Takes

LeBron James got a concussion in Game 2

I'm going to LeBron stand for real for a second because I think he did get a concussion. I think he did get knocked out. He got clipped on the jaw pretty good. He was definitely dinged up. He looked off when he first came back.

Wisconsin cities are the Mount Rushmore of drunks

USA Today ranked the top 10 drunkest cities in America... seven [were from Wisconsin]. Green Bay is number one, Eau Claire, Appleton, Madison. They have all four of the top four. They are the Mount Rushmore of drunks.

Vladimir Putin hands out unlimited credit cards to high-end Russian hockey players

I've just heard some rumblings, and it's been confirmed by a few guys that, like, Putin basically hands out credit cards to all these high-end Russian hockey players like Malkin and Ovechkin. Where basically they could just go, like if you say they want to pop bottles one night, they just go, they just put it on the Russian credit card.

Robinson Cano took steroids specifically to heal his broken wrist faster

He broke his wrist like a week ago, and now he has... That was pretty quick of him to do steroids for the recovery. Got to admire the hustle. That's Andy Pettitte-like hustle to the pharmacy.

Millennials are saving the frozen food industry

Frozen food is also back. So a lot of people bash us millennials and say we're only good for avocados and things of that nature. But it turns out that millennials are saving the frozen food industry.

Patrick Mahomes would have been the target for the Saints at pick 11 in 2017

Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11 [in the 2017 NFL Draft]... Mahomes certainly would have been a target at 11.

The new Monday Night Football booth will be Joe Tessitore, Jason Witten, and Booger McFarland

Booger, he got the gig as first reported by me. The Monday Night Football gig. So it's going to be Booger, Jason Witten, and then [Joe Tessitore]... as far as I know, the first to say it was me.

Nobody around the NBA thinks Kawhi Leonard is returning to the Spurs

No one around the league thinks [Kawhi] is coming back. Nobody. And the belief is that, oh, yeah, Kawhi Spurs away, team first, not having any individual brand. They're tired of this stuff. If those are the real things and the real resentment there, then the Spurs thing does sound like it's over.

I would win a one-on-one war for the United States against any other country's best fighter

Do you think that you would be the United States' best guy if we were to fight a one-on-one war against some other country? 100%. So you could win an entire war by yourself. Well, not a whole war. Like just one-on-one? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Against anyone in the world. 100%.

Jason Witten is the hottest prospect in the sports analyst market

When the hell did Jason Witten become the hottest piece of ass on the analyst circuit? ... Jason Witten just became the hottest prospect in the analyst market.

Filling up your gas tank more often for $20 saves you $60 compared to an $80 full tank

You're saving yourself 60 bucks because you're only paying 20. So I think Shaq's right. Yeah. Okay. All right.

The Vegas Golden Knights are the greatest expansion team in sports history

I mean, it's the best expansion team in the history of pro sports. I mean, that's saying something.

Josh Rosen's concussion history is a major red flag for NFL teams

My biggest concern with Josh Rosen is – He had two concussions last year where he missed games, right? ... What we know about brain injuries now— If that guy, after he gets drafted third by the Jets, let's say, and it's $30 million guaranteed ... if he gets a concussion in September... I would be – there's a big risk there.

Mark Zuckerberg failed his mission to look human and is definitely a robot

If Mark Zuckerberg's sole attempt was to try to persuade people that he's not a bad guy who is stealing all of our data and our brains, he failed terribly. Because he looked like a robot. He had a terrible suit. He had a bowl cut. His eyes were huge. He just looked exactly like I would expect a robot to look who was put in front of Congress.

There is a 0% chance the falling Chinese satellite hits me

There's 0% chance the Chinese satellite hits me. Okay. 0% chance. I'm just saying. I'm not scared.

Joel Embiid was high post-surgery based on his Villanova tweets

Joel Embiid who apparently after he broke his face he's been tweeting... oh yeah he's probably been high. Very high. Some of the tweets he had during the game was, 'Man, am I high?' I guess that's confirmed.

DNA is just the human body's way of cloning itself

It's [DNA] a human body's way of just cloning itself. [On genes being passed down]

Stress makes your neck wider

I read a quote that you [Buzz] said you think stress makes your neck wider. Is that true? [Buzz:] Yeah. I got the widest neck possible then.

