Takes

The US Men's National Team is soft and needs to play with more 'grit' to win the World Cup

We need more grit. Like that was the thing when watching the Gold Cup... we were soft. So if we suck at soccer, that's fine. We can't be soft and suck. And that was what I hated... Little grit. Little little push 'em around a little.

Soccer needs a rule change where the clock stops on all dead balls in the last 20 minutes

I think just if you made a rule last 20 minutes of the game, the clock stops when the ball goes out of bounds. Clock stops on every foul, every penalty. What's wrong with that?

Luis Suarez's passion for soccer is so high that he's still spitting on staff members in MLS games

I kind of admire Luis Suarez's passion in that he's still so fired up for soccer that he's spitting on an old guy in a Seattle Miami MLS game... that passion's never gone away. He just blacks out. I think that's why he's not retired from soccer.

Being an American soccer fan is the 'worst kind of guy you could be'

Being an American soccer fan is like, it's the, it's just the worst kind of guy you could be. Really? It's just the most [lame]. I live in Brooklyn, and I like footy. Like, it's just like shut up, you know.

Soccer is the most boring popular sport in the world

Soccer? Don't under don't understand. It's the most popular sport in the world. Yep. By far. Yep. And I watch a game and it seems so fucking boring. Like I get the moment that you get the goal is very fun. But every other moment in between it is like, when are they gonna fucking do something?

The United States might actually just suck at soccer

So if [Pochettino] loses it's the, we might suck at soccer. Yeah, we might suck at soccer. Okay. I've been saying that.

Kylian Mbappé suing for 'lofting' is a loser move that confirms he is a bad hang

I Mbappé is suing PSG still for $60 million in unpaid wages. And he also claims that PSG lofted him... It involves isolating or leaving a player out from the main squad... it sounds like he's a bad hang. He might be suing PSG for being a loser... his lawsuit should be thrown out immediately because if you sue for lofting, you're actually immediately saying, 'this is why I got lofted.'

The World Cup belongs on the Mount Rushmore of professional sports playoffs

Mount Rushmore of Professional Sports Playoffs... I'm gonna go football. One. I'm gonna go basketball. Two. I'm gonna go, I'll go hockey. Three. I would like to go World Cup four if that's okay.

The current USMNT roster is the most talented the United States has ever had heading into a World Cup

The roster that we have right now... going into this World Cup, that is the best roster that the US will have ever had at that point. Just looking at the players that play competitively overseas, that's as talented as we've ever been.

The Mauricio Pochettino hire is a grand slam for US Soccer

In soccer terms, it's a grand slam... It's a grand slam touchdown of a hire. I think it's safe to say that this will be a big disappointment if we don't get to the quarterfinals [of the World Cup].

The USMNT will never be great until the players care enough to fight fans in the stands

The United States will never be great at soccer until our players care enough to go into the stands and fight people from other countries. It just means more. That somehow a Malice at the Palace situation... these guys just fucking care about soccer.

The USMNT must fire Gregg Berhalter now or give up on the 2026 World Cup

Our players didn't play that well, but our coaching stunk. And so now he's gotta be fired. We gotta fire Greg. Now's time. If we're not gonna fire him now, just might as well give up on the World Cup.

The USMNT's Copa America match against Uruguay will be their first real test

Uruguay is gonna be a good game. They're very good. We beat the dastardly Bolivians... Panama, they stink. And then Uruguay, they're always good in these tournaments.

Gregg Berhalter is a shitty coach

Our coach stinks. And having him get this tie against Brazil is gonna—because we are a loser country in soccer—[make people think] Greg's got the team on the right track and he's not gonna be fired... I do know that it's gonna be bad news if he's the coach of the World Cup team.

The USMNT's tie against Brazil is actually 'bad news' because it keeps Gregg Berhalter around

This was a bad tie because now it's gonna keep a shitty coach around because people are gonna be like, 'Good job Greg. You're coaching for your job and you got a major win when you tied Brazil.' ... It's gonna be bad news if he's the coach of the World Cup team.

The US Men's National Team should fire Greg Berhalter

I just wanna say that the United States men's national team should fire Greg Berhalter on the record. He was fired in 2022 and then they brought him back... we lost five one to Colombia. Right. And this is... it's not gonna happen. We know it's not gonna happen, but we're still keeping 'em around and it's very frustrating.

