Takes

The 2026 World Cup draw will be rigged in favor of the United States.

The World Cup draw is tomorrow. ... I think this is gonna be the most rigged draw ever for the United States. And I put together my, this is my pick for our group: USA, Iran, South Africa, New Zealand.

Wrexham's three consecutive promotions are a first in the history of English football

It's been wild. I mean, it's never, it's never happened before in the history of English football. No team has ever gone back to back to back. And that's, that's what we did this past year.

The USMNT will beat Mexico in the Gold Cup final but will inevitably disappoint in their next major tournament

The US is gonna play against Mexico in the finals. We're going to beat Mexico in the finals and we're all gonna be like US soccer's back. We're good. And then we're gonna blow it again in the next tournament that we play. It's the pageantry and the spectacle of the Gold Cup.

Dan Campbell would be a successful head coach for the US Men's National Soccer Team

Number four. I think Dan Campbell could do it actually. Absolutely. 'Cause what we need is we need passion out of our players. I think Dan Campbell will figure soccer out.

USA soccer is back and will win a World Cup now that Gregg Berhalter is fired

Greg Berhalter has been fired yet again. We did it guys. Congratulations. USA soccer is back on the map. We're so back now. We're gonna win a World Cup.

Harry Kane is just a tap merchant

[Harry Kane] is a tap merchant is what he is. Wow.

If the US Women's National Team had any pride, they would rescind their invitation to advance in the World Cup

If they had any pride, they would rescind their advancement. If they win the [World Cup] with two ties, if they had any dignity whatsoever... I'm disappointed.

You do not want to mess with the United States Women's National Soccer Team

You do not want to fuck with the United States Women's National Soccer team. They're going for three straight women's world cups right now. And you don't wanna screw with them. They're dominant.

The World Cup final will end in a 4-4 draw and France will win on penalty kicks

Four four penalty kicks... I think we'll go one each and extra time... And then France wins one gold to nothing in penalty case.

Lionel Messi will choke in the 2022 World Cup knockout rounds

My sit is Lionel Messi. This is the time of the year... he's due for a choke in the fucking World Cup. He's not my goat. He's gonna put up a big fat goose egg in there going down.

Lionel Messi is the Chris Paul of soccer if he doesn't win the World Cup

My hot seat is Lionel Messi in Argentina because Argentina just lost 2-1 against the kingdom of Saudi Arabia... maybe the biggest defeat in the World Cup, some are asking is Messi a bust? Some are asking is Messi the Chris Paul of soccer? I think it's a fair comparison at this point.

Brazil is the favorite to win the World Cup

This is Brazil's World Cup to lose boys. Yeah, it's Brazil's to lose. Yep... I just think they're more balanced than they ever have... they have more talent than anyone. There's more professional players in the world than from Brazil. They, they, they just manufacture players. It's their pastime.

The 2022 World Cup will be canceled or moved from Qatar before it finishes

I don't think the World Cup's gonna finish. I think it's gonna get canceled for some reason... I don't think it's gonna be finished in Qatar... It sounds like the literal fire fest. I'm getting Fyre Fest vibes.

My World Cup betting strategy is to bet every game in the group stage to be a tie

My strategy in the opening round of the World Cup in the group stage. I'm just gonna bet every game to be a tie. Ooh. Across the board that's, I'm rooting for ties nonstop. You usually get good plus signs next to 'em.

Ecuadorian players were paid off by the Qatari government to throw the opening World Cup match

I saw a tweet from a reporter that said that Ecuadorian players were getting paid off by the Qatari government to, you know, to let, let the Qatar [win]... they said it end [1-0] after the end of the second half.

Italy will win the World Cup this year

I like Italy this year... America's my second team behind Italy. I'm gonna root for Italy. I think Italy... I think this is Italy's year.

Italy will win the World Cup this year

I like Italy this year... America's my second team behind. Behind Italy. I'm gonna root for Italy. I think Italy. I think this is Italy's year... Italy's just too good.

Harry Kane is not a threat to score if he is outside the six-yard line

Harry Kane? If he has the ball outside the six-yard line, he's not going to score, not a threat... outside of the six, not a danger.

It would be 'fucking hilarious' if the US Men's National Soccer Team loses by 6 goals and misses the World Cup

If the U.S. team loses by six goals tonight then they don't automatically qualify... I as a giant U.S. men's national team soccer fan, I can admit that if they lose by six goals tonight and don't qualify, that is fucking hilarious. I hope either they win or they lose by six or more goals tonight.

I'm boycotting the 2022 World Cup in Qatar unless the US makes it

I'm boycotting the World Cup. I'm boycotting the World Cup unless the U.S. makes it, in which case I might still boycott it. I think it's actually beneath the United States to play in a World Cup in stadiums that were built by little slaves.

Arsenal is a trash franchise and I'm officially 'Arteta Out'

Man U's a trash franchise, although I'd still rather cheer for them than Arsenal at this point... they stink. I'm Arteta out now. I think they should bring back Wenger.

Federico Chiesa is the next GOAT of soccer

That dude Chiesa, my guy Chiesa, he's the next GOAT. Like, we might be seeing a torch event happen in the next year, two years, where Messi passes that torch.

Harry Kane will miss a penalty kick for England in the Euro semi-finals

I like England. The problem with England is right now they, they looked convincing and they're winning against Germany... that is prime like Harry Kane's gonna miss a penalty kick in the semi-finals he's going to sky it. Like Baggio hit the moon with it.

England will lose in the semifinals of Euro 2020.

England is going to lose in the semifinals, although I am addicted to saying it's coming home.

