Takes

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day. I believe it.

The US government will confirm the existence of aliens this week

Aliens might drop this week. Like, like there's aliens might drop this week... [The White House] might confirm the existence of aliens as early as this week. And just be ready for the outcome of that.

The 'Blob' weather pattern could mean the end of the world

B-Big Cat, We are Earth could be finished. We could be done... There's a world, the blob never goes away... I do wanna say you're right. I was being dramatic there. Blob will go away, but it's sinking its toes right now.

Joey Chestnut will set a new world record at the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest this year

He released a statement yesterday saying that it was, he never lost his love for the dogs. He just entered into a partnership with a plant-based company last year... he's gonna smoke 'em. I wanna see an all time record... he is top dog.

People will stop visiting Orlando entirely if the airport removes its Chili's

I am taking up a new fight. They're changing the Orlando airport and the Chili's is going to be gone in 2025. We're not gonna let this happen... I predict that people are gonna stop visiting Orlando, Florida entirely because of this. There's no amusement found in Orlando [without it].

The Times Square Margaritaville should be subsidized by the government and saved from closure

Margaritaville should be too big to fail. It should be subsidized by the government. Should be saved. Yeah.

AI robots will take over and kill everyone within a month

I'm fully convinced, I figured I should just get it on record that probably within like a month, AI is going to build robots, take over the world and we're all gonna die.

I could land a commercial airliner if the pilot became incapacitated

If I got behind the wheel or what the stick of a 737 and I was able to talk to air traffic control, I honestly do believe that I would be able to land a plane. It's pretty simple stuff. It's not rocket science, it's air science.

There are wooly mammoth bones and ivory worth millions in the East River

There's a bunch of treasure in the East River... wooly mammoth bones, tusks, ivory. It's treasure. Millions. Billions. The treasure is on East 65th Street next to the FDR Drive in the water... we're gonna try to go get it.

The Powerball drawing is rigged because of the delay and lack of a live stream

Powerball rigged. So Powerball rigged. That's very suspect. Biggest Powerball in history... They delayed the drawing because officials need more time to complete protocols and they didn't live stream it.

The James Webb telescope images are fake and look like a lava lamp

Those images... are freaking me out... but that could also just be some fucking scientists lava lamp and they just send it out and they're like, check this out guys... I did see this picture and I just said that's fake.

If you haven't been to the dentist in over three years, just never go again

Anyone who has not been there for more than three years, just never go again ever... she was the dental hygienist was just ripping up my mouth, blood everywhere. And she was like, if you did, if you came in every six months, none of this would have happened. And I was like, well, what if I just never came in again? None of this would've happened... I would recommend it to all of you... It is absolutely the worst.

Mickey Sudo might beat Joey Chestnut in the next Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest

Mickey Sudo only ate 45 hot dogs for the Nathan's hot dog eating contest. So she was able to eat way more bratwurst, even though they're bigger... if these trends are correct, Joey Chestnut might get knocked off this next hot dog eating contest. I'm just saying by a woman.

You should always fade Mike Greenberg's gambling advice when he feels strongly about a pick

He was saying that like, he's gonna take the under on not only the lions, but the Texans and they might not win more than like three or four games. This is a major Greenie weeny alert. If Greenie feels that strongly about something, when it comes to gambling, you fade Greenie big time.

Impossible burgers might cause serious kidney damage

My hot seat is vegan. So impossible burgers and new study came out on them. Turns out that they might be seriously damaging to your kidneys according to a study released.

The Water Dogs are terrible and I will fire everyone if they don't get their shit together

The Water Dogs... fucking suck. I'm so sick of this team. They're terrible. I watch every game... We need an enforcer... get your fucking shit together guys. This is the last call. Otherwise, I'm firing everyone. I don't think I have that authority. But if I do, I will fire everyone.

Jeff Bezos will disable his companies while in outer space to prank Earth

I think the Earth's actually in the hot seat for all that because it's bad news whenever the richest person on Earth decides to leave for a little bit. what better there will never be a better time for jeff bezos to disable all of his companies that we depend on for everything than when he's in outer space with his brother pissed off at his ex-wife.

I can beat any animal in a fight by snapping its windpipe

Show me an animal. I'll find its windpipe. I'll snap it in half... The kangaroo was a bitch. He was a spaz. He was just losing his mind. I put that thing in a fucking headlock and he's not going anywhere.

I could break the underwater bench press record

The underwater bench press record was broken... repped it out 77 times, beating the previous record of 62 times. Only 110 pounds... it's more of just a holding your breath thing. So I'm kind of, you know, in the back of my head, I'm like, I could do that. I could break that record.

