Takes

The US government will confirm the existence of aliens this week

Aliens might drop this week. Like, like there's aliens might drop this week... [The White House] might confirm the existence of aliens as early as this week. And just be ready for the outcome of that.

Wisconsin Football will be bad for at least the next five to seven years

I'm starting to think now they're gonna be bad for five to seven years minimum. And if they just keep going down this path, it's gonna be a decade. To the sunk cost fallacy of essentially saying, we made a mistake... let's throw more money at it.

Lane Kiffin's daughter's relationship with an LSU player is a 'coordinated attack' to get intel

He definitely knew. They've been dating for a while. He posted a picture of her... he's already talked to Weeks about what they're gonna run on defense.

Baker Mayfield will be the #1 player in the NFL Top 100 next year

Baker Mayfield has made it to num number 50 spot on the NFL top 100 list... I not being on the list. So math tells me next year he's number one.

Planet Earth could use an alien invasion to unite everyone.

I've said that about wars and aliens. I think Planet Earth could use a good alien invasion because we're sick of beating each other up. It would unite us. We're sick of hitting each other. We wanna take out [aliens].

Within six months, humans will be unable to distinguish AI from reality

My Hot Seat is pretty much everybody on earth. We probably need to come together and realize that we can't tell anymore. No. There's like, and I thought this would be like a decade, 15, 20 years from now. It's, I think it's in the next six months where it's here, it's absolutely finished and there's no need in getting on the internet. 'Cause you have no clue what you're looking at.

Brian Rolapp is being sent to the PGA Tour to eventually facilitate Saudi investment in the NFL

What's the biggest challenge facing golf right now? Getting everyone to play in one league. He's being brought in I think in large part to figure out that framework, make a deal so that Liv and PGA get back together... and then he is gonna come back to the NFL in a few years and be like, okay, we're opening up the potential investors in NFL teams to foreign investment funds.

LeBron James is a scumbag for opting into a $52 million contract instead of taking a team-friendly deal

[LeBron] opted in for $52 million. He's a billionaire. He might even be a piece of shit... he does not need, he's not even good enough for 52 million a year. He could have signed for 30... they could use the 20 million to actually make their team better. But he doesn't care about that because he's a selfish piece of shit.

Travis Hunter playing both ways is more impressive than Shohei Ohtani pitching and hitting

Travis Hunter at the combine said that him playing offense defense, it's harder than Shohei playing offense defense... Being a professional cornerback and a professional wide receiver at the same time playing in the same game... I think there's a better chance of another Shohei coming around than another Travis Hunter.

People will stop visiting Orlando entirely if the airport removes its Chili's

I am taking up a new fight. They're changing the Orlando airport and the Chili's is going to be gone in 2025. We're not gonna let this happen... I predict that people are gonna stop visiting Orlando, Florida entirely because of this. There's no amusement found in Orlando [without it].

LeBron James only brought Bronny into the NBA to bolster his GOAT case against Michael Jordan

Some people could argue that LeBron, when he realized that he wasn't going to win six titles and match MJ, he's like, 'what else can I try to get that will, they'll say in my GOAT conversation' and having Bronny—playing with Bronny—will be there. MJ's son never played in the league.

Kevin Durant will 100% return to the Oklahoma City Thunder

Kevin Durant is 100% going back to the Thunder. Yes. They're doing some trial balloons... it was a video narrated by KD talking about Chet Holmgren and the city of Oklahoma City... I'm absolutely for it because I think that would be a very cool, like if he won, wins a title with the Thunder. Kind of everything's forgiven.

Boeing whistleblower John Barnett did not commit suicide

There was a whistleblower... John Barnett... His body was found the morning of three nine dead. He was allegedly from suicide even though he told his family, if I die, it's not suicide. He was suicided.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President with RFK Jr.

Aaron Rodgers might run for Vice President... He's being considered and is considering the opportunity right now. Mr. Kennedy confirmed on Tuesday that the two men [Rodgers and Jesse Ventura] were at the top of his list.

The 2024 Masters will have an asterisk because Taylor Gooch wasn't invited

Brooks' teammate on Smash Taylor Gooch was interviewed... and he said he's going to be an asterisk. It's just a reality. Taylor Gooch will always remember as the masters that didn't have Taylor Gooch.

Dylan Raiola is already a bust after his commitment poem

What is this? So fellow fans await with hope in the air for Dylan to choose his purpose to declare in a weekend's decision, destiny calls to fulfill his purpose. Where a new dynasty enthralls... He's already a bust in my eyes. I'm happy for Nebraska fans, but you can't be feeling good about that poem.