The USA is officially the best soccer country in the world because Christian Pulisic won the Champions League

The best player in the world [Pulisic] played on the best team in the world... the best player on the best club team is American. Therefore, the USA is the best soccer country in the entire world.

The Premier League should rebrand as the English Super League to prevent future breakaways

If the Premier League is smart, they'll just rebrand as the English Super League. And then nobody can ever cuck them out of that again.

European billionaires will try to create a Super League again in two years under the cover of a major event

When this was all put to bed so quickly, they're going to try this again in two years. They're going to learn from what happened this time, and they're going to do it in the dead of night... during the Olympics, like when Putin invaded the Crimea.

The European Super League will happen because money makes the world go round.

I think this could happen, blud, because when you check the levels, Arsenal are owned by an American, Stan Kroenke... Liverpool, John Henry, American... Money makes the world go round, bro.

Artificial turf is safer for professional soccer players than real grass

It's way safer for the players.

Mikel Arteta should be fired as Arsenal manager

I am Arteta out... He needs to fuck off. If [Kroenke] doesn't spend enough money, then he needs to fuck off... This is the lowest we've ever been [as a club].

The MLS is a Ponzi scheme

I don't understand how they can keep adding teams. It is a Ponzi scheme. Because you just pay the existing owners and the talent isn't there to keep up.

Christian Pulisic is wasting his talent overseas and should play in the MLS to grow the game

I'm squatting on a take right now and that is getting mad at Christian Pulisic for not playing in the MLS. If he truly cared about American soccer, he would be over here and I will when he's like 40... maybe even older than that.

I'm starting to think the global pandemic was rigged so we would all be forced to watch soccer

I swear to God I'm starting to get to woke that this is all been rigged so that we all have to watch soccer... We're here, life is now just soccer with a little side of horse racing.

Barron Trump is going to be the next MLS superstar

I think [Barron Trump] is going to be like the next MLS superstar... he's at his football academy.

Freddy Adu was going to save American soccer

I'm going to have to go with the goat Freddy Adu and we still don't know. He still could be great true... he was the first one I went to his very first game. DC United. I was there he got in after like I don't know 70 minutes. I was like if he's really good. He's probably be starting. That was my first clue. Yeah, but maybe he wouldn't be great.

FIFA is the one organization out there that knows how to handle their shit.

If there's one organization out there that knows how to handle their shit, it's FIFA. This is like number 100 on their list right now of things to take care of right behind building stadiums that look like vaginas using slave labor.

I honestly thought I could be a Premier League goalie with one year of training

I swore I could be a Premier League goalie. And she's [my girlfriend, Kealia Ohai] a soccer player. So I was like, give me one year to train. I think I can do it. So she goes, okay, come to the field... She smoked a ball past my face so fucking fast. And I was like, no chance. You can give me five years to train. No chance.

Croatia will win the 2018 World Cup because of the 'presence of smoke'

Taking Croatia because their presence of smoke.

Neymar's flopping is actually a profile in courage and bravery

I think it's so harsh on Neymar. I mean, I see him as a profiling courage and bravery. I just see the pain, the agony, I mean, just the savage damage that is done to his body... he loses limbs in the game... Neymar gets up when he's broken, had his leg broken, and he says, don't worry, lads, I'm going to brush this off.

France's young team might be too inexperienced to win the World Cup right now

France is actually... They're talking about possible dynasty. Well, so France... They haven't won anything. It might be too soon for these kids. The moment might be too big for them. They don't have the experience.

Germany will score a billion goals against South Korea and advance in the World Cup

Germany, of course, is going to advance. They're going to score a billion goals against whichever team they're playing... South Korea? They'll score a million goals. Germany will advance.

Lionel Messi is dead

Messi's dead. Messi is dead. Dunzo. Listen, it's a team sport. Go back to Argentina, Messi. Okay? It's a team sport. Argentina stinks. Messi's great. Yeah.

Argentina might be better at the World Cup without Lionel Messi

I think that Argentina might be better without Messi now. The whole team, they're in the win-win-for-Messi mode. And it weighs on their shoulders. Too much pressure.

Mo Salah is not elite yet because he needs to perform at a high level for more than one year

[Mo Salah] is a remarkable human being... But you look at your American sports. You look at gentlemen who have an explosive year... Brady Anderson... you've got to bring it for more than one year to pass the Brady Andersonometer.

Cristiano Ronaldo is the Mike Tolbert of soccer because he just poaches goals from one yard out

He just runs it in from one yard out. The team gets all the way down, and they're like, all right, go ahead. Give it to the fat guy. He'll run it in. That's Ronaldo.

France and Belgium are fantasy football teams with too much talent and questionable coaching

[Belgium and France] are remarkable talent-wise. You look at that roster, it's like a murderer's row. ... what neither of them have is a true idea of how they want to play football. It's a Premier League kind of Pro Bowl team.

Don't bet against Russia in the World Cup because FIFA always lets host dictators win for propaganda

I wouldn't bet against Russia. ... FIFA... they've got a history of dropping [the World Cup] into the hornet's nest of dictators looking for an easy propaganda win.

Iceland has a genuine chance to win the World Cup because of their Viking belief

The only other team that expects to win every game is Iceland. ... They can do anything because when you interview them, they'll say to you, Viking blood flows through our veins. And you'll be like, I'm not kidding. So they believe it.

Spain will win the 2018 World Cup

America will love the circus. So who's going to win? Spain will win. Spain's going to win.

The US will win the 2018 World Cup

I'm going with the U.S... They could still come back. You never count the U.S. out until they're totally out.