Takes

Anyone who truly dedicates themselves to throwing a knuckleball can make it to Major League Baseball

I think anybody that really dedicates themself to throwing a knuckleball, we'll make it to major league baseball. Agreed.

LeBron James is on steroids because of his size and longevity

I will go with LeBron James. I mean, how is he not on steroids? That big. I'm not throwing a flag. That's probably an honorable mention. I mean there's, that's probably an honorable mention.

Secretariat was definitely on steroids

I'm gonna take Secretariat. Some would say the the greatest athlete of all time. But its heart was like three times too big. We've documented that tirelessly on this show. Secretariat definitely on steroids. Randy Moss, white, Randy Moss agreed. Chances are very, very high.

Jumping at the last second in a falling elevator will save your life

If you're an elevator and it falls and you jump at the end, you survive... I just looked it up. It's not true. It's not true. You would die.

TV reruns are actually actors performing the exact same script live for a second time

I used to think that when you'd watch a rerun of a show on TV, that it was an all new taping of the exact same script... I thought that like, I'd be watching Saved by the Bell... They're doing the same song, but they're just taping it again for us.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows

I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows... I was up north driving past a brown cow and I pointed to my cousin, I said, you know, chocolate milk comes from those things.

Titties are a type of meat

Titties is meat. Great choice. ... They're made out of meat. ... Is it the Mount Rushmore meat that you eat? Fact or fiction. ... I enjoy looking at the meat.

Tom Brady will eventually return to play for the New England Patriots this season

I will Tom Brady back to the Patriots. ... Tom Brady has been linked to conversations coming back to New England Patriots this year per us.

Birds are not real and are actually government surveillance plants

Birds aren't real. They're government plant. Have you ever seen a bunch of birds go onto... Have you ever seen them on telephone wires? That's them charging. You've never seen a baby bird.

The female orgasm is a myth created by 'Big Orgasm'

The female orgasm. Not real. Big orgasm has been lying to you guys. Girls don't come. They just do it because they like to make us feel bad for coming too quick. Exactly... let's be honest, let's get real honest here. That shit's not real.

Shark attacks are not real and people just overreact to minor injuries

I don't think shark attacks are real. I just don't think they're real. I think someone hits their leg on like a coral reef or something. I don't believe them. I do not think they're real. I think someone... you're a bad swimmer. You probably stubbed your toe and then overreacted.

You do not want to mess with the United States Women's National Soccer Team

You do not want to fuck with the United States Women's National Soccer team. They're going for three straight women's world cups right now. And you don't wanna screw with them. They're dominant.

Hasbulla is a bigger living legend than Michael Jordan

One-one is Hasbulla. He's a living legend. He walks in the room, everyone stops. You go to any country in the world and they're like—Hasbulla. He's got international [fame]. Hasbulla objectively is way bigger [than Michael Jordan].

Cold pasta has no carbs or calories

Here's a, here's a little fun fact for everyone as a nutritionist, pasta cold pasta has no carbs. So that's just a fact for everyone out there. No carbs, no calories, cold pasta. You can, whenever you eat cold pasta, the next day you could just eat so much of it.

Derek Carr will win NFL MVP in 2022

MVP 2,500. Oh wow. Jersey Jerry... Jersey Jerry gave it to me. I put it in. It's the first future I have. MVP the whole league... With one of the best wide receivers actually. And one of the best offensive coordinators. And they had a lot of promise last year.

Russell Wilson will win NFL MVP in 2022

I think I'm gonna pick Russell Wilson because it's like, you know that the narratives there... If the Broncos are incredible, Russell Wilson will get all the credit. Yeah. All of it. Everything... Peyton Manning his first year in Denver what happened? He went fucking nuts. Exactly.

The Green Bay Packers will win the 2023 Super Bowl

The green bay Packers won the 20, 23 super bowl. Congrats. Aaron Roger's super bowl MVP. Yep. He did it. So when that happens, you guys all remember that it was team cat com that picked that. Just a fact spoil they're gonna win the super, they are going to win the super bowl. Finally gonna win. Cuz everyone's like, oh shit. They're not gonna do it because they've lost so many weapons. No, no, no. They built up on defense.

