Takes

Aaron Boone is the best manager in the history of baseball

Aaron Boone, best manager in the history of baseball.

StatCast is a fraud because they just guess the numbers

I fucking hate you, StatCast, you fraud bitch. Exit velocity 117 miles per hour, which honestly doesn't sound like it's that fast. Someone asked me a stat cast today for, I think it was Ian Happ or maybe Rizzo's home run, and I did not look, and I was like one mile per hour off from the actual stat cast. So that is why they are frauds. They just guess.

The 2018 World Series will be the Cubs against the Astros

I 100% believe that there will be two teams in the world series this year... i think it goes through Houston again right they they're the defending champ okay so cubs houston i like cubs houston

Bryce Harper will sign with either the Cubs or the Red Sox

My people are saying... That he [Bryce Harper] is going to go to the Boston Red Sox. Or Wrigley. Yeah, my people are saying he's going to the Cubs. ... If it happens... as first reported by Joe Buck in 2018. That he's going to likely the Cubs or the Red Sox.

I will hit a home run (or at least reach the warning track) in my professional baseball debut

I plan on hitting a home run. ... I'll hit one at least at a warning track. ... I'll go $10,000 to a charity if I don't get one.

Tim Tebow will play in the Major Leagues

Tim Tebow is back big time... their GM said that he thinks that Tim Tebow will play at the major league level. This is ridiculous. And you know what? Why not? If you're the Mets, I actually think it's borderline negligence that they haven't had Tim Tebow play in a major league game yet.

The Braves will be 'fucked' for 10 years after their illegal scouting scandal

They ended up losing 12 of their minor league players to free agency. They just ripped up their contracts. So basically, the Braves are going to be absolutely fucked for the next 10 years.

Clayton Kershaw will close Game 7 of the World Series and finally get the monkey off his back

Clayton Kershaw, out of the bullpen to close Game 7 for the Los Angeles Dodgers... he does the old Steve Young, gets that monkey off his back. And the Dodgers, the great sports town of L.A., has a championship.

Playoff Kershaw is no longer a real thing and I was wrong to mock him

Clayton Kershaw, Playoff Kershaw is no longer a thing. It sucks. I love to laugh at Clayton Kershaw every October when someone would put a moonshot three rows up. It sucks that we can't make fun of Clayton Kershaw anymore.

Clayton Kershaw will never 'suck' in the playoffs again

When are we going to see playoff Kershaw where he just sucks and gives up mammoth home runs and we all get to laugh on Twitter? Never.

The Dodgers will beat the Astros in six games

Dan Heron on the record, Dodgers in six.

The Yankees are the No. 1 team in the destiny power rankings

My guess is the Yankees. The Yankees, currently right now, if we're doing our team of destiny power rankings, they're clearly No. 1. The pinstripes are popping extra hot right now.

Kris Bryant was likely playing through an injury during the playoffs

Look for Kris Bryant to come out with maybe like a little surgery soon. A little hockey surgery. Clean up. He's been injured. That's what I'm saying... I'm going to say lower body. Yeah. He'll just get his ankle cleaned.

The Yankees are going to win the World Series because they have 'the look'

The Yankees, I think, are going to win the World Series. I'm actually going to say that right now. I think they have what we call the look. I was going to say the aura, actually.

The Dodgers will fold if the Cubs push them because California teams are soft

As long as [the Cubs] win two games at Wrigley... I still think the Dodgers, if you push them a little, they'll start to fold. They're a little soft. [Because they're from California?]. That would be correct.

The MLB playoffs are rigged for big markets

The final four cities represented in baseball, New York, L.A., Chicago, Houston. Those are the four biggest cities in America. The four biggest markets... Bud Selig at it again.

Theo Epstein's Cubs strategy includes installing black mold in the visitor's clubhouse

If you know anything about Theo Epstein, his plan is to draft impact bats, find pitchers in the free agent market, and install black mold in the visitor's clubhouse.

The Indians will sweep the Yankees in the ALDS

The Indians and the Yankees. The Indians are up 1-0. I think they will sweep.

