Takes

A bad shooting day in an empty gym for an NBA pro is still making 65-75% of shots

A bad shooting day for me, I'm probably making 65% of my shots. And that's like a's like a bad, like I'm bricking nobody in the gym, empty gym. ... If we go do we do a hundred threes a bad day, I'm making 75 outta a hundred. That's like a terrible day... A normal day 80 plus out of a hundred... [Normally] 90, 92, 93 out of a hundred.

Kyrie Irving has never lost a closeout game

Kyrie Irving has never lost a closeout game. That's interesting. Yeah. So just remember that if you're new to DraftKings, listen up.

Nikola Jokic is the best basketball player in the world, and that's a fact

I am so happy that I'm alive, that I am blessed to be able to do a sports podcast while Nikola Jokic is playing basketball because holy shit, he is the best. ... remind everyone that yes, I am the best player in the world. And that's a fact.

The NHL is rigging the playoffs for a Panthers-Rangers Eastern Conference Final

I something's fishy with the NHL and and this Panthers team... They didn't suspend [Bennett], which is crazy... I don't understand why... The NHL is trying to rig a Panthers, Rangers Eastern Conference Finals. They much rather have that than Bruins-Rangers.

Gronk is actually a savant with numbers

I'm telling you right now. Gronk knows numbers, bro... whenever we used to talk contracts... I would always bust his balls like, yo, what's square root of this, Gronk? 144. He'd be like 12, dude! Like, he really knows numbers pretty well, dude. Not joking.

A wrist injury has turned Josh Hart into a lethal three-point shooter

Josh Hart said when he took a half court heave to end the second quarter... he felt his wrist click and it almost clicked back into place. Said he went to Brunson at the half and told him 'I can shoot threes now.' It is basically the plot from Rookie of the Year... Josh Hart is now just a lethal three-point shooter because his wrist clicked.

The Falcons drafted Michael Penix Jr. to avoid quarterback purgatory

This move to them ensures that no matter what happens in the next two to three years... they will not be in quarterback purgatory. They viewed Michael Penix as a top 10 prospect in this draft. They themselves do not see them being in the top 10 again now that they have Kirk Cousins.

The Phoenix Suns' 'all-in' move is an all-time disaster

This has maybe been one of the greatest, like rich guy buys a team who thinks he's the smartest guy in the world... does a bunch of all-in moves and it blows up in record time. They have zero first round picks from 2025 to 2030. They have zero second round picks... They have one pick in the NBA draft between now and 2031. That's insane.

MLB will fix the uniform lettering and sweat-wicking issues by the 2025 season

There was a report that came out that basically said Nike fucked up the uniforms. We're working to fix 'em. We're gonna get the bigger names in the back of the jerseys and everything should be fixed at the latest, at the start of the 2025 season.

The 2024 draft class has 10-12 second-contract caliber wide receivers

I was strict with it. So you can, you can extrapolate this beyond this, but like a con—like my confidence level's high. Wide receivers, 10 to 12 of them. Wow. Like there's 10 to 12 that I feel pretty confident they're gonna, they're second contract, same team, commit to 'em type players.

The Cleveland Cavaliers have never won a playoff series without LeBron James

Fun fact, little fun fact. The Cleveland Cavaliers, Dan Gilbert has never won a playoff series without LeBron James.

Jayden Daniels is clearly the #2 quarterback in the draft over Drake May

There isn't one person I've spoken to that believes that Drake May should be drafted number two over Jaden Daniels. ... That first tier has has been for for teams has always been kind of Caleb and Jaden. And then the second tier is Drake.

The Buffalo Bills have been cursed from returning to the Super Bowl since OJ Simpson committed murder in 1994

I realized after OJ died, the Bills haven't made the Super Bowl since he committed double murder. 1994, the Bills played in the Super Bowl. Summer 94 [the murder happened]. This might be good things for the Bills [now that he's dead].

Approximately 27 to 30 NBA players could lead a 16-seed to a National Championship

I was gonna go like triple. Way more triple, triple that maybe. 30, maybe 40... guys in the NBA are so good, man. Yeah, yeah. Like you gotta automatically think bigs have an advantage 'cause it's college. So like the big is back, right? Yeah... We'll go with this. 27. 27.

The worst shooter in the NBA would be the best shooter on any college team

I've seen JaVale McGee and Dwight Howard go shot for shot from the three point line to five spots... and y'all would never trust them to shoot like outside in the game... the worst shooter on the NBA team would be the best shooter on a college team. Yeah. And like that's even including big men.

Billy Football is a legitimate candidate for Congress and is taking it seriously

I regret to inform you Billy football is a hundred percent legitimately running for this seat. And my fire Fest is that I feel like Oppenheimer, that by, by putting this into motion, I've affected the course of the United States for the foreseeable future.

