Big Cat

Dak Prescott is a speedster who will redefine the quarterback position

I've done a little scouting on Dak Prescott... Athletic, mobile. He's going to redefine the quarterback position. He's a speedster. I don't know if we've ever seen an athlete like Dak Prescott back there. He's instinctive. He's not a thinker.

Joey Bosa likely has a gambling problem because he is demanding his signing bonus money immediately

Just knee jerk here. Gambler to gambler. Sounds like Joey Bosa has a gambling problem. Like I need that money now, man. I need it right now. Like that's he thinks that he's being, you know, sly here. But as a gambler, I can see what he's doing. He's clearly got some big debts he needs to pay.

The Ryan brothers are the 'original feminists' because Rob Ryan carries weight like a pregnant woman

Is Rob Ryan the original feminist? I mean, he's pregnant, basically. He has to walk around with that weight, right? He's got that belly. I think he's in a hat tip to all the women out there who have gone through childbirth and the beautiful child thing that is childbirth. Rob stands with you.

Pigs in a blanket are the best finger food and appetizer available

I also think that pigs in a blanket get a bad rap. I think people try to be really classy at their weddings these days and they don't do pigs in a blanket. We need to like rebrand pigs in a blanket to bring them back because they're the best finger food and appetizer out there.

Twitter is primarily composed of memes and ISIS recruitment

It's just memes and ISIS recruitment. That's what Twitter is. It's a real problem out there. Real problem out there.

The internet needs to consolidate the excessive number of golf news websites

Just consolidate all these golf sites. We don't need 17 golf sites writing the same golf stories. ... consolidate all these golf sites.

Houseboats are the safest long-term investment due to rising sea levels

Polar ice caps. The whole world's going to be the ocean eventually. I'd say houseboats actually are probably the safest investment out there. ... I'm talking like three, 400 years here. You might want to be the guy with the houseboat.

If you're actually good at Madden, I don't want to hang out with you

If you are the guy that plays Madden and you were really good at Madden, I don't like you. That tells me that I don't want to hang out with you.

The Little League World Series is losing its way because the mic'd up coaches are too soft

I think the Little League World Series is losing who they are. I think the mic'd up coaches saying that they love all their kids too much... I'm here to watch kids screw up and cry. If you're going to make me feel bad about that, I hate you.

I want the Fox NFL Sunday injury music played at my funeral

I actually said a couple of years ago, I want that song [Fox NFL Sunday injury music] played at my funeral... seriously... if I'm dead, you guys are going to die too.

Maryland will never feel like a real member of the Big Ten

Does it bother you that Maryland will never be a real member of the Big Ten? ... It makes me want to puke every time I see Rutgers and Maryland for the football schedule.

I'm betting on Ole Miss week one because Hugh Freeze held a fake funeral for himself

As people who know my gambling problem, I will be betting Ole Miss week one without a doubt. If you bury a football, if you plan a fake funeral for yourself, if a beloved mascot dies, that team's going to win the next game.

Tom Brady's absence from practice might be linked to a heist or Roger Goodell's death threats

Tom Brady cut his thumb and missed the second preseason game... he then missed practice on Sunday and Monday... Roger Goodell just said that he received some death threats... Did Tom Brady take part in a heist? Something happened.

Tim Tebow will be signed to a baseball team by next Wednesday

Tim Tebow update next Tuesday... Tim Tebow will be signed on a baseball team as of next Wednesday.

Peter King will inevitably 'eat the trash' again and tweet something offensive

Peter King... he's like a dog that keeps eating the trash and getting sick... Within a few months, Peter King will eat that trash again. He knows he shouldn't eat the trash, but the trash is there and it's delicious.

Rio's Olympic infrastructure will be well-maintained and beneficial for decades

The Olympics are over. Rio, I have no doubt in my mind all the buildings, all the goodwill, all of the tourist money is going to go into great hands. And they're going to be on the up and up for the rest of the century.

