Takes

The altitude on airplanes causes people to cry during movies

I was tearing up [at the F1 movie]. It's the altitude. The altitude. I didn't even like the movie that much, but the end got me and they like, oh, it's 'cause you were on a plane. That's a thing.

Doing 30 minutes of cardio drastically improves your video game performance

If you do 30 minutes of cardio, it could drastically change performance in virtual worlds such as video games. I hit the treadmill last night... I was two and three, but that's drastically better because the previous evenings I was like oh and six, oh and seven.

I am facing a potential '10-day termination' from my apartment after a meeting with my landlord

Had a really constructive meeting with my building... but he introduced a new term. I was not familiar with a 10 day termination... next time it's like, it's a 10 day legal 10 day. Wow. I didn't know 10 day was a thing.

I am quitting nicotine pouches cold turkey

I just quit pouches. Quit decided fuck nicotine pouches. I'm out on nicotine pouches. I'm out on all nicotine... about two full days, two and a half days off. It's not easy... My resolution is that I'm just gonna smoke cigarettes... The only time I'm allowed to have nicotine is if I'm smoking an actual cigarette... I'm out, I'm just gonna go cold turkey.

I am the reason my father is dead because he died during my birth

My father Mr. Tradewind was actually like the greatest dad ever. But he passed away during childbirth... Mama Tradewind said that I reminded her too much of the barbarian father and that's why she cast me out... the reason that I'm alive, he is dead.

The average global height for men is only 5'9"

I'm also five nine like Diego Pavia... That is average globally. I have, you never take what you take out that NFC West... When we say globally, we mean globally. Right. So five nine.

Daily ice cream consumption can reduce diabetes risk by 50%

Ice cream might save the planet. The healthy fats in ice cream can protect you against so many things... 50% reduction in diabetes [from] one serving a day. I believe it.

I will use my bare hand to unclog a toilet at a party if no plunger is available

I have used my hand... I've used my hand in a trash bag. You put your hand in a trash bag... The trash bag works. If you're in a, I mean, I guess in a home it might be tough, but you just, whatever the little trash is next to everyone's got one little trash next to the sink. You just get the trash bag out of there. Dump it hand in. Unplug.

The electrical substation next to the 49ers facility is causing player injuries by dehydrating their cells.

The wireless stuff, basically it dries you out on the inside. So have you ever taken a rubber band and like left it out in the sun and it goes from being nice and stretchy to being brittle and snaps? ... there's been a lot of research in the past 50 years... showing that it can cause cause harm at the cellular level by dehydrating yourselves among other things.

Artificial light before sunrise and after sunset is the primary signal that disrupts your biological clock.

You wanna do your best to protect yourself from artificial light before the sun rises and after the sun goes down. But especially before it rises because that's the signal that sets your clock for the day.

Exposing your 'boys' to sunlight increases testosterone.

Never tried it, but there is evidence that if you get sun on your boys, that your testosterone will go up.

Taking apart a microwave is fatal because it contains an electric bomb

Do never, do not ever take apart a microwave because you'll die. You'll get electrified. They've got like a bomb inside of them. ... You have a nuclear weapon in your kitchen.

Ayahuasca allows you to have real conversations with your ancestors in another realm

You go back, you go back and you have real conversations with your people. You know, you go to another realm... The medicine brought me places that definitely put me at peace with things that were, I had turmoil in my system.

Feral cats are a significantly larger threat to bird populations than wind turbines

Cats are responsible for an estimated 365 million to 2.4 billion bird deaths per year in the US alone. And then wind turbines are responsible for an estimated 140,000 to 680,000 bird deaths annually... Feral cats are a problem. That's my, that's, that's the conclusion I came up with.

I can still dunk a basketball

Can I still dunk? Yeah, I could still dunk. I could still dunk.

I can chug a beer faster than Colts center Quentin Nelson

Ask [Quentin Nelson] if Big Cat can chug a beer faster than him because the answer is yes. And I did that... I was like eventually, like I think he might just strangle me.

A Bengal tiger would kill a Jaguar in a fight every single time

I just looked at AI and a Bengal would kill a Jaguar like a hundred out of a hundred times. A Jaguar does have one of like the the fiercest bites in the animal kingdom. The problem is the Bengal outweighs the Jaguar by like 200 pounds.

