Takes

The Godfather Part III is so bad that it ruins the whole movie trilogy

Godfather three... one and two are so good... The Tri literally just say the Godfather of three doesn't exist. It like they try to make it so it's not a trilogy... The trilogy then sinks the whole trilogy within itself. That's not, that is incorrect.

Trilogies generally fail because the third installment almost always sucks

I think what we learned here is Trilogies low key suck. Yeah. Like I think we just learned that. 'cause that was a struggle to get that... except for the Father Son. Holy Ghost. Yeah. Shout out God.

Johnny Bananas is the GOAT of The Challenge

The answer's Johnny Bananas, that is the goat... as much as I love CT, he doesn't have the longevity that Johnny Bananas does. and he didn't have the mental game.

Michael Lewis embellished 'The Blind Side' facts for marketing purposes

I'm saying Michael Lewis may have embellished some of the facts, or woven it into a better story than it or a story that he thought was more marketable than the real story. ... Next thing you're gonna do is tell me that Billy Beane never won a World Series.

Jersey Shore is the most iconic reality TV show ever

If the debate is Jersey Shore versus Vanderpump Rules... Jersey Shore was like guys and girls liked Jersey Shore parties. There is no Vanderpump without Jersey Shore.

Tom Brady is a 'trophy husband' who needs a sugar mama like Kim Kardashian

Tom Brady is a stay-at-home dad. He needs to find another sugar mama to pay his bills because he always likes women who make more than him. That's just the facts. ... He's a trophy husband. ... Now he's looking for someone to take care of him.

Melissa McCarthy is one of the most underrated comedic actresses of the last 20 years

Melissa McCarthy's very funny. One of the most underrated comedic actresses of the last 20 years.

Zach Bryan is the best musical artist of my generation

Check out Zach Bryan if you haven't. I think he's the best artist of ever. My generation. My generation.

Wes Anderson is a boring filmmaker

My Hot Seat is Wes Anderson, the filmmaker. ... I think he's boring. Does anybody else think he's boring? ... They're all kind of one movie. ... It's very filmmaker move to come out and be like, he refuses, he's disgusted at the thought of people even trying to do what he does.

Anyone named Kyle is likely crazy and not to be messed with.

Anyone named Kyle. Don't fuck with them. Kyle's, Kyle's are fucking crazy. Kyle's got... the sickest sound system in his car. Your parents tell you not to hang out with Kyle's. You don't want to. Yeah, because he'll get you in trouble.

Man on Fire is the best Denzel Washington movie to sit down and rewatch

Man On Fire. I love this movie. It might be my favorite like sit down and rewatch Denzel movie. This movie is a yet you jack the fuck up. I'm gonna give 'em both Five outta five balls.

Man on Fire is the perfect plane movie

You know what this is? It's also a perfect plane movie. If you're looking to kill, go like a three hour plane ride, man on fire every time. And you can watch it every time you're on a plane.

Hearing Creed or Dave Matthews Band on a Classic Rock station is an existential crisis

When I heard Creed on a classic rock channel, I lost my shit. ... I also heard Dave Matthews band on Classic Rock. Oh, that's, that sucks to think about. ... we are as far removed as Crash by Dave Matthews Band as when we were growing up. We were from like Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.

The US government uses Taylor Swift news to distract from alien craft revelations

In fact, I went up to our friend Kelly Keegs, who is maybe the biggest Taylor Swift fan in the entire world. I was like, so did you hear about The Aliens? And she was like, what Aliens? Taylor might be working for the United States government and they just told her like, Hey Taylor, please dump your boyfriend right now because we need to cover up the alien thing.

Bloodsport is one of the best action movies ever made.

I give Bloodsport a five balls. I love this movie. I'll always love this movie. It is a mandatory watch if you like action movies. It's the best.

Frank Dux, the real-life inspiration for Bloodsport, is the greatest liar of all time.

Frank Dux is the greatest liar of all time. All of it is fake. It is based on a true story, except Frank Dux lied about his fighting record as well as the existence of the entire tournament, as well as his military record. He just keeps lying about everything. Everything is made up.

Roman Roy will have the happiest life of the Roy siblings after the Succession finale

I actually think the one guy that that is gonna have the happiest life after this is probably Roman because he's still got billions of dollars and he's just gonna go off and be like a drunk horny weird asshole on his own, which is what makes him the happiest. Yeah. He's doing that type of shit. He doesn't, he never actually wanted real power.

