Takes

Deshaun Watson has the worst contract in the history of sports

Deshaun Watson already had the worst contract in football, probably in history... It just further proves how horrifically awful the Deshaun Watson contract was.

The Red Sox Apple Watch scandal is good for baseball because it fuels the Yankees rivalry

Baseball needs rivalries. Red Sox-Yankees has been simmering. This kind of brings it up a notch.

J.J. Watt being healthy is the official sign that football is back

you know football is back because there's a lot of buzz about J.J. Watt not being injured... J.J. Watt being like, is this the year that J.J. Watt can stay healthy all year? That means football is officially back.

Sovereignty is a much better workhorse at Churchill Downs than he has been in the past

One of those kind of horses... is Sovereignty trained by Bill Mott, stretch runner Godolphin second in the Florida Derby. He is always been just a very average workhorse, and he's looked a lot better in the morning here at Churchill Downs than he has in the past.

Getting an honorary doctorate makes JJ Watt think he's an actual medical doctor

JJ Watt thinks that getting an honorary doctorate makes him an MD. He's actually a doctor now... He literally thinks that he can go and operate on someone. When he's next on a plane and someone has a stroke or a heart attack, 'Is there a doctor on this plane?' JJ's like, 'Yes, that's me.'

My contract battle with the Saints forced the team to pay versatile players like Alvin Kamara more money later on

I think guys in that place, you know, who are young, got paid. And they just figured it out. You know, I think [Alvin] Kamara, I think the receiver [Michael Thomas]... they just kind of give those guys the bag just because they realize, 'Hey, we don't want like a leader franchise guy to have to get out of here.' I think a lot was learned through the whole experience.

The Miami Hurricanes and Texas Longhorns are on the fraud watch list

I don't think it's fair for us to put Miami on the fraud list just yet after one week. Let's put them on a watch list... questionable Miami. I would say Texas is also questionably fraud.

Deshaun Watson's $230 million guaranteed contract is going to be one of the worst in NFL history.

Deshaun Watson is gonna be in the running for worse contracts of all time. $200 million guaranteed has not been able to stay on the field. The Browns have a roster that is Super Bowl worthy, and now he's missing the rest of the year. And they're going to be having to fend off the AFC north with DTR, PJ Walker.

I finally have a football game to watch every single week from now until the second week of February

We have finally gotten to the point where we will have a football game every single week until the second week of February. We have the Hall of Fame game on Thursday night. There will be a football game every single week.

Raimel Tapia is the one hitter who has completely owned me throughout my career

Raimel Tapia for a while. I think last time I faced him was 2023 maybe in Milwaukee. And I, I swear to you, I think it was like he's hitting 600 off me, like 12 for like 20... I'm like, oh, at least I'd never give up a home run to him. Give up a home run to him that day. So, considerable is an understatement, I think if you ask me.

I couldn't take movie roles because playing a different character would ruin the Undertaker persona

I turned down other outside projects because to me, my mindset on this whole process was like I can't go and do a movie where I'm a different character and then come back and then try and be Undertaker. It was just too big of a disconnect.

Sammy Watkins is in a cult

My cool throne is Sammy Watkins being in a cult. ... As we've been speculating, we've been squatting on the take that Sammy Watkins is in the cult for like the last three years on the show. Sammy really... talked about all the weird stuff. ... So now he's happy that he's in a cult.

TJ Watt absolutely has to win Defensive Player of the Year

TJ Watt was going to be Defensive Player of the Year two months ago. And he's going to set the record for sacks. Incredible season. The impact he's had on... he is the Steelers defense. He has to win this award.

Jameis Winston signing with the Saints is a genius move to eventually become the starter in waiting

It actually is genius move by him because Drew Brees you have to think... maybe this year's is last year. Maybe he's got two more years. If you could ingratiate yourself to Sean Payton and what they have going on there... that's actually a very smart thing to do to be the guy in waiting.

Russell Wilson's controversial lateral was physically legitimate in the reference frame of the runners

In the reference frame of the quarterback and the running back, it was a legitimate lateral. From the reference frame of the grid, the ball moved forward. But you're penalizing players for running fast. I think as long as Russell Wilson stayed ahead of the other runner while he threw it, the spirit of a lateral is being preserved.

Sam Ehlinger is a 'coach killer' because Frank Reich was fired shortly after he was named the starter

Is Sam Ehlinger a coach killer? So he steps in and then immediately like two weeks later, boom, Frank Reich's fired. A lot of people are saying it. I just wanted to give a platform to it.

The 2022 NBA Finals will be the Boston Celtics vs. the Golden State Warriors

Go Celtics warriors.

No one is beating the Golden State Warriors

The Celtics aren't going to be able to beat the Warriors. No one's beating the Warriors.

The Golden State Warriors are officially 'back' and look like a championship team again.

The early returns in round one, it screams, yes, this is looking like not only a very, very dangerous offensive team, but once again, with Draymond [Green] they're a very good defensive team... it seems like they're back guys... And what I keep telling people is if the Warriors get out of the West, that's six trips to the finals in eight years.

