Takes

Cheese is orange, not yellow — I looked it up

I like cheese and I wanted to take it, but I looked it up and the first color it said was orange.

I used to think that jumping at the last second in a falling elevator would save your life

If you're an elevator and it falls and you jump at the end, you survive... I just looked it up. It's not true. It's not true. You would die.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows

I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows... I was up north driving past a brown cow and I pointed to my cousin, I said, you know, chocolate milk comes from those things.

Lobster meat is definitely meat because it is a crustacean

Lobster meat is considered meat because it is a crustacean and a type of seafood. ... [To Max] You grew up in a dumb household [if you think fish isn't meat].

The losers of the 2023 Mount Rushmore competition will have to do a 24-hour stream with their partner

This is it. This is a finale of Mount Rushmore season... someone will be in a 24 hour stream with their partner for all of us to watch narrate.

Hosting the World Cup or Olympics is a massive waste of money for a country

Hosting the World Cup or the Olympics. ... Hosting a massive world event. I think Qatar spent like $2 trillion or some bullshit hosting the World Cup. ... At the end of the day, they're gonna have stadiums all around their country that are never gonna get used again. ... Have you seen the Chinese stadiums? They're like, I think wolves live there now.

Kane and The Undertaker are actually half-brothers

Kane and Undertaker [are] siblings... Paul Bearer fucked Undertaker's mom and had Kane. ... This is all the truth.

LOL is the most used acronym in the world

LOL is pound for pound the number one most used acronym of all. Most notorious. I put notoriety in there... mass appeal. MASS APPEAL.

I learned how to run before I learned how to walk

I learned to run before I learned to walk.

Without the blues, there would be no rock and roll

Without blues, there'd be no rock and roll. That's a fact. That's a stone cold fact.

Men evolved beards as a form of physical armor to protect their throats in combat

I actually read this crazy thing that men developed beards because it prevented them from getting their throat slashed in combat. It was an extra like thing of Armor.

I pee in 100% of the pools I have ever been in

I piss in every pool I've ever been in. Yep. A hundred percent. Yep. All the time. ... Every pool I've ever been in, in my entire life. Every pool I've pissed in.

I have probably walked by at least six serial killers in my lifetime

Number of serial killers walked by. I think it's over three people. Holy shit, six. I like that because then it's like, holy shit.

I am in the top 1% of Max Action watchers in the world

I think I'm top 1% of Max Action. I think I would be in the world. I don't know what else I could say I'm top 1% in. But watching Max Action is there.

I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else in the PMT room

Chicken wings eaten. I bet you I'd be topping this room. I think I've eaten way more chicken wings than anybody else here.

Cold pasta has no carbs or calories

Here's a, here's a little fun fact for everyone as a nutritionist, pasta cold pasta has no carbs. So that's just a fact for everyone out there. No carbs, no calories, cold pasta. You can, whenever you eat cold pasta, the next day you could just eat so much of it.

A Twizzler can be used as a straw for drinking Coke

You know, what's the best part about Twizzlers? If you bite both ends, you can use it as straw. That's true... get a large Coke. Yeah. Longs, Twizzlers bite. Both ends use the Twizzler as a straw for the Coke.

The story about Zach Wilson sleeping with his mother's friend is a lie

The reason why it was never clarified is because it's a lie. It was said by a [Sod] lover... They just threw out that slander. Homey hopper. Exactly. I think that Zach is an outstanding man on and off the field.

Jack Nicklaus' name is actually pronounced 'Jack Naus'

First thing, Jack Nicklaus is pronounced Jack Naus... I think that those clips were the original way they pronounced his name and just over time it's been butchered.

60% of bank robberies go unsolved

My theory about bank robbers is I think you get away with robbing banks way more than we're told... I think like 60% of bank robberies go unsolved. It's a great business model.

Thai food is prevalent in America because of a soft power directive by the Thai government

Thai food is only prevalent in America because of a directive by the Thai government... in the early nineties [they] wanted to spread Thai culture as a form of soft power. And so there's Thai food all over completely disproportionate to the amount of Thai people in the United States.

Men digest food 14 hours faster than women because men 'just get shit done'

A Mayo clinic study showed that the digestion process moves faster in men. It takes 33 hours mouth to butt in men and 47 hours for women... men are digesting 14 hours faster than women. And we just get shit done.

The US government stores 1.4 billion pounds of surplus cheese in caves in Missouri

There are just caves in America with cheese in them... 1.4 billion pounds of cheese... Springfield, Missouri... deep and converted Limestone mines caves kept perfectly at 36 degrees Fahrenheit store stockpiles... hundreds of feet below the ground.

The term 'glow up' was created by Chief Keef

The term glow up, came from Chief Keef when he was like 16 [with] Glo Gang and his friends... he created that, but now it's like a very mainstream term.

The lighter was invented before the match

The lighter was invented before the match... that's crazy... it'd be like, let's make this worse [with the match].

Black olives have the most flavor per surface area of any pizza topping.