USMNT coach Gregg Berhalter stinks and should be fired

My Hot Seat is Greg Berhalter. Ooh. The coach of the US men's national team out. He should be out. Yeah. Hot Seat Greg. He lost to Trinidad in Tobago. Can't do that... He stinks. We brought him back. He doesn't get along with any of the best players on the team. Fire Greg. Fire him.

Messi's assist against the Red Bulls was the craziest pass I've ever seen

Beat the Red Bulls scored another or no? Yeah. Unbelievable goal. Probably the craziest pass I've ever seen in the, in the sport of football... I think it was [better than his World Cup pass].

Lionel Messi is the best soccer player ever and the MLS might be rigged for him

Messy, he's a goat. We all know he's a goat and he just keeps proving that he's... Some people are saying MLS is rigged that they brought Messi over and they're letting him score all these goals because there's no way that the professional league can be that bad where [Messi] just steps in and dominates.

The USWNT coach is more to blame for the World Cup exit than Megan Rapinoe

I've reached a point now where I don't necessarily blame Megan Rapinoe. I blame the coach for even putting her on the roster. That's how bad she was.

Harry Kane is just a tap merchant

[Harry Kane] is a tap merchant is what he is. Wow.

The USWNT's 3-0 victory over Vietnam was the worst three-goal victory I have ever seen

I watched the second half of the Vietnam game. That was bad. That was the worst three goal victory I've ever seen.

You do not want to mess with the United States Women's National Soccer Team

You do not want to fuck with the United States Women's National Soccer team. They're going for three straight women's world cups right now. And you don't wanna screw with them. They're dominant.

MLS team names like Inter Miami and Real Salt Lake are stupid

I fucking hate MLS team names. Yeah. Inter Miami... I love the entire aesthetic of Inter Miami... but it's just the team names are stupid when it's like inter Miami Ray Salt Lake. FC Sporting kc. Yeah. Gimme a fucking break.

Lionel Messi is the greatest walker of all time

[Lionel Messi] is elite at walking. He's the greatest walker of all time. They did a whole study about it and he spends the first five minutes just walking around, basically figuring out the weaknesses, weak points in the defense. A lot of times he'll be walking while everyone else is running and his gravity, the way that the defense has to move around to him just walking, changes the whole scope of the game.

The Saudi Arabian soccer league cannot compete with the MLS model of paying aging superstars

Basically they're just completely cucking the MLS's model, which is just pay aging superstars for a fuckload of money to come finish out their career over here. We can't compete with that.

The English Premier League is more exciting than American sports because of the high consequences of relegation and promotion

That's the beauty of it. That's why I love the English Premier League because it's relegation, it's promotion, the consequences are so much higher.

Lionel Messi is the undisputed GOAT after winning the World Cup

Messi is the goat. I mean, Ronaldo, I mean, there's nothing left. Messi has literally won it all. That game was fucking incredible... I'm happy for Messi. I, he's always been my goat and this was literally the last thing he had to win.

Cristiano Ronaldo is the GOAT

Ronaldo, my goat got benched. People don't like Ronaldo. I don't understand. ... Ronaldo's the goat, Messi's great but Ronaldo greater.

I am bored with Spain's style of soccer; they pass a thousand times and never shoot

I'm rooting for Spain to go home cause I'm just bored with them. I'm bored with their weird style of play where they just pass. I think they had a thousand completed passes today and I don't think they had a shot on target.

Using prevent defense only prevents you from winning

When you go to prevent defense, the only thing it does, it prevents yourself from winning. So Greg [Berhalter], if you're listening against the Dutch or the Netherlands or the Holland or whatever you want to call 'em, don't park the bus. Keep your foot on the gas. Be free, live free. Have the American spirit flowing through you.

The 2022 Qatar World Cup is one of the worst overall sports tournaments in history

It's really one of the worst overall tournaments of all time ever... we're doing an entire world cup in the middle of the desert where we have to blast air conditioning and do the tournament in the middle of American football.

Lionel Messi is a better and more magical soccer player than Cristiano Ronaldo

I respect the amount of work that Ronaldo puts in... he's top notch pro. But Messi, I mean, what the guy has done on the field, it's magic. You don't see that in a player. And I don't know when, and if we will ever see a player that is quite like Messi again.