Ohio State was the best team in the inaugural 12-team playoff

Ohio State has done it. $20 million roster. Incredible team... they kicked the shit out of everyone in the playoffs. They were the best team in this playoffs.

The Golden State Warriors are better than the Houston Rockets and will win the series

I still think Golden State is better. I'm not buying into any of the stuff that happened at the end of the season and how they finished. They didn't care. But I'd imagine that they would burn them, you know, the first couple games.

Hitting a home run is the ultimate way to beat the shift

You learn the rules of baseball because isn't hitting a home run beating the shift every single time? You just actually blew my mind. You beat the shift when you hit a home run over everyone.

The Golden State Warriors would miss the playoffs if the season ended today (Oct 31, 2016)

If the season ended today, the Golden State Warriors would not be in the playoffs.

The Denver Nuggets feel exactly like the 2015 Golden State Warriors before they started winning titles

The Nuggets to me feel like... the Warriors in 2015. Where the feeling I have watching them feels very similar to when the Warriors were first, before they ripped off all their titles... People thought they were a great regular season team, but too soft, too jump-shooting. I feel very similar things watching this Nuggets team.

The Golden State Warriors' dynasty is officially over

This mother fucking league cat Warriors are dead Warriors. Karma is empty. They empty the tank on the karma. Steph Curry is trash.

The Golden State Warriors will eventually hit a low point once the Kevin Durant honeymoon phase ends

They're going to hit their low point. Just wait. Kevin Durant's lurking. Baby back bitch.

The Golden State Warriors are officially a dynasty after five straight Finals appearances and three titles

I count anything three and four. I think yes. I'd say three out of four. Absolutely. Three out of five is when you really start to have the conversation. [But] three out of four and five straight finals.

The Dolphins are like the Golden State Warriors; teams need to play them like the 'Bad Boy' Pistons

The Dolphins are kind of like the Golden State Warriors. They want to get out and fast break and no-look three and no-look shovel pass. Make it a fist fight. Hit him in the mouth. You need to play Miami like the 'Bad Boy' Pistons. You need Rick Mahorn just kind of slapping the hell out of somebody to disrupt what they do.

Kevin Durant is getting one more ring and then leaving the Golden State Warriors

Kevin Durant, baby back bitch, tweeted... 'one down, 81 more, what a night.' His brother, Tony, Tony Durant, replied... 'fill in the hand up before we get out of here.' Hmm. So it looks like he's going to L.A. So he's getting another ring, and then he's getting the fuck out.

Joe Burrow is officially an elite quarterback

It was Joe Burrow's coming out party. I think that's fair to say. He's officially now in my book, at least an elite quarterback. He is—the guy has ice water in his veins... he is fucking elite.

Peeing in the sink is the most environmentally friendly bathroom habit

Peeing in the sink is actually the greenest way to go, so you're welcome. Instead of wasting 1.6 gallons of water on a flush, you pee in the sink. You then wash your hands in the very same sink, simultaneously washing down the urine and preserving nature's most precious resource.

The Rio Olympics will be defined by corruption and extortion

Not only is the water full of poop in Rio, but the people that they hired to clean it up stole the money. So pretty classic Olympics we got going on here, folks. We got the environmental stuff. We got the extortion. We got corruption.

Bears in zoos do not hibernate because they have constant access to food and warmth

Animals in zoos do not hibernate. Bears in zoos don't hibernate if they have plenty of food and water and warmth. They don't hibernate. Hibernation is only in a state of cold.

Big Baller Brand is officially coming to an end

Big Baller Brand is in hot water. It might be the end of Big Baller Brand... Lonzo Ball's manager apparently stole like a million and a half dollars from him. So he got fired... yeah, they're just, it's probably, probably the end of Big Baller Brand.

Oleksandr Usyk was the deserved winner over Tyson Fury

Tyson Fury lost, Usyk beat him in 12 rounds. It was an awesome fight... the right fighter won... Tyson Fury's in Deep Water because I knew he's the type of guy that if you're like Tyson Fury's done. Yeah. He'll come back and he'll just knock someone else out.

The idea of huge halftime adjustments is a media-fabricated myth

The idea that there's this big revelation and we change everything at halftime is just completely media fabricated. [Peyton Manning] is like, yeah, the players, by the time we get a drink of water, we're already going back out.

Oxygen is a universally loved thing

Something we all take for granted... Oxygen. Everyone loves oxygen and especially, hey, we've all been carrying stuff around altitude... If you didn't have oxygen, you would die. Do you love breathing? You want to breathe. If I took you out to the water and drowned you... you gotta succeed as much as you want to breathe.

Jack Del Rio stinks

They're starting to wonder if it's more than just the water that smells in Oakland because Jack Del Rio stinks.

Skip Bayless will be the first person to publicly hate on Zion Williamson

I think it's going to be Skip that starts the train with it. He's going to test the waters early in the season and be like, I think Zion's going to have trouble staying under 300 pounds.