Takes

The Celtics should intentionally lose two games to the Cavaliers to get battle-tested for the finals

I stand by my take. I still think they should intentionally lose some games to the Cavs... I think two. That way when they get to the Finals they're like, yeah, we've had our battles.

Professional golfers should never miss a putt from 10 feet or closer

Golfers should be better at putting. That's something like if you're a professional golfer, you should just never miss a putt anything 10 feet and in. Should never be missed. Ever. But that's just me.

I like getting a single bug bite

I like a good bug bite. Just a good, just a good old fashioned bug bite. Like maybe on the top of your shin. Nice little spot. You can scratch it a little... A single bug bite on the top of your shin. Just a little itch. Not so bad.

Taylor Swift should give up half her money to men to help the Chiefs win championships.

Basically what we're saying is that Taylor Swift should give up half of her money to men. Is that too much to ask? No, I thought we were about equality. Equality matters 50%. And if she, if she was a true Chiefs fan, she would be like, 'Hey Travis, take the league minimum and let's go win another championship.' Rings... it sounds like she's only about her personal engagement ring, not a Super Bowl ring.

Caleb Williams is the Ben Simmons of the NFL

I've been thinking about Caleb Williams. There's, there's a player that he reminds me of. Little bit of a diva off the court. Really big into the fashion life, the pop star life. A can't miss prospect. ... Ben Simmons. Ben Simmons was the next LeBron. ... Ben Simmons was a can't miss prospect. ... Both teams missed the [college] playoffs... Think about Ben Simmons.

I refuse to walk through revolving doors because you are a sitting duck if they get stuck

I won't walk through revolving doors. Because like one of them gets stuck, then you're just a sitting duck. Avoid them. Get stuck, you're, you're screwed.

If Scottie Scheffler doesn't win at least five Green Jackets, his career is a bust

Scotty's just, he's, he's only 27 years old. How over under, what would be a disappointment in terms of total major? Yeah. If he doesn't win five green jackets. I think his career was a bust. Yeah. I'd say he got two right now at 27. I think he has to get to 10 majors.

UFC overtime should consist of a five-foot octagon where fighters punch each other until someone wins

That should be overtime in all the UFCs just stand, they they shrink the octagon. Yeah. and just like five feet in diameter, just stand in there and punch each other until somebody wins.

OJ Simpson is in heaven because they needed a great running back

I got into a little tiff with Jose Canseco online... because when OJ died, I said, RIP to OJ Simpson. Heaven just got a great running back. Jose Canseco was like, wait a second. OJ's not in heaven.

Caitlin Clark is a bust because she can't win the big one

Are we sure Caitlin Clark is actually good. Ooh Bust can't win the can't win the big one.

The US will be under a massive cyber attack sooner rather than later

I suggest you take out all your money outta your bank and stop using credit cards for the next few months until I can give you the green light again. We will be under a cyber attack sooner rather than later. Just looking out, I'm in communication with the very important person for one of, if not the biggest software companies in the world.

The eclipse and the CERN particle collider will send us into the fourth dimension

They're turning CERN on the day of the eclipse. And I believe the research is they're trying to reach a fourth dimension... Once the the moon covers the sun when it comes back, like we'll be in the fourth dimension. Like everything will be different.

I will pay for John Fisher's hair restoration if he appears on the podcast

John Fisher because you're a bald fuck. Big Cat will pay for your hair restoration for one appearance on Pardon My Take. Because he is bald. Take it. You bald bitch.

Flacco the Owl was a slut

Even though I don't, I I I'll still stand with my take that Flacco the owl was a slut. Big time slut. I guess the pigeon herpes might've been because he was eating pigeons. ... I'm sticking with full on slut shaming a flacco. You were a slut. That's how you got the herpes.

The Penguins faked the bobblehead truck hijacking because they forgot to order them

I don't think the bobbleheads existed. I think maybe I, I think that maybe there were no bobbleheads and the Penguins were like, fuck it's bobblehead night. We forgot to order these things... It's Jussie Smollett. It's Jussie Smollett bobblehead night. And they're like, well we don't have, oh yeah, the cops, we called the cops. They're looking into it right now.

Men should never cry after losing a football game

I just don't think you should ever cry after losing a football game. If there was a death in the family or something that week, I apologize, but if there was not, you were crying over the football game... bad luck. There's no way you cry after a loss.

LeBron James isn't that special because he merely lived up to the expectations we set

LeBron's actually not that special because we kind of called it... he just kind of lived up to his expectations. He was the chosen one. He didn't do anything that we didn't predict. We were right, man.