Rio's Olympic venues will be abandoned ruins with graffiti and skateboarders almost immediately

I'd say it's probably already dry. I'd probably I'd say it's probably already got graffiti on it and there's like skateboarders in it.

Usain Bolt would be a scary NFL wide receiver

Tony Dungy actually did come out and said that Usain Bolt would be a scary wide receiver. So it's good to see that. Good to see someone else is thinking along our lines. Guys really fast. Put some pads on them.

Jimmy Butler is a perfect fit for the Milwaukee Bucks

[Jimmy Butler is] getting ready to be the greatest, most apt Milwaukee buck of all time. Like there has never been a better fit.

UFC 202 was the best main event fight in a long time

UFC 202, I want to mention it quickly because as a sports fan, that was one of the best main event fights I've watched in a long time. It was one of the most hyped ones probably since Mayweather Pacquiao, but it was so, so good.

Winking at men is a high-level power move

And then finally, winking at men. Yeah, winking's good. It's like winking when you introduce yourself to somebody. That's a sweet move.

The number one lie in sports is a coach claiming they aren't interviewing for other jobs

Number one [lie] is every time any coach anywhere says they're happy with their job and they're not interviewing. That's number one lie in all sports.

Les Miles eating grass makes him a true 'Football Guy'

My first one was Les Miles. Any guy who actually wants to eat the grass of a football field, that's a football guy.

Andy Reid's fupa belt is the worst look for anyone but a football coach

He puts that like right in the middle of his waist. And it's just an awful, awful look for anyone but a football coach.

Men should not wear shorts; we should bring back the rule that shorts are only for little boys

It turns out that in like the 19th century, shorts were only for little boys. And then when you became a man, you got your long trousers. I think they should bring that back. Your big boy pants.

Robert Griffin III getting his new girlfriend's name tattooed on his arm is a massive mistake

Robert started dating Greta and immediately got her name tattooed on his arm for the whole world to see. This is one of those Jimbo's that Robert doesn't even know... Bobby doesn't even know that he's Jimbo'd yet, but he's Jimbo'd.

Bob Costas is the alpha dog of NBC sports because he lifts in jeans

It was revealed that Costas walked into the weight room with jeans on and just did upper body. I saw it down here. I went to the gym and Bob Costas strolled in in jeans, t-shirt, sneakers, jeans, but he was just doing upper body. That's a savage move. That's a short man move. All chest, no legs.

Mike Tirico is the best sports announcer to listen to right now

Mike Tirico might be my favorite guy to listen to. It's probably Al Michaels still maybe has it because of who he is and what he's done. But Mike Tirico might be my favorite guy to listen to.

Josh McCown is the perfect backup quarterback

Josh McCown is the perfect backup quarterback. Because he doesn't rock the boat. He's just good enough to maybe show a little flash here and there. But then if you have to have him play more than a couple games, you're like, okay. He looks good in a set of front pleated khakis.

If you give a gorilla enough time, they will cradle and protect a human baby.

20 year anniversary for the Brookfield Zoo, a small toddler fell into the zoo and the gorilla Binti Jua saved the toddler's life, nursed it, cuddled it, made sure that it was safe. So basically, if you give a gorilla enough time, they'll probably cradle a baby and make sure they're safe. Just saying. We're winking right now very hard.

Michael Phelps is the all-time best Olympic champion

But it was a great performance. Michael Phelps, all-time best Olympic champion. I think we can safely say that, right?

Olympic swimming is a fringe sport that doesn't deserve the level of excitement it receives from announcers

Anyone who gets that excited for a fringe sport like swimming – You're okay in my book. Like, you either have to go all in and just crazy, crazy, crazy, like Rowdy Gaines, or... [announcers] Basically orgasming for an entire night while he watches the same exact swimming races with just varying distances.

Water polo and men's field hockey are the two worst sports in the world

little bone to pick water polo and field hockey men's field hockey those are the two worst sports in the world um why well water polo you talk about drowning they literally just i mean they're treading water and they're trying not to drown the entire time

Stevie Wonder isn't actually blind

Stevie Wonder isn't blind. Have you seen some of the clips out there? He catches microphones that are falling down. Like he's pointing at people. He's a blind guy that points. They do not point. Stevie Wonder is not blind. Look it up.