The Big East representative recusal rule in the tournament committee room is a disadvantage

In that room, there's, you know, with all those committee members, when the, when the representative from your league, when they're talking about teams in your league, that person's not allowed to stay in the room. Yeah. So I guess what you gotta learn the, we have gotta learn the arc of is like, I guess of how to destroy these other conferences when you are in the room.

The NBA investigation into Jontay Porter for prop betting irregularities is a bad look

My Hot Seat is Jontay Porter. Raptors center is under an NBA investigation into irregularities on his prop betting involving him. There was a couple times where he basically started a game, took himself out because of a eye injury. And on those games there was a bunch of action on his prop bets. Unders... This is bad.

Caitlin Clark currently faces ten times more hate than Duke.

I don't even know how, how people have found this much hate in their heart for [Caitlin Clark] again. She she has like Duke Times 10 hate. Yeah. It's crazy.

Tom Brady had Nick Foles' name edited out of the Patriots documentary out of pettiness

They showed the highlights of the Super Bowl with the Eagles won and on the Philly special, they played an edited version of Al Michael's play call... They edited out the word Foles. What? ... He fucking hates Nick Foles. And he had his name edited out of this Documentary.

Caleb Williams is set up better than any number one overall pick in NFL history

I think the Caleb Williams might be set up better than any number one pick ever. And I know that sounds crazy because it's still the Bears... He now has a legitimate number one, he now has a legitimate number two in Keenan Allen. He has a top 10 tight end in Cole Kmet. He's got a running game... this is finally you've set up your future franchise quarterback to walk into a situation that he can succeed in.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President with RFK Jr.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President... He's being considered and is considering the opportunity right now. Mr. Kennedy confirmed on Tuesday that the two men [Rodgers and Jesse Ventura] were at the top of his list.

Shaka Smart's tournament struggles are real; he hasn't made the second weekend since VCU

Shaka Smart has not made it to the second weekend of the NCAA tournament, guys, since VCU. That's it. That's the only time he's ever made a run. So some would argue: Fade Marquette. Is Shaka gonna be able to break through?

Calvin Ridley's difficulty learning the Jaguars' offense is why he wants to stay in Jacksonville

Here's why he wants to stay in Jacksonville. Let me tell you. He had trouble learning the offense last year and so he doesn't really wanna go somewhere else and have to learn another one. Serious. I'm not... that's notable.

The 2021 QB draft class might be the worst of all time

We now have though the 2021 draft in record time might be the worst quarterback draft of all time. Trevor Lawrence number one, Zach Wilson two, Trey Lance three... Mac Jones 15. So there's five quarterbacks drafted in the first 15 picks in that 2021 draft, and four out of five of them just three years or in the fourth year will be on different teams.

Technically Vanny Woodhead does not exist and is legally destroyed

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of, I couldn't, I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it. No, one [owns it]. The, it's technically like scrap. It's a ghost car. It just hasn't been scrapped.

Kyle Filipowski was not seriously injured during the Wake Forest court storming

I just, I think he's probably fine. I think it might've been a phantom roll of an ankle. Like, oh shit, we lost and I just shoved the guy possibly—ow my ankle hurts now my arm.

Flaco the Owl was likely murdered and didn't just die from a building collision

It says he didn't break any bones, but he sustained massive hemorrhaging inside his body. This seems like somebody else had a hand in it. We need to check the flight logs. Was Flaco on the list? This Owl probably had information that would've led to the arrest and subsequent conviction of Hillary Clinton.

The 'pregnant' stingray Charlotte isn't actually pregnant and is just fat

Charlotte, the pregnant Stingray has still not given birth, which makes me think this might be a publicity stunt... if a shark had relations with a female Stingray who is pregnant even though she hasn't seen a male stingray in eight years... we need a conclusion to this. Otherwise she's just fat.

Notre Dame will never get higher than a 5-seed in the 12-team CFP

If Notre Dame is the best team in the country, they get the number five seed. [Because] the four highest ranked conference champions will be seeds one through four.

Baldur's Gate 3 is currently bigger than Dungeons & Dragons itself

I'd say [Baldur's Gate 3] is bigger than D&D itself right now. It has won all the awards. It has become this huge video game and it's all based off of the D&D rules. It's the best job they've done taking the game we know and love and turning it into a video game experience.

Amphibians have ears that connect directly to their brains

One thing I know about lizards and amphibians, they've got ears that connect directly to their brain. Could I sing a note so high that the vibration of it kills everyone's tadpole?

I can still play in the NFL and am not technically retired

Can I still play in the NFL? Yes. Yes. Are you retired technically? No. I have not put in my paperwork or, you know, signed my anything with like the trust or anything like that. I've done that on purpose because I didn't want to have to do it twice. But no, I, I just train every week like I'm a player and then if I get the call, I'm ready to roll.

I ran a 4.38 forty-yard dash on camera last year

I ran a 4, 2, 5 last year. So you're faster than you've ever been. It was hand times. But then they actually went back and timed it on the camera and then it was a 4, 3, 8. So we'll go 4, 3, 8. I'm cool with that. Listen that, that's faster than I've ever been to be honest.