Taylor Swift is either a cult leader or a terrorist

Is Taylor Swift kind of a terrorist? She might be kind of a terrorist. It feels like she's got, I'll tell you what, She is either a cult leader or a terrorist and she's very good at doing both. Whichever one it is. So anything that she does, I'm on her side.

Northwestern football should be given the death penalty

As a fan of Northwestern, I think they should be given the death penalty. True. I think that as Northwestern goes, we're more than a football team. We're, we're an institution that develops and builds young minds and teaches them to be ethical... death penalty to Northwestern.

The city of Philadelphia will never win a championship in any sport ever again

My Cool Throne is the city of Philadelphia never winning anything ever. Joel Embiid, our prince... made comments the other day that he wants to win a Championship in Philadelphia or anywhere else... It seems like if he doesn't win this year in Philly, he's probably out.

The US Men's National Team will win the 2026 World Cup because of Folarin Balogun

We got a big defection... Folarin Balogun. He's on the arsenal, he's on the arsenals and he's a striker. And we don't have a striker... so it's coming home 2026. Hell, yes. Way to go, dude.

Chat GPT is going to replace everything

There's this new program called Chat GPT. ... this thing can basically write blogs. ... this thing's gonna replace everything. ... I'm definitely gonna be using this because, yeah, it's just insane.

Magnus Carlsen is a 'baby back bitch' for quitting the chess tournament

And then they, they, they finally have another matchup yesterday and Magnus quits after one move. He retires. And he disconnects his entire computer. I might not be this goat thing might not be working out. He might, he might be baby back bitch.

Stephen A. Smith would win the Presidency if he ran

Stephen A. Smith said that he would run for president... I'll tell you this right now. Stephen A. Smith, you would win. Yes, you would win. Who would debate against Stephen A. Smith? He would literally go to Texas and mock the Cowboys and be like, I don't give a fuck about your votes and still win.

The New York Jets are an absolute wagon this year

My hot seat is the AFC East today. I visited Jets camp and I have to say they are all totally on the hot seat because the Jets are an absolute wagon. And their offense looked electric. Seriously.

The James Webb telescope images are fake and look like a lava lamp

Those images... are freaking me out... but that could also just be some fucking scientists lava lamp and they just send it out and they're like, check this out guys... I did see this picture and I just said that's fake.

Nuclear-powered 'air cruises' are fake and would definitely crash

It's a plane cruise. Yeah. It's like a massive, massive, massive, bigger than whatever name like four aircraft carriers... 20 electric engines powered by nuclear fusion. I'm just going to say this. If this is real, I will absolutely laugh when it crashes and everyone dies. There's no way to test fly this until you actually make the real thing.

Dan Snyder is finished as an NFL owner because he took money from other owners

I think Dan Snyder has done. I think that motherfucker is done... it's been proven through the other books that have been released now, the documents that have been sent to Congress, that he was taking money out of the pockets of Jerry Jones out of all the other owners. And if there's one thing like you can have 40 sexual harassment claims against you. If you take money from the other owners, that's when they're going to do something about it.

Derek Jeter sabotaged the Marlins on purpose

I, you know what I agree with Marlins man. Yeah. I think Jeter fucked up the Marlins on purpose.

5G radars will ground all US air travel

Turns out a bunch of the airline CEOs said that the new 5G radars that are getting put on for telecommunications, once they get turned on, it's going to affect a bunch of their planes landing. And that they're going to have to ground all US air travel tomorrow.

Coach K should retire immediately over his grandson's DWI

Coach K [should] retire right now if he had any backbone and stood for anything that he says that he stands for. You can't have this... Step down right now. Institutional chaos before someone gets hurt.

Jameis Winston will be a Hall of Fame quarterback

Jameis Winston has told himself that he is one of the best quarterbacks... 'I know what I'm worth and I know day in and day out without publicly coming in and saying it that historically I'm one of the best quarterbacks to play the game.' ... Janice Winston has told himself that he is one of the best quarterbacks. According to history, Jamis is a hall-of-fame quarterback... Jameis Winston is going to be a Hall of Famer.

The NBA will never play again in 2020

I don't think they're going to play again ever. I heard a nasty rumor today... I've canceled sports for 2020 you guys got mad at me for that.

NBA owners should marry their players to circumvent the salary cap

Could an owner theoretically marry a player in order to circumvent the salary cap? It's actually brilliant, isn't it? I don't think any holes in that... Michael Jordan could probably adopt his son or he could just have a son play and just write more and more into the will every year.

