Takes

Eating dessert or sweets is low-key gay

Eating dessert. Very good. Any sweets, any kind of cupcake, any kind of pastry with whipped cream. Fruit is gay, strawberries. Whipped cream is very gay.

Little Caesars pizza is trash and barely counts as pizza

Little Caesars is trash. It is trash. People forget... Caesars are just trash. It's like not pizza.

Mayonnaise is undeniably a top 3 condiment

Undeniably a top three condiment. So versatile. And I it's just people against big Mayo, but I'm going to stand behind the movement and stay strong with my position on the subject. We've made sure to kind of find a plan that allows me to have Mayo in my diet as frequently as I can.

Dipping Oreos in water is better than dipping them in milk

I brought forward to the world, the art of dipping your Oreos and water, essentially washing them taste delicious, better than milk.

In-N-Out burger is so overhyped

But you go in the conversation as best tasting burger. We're not talking about all the bells and whistles of everything else. And I think that's what In-N-Out does... Great service, great experience, the ingredients yes, very quality. But again, we're talking about a great taste. We're talking about the best tasting burger out there and to me In-N-Out is so over-hyped.

Chicken salad is disgusting

Chicken salad is disgusting... That's just mayonnaise... That may be an unpopular opinion. That may be my calamari.

Dipping pizza in soy sauce is life

Dipping pizza in soy sauce. Oh, life... It just adds some saltiness to it. I thought it was a great idea.

Boneless wings are slow-twitch muscles and bone-in wings are fast-twitch

Boneless wings are slow Twitch muscles and bone in wings are fast Twitch muscles. In terms of on the chicken... I think it has more higher mineral density.

Michelin stars should be abolished because there is no baseline for modern comparison

Quite frankly, I would rather not see stars anymore at all. Nowadays it's just how you compare. And there's a pizzeria in Jersey City that is great, but it got three stars. How do you compare that with three stars that, you know, Jean-Georges got? So there's no baseline for understanding what that review even means anymore. That's why I think they should just get rid of the stars.

New York is the best food city in America

I think New York is, but I just spent some time in Chicago. I got to say, Chicago is really great... but for me, New York is home and New York has great food. And especially like people think New York and they're thinking Manhattan, you go to Flushing, Queens... you can get like a hundred different things.

Medium Rare Plus is a real and valid steak temperature

Medium rare plus, is that an actual temperature that you can order a steak cooked? Every time we go to a steak house, I say medium rare plus, they say, okay, great... I always assume that a really nice steak house... they always err on the side of like, if you asked for medium rare, it's going to be closer to rare... so I like it like a little bit more than medium rare.

The idea that you shouldn't eat seafood at a restaurant on Mondays is a total myth

No, that was never true. That was a whole Bourdain thing that was in his book... It depends on the restaurant. Yes, there are plenty of restaurants that do that... but the stuff that we're buying is typically more expensive... that's not a universal thing.

Leftover Thai or Chinese food is best eaten cold directly from the fridge

Thai, Chinese... cold in front of the refrigerator in the morning. It doesn't get any better than that. Thai and Chinese is the correct answer. Cold. Don't heat it up.

The ultimate leftover life hack is the 'Stuffing Waffle'

I like taking my stuffing leftover stuffing and putting into a waffle machine. No batter, just straight stuffing, pressing waffle, and then the turkey over the top of that. The gravy on top of that. And now we're talking.

The only time you should use hot sauce is to mask the flavor of food you don't like

I use hot sauce for eggs. Cause I don't like eating eggs... it masks the flavor, which is the only time you should use hot sauce, is to mask the flavor.

Ordering a steak 'Medium Rare Plus' is a 'Karen' move

I officially accept that medium rare plus is a thing. Okay. At the same time, just kind of a Karen move to order... I acknowledge its existence as well. I personally prefer [to not be an asshole].

Steakhouses in Indianapolis are engaged in a spicy cocktail sauce arms race

I noticed the shrimp cocktail sauce was spicier than normal. I think they're trying to compete with St. Elmo's. It's an arms race... St. Elmo's is going to eventually just burn your mouth off and be like, 'here's your bill'.

