhere. Coming, waking up from the dead... now he's got the world in front of him.

Brandon Aiyuk does not want to come to the Patriots

Brandon Aiyuk rumors were were hustling and bustling... a report came out today, which isn't official that it's gonna happen with the Steelers. I think it means he doesn't want to come [to the Patriots].

Noah Lyles has every right to brag about being the fastest man on Earth after winning Olympic gold

She had a take, can you really brag about being the fastest person on earth if you win a race by 0.005 seconds?... I think [Noah Lyles] can if you win the gold medal.

If Tarik Skubal gets traded to the Dodgers, my Cy Young bet is in trouble

Tarik Skubal, who is the presumptive Cy Young favorite... is possibly gonna get traded... I bet it right then and there. So I have plus 400. I think he's like minus 125 now. But he might get traded to the Dodgers. If he gets traded to the Dodgers, I'm fucked. You don't want him in the National League. They only base their voting on what you did in your new league.

Human beings just become worms after they die

I think what happens after you die is you get eaten by worms. We all just become worms.

Three beers is the perfect amount for playing a round of golf

Drank three beers and then the round ended and he ended up in a playoff and won the playoff... he was like, three beers are gonna make me play perfect. Like yes. It's the perfect amount. It is... for the people that say like, I need, you know, you hit a bad shot or you have a couple bad holes. You're like, I need to drink three beers.

The winner of the US Open will shoot between minus five and minus one

No, I would like minus five to minus one. [to win]

Jared Goff is no longer a bridge quarterback after proving everyone wrong with the Lions

When the trade happened, everybody was saying like, they're gonna use Jared Goff as a bridge quarterback. Now he's he's not a bridge. ... it felt like there was Yeah, when he got traded for the Rams, it's like, oh, his career's over and now he's he's proven everyone wrong.

The Celtics are lock for the NBA Finals

Celtics are in the finals.

Fanatics MLB jerseys are complete pieces of shit

It's starting to bother me now that I'm watching a little more baseball. Just like not being able to read the pitcher's jersey. And it seems like every single night there's a new example of the jerseys just being pieces of shit.

I am not scared of Chicago winters after my first year living there

I just, I don't know. It, it's been incredible. There's been four bad days and two of them had playoff football on. I lived in Massachusetts, New Hampshire. Those are way worse. I'm not scared of the winter here. That's my point.

Grown men getting ice cream by themselves is actually great

Do you know grown men who go get ice cream by themselves? I don't. It's very strange. [Big Cat responding to Clay Travis quote] Literally all the time I get ice cream. I'm gonna do that as a protest tonight. I'm gonna get ice cream by myself... Ice cream by yourself is actually great.

UMass moving to the MAC is great for 'MACtion' and weeknight football

My cool Throne is Mion, we're getting more Mion because UMass is getting added, which means more games back... more weeknight football eventually.

Notre Dame will never get higher than a 5-seed in the 12-team CFP

If Notre Dame is the best team in the country, they get the number five seed. [Because] the four highest ranked conference champions will be seeds one through four.

The Taco Bell Cheez-It Crunchwrap will be elite

Let me just say that The Cheez-It Crunchwrap looks elite. Yes. It looks, I without tasting it, I can tell you that's probably on my Mount Rushmore of Taco Bell Foods.

MetLife Stadium is cursed

My Hot Seat is MetLife Stadium. It was recently announced that the very cursed stadium in the NFL world will be hosting the 2026 World Cup final... however, I believe they're switching it to grass. Correct? They are. But it's still cursed.

Andy Reid will never retire because he has no hobbies except football and cheeseburgers

Andy Reid, who is not gonna retire. This is all he does. I'm trying to get Andy to play golf. I'm trying to get him to go hunting. He just won't do it. Andy Reid also has a bucket list... it's just eating in different countries. My prediction, they win the Super Bowl, he probably goes to France. Eats his way through France.

You must always defer the coin toss if you win it

Why would you not defer, why would you not get the ball back to, to start the second half? I just assumed that was like a, a cardinal fundamental rule. And then when you look at the stats... I think you should just defer every time.

Liberty Football's 2.96 GPA is actually good for a team GPA

Liberty Football. They tweeted ... 2.96 cumulative GPA. ... It's actually not terrible for a team. It's really good. ... football team. It's the old, 'I didn't play school'.

Nikola Jokic is the best player in the world

Yoic. Did you know that He leads the NBA in points, rebounds, and assists right now. Jesus. It's fucking insane what Yoic is doing. He's so good. I think, I feel like we're in the trap of not appreciating how great Yoic is. Yeah. He's the best player in the world.

The NBA In-Season Tournament is a success

My Cool Throne is the NBA in season tournament because it kind of rocks... It was an awesome crowd. The crowd was awesome... I was critical at first. It didn't make sense in the beginning, but now that it's more organized... I'm a fan.