Europeans don't even have colleges

No, they don't have colleges in [Europe]. They don't have NFL teams there. But they have NFL games there. They don't play college games. Okay, actually they're universities.

Cutting dairy from my diet cured my chronic knee pain in three weeks

I was having knee issues and I was... I needed to make some adjustments... I told myself, I'm gonna do it [go dairy free] for a month... probably about three weeks into it, honestly, I felt so much better. My body just felt fresher... I attributed it to the lack of dairy at the time.

Bratwurst has the worst physical aftermath of any competitive eating food

There's a couple that like, I know going in, they're gonna be rough. Like anything with bratwurst, bratwurst, man, there's, they add extra fat in there and it, it's, it's running through you. It, it, it, it's, you're not in control. It's there. There's, there's accidents bound to happen there.

I can eat two gallons of soft-serve ice cream in eight minutes

I'm thinking close to, close to two gallons worth. It'd be, it'd be like, so I did an ice cream contest and after the contest I was like shivering because I was so, like, it was like everything was cold. So I, I think close to two gallons would be in, in about eight minutes.

Over 270 Awls have played the 'Dragon of Mount Spear Top' Dungeons and Dragons adventure

I have run this adventure in particular for 45 different groups of awls over the course of the last year. And that is a total of 274 Awls. That's awesome. We're out there. They're listening right now and they are judging your every move.

I am the undisputed greatest chess player of all time

I'm not sure I'm the right person to, to ask really, but I don't mind. That's that's completely fine by me... I feel like I'm, I'm getting there. So, that's all I can ask for.

I am currently the best at every single format of chess

At the moment I would say that I, I'm definitely the best at every, at every format that we we play. And honestly, my closest competitors are still the, the old guys, guys around my age. So yeah, the kids, they're good, but they're, they're not quite quite there yet.

Kidney stone pain is worse than childbirth

Also, the doctor again for the second time told me that this pain is worse than childbirth. Which I will not be saying to any women, but it's true... I've given birth to like 13 kidney stones. I'm as tough as Philip Rivers' wife.

It takes two years for a wrist ligament injury to return to full mobility

Whenever you have a ligament injury, your joint is gonna take around two years to get all the mobility back and everything that you feel like you need.

Children reach a critical development stage at age seven where they absorb every word and begin making independent decisions

My aunt, she always told me that the age of seven is when the kids, they lose their subconscious and they start to really take in every word that you say and they go start making decisions on their own. So when I'm in my quiet time, that's the thing is I'm thinking about like, man, how can I serve my son who about to be seven? 'Cause I know it's his own time.

I will not be able to shoot 20 three-pointers in a row

I misinterpreted what the initial discussion was. I'm not gonna be able to shoot 20 threes in a row. That's it... 20 for 20, which is impossible. I think 20 for 25 is possible. Obviously that's not what we discussed.

The Tasmanian Tiger is likely not extinct and lives in Papua New Guinea

The one that sits on the top reign supreme is an animal called a Thylacine. Tasmanian tiger... it managed to get a pilot and get picked up and turned into a series... because it used to range like 4,000 years ago... there are still ongoing reports from tribes and villages of striped dogs and all these things in Papua New Guinea. That's the area that I think needs the biggest exposure.

Cheese is orange, not yellow — I looked it up

I like cheese and I wanted to take it, but I looked it up and the first color it said was orange.

The Jaguar statue's fangs work like a crab trap, which is why my head got stuck in it

I explained it like a crab trap where like you can push your ears backwards... but then it gets caught. Can't go forward. And so that was like the simplicity of it. But everyone... was like, how is that even possible?

I used to think that jumping at the last second in a falling elevator would save your life

If you're an elevator and it falls and you jump at the end, you survive... I just looked it up. It's not true. It's not true. You would die.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows

I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows... I was up north driving past a brown cow and I pointed to my cousin, I said, you know, chocolate milk comes from those things.

I would rather buy new clothes than walk through a spider-infested hallway to do laundry

I have to share that laundry room with three other units... there's spiders all the way up and down the wall... I'm afraid to go down there... So I bought new clothes, bought just essential stuff.