Connor Roy was the only sibling with a real relationship with Logan Roy

Connor, that scene when they had the virtual dinner with dad thing that they watched that scene was basically showing all of us that Connor was the only one who had a relationship with his father that meant anything. Everyone, all the other three kids were just transactional. Like they want to be pa like the, the the next in line.

Succession will end with Kendall Roy taking over but having no one left in his life

I think it is going to be Kendall... he's finally morphed into his father where he berated Roman. He is at odds with Shiv. ... He has no one left. And I think that that is how they're gonna end the show. Where with no one left, he becomes the king. But at what cost? Literally his entire life.

Jimmy Tatro is a movie star

I've seen you [Jimmy Tatro] and stuff. You're a movie star. I am not a movie star. I think this is where I end up. I don't think you end up here.

Meghan Markle attended King Charles' Coronation in a disguise

They're saying that that was Meghan Markle wearing a prosthetic, pretending to be a dude to sneak into the coronation. I have no idea if it's true or not, but I now I believe it because these people care so very deeply about it.

Ken Jennings is the undisputed GOAT of Jeopardy

The host is Ken Jennings, who is the GOAT. He's the greatest Jeopardy player of all time. Won the most consecutive episodes... When they played a primetime event named GOAT to determine the greatest of all time, Ken Jennings won that against James [Holzhauer].

Draft Day would be one of the worst movies ever if it didn't have real NFL logos

Draft Day would be maybe one of the worst movies of all time if it didn't have the rights to the exact NFL logos and team names. If they had to make up like a fake NFL league, that movie would suck. Turns out that it rocks because it's like, oh, I recognize the Browns logo.

Taylor Swift is better than Beyonce

Who you got? Taylor Swift or Beyonce? It's Taylor Swift. Easy. Nah, it's so easy. It's all day... No, you guys, girls, no one knows a single Beyonce song, right? Yeah, she's super old. Taylor Swift. Much better vocalist.

The upcoming Harry Potter TV show will suck

The movie sucks. The show's probably gonna suck too. That's my take.

Vince McMahon is leaning into his 'creepy old man' persona with his new mustache

The man is a showman. And if you're gonna be accused of being a pervert left and right, and all these people come out and say all these weird things about you. Of course Vince McMahon is gonna lean into that costume and grow a tiny little mustache. If you give a creepy old man $9 billion, he's gonna become a super creepy old man with a child molester mustache.

Best action movies are essentially porn but with fighting instead of sex

In college I would do man movie Fridays and we would watch the worst action movie you can watch. Bloodsport, Under Siege, Cobra. It's basically like watching porn, but instead of fucking, they just beat the fuck out of each other because the dialogue's that bad. Best of the Best 2, maybe my favorite movie ever.

Bobby Knight once had his players stop a scripted play for the movie 'Blue Chips' because he didn't want to lose the possession

The director come in the huddle and he says, all right, we need about 15, 20 minutes to set up the last play. So Penny Hardaway is gonna throw the lob past the Shaquille O'Neill and then they win... As we're leaving the huddle to go play defense. Coach Knight says, 'Don't let him get it. Grab him.' So they run the play... We grab Shaq, the ball goes out of bound and he's yelling the director's yelling. Cut, cut, cut.

Kyler Murray is right for using cheese plays in Madden

I am on Kyler Murray's side... Kyler Murray's in the right... you got your ass beaten in the Madden League... And then you went online to be like, well Kyler Murray's a bad guy cuz he beats me with the same play and I can't figure out a defense to stop it.

The first six seasons of Jersey Shore were 100% real

It was all fucking real. Yeah, all six seasons. ... When we shot those seasons, we were in a house 24/7 cameras everywhere for a full month. So you got to see everything. You didn't need to make anything up.

Grown men hating on women is pathetic

Britney Mahomes tweeted something about grown men talking shit about someone's wife is real weird... actually, grown ass men hating on women in general is pathetic. I'm taking Britney's side on this.

Sam Hurd was released from prison early to serve as viral marketing for the movie Cocaine Bear

Sam Hurd has been released from Federal penitentiary... after serving a 10 year sentence for distributing cocaine. Timing is very suspicious with the release of Cocaine Bear. A lot of people are saying that this judge might have taken some money to do some gorilla marketing for the movie.

Tom Segura is on steroids

Tom Segura's on steroids. Yeah. Tom. Yeah. I can't believe people don't know that. No, no, no. He's been 270 pounds his whole life. And then last year he found 'discipline.' Sure, sure. Was it No, you don't think it's the proximity of him and Joe Rogan maybe happened the same fucking needles.