Restaurants should offer oversized sweatshirts for customers who want to keep eating

A restaurant should offer an oversized sweatshirt or even a blanket so that you can keep eating through that... somewhere between like appetizers maybe right after appetite is like, sir, are you, are you planning on eating past full well, yeah, always. Can we offer you this three XL sweatshirt?

Fresh Skyline Chili is absolute gas and tastes like Mediterranean food

Skyline is actually fire... Didn't have Skyline from Cincinnati before. I had it from the cans and I didn't really like it. Got some fresh Skyline. It's absolute gas. It kind of tastes like Mediterranean food. Literally. Like the chili gives off like – hero [gyro] vibes.

Putting milk in eggs makes them better and more like pancakes

What you do is you put like, I have put milk in my eggs and then they're like, almost like a pancake when you do them. But apparently the nice browning of the outside of the eggs... it's better than gooey icky eggs.

You must use a meat thermometer to cook a steak correctly

The biggest one for steak is just to use a thermometer. I think people think that like, oh, I'm a cool guy. I can like poke at my steak and I'll know when it's done. It's like, nah, just use a thermometer. Like you're not that good at cooking a steak, all the good places do that anyway.

The best way to eat a cookie is to make it giant with a crispy outside and gooey inside

Instead of making small cookies, I make four gigantic cookies. And then I bake them. And then I make them gooey, and then I eat one... Well, the thing about the big cookie is you can get the outside crispy and then the inside gooey.

To make wild food taste good, just burn the hell out of it

The magic ingredient is burn the hell out of it. You just got to burn the hell out of it... whatever it is, just burn the hell out of it. And it's OK. It kind of baked all that fluid out... just like a burnt sausage.

Putting mayo on a turkey sandwich is the most American thing you can eat

A perfectly normal amount of mayo on a tuna fish sandwich or a turkey sandwich, that's the most American thing that you can eat.

Mayonnaise is objectively delicious and hating it is a media trend

I actually think that mayonnaise recently has gotten a bad rap in the media because it's become cool for people to be like, ew, mayonnaise... Mayonnaise is objectively delicious. Don't overdo it. Don't eat gobs of it. I'm here to be a mayo stand.

Mayonnaise makes the most moist chocolate cake

I had this chocolate cake once in Mississippi... Mayo. It's mayo. It makes the most moist chocolate cake you've ever had in your life.

The Apple Pie Hot Dog is a culinary combination that works

What we came up with actually should be prepared and sold in frozen food sections because we take a flaky pie crust, we take an all-American beef hot dog, we make a bacon jam... what we came up with, it so works.

Runny egg yolks are gross 'liquid chicken'

I'm just not a fan of the liquid chicken part of the runny yolk thing that my wife loves. She had to dip the toast in that. I just sit there and go [ugh]. I'm not a big fan of the smell.

I am going to release a line of Guy Fieri boozy ice cream soon

I got into this thing of boozy ice cream. So you may keep an eye out. There may be a Guy Fieri boozy ice cream coming out sometime soon. Tell me that would be gangster.

A pizza place's ability to make a plain cheese pizza correctly is the true metric of their quality.

If you can do a plain pizza right, then I think that you can do everything else right. ... Start with the basics and build off that.

Black olives have the most flavor per surface area of any pizza topping.

Black olives have the most flavor per surface area of any pizza topping. ... I like doing a mixture [of green and black].

Waffle House is the best night, breakfast, and drunk food in the world

Let's not shame people that eat at waffle house because now if you're a millionaire, you should still be going to waffle house on a regular basis. It is the best night food. It's the best breakfast and it's drunk food. It's great. Waffle house shrunk waffle house is one of America's finest institutions.

Ordering soda without ice is a smart consumer move to get 25% more drink

No ice, I think that's just being a smart consumer. You get more soda that way. I think if you grow up with not a whole lot of money, you know the no ice trick, because you get an extra probably 25% of the drink with it and you don't need the ice.

Dinosaur meat, specifically Toronto Raptor meat, would be the most expensive and elite meat to eat

I'm going to eat a Toronto Raptor. I'm going to eat a Raptor, a dinosaur. Imagine how expensive you think like Kobe beef is expensive, I've bought some Raptor beef. It's a fucking rich man's move to be like, 'Yeah, I've eaten some dinosaur.'