Jack Nicklaus' name is actually pronounced 'Jack Naus'

First thing, Jack Nicklaus is pronounced Jack Naus... I think that those clips were the original way they pronounced his name and just over time it's been butchered.

60% of bank robberies go unsolved

My theory about bank robbers is I think you get away with robbing banks way more than we're told... I think like 60% of bank robberies go unsolved. It's a great business model.

I always bet the over on Bedlam no matter what

My favorite college tradition... betting the over in Bedlam, no matter what, no matter what. Oklahoma/Oklahoma State play, over, put it on your phone.

A silverback gorilla could defeat an elephant by choking it out

I'm going to go elephant versus silverback gorilla. If the elephant can fucking get on his back and get him in a chokehold... [A] gorilla can tap out an elephant.

The Pyramids of Giza were probably built by aliens

I'm going to go with the real pyramids, Pyramids of Giza... the greatest structural engineering ever done, probably done by aliens.

I could medal in Olympic handball because it is just gym class

I thought the easy first pick is handball. I absolutely can medal in handball. It really is the gym class of the Olympics. All you'd have to do is just do band workouts for your shoulder to develop like an 80 mile an hour fastball... I'm not going to ever lose to Croatia in this sport.

I could medal in curling because I like cleaning

My first pick is going to be curling. I think if you just gave me four years, I could figure it out every single day. I like shuffleboard, I like ice, I like being slightly overweight... and broom guy, the broom guy seems like it's like—I love cleaning.

I could medal in pole vaulting if I trained for four years

I will go with pole vaulting. You just run, stick the stick... All you got to do is run straight and get the timing down. I'm going to be jacked by August.

I could medal in Equestrian sports because the horse does the work

This one, you actually don't have to be athletic at all, but a question in sports... you can train a horse, you don't actually have to be that good. ... It's new team names. The horse does the work.

I could medal in Olympic ski jumping by just going 'full send' once

I'm going to go with ski jumping. I'll just bomb it once and just go full send... and just land and crash and I'll have the longest one. ... I can stand perfectly still for about 10 seconds while I'm going downhill... and then you just do like one of those little springs at the last second.

Penguin meat would be a delicious treat because of their fat layer

I'm going to go with a penguin. Ooh. I would eat a penguin... And you admit though, like their diet gives them a nice layer of fat. Yeah. It's probably a delicious treat. Yeah. Right.

Animals likely understand everything we say but are collectively choosing to ignore us

What if all the animals actually understood what we were saying but just just ignoring us... like the minute they figure out that we know shit's gonna get crazy and they can't talk back.

I could take a boa constrictor in a wrestling match

I think I could take a boa constrictor. I don't think a boa constrictor could take down like a fucking well... I just punch it in its brain over and over. I would you kick a boa constrictor up doesn't have to take down a boa constrictor our python an anaconda might get you.

Sebastian Telfair was going to be the greatest NBA player of all time

Sebastian Telfair Through the Wire. I watched that movie like this kid is going to be... I was like this He's skipping College like he's dominating Dwight Howard. He is going to be the greatest NBA player of all time.

Joey Harrington was going to be an unbelievable NFL pro

I would have put my life my 20 no my 18 year old life on this guy being an unbelievable Pro Joey Harrington. I was convinced Joey Harrington was going to be so good... it was also like Oregon up-tempo. This is all new. Who is this guy? Joey Harrington, I was convinced I was going to be that dude.

Freddy Adu was going to save American soccer

I'm going to have to go with the goat Freddy Adu and we still don't know. He still could be great true... he was the first one I went to his very first game. DC United. I was there he got in after like I don't know 70 minutes. I was like if he's really good. He's probably be starting. That was my first clue. Yeah, but maybe he wouldn't be great.