An NFL GM should draft Joe Milton #1 overall just for his arm strength

Joe Milton's a franchise quarterback. Yeah. Is that fucking throw is so awesome. I said if I'm a gm I'm drafting this guy One one overall. And that's the thing with Joe Milton is like, you will fall. All you need to know about Joe Milton and the most impressive tape out there besides this one pass that he had today, which was like 75 yards, half a step into it. ... This man can throw fruit farther than anybody else that's ever lived. Give me that guy.

I like Drake Maye more than Caleb Williams because he looks tougher

Drake [Maye] really jumped off the page. ... He just had a little more swag, looked a little tougher. And so like, I've kind of been drawn to more toughness, so I would say.

Technically Vanny Woodhead does not exist and is legally destroyed

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of, I couldn't, I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it. No, one [owns it]. The, it's technically like scrap. It's a ghost car. It just hasn't been scrapped.

Flaco the Owl was likely murdered and didn't just die from a building collision

It says he didn't break any bones, but he sustained massive hemorrhaging inside his body. This seems like somebody else had a hand in it. We need to check the flight logs. Was Flaco on the list? This Owl probably had information that would've led to the arrest and subsequent conviction of Hillary Clinton.

I will be able to dunk a basketball and hit twenty three-pointers within the next ten months

I'm going hard to dunk... summer, that's exactly my plan. I'm already over leveraged. What if I do both and hit 20 threes? I just have to basically change my entire lifestyle way of thinking and everything.

The NBA All-Star game should be changed to a 'White vs. Black' format

What about the Rashard Mendenhall rules? What if we make the All-Star game white versus black. So who's the white starting five? Luca [Dončić], Jokic, Caruso, Kristaps [Porzingis] and Grayson Allen. I'd put that five up against [everyone else].

Randy Moss is not a top 10 Patriot of all time

Randy Moss also, it's crazy to say, but like, I don't know that he's a top 10 patriot of all time. [Because he] didn't win a ring.

James Madison would be the best U.S. President at performing oral sex

What president would suck the best dick? James Madison. Yeah, definitely. Well no. What about, what about silver tongue Lyndon B. Johnson? Wouldn't it be Reagan? 'cause he's been taught by the best. Oh yeah, true. I think he, he's the best at getting head. Well maybe Clinton.

Many quarterbacks in the NFL are 'bitches' who cry to the refs when hit

[Patrick Mahomes] is not a bitch. He's gonna keep coming back. He's gonna keep playing... [Big Cat: What quarterback is a bitch?] I won't name any names, but there's more than one. There's a lot of them that cry. Yeah. It is what it is.

I am betting $5,000 on a Kyle Juszczyk anytime touchdown and Marquez Valdes-Scantling first touchdown parlay to win $1 million

I'm gonna parlay [Kyle] Juszczyk anytime touchdown with Marquez Valdes-Scantling first touchdown. Five grand to win $1 million. Done.

Drake leaked his own explicit video as a flex

Drake international superstar. He was jacking off and the video came out. I actually think my conspiracy theory brain tells me that Drake leaked this himself because it's a good angle... he's got a big dick and he's got a big dick. Yeah. So if anything it like my respect for Drake increased today.

Lamar Jackson should get fat because natural padding helps quarterbacks absorb hits

I think it's good if your quarterback's a little bit chunky, a little bit fat. Yeah. You get it's natural padding. It absorbs some of the hits. Peyton Manning, Tom Brady. These guys weren't in the best shape... Lamar Jackson should get fat.

The NFL is 'fixed' and a 'psyop' to ensure the Chiefs reach the Super Bowl for Taylor Swift market share

This is the most psyop, most fucking fixed shit of all time... the NFL had a lot of fucking money to make from a purely market share standpoint. Like we [the Ravens] would've cost the NFL so much money... Roger Goodell, you're a fucking joke. They get fucking little girls to buy Stanley Cup fucking Chiefs gear. Now we got fucking Travis Kelce on Stanley Cups in third grade.

C.J. Stroud needs to win at least three Super Bowls or his career will be a disappointment

I think now it's our responsibility as media figures to set some unrealistic expectations. ... How many Super Bowls can he win in order for his career to not be a disappointment? ... You gotta get three or else you suck or else this or else you should have been bad from the get go. But you were so good at the start. Now you have to get three Super Bowls.

I am no longer interested in the Commanders hiring Bill Belichick because he is now unemployed

I don't think I'm interested any longer at Bill Belichick because now that he doesn't have a team, it's like, do I really want to... he was way more attractive as a candidate when he had a job. Now it's like, oh, this unemployed guy wants to work for me... I don't want a retread like Belichick.

If Alabama hires Dabo Swinney, I will set myself on fire on the 50-yard line

If it's Dabo Swinney, I'm pulling gasoline on my cell and setting myself on fire on the 50 yard line. You can guarantee it. If it's Dabo Swinney, I'm pulling my arm off and taking that contract fracture and beating the hell out of myself. No damn Dabo!