Wisconsin threw the 2014 Big Ten Championship game so Ohio State could make the College Football Playoff

Wisconsin threw the 2014 Big Ten championship game 59-0 so that Ohio State could go to the national championship game... Barry Alvarez, Wisconsin AD, sits on the selection committee... He knew, hey, listen, if we're going to get the Big Ten into the national championship, they've got to put a whooping down. Hey, Wisconsin – Go ahead and roll over. 59-0. Let's make it a bloodbath.

The 1969 moon landing was faked

I also don't think the moon landing was real, but that's, again, those are more facts, not conspiracy theories.

Michael Phelps is the greatest Olympian of all time

Michael Phelps, the greatest Olympian of all time.

LeBron James would be the best of all time in any Olympic sport he chose

Could LeBron James dominate this sport? And the answer is always yes. If LeBron decided not to play basketball and instead was a swimmer or a high diver or a handball player or a soccer player, he'd probably be the best of all time.

Any adult male with no wife or kids who is a 'gymnastics enthusiast' is a 'pre-crime' suspect

I feel like there's just always like a few creepy dudes hanging around the gymnast. If you're a gymnastics enthusiast and that's where the line stops, like you have no personal connection to the sport, you just really like it. Maybe just watch on TV. No wife, no kids. But you do love your women's gymnastics. That's what we call a little pre-crime.

Prince Fielder will finish his career with the exact same number of home runs as his father

If Prince Fielder never plays another Major League Baseball game, he will end his career with 319 home runs. Same amount of home runs as Cecil Fielder.

Mark Teixeira is one of the most forgettable great players of all time.

Mark Teixeira, I think, goes down as the most forgettable great player ever. Like one of the most forgettable great players of all time. He has over 400 home runs. He was great at first base. He won a title. And do you think there is a single Mark Teixeira fan out there?

Alex Rodriguez never truly earned his pinstripes.

Did A-Rod ever earn his pinstripes? I would say no.

Mark McGwire is the top steroid user, and his 1998 home run title should have belonged to Sammy Sosa.

I got Mark McGwire. It's a shame what he did to Sammy Sosa that season because that should have been Sammy's home run title. So Mark McGwire is my number one.

Mayonnaise is a great condiment that needs to be destigmatized.

Mayo doesn't get enough respect... If there's one thing I want to bring back in this world, it's the destigmatization... it's that mayo is a great condiment and people should not be ashamed to use it.

Ketchup is a trash condiment.

Ketchup's trash, man.

The US Basketball team should just say they were 'guys being dudes' to explain accidentally walking into a Brazilian brothel.

If the USA team wants to keep all their fans, they just say, listen, we're just guys being dudes. Finally a place where guys can go to a bar by themselves, not be hassled by women. We found it. The only spa in all of Rio de Janeiro that only allows men. And then, whoops, turns out it was a bunch of prostitutes there.

Jim Furyk probably has a secret second family that he has been hiding for years.

I wouldn't be surprised if Jim Furyk has like a second family that pops up soon... You don't want to get that many people talking about you because you probably have an entire second family that you've had for like 10 years. You have a six and an eight year old with a totally different woman than your wife.

Russell Westbrook will always do the exact opposite of what people tell him to do

Everyone just assumed [Westbrook] was going to go to L.A. And if I've learned anything about Russell Westbrook, if you tell him what he's going to do, he'll just do the exact opposite.

Anyone who owns a ferret is probably a murderer

Ferrets. Because anyone who owns a ferret is probably a murderer, and that's just like pre-crime. We basically created pre-crime by getting rid of ferrets.

I will hit 8 out of 10 free throws if I practice for two weeks

Two weeks, I can hit eight out of ten. No problem. Yeah, I get my jumper wet. My jumper usually takes like five to six days to get wet. But if I take the time and I go to the gym and I get my shot back, I'll hit eight.