The 2017 Nationals are the most balanced team I have been on heading into the playoffs

Man, if there's ever a year, this is a year. I've been in postseason several times now, and this team that we have going into postseason, man, it's one of the best teams I've been upon just in terms of overall balance. You're talking about we have speed guys, we have power, we have pitching, we have elite pitching.

Bryce Harper will lead the Nationals to a surefire World Series title

He's coming back to lead the Nationals to a surefire World Series. It's the Nats year. This is the year that Natitude is back.

StatCast is a complete hoax and is likely just one guy making up numbers

StatCast is the fakest, fraudest thing ever... Every fucking time, it's just like a ball's hit hard. Oh, it was 119 exit velocity with an angle of 47... It's literally a guy—sitting somewhere probably in like Arizona it's Nate Silver... he's just watching games he's like okay that looked like a hard hit ball 108 miles an hour.

I almost got a tattoo of Javier Baez on the back of my neck after seeing his slide against the Blue Jays.

Javi Baez had such a good slide for the Cubs to win an extra inning... In that time, I almost got myself an El Mago tattoo. ... Maybe on the back of my neck like his MLB tattoo.

Major League Baseball should arm umpires with tasers to defend themselves against players.

What if we just gave tasers to umps? Oh my god. Yes, let's arm umpires. Yes. I'm 100% on board with arming umpires. ... We need to start arming them so they can defend themselves.

Aaron Judge's 37-game strikeout streak is linked to the 37 pinstripes on the Yankees uniform.

He struck out 37 consecutive games in a row. ... There are 37 pinstripes on the Yankee uniform. ... Illuminati. So just grab a screen grab of his uniform and then just make a triangle in red.

Bryce Harper injured himself because he was too focused on adjusting his hair for the cameras

The real culprit in this situation, I don't know if you saw, but as he was stepping on the base, Bryce Harper was more concerned with adjusting his hair. The hair flopped out, and he put his hand up there to try to straighten his hair out, look good for the cameras. Guess what? You should have been paying attention to your knee.

The St. Louis Cardinals will win the World Series because of the 'rally kitten'

I'm telling you right now, I've seen this fucking story a million times. That rally kitten, cat, whatever the fuck it was. The Cardinals are going to win the World Series. This is Cardinals Dark Magic just came out in the form of a cat... all because of a stupid fucking kitten.

The Dodgers have already won the World Series after the trade deadline

The winners and losers of the trade deadline, the Dodgers have won it all. Just give them the trophy right now. You [get] Yu Darvish. Yeah. And then they also are going to get another trade when Clayton Kershaw comes back.

Manny Machado will end up playing for the New York Yankees

I think Machado ends up with the Yankees, and I think Harper goes to Philadelphia.

The Yankees win the World Series if Sonny Gray remains an ace

The Yankees win the World Series if your boy Sonny Gray stays at number one.

Yu Darvish is the best trade target available among top pitchers

I would take Darvish. I like Darvish. He's got great stuff. I know the Dodgers and Cubs are looking at both those guys, but I mean, they're all really good, but I'm a big fan of Yu Darvish. I like his stuff. I know Verlander's got more... control, but I'm a big Darvish guy.

I could make the pros in five years as a knuckleball pitcher with seclusion and a personal chef

I said if you put me in a cabin in the middle of the woods with a personal chef and a knuckleball specialist, I could be in the pros within five years. I think with some training, seclusion, and just a lot more training, I could make it to the double A's and then, you know, who knows what happens from there.

The Marlins fake their attendance numbers using Wi-Fi logins

I bet the Marlins do their attendance based on how many people log into the Wi-Fi every night. It kept on kicking us out like every 10 minutes, and then it would just come right back on. I bet the Marlins count it as like 50 people... every single person counts for like 15.

Groundskeeper 'The Freeze' should be an all-time pinch runner in the All-Star Game

The freeze is hot, right? Hilarious... So pinch runner, all-time runner, the freeze. So he just stands behind the catcher, and as soon as the ball's in play, he's running.