I can throw a football 80 yards

I mean, probably, like, right around 80 yards. ... [The 92-yard rumor] was completely fake news.

I bet $100 on the Washington Capitals to win the Stanley Cup

I had Hank get us a future. Me, Bubba, and Hank each put in $100. We got a future... The Washington Capitals outright winner... We'll win $4,800 if the Caps win.

UCF is the true 2017 national champion because they beat the team that beat the champions

We blew out a team [Auburn] that beat the national champions [Alabama], quote-unquote. You know how I go. You don't lose a game. You just keep going until you lose.

Ordering a steak 'medium rare plus' is a legitimate and common request

When I go to a steak place, I order medium rare plus. Is that real? ... It's basically asking for medium rare, true medium rare. Because I also always find that really nice steakhouses always undercook it just a little bit.

Peeing in the sink is the most environmentally friendly bathroom habit

Peeing in the sink is actually the greenest way to go, so you're welcome. Instead of wasting 1.6 gallons of water on a flush, you pee in the sink. You then wash your hands in the very same sink, simultaneously washing down the urine and preserving nature's most precious resource.

Tiger Woods return has a trickle-down effect on the US economy

My cool throne is the United States economy because Tiger Woods is back... Tiger Woods actually does have a trickle-down effect on the United States economy.

Jeff Fisher lied to the media about why he pulled me from the 2010 Steelers game

He pulls me... and he talking about the reason why he pulled me because I miss a meeting. Like coach, you knew why I missed the meeting. It was Steve McNair kids. Pop just passed away. He knew that I took the kids to school that morning to have breakfast with the kids, told him that. And he's told the media something different, like no Vince miss meeting. Like, how can you go out and say that to the media when you knew what i was doing and you granted me to do it?

MLB baseballs have been juiced since the 2015 All-Star break

Nate Silver's website... Went and x-rayed baseballs from the year 2014 and 2015. And baseballs in 2015 had different cores after the All-Star break. And that's when the power surge started to happen. That carried into 2016, 2017.

A signature on an item technically turns it into an open-ended contract worth infinity

I have the answer for you. It's because whatever you sign, that technically becomes a contract at that point. So if I hand you a piece of paper with my signature on it, you could, after the fact, go and fill in a contract above my signature. So it's actually worth infinity.

NBA players are completely open about having been paid in college

[Do you talk to guys in the NBA circles that you know got paid? Are they open about it?] Absolutely. Yeah. And it's just kind of like, yeah, of course I got paid. Why wouldn't I have gotten paid? Yeah, that's pretty much what it is. It's like, yeah, I got paid. Who cares? They're gone now.

The 2018 Winter Olympics have been the least viral Olympics of all time

I have no stats to back this up, but these have been the least viral Olympics of all time... Not letting people tweet in Instagram clips. Otherwise, you take their accounts down. So dumb. I tried to look at people for highlights of the hockey game, and it was just tweets.

Scott Boras is on the hot seat because the MLB collusion against him is working

My other hot seat is Scott Boras. So Scott Boras, the number one MLB agent. He has had a tough offseason. He promised a lot of money to a lot of people, and he hasn't really come through... basically the entire collusion against Scott Boras has worked. And he's especially on the hot seat too because he's trying to convince everyone how he's doing well.

Assuming that 50% of MLB players are taking Adderall

I have spoken to people in baseball, and the assumption is right around 50%. Now, I don't know what the rules are as far as if you just get a doctor to prescribe it, it's fine by MLB... obviously, if you're taking it and you have not done the proper steps to tell the league that you are taking it, you can get in trouble.

The Russian curler using performance-enhancing drugs proves curlers are taking it seriously

one of the Russian athletes got busted for using drugs and it was a curler... So curlers are now taking performance enhancing drugs. Well, it's Russia. Adderall... you have to dope if you're in Russia.

About 70% of NASCAR drivers use Adderall or similar medication to focus

[Big Cat: You've got to put a percentage on it... 90%? 70%?] I would say yes [to 70%].