Greg Oden was a better prospect than Kevin Durant

I was Big Time Greg Odin's better than Kevin Durant and I was like, how can you pass on a big man this good? I think I was probably biased because he played you know, I watched him play the Big Ten... I would have put everything on Greg Oden being that block.

If Rex Grossman beat Peyton Manning in the Super Bowl, Manning would have never won a ring

I still think that Rex Grossman could be a great quarterback because that arm strength come on... you could say that if Rex Grossman had beaten paid Manning in that game. Peyton Manning would have never wandering correct correct facts.

I can catch a fish with my bare hands in a river in Alaska

If I had a day on a river in Alaska, I could catch a fish with my hands. ... I've been watching a lot of Planet Earth. Their method is not that crazy. ... Give me enough time in Alaska.

Blue suits will be out of style in two years

I think in two years, everybody's been looking at their closet going, why do I have seven different blue suits? So I would get out of the blue suit game right now.

Fullback assists should be an official NFL stat

I would like to actually make the fullback assist a real stat that's recognized. So that's whenever a running back scores a touchdown inside the five-yard line and a fullback makes a block, they should get an assist like in hockey or in soccer.

Rick Pitino will not survive Twitter

Rick Pitino even plans to start a Twitter account. Rick Pitino, listen to me right now. Do not create a Twitter account. You are not going to survive Twitter.com. This is not going to work, Rick. He is going to hate it.

Barry Sanders is still capable of an NFL comeback

My last one is more of a hypothetical comeback because it hasn't happened yet... Barry Sanders, always going to come back. A lot of rumors ever since he retired. I still think he could go out there and do it. I think he could.

The Jay Cutler trade was the worst trade of all time for the Chicago Bears

So my worst trade of all time probably, I know this is my fourth, but it's really the worst, was the Chicago Bears getting Jay Cutler. Really bad trade. Very terrible trade... He got just his shit pumped by Aaron Rodgers again and again.

Masturbation makes you gay

This is a life advice that I've gotten. I don't know if it's true. Okay. But I was once told that masturbation makes you gay.

The sun is scientifically cold because space is cold

Where do you land, by the way, on our theory that the sun is, in fact, cold? I'm a fan of the space that just seems to shut everybody down. Space is cold and everyone just... When you said you were willing to hear it out, I was just going to say space is cold. That's it.

Nobody who writes a book actually reads it cover-to-cover

I have a working theory that nobody that's written a book has actually read their book. Do you listen to your podcast over and over? Yeah, sometimes.

Jimmy Garoppolo is essentially Cody Kessler with a better logo

The way I've described him is it's like if you go into a shop and you've got 10 shirts that are exactly the same. It's like buying the one with the Nike logo on it. It's not necessarily a better shirt. It just looks better. [Garoppolo] and Cody Kessler is not a big difference.

Mitchell Trubisky will win at least five Super Bowls

Kian, tell me, as a Bears fan, that Mitch Trubisky is going to be a franchise quarterback and probably win no less than five Super Bowls.

Tom Brady showed signs of regression in the 2016 playoffs despite winning the Super Bowl

The playoffs last year weren't great. I know they won the Super Bowl, they came back, but in the fourth quarter of that Falcons game, if you go through it, he threw the ball to defenders. On the Edelman catch, if you look at where that ball arrives and where he threw it, it was straight to the defender... That's just lucky.

Mark Trestman was a smart hiring choice for the Chicago Bears

I said that the Bears thought outside the box when hiring Mark Trestman, and it will pay big dividends as they have one of the smartest coaches in the NFL now.

Wally Szczerbiak and Keith Van Horn were going to be incredible NBA players

I thought that Nick Kaner-Medley, Wally Szczerbiak, Steve Wojciechowski, and Keith Van Horn would all be incredible NBA players.

I could make the pros in five years as a knuckleball pitcher with seclusion and a personal chef

I said if you put me in a cabin in the middle of the woods with a personal chef and a knuckleball specialist, I could be in the pros within five years. I think with some training, seclusion, and just a lot more training, I could make it to the double A's and then, you know, who knows what happens from there.