Coming back from playing for the New York Jets is more impressive than coming back from the dead

Coming back from playing for the New York Jets is more impressive than coming back from the dead [than DeMar Hamlin]. And then taking the Cleveland Browns to the Playoffs. He's basically the next Jesus.

Nick Sirianni should be fired if the Eagles lose in the first round of the playoffs

If they lose in the first round... gone. Gone. I don't know what he does. Shane Steichen going on and doing what he's doing and then the offense looking what it is without him is insane. He has to be gone. He's so bad.

Connor Stallions has been working for the Baltimore Ravens since resigning from Michigan

Do you think that there's any chance at all that Connor Stallions has been working for the Ravens since he resigned from Michigan? I think it's not a 0% chance... I'm just gonna float it out there with absolutely no backing behind it. Besides the fact that McDonald's used to coach at Michigan. And Connor Stallions is a hardball guy for life.

Taylor Swift ruined Santa Claus for thousands of children

Taylor Swift probably ruined Santa Claus for thousands and thousands of children across America today... my four-year old son Chris walked in and he saw Santa... Santa was in her box, and he said, dad, we just opened presents... how come he's on TV right now?

Bronny James will win an NBA Finals before the Patriots make the playoffs again

Bronny James will win an NBA finals before the Patriots make the playoffs again.

I could catch 10 passes in an NFL game today if I played tight end

I mean, at tight end? Sure. I could get 10 catches receiver three... slant back shoulder type... being savvy and understand how to get in certain positions.

The Eagles are already Super Bowl champions

Congratulations to the Eagles for getting the one seed. I don't see them losing the Max. Congratulations. Eagles. super Bowl champions.

Max is a crybaby loser for accusing me of cheating at the Lottery Ball

What Max is displaying right now is everything that's wrong with this country... Max is an excuse guy. Max is a loser. If he loses a game, instead of saying, I lost the game, he says, oh, well they cheated... It's pathetic. It's cowardly and it's disgusting... I will take away the, the, the winning 71... I will win it without looking at it before Max does.

The Bills will make the Super Bowl and lose to the Cowboys

My overly direct take is that I think the Bills are gonna make the Super Bowl... And then lose to the Cowboys... I think they're gonna rally and and make a deep run.

Joe Flacco will lead the Browns to an AFC North title

My overly direct take guys, is that Joe Flacco will lead the Cleveland Browns to an AFC North Division Championship.

Sam Howell is officially an elite NFL quarterback.

I might've just jumped past the whole Is he the guy conversation? I'm ready to ask if he's elite. Because there's as many insult graphics have been going around. There's a lot of complimentary graphics going around about Sam Howell. He's first in big time throws.

The Gillette Stadium lighthouse is real as a symbol and a beacon of hope

Technically by definition, some would say that this lighthouse is not real. But there's some that would say that it is real... Just because PFT says this lighthouse isn't real, it doesn't mean you can't, it doesn't have to be real to you and as a region... Patriots fans, new Englanders, they'll recognize this lighthouse as a real thing, as a beacon of hope and as a symbol of our team.

I used to make up sideline reports if a coach wouldn't give me anything at halftime

I would make up the report sometimes because A, the coach wouldn't come out at halftime or it was too late and I was like, I didn't wanna screw up the report. So I was like, I'm just gonna make this up because first of all, no coach is gonna get mad if I say, Hey we need to kill, stop hurting ourselves. We need to be better on third down.

Andrew Luck is the greatest football player of all time

I still think he's the greatest player of all time... He could do absolutely everything and would do anything for his teammates. Best leader. He was by far the best player on the field as a freshman.

The Commanders will finish 9-8 and make the playoffs

I'm now talking myself back in the playoffs. Ooh. Because someone's gotta get that seventh spot... I think nine [wins]. I'm going to be honest and say Loss at Ramps. Win. At Jets Win. Okay. There it is. Yep. Niners loss. Cowboys Win. Wait, that, that's still eight... run it back and count again... That's nine. That's fine. and we're in the playoffs as the 17th.

I did not see anything supernatural on the plane

I did not see anything. What I mean, I think y'all knew that. No I did not... I got a bit of an altercation. It spiraled outta control... It was an expression of speech. I just was in my fields needed to get off that. I was highly distressed. Not a good look.

Josh McDaniels is a misunderstood genius whose offense only works with Hall of Fame players

I think maybe we're all wrong about Josh McDaniels. Maybe he is an offensive genius, but maybe there's just no players that are good enough to play football at the level that Josh McDaniels expects... his offense only works if it's Tom Brady and Randy Moss running it. And if it's anybody else, then it just looks like the biggest nightmare you've ever seen.