NBA players are collectively addicted to wine

The NBA has a drinking problem. ... It's come out that every single person in the NBA gets drunk off wine every single night. And Jimmy Butler rolls around like a case of Pinot Noir. Carmelo's a sommelier. ... Kevin Love says that LeBron has a supercomputer in his brain for analyzing wine.

Curtis Martin and Brady Quinn were the best players I ever coached

Pros... I think Curtis Martin might have been the best player in the pros. [In college] might have been Brady Quinn. I mean, he played for me for two years and led the team to two BCS games. And he got hurt in his last game against LSU... He tears up his knee, he puts a brace on him and finishes the game.

Aaron Rodgers realizes he could be pushed out of Green Bay just like Brett Favre

Aaron Rodgers... said that he was shocked that the Packers fired his quarterback coach. And he also said... 'I think you have to be humble enough to realize if it could happen to Brett [Favre], it can happen to you. It's a business.'

Rain is the worst weather for a quarterback, even worse than snow

Rain's the worst. Like dumping rain. Like if it were 40 degrees and raining and windy, that's the worst. I'll take snow over rain. Snow's actually fun.

There is legitimate truth to the reported friction between Bill Belichick, Robert Kraft, and Tom Brady

Oh, there's definitely something true there. Just a little something there. Absolutely. There's something there. And I think there's always been something there from day one. I think it starts from all of them... when you have egos... it makes you dominate. It makes you want more.

The Patriots filmed the Rams Super Bowl walkthrough

Off the record. [Big Cat: Did the Patriots film your walkthrough at the Super Bowl?] Yes. I'll say yes. And I think it gave him an edge as well. I mean, you know, we were really rolling that year, and no one covered us... TMZ never came out with that tape. You never saw that tape. [But] he [Terrell Buckley] was beating us to spots and he hadn't been there that long and he was on the street.

Markelle Fultz is the first basketball player to ever have the yips

He's got the yips. He's the first basketball player to ever have the yips. I don't know. What happened? But I do know that I'm addicted to watching Markelle Fultz free throw videos.

Freddie Adu is back and American soccer is saved

Freddie Adu is back, and therefore U.S. soccer is back... News soon. Oh. Yeah. So he's back. He's the future. He is the future of American soccer.

No short quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl

If you are walking on the street and someone says, hey, I love Baker Mayfield, you say, hey, Josh Allen's tall. You've got to see over your offensive line. No short quarterback has ever won a Super Bowl.

Donald Trump's physical measurements put him in the same athletic category as Jay Cutler and Mike Trout

It came out today, Trump's physical... He was 6'3", 239. And on Twitter all day, I've seen people making legit professional graphics comparing him to Jay Cutler, Tim Tebow, Mike Trout. The best athletes of all time.

Banning ping pong tables in the locker room leads to playoff success

Sabermetrically, two coaches eliminated ping pong tables from their locker rooms this year. Both of them made the playoffs... Not only did [Doug] Marone get rid of that, but he also got rid of the dominoes table, which is like a multiplier for the ping pong table.

Humans, not rats, were the true cause of the Bubonic Plague

My Cool Throne is rats... turns out they didn't cause the bubonic plague. Really? We've been blaming rats for the last, like, 600 years. Turns out we're way off. No, it's humans. We were projecting on rats.

The Jaguars' defense is as good as the 2002 Buccaneers

I've been saying since week four, not to brag, the Jaguars' defense is like the Buccaneers in 2002. They're that good.

Lamar Jackson has a similar skill set to Michael Vick

his skill set is actually kind of similar to Michael Vick's. And it's funny because other than Josh Allen, he's the only other one who's run in kind of a pro-style offense.

I am quitting tobacco dipping and switching to Black Buffalo

My next one is Quit Dipping... I'm going to quit dipping tobacco. My boy's Black Buffalo. They got the new dip... It's no tobacco, tea leaves, and nicotine. So I quit dipping, but I'm going to dip every day.

The Big Ten won the bowl season

The first one is... the Big Ten. Won the bowl season. Many people are saying the Big Ten won the bowl season. Seven and one in bowls. And dominated, just dominated everyone.

Deshaun Watson was more dominant in the NFL than he was in college

Look at what Deshaun Watson did. Deshaun Watson was more dominant at the NFL level than he was at the college level. Nobody expected that.