Michelle Akers is the greatest women's soccer player of all time

All time goats... I would say probably Michelle Akers. Yeah. She just—talk about somebody that would run through a brick wall, play on one leg if she had to, she scored in some of the biggest moments. She was definitely somebody I looked up to.

The hardest part of being a professional goalkeeper is the mental strength required to not dwell on mistakes.

As goalkeepers, if you make one mistake, it's usually going to end up as a goal... the hardest part is just like be mentally strong and not being, not thinking about making mistake or being negative because when that happens, you bounce back and mistakes [happen].

Premier League coaching and academies are night and day compared to the American system

When your kid and the academy system growing up over here in Europe, they just have such good coaching... Over here [Europe], there's just more purpose into training and playing the game. They know it better and they just understand it more than than I was taught growing up... when I was growing up to what I see over here, it was night and day.

It would be 'fucking hilarious' if the US Men's National Soccer Team loses by 6 goals and misses the World Cup

If the U.S. team loses by six goals tonight then they don't automatically qualify... I as a giant U.S. men's national team soccer fan, I can admit that if they lose by six goals tonight and don't qualify, that is fucking hilarious. I hope either they win or they lose by six or more goals tonight.

The current USMNT roster is a 'Golden Generation'

The U.S. Men's National Team... suck my dick Italy. They didn't make it. We did... the golden generation for the U.S. soccer team is here. I just hear people say that. It sounds so cool when they say it. So I think we can officially declare because this team is young enough. I'm just going to say, this is our golden generation.

NFL football takes priority over the USMNT World Cup games on Sundays

It's Sunday, we're here. We're watching games. You say, Hey, USA's about to play. You're not getting a TV and I'll watch the games. I'll watch every other, like when football's not on... but we have to, you realize that, right? Not a TV on a Sunday. You have to stand for something.

I don't believe the United States will ever be good at soccer

I just don't believe that we will win. It's that simple... I wish we were good at soccer. We're not. And I'm not gonna pretend like soccer matters in this country when it doesn't.

Liverpool is currently the best soccer team in the world

It's great just being able to walk around saying we are the best team in the world... Because we are... at the minute, the best team in the world. And it's fucking great to watch, lad.

Mo Salah is the best player in the world right now

And we've got the best player in the world at the minute in Mohamed Salah.

Lionel Messi has more God-given talent than Cristiano Ronaldo

Messi... Ronaldo's man-made, where Messi's God-given talent... Like Ronaldo's work for everything himself, where Messi was just given that talent, where when he's got that ball at his feet, it's like it's super glued to it.

Cristiano Ronaldo is the greatest soccer player of all time

Who is your goat in soccer? [Bolt]: Cristiano Ronaldo... from my experience from very far... Madrid, plus I know Manchester... Tom Brady proved to the world he's the one. Ronaldo proved he's the one.

Michael Bradley only plays for the USMNT because his dad was the coach

The fucking coach's son that just keeps getting [minutes]... He's a guy who gets to play on the US team because his dad was a coach.

It would be a shame if the US soccer team misses the World Cup again

I just wanted to say it's a shame. Just so that I'm on the record. I feel like some people think I'm trolling. I'm saying it's a shame if we don't make the World Cup again.

I'm boycotting the 2022 World Cup in Qatar unless the US makes it

I'm boycotting the World Cup. I'm boycotting the World Cup unless the U.S. makes it, in which case I might still boycott it. I think it's actually beneath the United States to play in a World Cup in stadiums that were built by little slaves.

Manchester United fans should feel dirty about Cristiano Ronaldo returning just to chase penalties

Cristiano Ronaldo is back at Manchester United... he basically last, last second of the transfer window [decided] 'where can I go get the most amount of penalties? I'm going to go back to Man U.' I, I don't, you know, Man U fans, you should feel dirty. You should feel bad about it yourself.

Arsenal is a trash franchise and I'm officially 'Arteta Out'

Man U's a trash franchise, although I'd still rather cheer for them than Arsenal at this point... they stink. I'm Arteta out now. I think they should bring back Wenger.

I don't want the Waterdogs to win the championship if it is played on an NFL Sunday

If the Waterdogs want to be the best dogs possible, they would lose in the semifinals. So we don't have to watch them in the finals... I don't want to have to be burdened with them on an NFL Sunday.