Bryce Harper will sign with the Cubs

Bryce Harper wants to play in pinstripes. He's going to look good in pinstripes. As first reported by Pardon My Take. And his dog's name is Wrigley, so just connect a few dots.

Tim Tebow will be in the Major Leagues later this year

The Mets have such bad injuries that [Tim] Tebow is just going to be on the Mets. He's going to be in the major leagues later on this year.

Cody Bellinger is definitely on steroids

Cody Bellinger, Los Angeles Dodgers phenom. He just hit his 21st home run of the season... I think if he stays on this pace, he's going to hit like 58 home runs or something, huh? ... That's kind of what Cody's doing with steroids. Because you're not allowed to use them at all. They test you all the time.

Bryce Harper is leaning towards signing with the Cubs in free agency

Peter Gammons reported that Bryce Harper is actually leaning towards the Cubs... Might I remind you, two quick things connect the dots. Bruce's dog is named Wrigley. And he played baseball with Kris Bryant. So he's friends with him. Do the math.

The Yankees are actually better without Derek Jeter

Kind of strange how the Yankees started winning after [Jeter] retired. Are the Yankees better without Derek Jeter?

Derek Jeter is jealous of A-Rod's business success with A-Rod Corp

I think that's the bottom of it, is that Derek Jeter is jealous of all of the business success A-Rod Corp has had... They sold like 50 golf shirts. He had lunch with his little girls the other day. Meanwhile, Derek Jeter can't buy the Marlins.

The MLB should use a radar gun to decide tied games after 13 innings

Just have a radar gun and just each team gets 10 throws. Fastest throw wins. Fastest combined average score. ... all nine players on the field have to throw. So whoever in the game... you get to see fun shit like first baseman throw and stuff.

Mike Mussina is not a Hall of Famer

[Big Cat: Mike Mussina?] Ooh. I'd have to look at his numbers... As soon as you pause, it's a no.

Kyle Schwarber will be an average defensive left fielder

I think [the concern about his defense] is overblown. I think he'll be average out there in left. You know, he boxed those two balls against the Mets whenever everyone was watching. So everyone thinks he's brutal. So I'll actually probably surprise some people who haven't seen him play since then.

The Red Sox and Mets will meet in the World Series

I think the Red Sox and the Mariners are going to be in the ALCS... Cubs-Mets [in the NLCS]... Red Sox-Mets [World Series].

The Nationals will win the 2017 World Series

I've got the Nats and the Dodgers [in the NLCS]... and then I'm going with the Red Sox [in the AL]... Red Sox-Nats [World Series]. World Series champion? Nats.

The Cubs will win back-to-back World Series titles

I'm going with the Astros over the Red Sox in the AL and the Cubs over the Mets in the NL... Cubs over the Astros for the World Series.

Miguel Cabrera will win the AL MVP

I think Miguel Cabrera is going to be the AL MVP because he's in that nice spot. He's like 33, maybe getting up there in years, little steroids, getting a little second life.

Tim Tebow's lifetime of competition will help him hit a curveball

He was actually competing before he was even born because he was supposed to be aborted... He beat an abortion doctor. Yes. He's been winning for so long... And again, that will help him hit a curveball.

Tim Tebow hitting home runs in batting practice proves he's a star

Is that an all-time record for home runs in batting practice? ... can he go deep? That's the question. ... He hit four home runs in five pitches. So there you go.

Sammy Sosa put Chicago on the map when nobody knew where it was

Sammy Sosa did an interview today... Sammy also said when nobody knew who Chicago was, I put Chicago on the map. So the third largest city right after Michael Jordan was the greatest player of all time. Sammy Sosa made people know, hey, Chicago's here. It's in Illinois.

Bryce Harper doesn't have the balls to turn down the Yankees for the Red Sox

Me and Hank had a little conversation about Bryce Harper... and we're hearing rumors... that he might be going to the Red Sox. [Hank]: There's no chance. That'd be awesome. But he doesn't have the balls to do that to the Yankees. He can't turn down that money to come to the Red Sox.