No player who finished college at Alabama has ever scored a point in Super Bowl history

With the 49ers and Chiefs having no Alabama players on the active roster, a remarkable streak will continue. No player who finished college at Alabama has scored a point in the history of the Super Bowl. Players from 143 other colleges ranging from the Coast Guard (one point) to Miami (84) have scored in a Super Bowl.

Patrick Mahomes is already in the GOAT discussion with Montana and Brady

He's already in that discussion... he's this ages Brady, or this generation, or this decades, Brady, Montana... He's already there because the potential is he 28 years old? I still think of him as 22 and 23... He gets it. Fascinating to me.

I completely bombed my stand-up comedy set

It was just, it was all downhill. I knew it was bad. My dad texted me after he just said, 'you okay'. I was, I was like, I'm, I was like, I'm fine... but even if I prepped a year, you can't, you can't teach public speaking.

The Larry the Goldfish tattoo looks bad because I used a frozen dead corpse as the reference

I never told you guys. 'cause I knew I would've never heard the end of it... [The tattoo artist] asked for a reference picture. And I was like, whoa, I can get a reference picture. He's in the freezer so let me go take a picture... he had already done the full dead tattoo on my body where I was like, oh my God, this is a dead goldfish. I could've just Googled goldfish and it wouldn't have mattered.

My depth perception improved instantly after having LASIK surgery

The depth perception was the biggest thing. ... I just feel like the depth of a linebacker, like eight yards and 12 yards is completely different. ... It's just like, it's no second guess. It's no, it's no, it's no. Like I said, no second guessing. It's just trust and confirm and let it rip.

Patrick Mahomes is a genuinely good guy who does a lot of charity work when cameras aren't there

I'm amazed at Patrick Mahomes. He's a legitimate good guy that I think has a really big heart. When you talk to their PR folks, they're like, you should see what this guy does when nobody's looking. When cameras aren't there... he does stuff that nobody has any idea about. Just 'cause he is a good guy.

Every Arizona fan is scared to play Wisconsin in the tournament

Every Arizona fan heard you say that and like, Max is the dumbest person ever. He doesn't know ball. Every Arizona fan is scared of Wisconsin. That's a fact... We whooped them twice in the Elite Eight to go to the Final Four.

Tristan Thompson took cheap steroids intended for physical appearance rather than performance

Tristan Thompson... Got busted for steroids... I went immediately to my number one source of steroids in the world that I know named Billy Football. And he said the craziest thing is that he was taking Broke Boys steroids. Oh. Stuff Frat Boys and Talkers used to bulk up... He was doing it for the look, not for the functionality.

Patrick Mahomes is Inevitable and the new Tom Brady

Patrick Mahomes is the new Tom Brady. They are—they just will steal joy from every franchise in the AFC for the next 15 years. That's just a fact. Patrick Mahomes is Inevitable. That's what he is. He wins playoff games better than anyone else.

Christian McCaffrey finishing 2023 with exactly 2023 all-purpose yards is the stat of the year

Did you know the history... Did you know that he also finished with 2023 All purpose Yards and he's the first player to ever finish with the same number of yards as the year... I think it's Stat of the year.

Jim Harbaugh will be interviewed by the Falcons

Next up hasn't been reported yet. Harbaugh will be interviewed by the Falcons. The plane, I believe just picked him up and is flying back to Atlanta with 'em right now for the interview.

The Eagles offense has become 'very predictable' and lacks answers for pressure

I feel like if I was playing defense against the Eagles, that I would just be calling their plays out... they're just very predictable... When they came after him [Jalen Hurts]... they had no answer... their answer is Jalen getting outta the pocket and scrambling and running, which was a disaster last week.

The Jaguars' collapse was caused by the 'Curse of the Terrible Towel'

Since the Jaguars disrespected the towel [The Steelers' Terrible Towel], the Jaguars slid into oblivion. The Steelers end up taking the Jaguar's playoff spot right on the last day of the season. We need to ask, did the terrible towel incident have anything to do with that? I think absolutely. You can't argue otherwise.

I am definitely playing next NFL season

That's a no brainer, bro. I mean, I've never had this low of a sack total in my career since rookie year. I'm already in my villain arc. I'm headed into my revenge season. I'm playing this and I'm already spurned.

I am seven and a half sacks away from being a lock for the Hall of Fame

I'd say seven and a half sacks from now for the world to say I'm a hall of Famer. Once I hit that 125 threshold... sometime could be this game or next year, it's gonna be like, alright. Cemented 125. 125 is getting into a hall of Fame.

Lamar Jackson has officially secured the 2023 NFL MVP

Ravens 56 Dolphins 19 Ravens. The one seed. This was an ass kicking. Lamar Jackson. MVP. Happy. We can be done with that discussion.