Dolphins would be a delicious meal if you harpooned them the old-fashioned way

We're going with a dish that the Japanese do really well: dolphins. [I'd kill it the] old fashioned way, harpoon, just choke it out. Just bring them into a Cove and slaughter them all. That's the old fashioned way is just stabbing a dolphin with a harpoon.

Every college town has a local pizza place that people think is awesome but is actually terrible once you're sober.

Every college in America, I'm convinced, has their local pizza place, and at one particular pizza place you swear has the best pizza. And then when once you go visit a friend there and they give it to their special pizza town and you're like, wait, this isn't as good as mine. [PFT: It's terrible when you're sober].

Flaming cheese (Saganaki) is the best Greek invention because it's like an experience

The flaming saganaki, the flaming cheese. That shit is awesome. It's like going to hibachi. It's like, you clap for it. It's an experience, like, 'oh shit, they lit the cheese on fire!'

I invented the wrap sandwich in 1981

A couple of the really school reporters up there decided that they'd get their friends at the Wall Street Journal to do a national search to find out who had a wrap sandwich on the menu before 1981. And guess what? They couldn't find anyone. And they said I invented the wrap.

A 600-foot cheesesteak made of individual subs is a total fraud

It's a bunch of regular cheesesteaks, footlong cheesesteaks stacked up next to each other. It's ridiculous to say... If you make a 600-foot... it has to be connected.

Wraps are just shittier, guiltier versions of sandwiches

The wrap is just a shittier sandwich. It's not like you didn't do anything great. It's more portable and it's like slightly healthier, but it's not as healthy as people want you to believe it is. You can't tell me that a wrap is better than a sandwich with good bread.

Winter and summer menus at salad restaurants are absurd

I just think it's absurd that they have winter and summer menus in a fucking salad place. ... What's the difference between salad in the winter and salad in the summer?

The chicken salad on brioche is the best new food item at Augusta National.

That's not the play, though, by the way, fellas. That's not the play. Chicken salad on the brioche. That was new for 2021. I ate about 11 of those today.

You must eat only white cheese if you want to live to 100

I had a cab driver once from LaGuardia who was like, if you want to live to 100, you got to eat only white cheese. He's like, the minute you eat yellow cheese, you're going to kill yourself... He said it was such authority that I was like, damn. He must be right.

Pie is better than cake

One of my hottest takes, well, just facts in the interest of fairness, Pi is better than cake... Apple pie, blueberry pie, peach pie. Those are all better. Cheesecake is even a pie... if you take out ice cream cake, I think that that's easily, that's almost a blowout.

Mark Davis orders orange chicken and fried rice at P.F. Chang's

I know Mark. Mark's a wonderful guy. I think Mark would play it right up the middle. I think he would go orange chicken, chicken fried rice, egg roll. Right up the middle. I don't really see him diversifying it.

I would definitely eat three steaks a week to help the earth

The recommendation was if you eat less than... If you eat three steaks a week and you decrease it, you will like greatly help the earth. And then someone was like, who the hell is eating three steaks a week? And I just did the Homer Simpson gift. Like I am for sure.

Dippin' Dots is a depreciating asset

I learned a lesson, which is Dippin' Dots is a depreciating asset. Yeah, absolutely. No regrets.

Salt Bae’s high-sprinkle technique actually seasons meat more equally than seasoning it from a close distance

There is a reason why he [Salt Bae] does that, right? He just wants to not because it just looks awesome. If you actually salt your stuff too close your salt and pepper tend to only go in that one specific direction. If you go up higher, it actually falls. So it actually seasons your meat a much more equally.

Thin sugar cookies with sprinkles are the superior Christmas cookie

I just like the sugar cookies with the, the like the straight up like the thin sugar cookies with the sprinkles on it that you can eat like a thousand of them.

Using aluminum foil on a grill is a mistake because you lose the 'fire' flavor.

I like my steaks to stay juicy... but I've since been told that I need to sacrifice that to be able to get that true grill flavor. That was the last day I used aluminum foil ever.