Takes

Skyline Chili is good; people only hate it because they have soft out-of-town stomachs

I think it's pretty good... I got a feeling that your hatred for Skyline comes from, you know, just your guys' soft stomachs out there in New York... out-of-towners don't have a very tough stomach.

Indianapolis is the fast food mecca of the world.

Indianapolis is like a sample ground, basically, for fast food chains. We got everything. Whatever you possibly, we have it, except for In-N-Out. Indianapolis is like a sample ground, basically, for fast food chains.

I wash my apples before eating them if they have a sticker on them

If there's a sticker on it, I feel like there should be some washing involved. But if I see an apple in a random tray and I'm hungry and there's no water, I'll lick it and then I'll bite it.

Chocolate milk is the #1 non-alcoholic drink

Number one, non-alcoholic drinks, chocolate milk. Shout out to the nut boys.

Arizona Green Tea is the #1 non-alcoholic drink

My power rank for, number one, Arizona, the Great Buy Green Tea. The 99 cent, the big tall boy.

Cherry Coke is the #1 non-alcoholic drink

I know where I'm starting. Cherry Coke. Oh, yeah. That's good. Can't believe that one wasn't taken.

Tonic water is straight garbage

The number one worst non-alcoholic drink. It's tonic water. Tonic water is straight garbage. If I see anybody drinking that in my presence, it makes me want to hurl.

Double Stuf Oreos are the only real 'regular' Oreos

Double Stuf are legitimate regular Oreos. Old school Oreos are definitely diet Oreos. These thin Oreos that people are trying to say are already diet Oreos? No. Those just aren't real.

Every lunch order is just a different variation of a sandwich

Panini, sandwich, wrap, sub. Those are my power rankings for lunch. Because if you haven't realized by now that you just eat any kind of form of sandwich for lunch every day, you're an idiot.

Pizza is not a good lunch food because it makes you fall asleep

See, pizza's not good for lunch. I'm just going to throw that out there. When you're eating lunch, my main goal is to just not eat so much that I want to fall asleep. And pizza will always do that to me.

A soup and half-sandwich combo is a 'power move' lunch order

My first one is soup and a half sandwich combo. That's actually a power move. It's a really good lunch. Not enough people order it.

Skyline Chili is a prank the city of Cincinnati pulled on the rest of the world.

What do you think about my theory that the city of Cincinnati basically was like, we're going to pull a prank on the rest of the world and tell them that when they come here, they've got to try the diarrhea chili?

Wawa is significantly better than Sheetz

I prefer Wawa over Sheetz, but I'm not knocking Sheetz at all... Wawa is just a part of me. So when you go there and you eat it, it just tastes right.

Skyline Chili is garbage

Cincinnati Bengals, Skyline Chili. Garbage. Yes. Thank you. It's the worst... I asked people in Cincinnati, what's the deal with the skyline? ... It's greasy drunk food.

You don't need to wash apples from a grocery store

I feel like there's a little bit more class in the apple handling department at a grocery store... [Gas station apples] I don't even want to touch the key to get into the bathroom to use the sink... I don't wash [grocery store apples].

I prefer non-alcoholic apple cider to the alcoholic versions

I would prefer, actually, a non-alcoholic cider to an alcoholic cider. I don't like alcoholic ciders... I don't like cider like Red's Apple.

I've been a whole milk drinker my entire life

I've drank whole milk my whole life and like still... I just thought everybody drank whole milk. Um, because that's what my mom and it was always like, yeah, it'll make your bones really strong.

Avocados are overrated; guacamole is great but solo avocados are trash

I just want to take this moment to say avocados are overrated as fuck... Guacamole, great. Avocados on their own, trash.

An hour and 45 minute wait for pizza is rude and unacceptable

You got to be fucking batshit crazy. If you're from anywhere to wait for anything for an hour and 45 minutes... I don't care what's in there. An hour and 45 minutes is rude for anything. I'm not going to an NSYNC concert. I want a slice of pizza.

Dark mustard is superior to yellow mustard in every single situation

I don't think there is any situation that yellow mustard is better than dark mustard... Why, under what circumstance would you say? No, no, hold the dark. I'll take the yellow.

Honey mustard will eventually go the way of the sun-dried tomato

Honey mustard... I feel that it likely is going to ultimately go the way of the sun-dried tomato... Sun-dried tomato had about half a dozen years at the top... then just vanished. Honey mustard, it's fine it's here now, but I won't miss it when it's gone tomorrow.

Drinking a Bloody Mary after 3 p.m. should be a punishable offense

I think if you drink a Bloody Mary after 3 p.m., you should probably be arrested or shot or something.

The McChicken is the most fuckable sandwich

I think number one's got to be the McChicken. It's like the Lance Armstrong of fuckable sandwiches. [The guy in the video] destigmatized fucking the McChicken.

Pigs in a blanket are the best finger food and appetizer available

I also think that pigs in a blanket get a bad rap. I think people try to be really classy at their weddings these days and they don't do pigs in a blanket. We need to like rebrand pigs in a blanket to bring them back because they're the best finger food and appetizer out there.