We should solve global warming by painting the equator black like eye black to block the sun

Let's paint the equator black. Like an outfielder wearing the stuff on their cheekbones trying to absorb the glare from the sun. To me, that seems like an elegant solution. And I think that the world would look cooler if it had a belt.

You are statistically less likely to have shrimp in your next box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch

Statistically, you're more less likely to have shrimp in your next box. [Big Cat: No, but it was zero] ... No, it's like once in a blue moon.

A rival cereal company planted shrimp in Jensen Karp's cereal to change the narrative

This could be a case of, I don't know, maybe a rival cereal company seeing that Cinnamon Toast Crunch was getting all that shine last week. They go into Costco in the dead of night with a box cutter and some tape and a couple of shrimp tails, and they just try to get the story out there to change the narrative.

Aliens have agreements with the U.S. and a secret underground base on Mars

The head of Israel's space security program for 30 years... said there is agreements made between aliens in the U.S. which ostensibly have been made because they wish to research and understand the fabric of the universe. Their cooperation with the secret underground base on Mars.

Gardner Minshew is effectively the vaccine for COVID-19

My hot seat is the coronavirus. That's right. It's back on the hot seat because we've discovered a vaccine. And that's just being Gardner Minshew. Yeah. So Gardner Minshew tested positive and he said that the virus took one look at him and turn the other way.

If a bear can use nunchucks, a gorilla can fly a Black Hawk helicopter

It turns out that bears actually can use weapons... If a bear can pick up a nunchuck, a gorilla can pick up a fucking rocket launcher. A gorilla would be able to fly like a Black Hawk helicopter if a bear is able to use these martial art weapons.

New York City will have an eerie and calm Fourth of July because people used up all the fireworks in June.

Right now people have bought up so many fireworks and used enough of them already that there's not going to be enough left over for the fourth, at least in New York City. First, it'll be like a calm-ish, calmer than normal Fourth of July in New York City, which should be—that'll be kind of eerie.

I want to create a giant mutant species of bullfrog using CRISPR technology

So African bullfrogs really cool... he sells these Gene I think it's and it's for frogs. So he does it on like home lab frogs... we could This frog which is already giant. We could make it even bigger. if I were Jack Ewing... Can we just I am backing to make a mutant frogs Yeah, but it's totally legal with science.

I will have the greatest gambling season of my life because of clovers in my new yard

I'm moving and I got a little patch of grass, shrubbery at the new place... Talk to the previous tenant, he said if you look close enough, there's a bunch of four-leaf clovers in there. So I'm about to have the greatest gambling season of my life.

The PMT crew will perform a set of bench press before every single show

The bench press is finally fully operational... I say that we cranked out a set before every single show. I'm down for that.

Humanity is on the hot seat because Boston Dynamics is creating robot super soldiers to replace us

My hot seat is humanity. Humanity officially on the hot seat because Boston Dynamics just released a video of another robot. This one's doing like parkour he's doing 360 degree spins jumps Landings. It just they're essentially creating super soldiers.

Vaping is about to see a spike in use because it has become 'rebellious' again

My cool throw is vaping because there's been a real spike... in vaping deaths. So now vaping has kind of turned the corner. It's like it's a bad boy thing... well now vaping has entered that realm because it's killing people... I think it's going to see a spike in use.

People in Australia greet each other by eating ass as casually as a handshake

In Australia you eat ass like you're shaking hands. That's a classic hello.

Larry the Goldfish will finish higher in the Las Vegas Supercontest than thousands of humans

Larry... will do better than thousands of people in the Las Vegas [Supercontest]. He makes five picks a week... you can say that you own a gambling goldfish that will do better than thousands of people.

El Chapo will escape from prison because no jail in the world can actually contain him

If [El Chapo] is not already escaped, you think that there's a jail in the world that can contain El Chapo?

It is never against the law to eat food that you found on the road

They're just trying to scare you. Don't listen to them. It's never against the law to eat food that you found on the road. Actually, as a taxpayer in Alabama, that's your food.

Real dinosaurs will be recreated within five years

A famed paleontologist, Dr. Jack Horner... came out and said that we're only five years from actually recreating real dinosaurs. Using chickens.

IPAs give you man boobs because they are full of estrogen

It feels like the weirdest things have estrogen in them, right? Like IPAs now give you tits. [PFT: Yeah, well, that's been true for a while.]

The Egyptian pyramids were built just to keep the Jewish people busy

The Egyptian pyramids were just a way to keep Jewish people busy. So Pharaoh was just like, I need something to do to keep these guys busy and build these fucking rock piles.

I am giving up masturbation to get an edge for my upcoming fight

I've decided to give up masturbation. So for those who don't know, Hank is actually fighting. It's a real fight, Rough N Rowdy. December 15th. I need every edge I can get.