I am a better and more accurate kicker than Chad Ochocinco

I'm not scared of you Chad. I'm coming for you Chad. I'm a better Kicker than you. I'm more accurate. They call me mr. 35 yards. Hmm. That's what they call me because I go I go 99 percent from 35 yards so I don't care if I can't kick a 60-yarder but I can hit a 35-yarder twice.

Jim Boylen is the worst coach in the history of basketball

Yeah, he is the worst coach in the NBA. He might be the worst coach in the history of basketball... He called a timeout with 33 seconds left in the third quarter to stop the run... there is a timeout that's naturally [between quarters]... He's such a fucking idiot.

The Chicago Bears are definitely going to make the playoffs

The Bears are going to make the playoffs. So Thursday night tune in. If the Bears lose, devastation... my team is still alive, just say fuck it and let's just hope that the best thing possible happens because then at least you get to watch games that feel meaningful. I've convinced myself fully.

Anthony Davis will sign with the Bulls in free agency next year

Anthony Davis was at like a school speaking... and he called Chicago the mecca. And he said they asked about like him coming back to Chicago to play and he said I am a free agent next year, but we will see. Door is wide open. Those are just fans already sick LeBron. Those are just facts.

LeBron James only supports NCAA likeness rights to keep elite competition out of the NBA

He wants to players to get paid. So they're more likely to stay in college the elite players so they don't come to the NBA and compete against him. That's what's really happening.

Vaping is about to see a spike in use because it has become 'rebellious' again

My cool throw is vaping because there's been a real spike... in vaping deaths. So now vaping has kind of turned the corner. It's like it's a bad boy thing... well now vaping has entered that realm because it's killing people... I think it's going to see a spike in use.

Alabama could beat the Dolphins if they had Tom Brady and Bill Belichick

Hank, could Alabama beat the Dolphins if they had Tom Brady as a quarterback? Tom Brady as a quarterback, Belichick as the other coach... [Hank]: Yes. With that type of strategy, like give him two weeks to prepare... Yeah.

Mark Zuckerberg is going to run the world and we should all start bootlicking him now

The guy who just stole the world's privacy and helped rig elections is now going to control our money... I'm going to start bootlicking the shit out of Mark Zuckerberg because he's going to, like it or not, he's going to run the world. So you might as well get on his side early.

An asteroid hitting Earth would be a better way for humanity to end than climate change

Thinking about what the alternative is, is just cooking ourselves alive in the next 200 years. Asteroid, not that bad... I just want the asteroid to hit us. Boom, done.

Ant-Man will defeat Thanos by crawling up his butt and expanding

Either Ant-Man's going to crawl up in [Thanos's] butt and expand, like we said on the show, or he's going to get defeated using logic and reason by fact-checking super reporter Clark Kent.

Archie Manning is behind the Daniel Jones hype to protect Eli Manning's job

Very clearly Archie Manning [is behind this] because the Manning family is fucking in love with Duke's coach [David Cutcliffe]... And this guy is just somebody that's been around Peyton and Eli for long enough that Archie's like, he's my third boy... He knows how to keep this guy under control and not be good enough to take Eli's job for at least five years.

The Virginia Cavaliers will lose to a 16-seed again

The Harvard of the South is not in a position to win anything this postseason... They'll lose to a 16. I'm a big trends guy, and right now in their last one, the Cavaliers are 0 for 1 against 16th seeds.

Ayahuasca could help fix Markelle Fultz's mental block

That could actually probably help Markelle Fultz because it's all in his mind. [Ayahuasca] will clear you up... his brain is broken.

Steph Curry might leave the Warriors for the Lakers

Aisha Curry recently followed Vanessa Bryant on Instagram. So what if Steph was the one to leave the Warriors, go to the Lakers, and leaves KD to deal with Draymond and all the trash in Golden State?

Urban Meyer will coach the Packers and Mike McCarthy will coach the Browns

The tip that I got, I think I said it last week, that the dominoes have started to fall. Hugh Jackson gets fired. Urban Meyer goes to coach the Packers. Mike McCarthy gets fired, coaches the Browns because of John Dorsey. And then Bob Stoops comes and coaches Ohio State.

I could convince Kyrie Irving that Australia doesn't exist in five minutes

I'm convinced that I could convince Kyrie Irving that Australia didn't exist if you gave me five to seven minutes in a room with him.

The Cleveland Cavaliers will make the playoffs as a 7 or 8 seed this year without LeBron James

I think the Cavs are going to make the playoffs. That's my hot take. I think they're going to be like a 7 or an 8 seed.