I mistakenly believed tornadoes do not hit big cities just to make myself feel better

You gotta worry about the tornado—tornadoes don't hit cities though. That's good. Like big cities... False tornadoes can hit anywhere at any time. Okay. I, I just made that up. I completely made it up. Okay. But... That was something I just told myself to make myself feel better.

I saw a bright circle UFO in Austin, Texas

Literally like, we got the, the screen on the car's real bright... Emily's in the passenger seat. She's looking at her phone, this like, like circle shape object. Like bright as hell. Literally just goes from right here and goes straight down. She was looking at her phone... it was so bright that she looked up and saw it too and it just like disappeared. Like completely disappeared.

Taxes are optional in Greece

In Greece, taxes are optional. And then their economy just crumbles every like 10, 15 years. They're like, Hey, we should probably start paying taxes. ... I looked, I just, I just Googled that. Yes. Currently more than half of Greek households are exempt from any personal income tax.

A wasp and a bee are the same thing

I'm a wasp. It's the same thing [as a bee]. ... I'm a wasp. It's the same thing. It's not. Yeah, I would like to go into that chest.

Drinking alcohol during the offseason is a bad idea because it causes inflammation

When you're recovering from something, [it's] not the best look to be just chugging beers... you put alcohol in your body, inflammation. [It's] not good for you. You need to start dialing in.

I can chug a beer faster than Taylor Lewan

I can chug faster than Taylor... [Lewan] put it down in like 3.8 seconds... the boot? ... I can't [do] that. One beer. [But] I beat Dana Beers too.

I psyched out Waka Flocka Flame by showing him my testicles during the Beer Olympics

I showed my testicles to Waka Flocka Flame and psyched them out. So that's, that's a major dub that did happen. He got so freaked out by my nuts. He was like, what the fuck is that? I, I did the old trick of, oops, I slipped in and fell in some gum. Didn't know what to do with it. Got him.

Gronk is actually a savant with numbers

I'm telling you right now. Gronk knows numbers, bro... whenever we used to talk contracts... I would always bust his balls like, yo, what's square root of this, Gronk? 144. He'd be like 12, dude! Like, he really knows numbers pretty well, dude. Not joking.

Russian tortoises are the only type of tortoise to ever go to the moon

This type of tortoise [Russian tortoise] is actually the only type of tortoise to ever go to the moon.

I lied about destroying Vanny Woodhead; I have been keeping it for years

Technically it's destroyed. Legally it's chopped up. But I kind of... I didn't have the heart to chop it up, so I just been keeping it... I was like, every time it was an excuse I used to not follow through with chopping it up.

Flaco the Owl was likely murdered and didn't just die from a building collision

It says he didn't break any bones, but he sustained massive hemorrhaging inside his body. This seems like somebody else had a hand in it. We need to check the flight logs. Was Flaco on the list? This Owl probably had information that would've led to the arrest and subsequent conviction of Hillary Clinton.

The 'pregnant' stingray Charlotte isn't actually pregnant and is just fat

Charlotte, the pregnant Stingray has still not given birth, which makes me think this might be a publicity stunt... if a shark had relations with a female Stingray who is pregnant even though she hasn't seen a male stingray in eight years... we need a conclusion to this. Otherwise she's just fat.

TSA does not allow foam swords on planes

I looked up whether TSA would accept foam swords. They do not. And so [I] held onto my foam blade back at home. Didn't get to bring it, but I'm so honored to be in the presence of [the show] right now.

Amphibians have ears that connect directly to their brains

One thing I know about lizards and amphibians, they've got ears that connect directly to their brain. Could I sing a note so high that the vibration of it kills everyone's tadpole?

I know how to fly a plane, I just don't know how to take off or land

I just know how to fly. I don't know how to take off and land. Exactly.

The Larry the Goldfish tattoo looks bad because I used a frozen dead corpse as the reference

I never told you guys. 'cause I knew I would've never heard the end of it... [The tattoo artist] asked for a reference picture. And I was like, whoa, I can get a reference picture. He's in the freezer so let me go take a picture... he had already done the full dead tattoo on my body where I was like, oh my God, this is a dead goldfish. I could've just Googled goldfish and it wouldn't have mattered.