Black olives have the most flavor per surface area of any pizza topping. ... I like doing a mixture [of green and black].

I'm the number one person in the world at finding open tables at packed bars

I think I'm number one in the world at finding open tables at packed bars or seats in general because of my figure and I don't like to stand very much... I will always find an open table.

All dogs die

All dogs die. ... It's a hard pill to swallow. ... The human death is, yes, it's obviously worse, but you don't deal with it in the amount that, like, if you live to 80, you're going to have probably eight dogs, nine dogs.

Climate change will cause the earth to fry in the next 100 years

Climate change is real and the earth is basically going to fry in the next hundred years... Or less. For sure going to happen.

If Rex Grossman beat Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl, Manning would have never won a ring

I still think that Rex Grossman could be a great quarterback because that arm strength come on... you could say that if Rex Grossman had beaten paid Manning in that game. Peyton Manning would have never wandering correct correct facts.

Gold is more valuable than money

I'm going to go with something better than money, gold. [Gold is more valuable than money.] It is.

Age 25 is the peak for physical strength in the human body

I'll go with 25. Peak strength. That is the human body's at your peak strength. [...] It's scientific fact. When you're 24 or 25, that's why BYU always wins games. [...] 25 is your peak strength.

NC State is the most average college football team in history

North Carolina State football... they are five-ten overall for their entire history. Five hundred and ten winning percentage. They have twenty-three of the last 40 years they've gone to a bowl game. All the bowl games are like the exact same... the Gator Bowl, the Sun Bowl, the Independence Bowl... Every year is basically 7, 8, 9 [wins].

I can catch a fish with my bare hands in a river in Alaska

If I had a day on a river in Alaska, I could catch a fish with my hands. ... I've been watching a lot of Planet Earth. Their method is not that crazy. ... Give me enough time in Alaska.

Sports only drive bar business about 70 days a year

Sports will only fill a bar about 70 days a year... And a lot of people think, oh, but a sports bar, they come every night. That's not true. They don't come for every baseball game, only postseason. They don't come for every NBA game, only postseason...tops 70, 80 days.

Women over 34 need backs on barstools, while younger women prefer stools without them

When you have women over 34, you put her back on a barstool... Under 34, you don't. And the reason why is over 34, women get very sensitive about their asses... Under 34, I want you to spin around for interactivity.

The incidence of play on pinball machines is much higher when they are placed near dartboards

If you're going to have dartboards, you've got to have at least one pinball machine, and here's why. When people are waiting to play darts, they'll play pinball. And the incidence of play on pinball games is much higher when there's dartboards nearby for that reason.

A King Cobra bite would kill an adult male African buffalo

One half of a king cobra bite would kill an adult male African buffalo. ... The fucking African buffalo cannot ... I'm actually looking it up right now. I just Googled it.

Kyrie Irving is waiting until 2019 to sign an extension to get $80 million extra

When [Kyrie Irving] said that he wasn't going to stay in a contract extension this summer with Boston, that is because if he waits until next year, he can get $80 million extra from Boston.

Ice cream is the most efficient way to cool your core down during a hangover

I'm going to go with just ice cream because it's so easy. You don't have to worry about chewing it... it cools your core down when you get that hangover where you're dehydrated and you have that lava core. You're sitting on your couch sweating, but if you have the ice cream, it cools you down more efficiently than anything else could.

The 'breaking the seal' phenomenon is real and causes your bladder to refill faster.

What the fuck happens when you break the seal? Why do you then have to piss? When you have all the pee in your balls and then you break the seal and then your balls fill up with pee again really quickly, what's with breaking the seal?

Ralphie the Buffalo is actually a female

People forget Ralphie's actually a woman. I knew I was right. Ralphie has been called one of the best live mascots in sports, and she is often erroneously labeled male.

Masturbation makes you gay

This is a life advice that I've gotten. I don't know if it's true. Okay. But I was once told that masturbation makes you gay.

Rugby is the fastest growing sport in America

I can't say rugby because rugby is definitely not obscure. It's very mainstream. In fact, fastest growing sport in America.

An overcrowded bar actually makes less money than one with 20% fewer people

You know what's funny is that bar with 20% less people in it would actually make more money that night. And that's the sign of a rookie owner. Because when a bar gets that crowded, I can't get waitresses to you. Bartenders can't serve everyone. Half the people in the room don't have drinks.

The years AD 614 to 911 did not actually happen

The phantom time hypothesis. So there are a bunch of people out there that truly believe that the years AD 614 to 911 didn't happen... They were all made up by the church. So like that's 300 years of human history that we just were taught about, but they don't happen.

The 1969 moon landing was faked

I also don't think the moon landing was real, but that's, again, those are more facts, not conspiracy theories.

The Yellowstone supervolcano is 100,000 years overdue for an eruption that will end the world

The Yellowstone Super Volcano... we are way overdue for an eruption. We're 100,000 years past due for it. So, you know, live like there's no tomorrow because it probably isn't.