Crab cakes are better with 75% filler rather than lump meat

I like the filler. ... Exactly. I want 75% filler in my crab cakes. ... Have you ever tried to eat like a 95% crab meat crab cake? Oh, it's disgusting. It's like eating a can of tuna fish.

90% of Spanakopita is inedible because it's too dry

Spanakopita can be really, really dry. Like 90% of the time, it's almost inedible because it's super dry.

Mussels are officially a finger food

Mussels. Does that count? Finger food. ... I love mussels. ... And I eat them with my finger. ... I always eat mussels just with my fingers.

Mayonnaise is a great condiment that needs to be destigmatized.

Mayo doesn't get enough respect... If there's one thing I want to bring back in this world, it's the destigmatization... it's that mayo is a great condiment and people should not be ashamed to use it.

The best 'sauce' is 'Barbacuffalo,' a mix of barbecue and buffalo sauce.

My number one [sauce] is Barbacuffalo sauce. It's when you mix barbecue and buffalo sauce together. Hank invented this a few years ago and he eats buffalo and barbecue sauce combined.

The best 'sauce' is dipping fries into a Wendy's chocolate frosty.

The chocolate frosties from Wendy's. Dip fries in a chocolate frosty. That's the best sauce there is.

Ketchup is a trash condiment.

Ketchup's trash, man.

Queso and guacamole both qualify as sauces or condiments.

Number two, queso. Oh, man, that's cheating... obviously queso. No, it's also a condiment. You can put queso on a steak... you can put queso on a sandwich. Number three is salsa. Number three is guacamole. You can get it on a sub.

Geno's Steaks in Philadelphia is trash

Number one, Pat's. Number two, South Philly. Number three, Geno's. Geno's is trash. I hate Geno's.

A big bowl of Pho is the best hangover food

My fourth is going to be my favorite hangover food, and that's a big bowl of Pho, the Vietnamese soup. Really good for a hangover, yeah. If you get all the weird shit in there too, like the intestine stuff.

Guy Fieri's food is the best food I've ever had

I'm a big Guy Fieri guy, so I feel like I can say this. The food was phenomenal. Best food I've ever had.

Skyline Chili is actually good and I love it

I love Skyline Chili... Every time, the first time I got called up to the big leagues with the Reds... I had two chili dogs. Skyline Chili has always been a classic for me, man. I can't hate on that. Skyline Chili is the best. They can't give enough cheese, baby.

Potato salad is a Mount Rushmore level picnic side

I'm going to go with your potato salad. You need to have a little potato salad on your plate.

Coleslaw is trash

Dude, coleslaw is trash... everybody puts them on their plate, but they don't eat them.

Dijon is the best mustard

Number one on my Mount Rushmore of mustards is Dijon mustard. Delicious on a sandwich. Can't get enough of a good Dijon.

Spicy brown mustard is the best kind of mustard

Spicy Brown? Yeah, that's actually my favorite mustard. That's my number one. That's my bottom bitch, if you will, of mustards.

All mustard is trash

I have nothing on my Mount Rushmore because all mustard is trash.

The city of Cincinnati is collectively trying to prank the world with Skyline Chili

I'm convinced, absolutely convinced that everyone in the city of Cincinnati just said, we're going to fuck with the world. So anytime they come to Cincinnati, we're going to make them eat this disgusting chili and tell them that it's all we eat.

Skyline Chili is a running joke used by Cincinnati residents to prank tourists

Skyline Chili, I'm convinced all of Cincinnati has Stockholm Syndrome. I don't know what is going on there. They have convinced themselves that's real food that people should eat. I think it's a running joke. Everyone in Cincinnati was like, hey, let's try to convince the rest of the world that every time they come visit us, they have to eat this diarrhea.

The Arby's in Columbus is the worst fast food restaurant in America

Arby's is a questionable choice to begin with. This one particular Arby's was probably the worst fast food restaurant in America... We knew we had a problem when the guy in front of us was complaining about soggy, moldy bread that he got a week ago, and he wanted a free sandwich, and they were fighting him tooth and nail for a $5 free sandwich.

Buffalo wings are better than anybody else's wings in the world

These Buffalo wings are better than anybody's... I'm definitely making my rounds, and there's definitely a difference.

My go-to late-night coaching meal is two Double Quarter Pounders with extra cheese and jalapenos

I always got two [Double Quarter Pounders] with extra cheese and jalapenos, but I do that on my own ticket.

Duff's is far better than Anchor Bar for wings in Buffalo

We unanimously decided that Duff's was far better than Anchor Bar. Anchor Bar had an unfortunate incident... but we unanimously decided that Duff's was far better.

London beer is served at room temperature except for Guinness

If you do go to London... they don't serve cold beer. It's all room temperature. So actually they have ice cold Guinness so hopefully you like Guinness. It's the only time I think I ever drink Guinness when I go to London.

Drinking Rockin' Refuel without working out will make you put on a lot of weight

You put on a lot of weight if you just not work out with all that protein. So I think you have to do a little bit of something.

If you drink enough protein your arms get inflated with fat and you look like you've been working out

I'm a big protein guy because a lot of times if you just drink enough protein, your arms get kind of inflated with all the fat. You wear a tight shirt, and then you look like you've been working out. So anyway, even if you're not a big workout guy, I think that there's something in this for you.