Megan Fox followed Eminem on Instagram specifically to spite Machine Gun Kelly

Megan Fox is back. Her and Machine Gun Kelly broke up and she unfollowed everybody on Instagram except for three people... Eminem... I feel like she just followed Eminem just to fuck with Machine Gun Kelly.

Tom Brady will have a weird retirement filled with plastic surgery

He's going to have a very weird retirement. He's going to be plastic surgery dating like random chicks all the time. The TV 12... he's going to do some weird shit. There's nobody that's ever had just a touch of plastic surgery.

Denver is one of the best comedy towns in the United States

Denver's a very liberal city. Right. That's, most people know it as a liberal, but Colorado isn't all liberal. Yeah. There's a lot of conservative out there. It's kind of a purple place... It's unbelievable. It's one of the best comedy towns in the country in my opinion.

Steve Harvey is the greatest game show host of his generation

One guy who's transcended all of that and even surpassed Louie Anderson, who nobody thought ever could, is Steve Harvey with Family Feud. America's host.

The Office would be canceled by today's standards

Mindy Kaling I guess was interviewed and she was like, yeah, the office would've been like, if they had the office today, it would've been canceled. ... if the office today was made today and it was canceled, like then comedy just truly is dead.

The Rock is becoming too unlikable because he's too manufactured

At this point I regret to inform you that I think I'm out on the Rock... he seems like he's turned his entire life into a living breathing Upworthy headline... you've entered the weird online celebrity like John Legend, Chrissy Teigen era of I have to root a little bit against you now. You're too likable.

Roman Reigns and I are the only two real stars in wrestling

The two biggest stars in professional wrestling right now are me and Roman Reigns. We are the two people that everybody's talking about. Whether you're a professional wrestling fan or whether you're outside of that professional wrestling bubble.

WWE will engage in a massive bidding war for me in 2024

On January 1st, 2024, they [WWE] will most certainly be making their bid to get MJF over there... I'm a very simple man [money]. If they offer a penny more, this is a business.

The Marcus Jordan and Larsa Pippen relationship is MJ's final revenge on Scottie Pippen

I just imagined MJ being like, did you hear all that shit about Scottie saying that LeBron's better than me? Go hit up Larsa. Yeah, let's, let's start this relationship Dogs. That's tough.

LeBron James is lying about when he started listening to Migos

LeBron today wore an outfit... a reporter asked him... he said 'I love Migos. I've been listening to them since I was in Miami in 2010.' The Migos didn't start putting music out until 2011 and they weren't really popular until 2013... just no reason to lie whatsoever.

Kirk Cousins officially killed the 'Gritty' dance

I think Kirk Cousins killed the gritty. Yeah. And then Zach Wilson brought it back... basically what Kirk Cousins did to the gritty is exactly what he does to steaks. Yeah. He took all the seasoning off of it. It was, it's so bad.

Spitting is the new slapping in terms of celebrity drama

Harry Styles is spitting on Chris Pine. All right. That's just gay. I watched the video. That movie is just a lot of drama. I like the slap. The slap was great. It brought America together for an evening. The spit is the new slap.

I am officially the next Wolverine

I am pumped baby. No, I'm like, you're talking to the next Wolverine. I'm gonna do it. I'll... get those fans, you know, get me the job.

Bill Clinton definitely hooked up with Dr. Ruth at the US Open

Bill Clinton was at the US Open too. And he was best term for it—he was noodling with Dr. Ruth. They were getting very close... bill Clinton was getting real horny with Dr. Ruth. And I think he fucked her. I'm going to say he fucked her.

Hasbulla is a bigger living legend than Michael Jordan

One-one is Hasbulla. He's a living legend. He walks in the room, everyone stops. You go to any country in the world and they're like—Hasbulla. He's got international [fame]. Hasbulla objectively is way bigger [than Michael Jordan].

Tom Cruise is the biggest movie star in the history of film

I got to tell you, Tom cruise is probably the biggest movie star in the history of film. One of them, for sure. I know if I could get the chance to work with Tom I'm showing up.

The Masked Singer started the rumor that Tom Brady was a contestant during his training camp absence

I've gone like overly woke on this now. And I think that it's a rumor that was started by the Masked Singer because people are definitely gonna be tuning in trying to figure out is that Tom Brady. It's the one show that you can basically get all the way through the episode being like maybe it is Tom Brady.