Takes

Jumping at the last second in a falling elevator will save your life

If you're an elevator and it falls and you jump at the end, you survive... I just looked it up. It's not true. It's not true. You would die.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows

I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows... I was up north driving past a brown cow and I pointed to my cousin, I said, you know, chocolate milk comes from those things.

Lobster meat is definitely meat because it is a crustacean

Lobster meat is considered meat because it is a crustacean and a type of seafood. ... [To Max] You grew up in a dumb household [if you think fish isn't meat].

Hosting the World Cup or Olympics is a massive waste of money for a country

Hosting the World Cup or the Olympics. ... Hosting a massive world event. I think Qatar spent like $2 trillion or some bullshit hosting the World Cup. ... At the end of the day, they're gonna have stadiums all around their country that are never gonna get used again. ... Have you seen the Chinese stadiums? They're like, I think wolves live there now.

I pee in 100% of the pools I have ever been in

I piss in every pool I've ever been in. Yep. A hundred percent. Yep. All the time. ... Every pool I've ever been in, in my entire life. Every pool I've pissed in.

I have probably walked by at least six serial killers in my lifetime

Number of serial killers walked by. I think it's over three people. Holy shit, six. I like that because then it's like, holy shit.

I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else in the PMT room

Chicken wings eaten. I bet you I'd be topping this room. I think I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else here.

Cold pasta has no carbs or calories

Here's a, here's a little fun fact for everyone as a nutritionist, pasta cold pasta has no carbs. So that's just a fact for everyone out there. No carbs, no calories, cold pasta. You can, whenever you eat cold pasta, the next day you could just eat so much of it.

A Twizzler can be used as a straw for drinking Coke

You know, what's the best part about Twizzlers? If you bite both ends, you can use it as straw. That's true... get a large Coke. Yeah. Longs, Twizzlers bite. Both ends use the Twizzler as a straw for the Coke.

Corn is a fruit

Corn. Corn is a fruit. Can you guys believe that? An ear of corn is not technically a fruit. Instead, each kernel is a fruit. Exactly.

The story about Zach Wilson sleeping with his mother's friend is a lie

The reason why it was never clarified is because it's a lie. It was said by a [Sod] lover... They just threw out that slander. Homey hopper. Exactly. I think that Zach is an outstanding man on and off the field.

Jack Nicklaus' name is actually pronounced 'Jack Naus'

First thing, Jack Nicklaus is pronounced Jack Naus... I think that those clips were the original way they pronounced his name and just over time it's been butchered.

60% of bank robberies go unsolved

My theory about bank robbers is I think you get away with robbing banks way more than we're told... I think like 60% of bank robberies go unsolved. It's a great business model.

Thai food is prevalent in America because of a soft power directive by the Thai government

Thai food is only prevalent in America because of a directive by the Thai government... in the early nineties [they] wanted to spread Thai culture as a form of soft power. And so there's Thai food all over completely disproportionate to the amount of Thai people in the United States.

The US government stores 1.4 billion pounds of surplus cheese in caves in Missouri

There are just caves in America with cheese in them... 1.4 billion pounds of cheese... Springfield, Missouri... deep and converted Limestone mines caves kept perfectly at 36 degrees Fahrenheit store stockpiles... hundreds of feet below the ground.

The term 'glow up' was created by Chief Keef

The term glow up, came from Chief Keef when he was like 16 [with] Glo Gang and his friends... he created that, but now it's like a very mainstream term.

The lighter was invented before the match

The lighter was invented before the match... that's crazy... it'd be like, let's make this worse [with the match].

The Pyramids of Giza were probably built by aliens

I'm going to go with the real pyramids, Pyramids of Giza... the greatest structural engineering ever done, probably done by aliens.

I'm the number one person in the world at finding open tables at packed bars

I think I'm number one in the world at finding open tables at packed bars or seats in general because of my figure and I don't like to stand very much... I will always find an open table.

Climate change will cause the earth to fry in the next 100 years

Climate change is real and the earth is basically going to fry in the next hundred years... Or less. For sure going to happen.

If Rex Grossman beat Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl, Manning would have never won a ring

I still think that Rex Grossman could be a great quarterback because that arm strength come on... you could say that if Rex Grossman had beaten paid Manning in that game. Peyton Manning would have never wandering correct correct facts.

Gold is more valuable than money

I'm going to go with something better than money, gold. [Gold is more valuable than money.] It is.

Age 25 is the peak for physical strength in the human body

I'll go with 25. Peak strength. That is the human body's at your peak strength. [...] It's scientific fact. When you're 24 or 25, that's why BYU always wins games. [...] 25 is your peak strength.

NC State is the most average college football team in history

North Carolina State football... they are five-ten overall for their entire history. Five hundred and ten winning percentage. They have twenty-three of the last 40 years they've gone to a bowl game. All the bowl games are like the exact same... the Gator Bowl, the Sun Bowl, the Independence Bowl... Every year is basically 7, 8, 9 [wins].

I can catch a fish with my bare hands in a river in Alaska

If I had a day on a river in Alaska, I could catch a fish with my hands. ... I've been watching a lot of Planet Earth. Their method is not that crazy. ... Give me enough time in Alaska.

Sports only drive bar business about 70 days a year

Sports will only fill a bar about 70 days a year... And a lot of people think, oh, but a sports bar, they come every night. That's not true. They don't come for every baseball game, only postseason. They don't come for every NBA game, only postseason...tops 70, 80 days.

Women over 34 need backs on barstools, while younger women prefer stools without them

When you have women over 34, you put her back on a barstool... Under 34, you don't. And the reason why is over 34, women get very sensitive about their asses... Under 34, I want you to spin around for interactivity.

Kyrie Irving is waiting until 2019 to sign an extension to get $80 million extra

When [Kyrie Irving] said that he wasn't going to stay in a contract extension this summer with Boston, that is because if he waits until next year, he can get $80 million extra from Boston.

Ice cream is the most efficient way to cool your core down during a hangover

I'm going to go with just ice cream because it's so easy. You don't have to worry about chewing it... it cools your core down when you get that hangover where you're dehydrated and you have that lava core. You're sitting on your couch sweating, but if you have the ice cream, it cools you down more efficiently than anything else could.

Ralphie the Buffalo is actually a female

People forget Ralphie's actually a woman. I knew I was right. Ralphie has been called one of the best live mascots in sports, and she is often erroneously labeled male.

Masturbation makes you gay

This is a life advice that I've gotten. I don't know if it's true. Okay. But I was once told that masturbation makes you gay.

An overcrowded bar actually makes less money than one with 20% fewer people

You know what's funny is that bar with 20% less people in it would actually make more money that night. And that's the sign of a rookie owner. Because when a bar gets that crowded, I can't get waitresses to you. Bartenders can't serve everyone. Half the people in the room don't have drinks.