Takes

Buccaneers GM Jason Licht is on the hot seat for drafting a kicker in the second round

I guess now my hot seat is going to be Jason Licht, the GM for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, for drafting a kicker in the second round. Kind of a tough move on his part.

Dak Prescott might have won the Cowboys' starting job for good

Dak Prescott might have won that job. And if Tony Romo doesn't play, he doesn't get injured.

Sam Bradford will eventually suck and prove me right for criticizing the trade

I'll be right in the long term on that one. Okay. How about that? ... But what I will say is that one day Sam Bradford's going to suck, and then I will be sure to let you know about it then.

Chip Kelly's current strategy is to suck for three years before getting fired with a massive payout

Chip Kelly, he's in phase one. He does the football producers everywhere he goes. Phase one is tank. Phase two is draft good players. Phase three is trade those good players away and then suck again. And then you get fired after three years and then you have a lot of money.

The Patriots covering against the Browns is the easiest bet of all time

Patriots. Yeah, we know you're going to take the Patriots. It's not even bias aside. All bias aside, you can take my bias, put it to the side of me. The Patriots is still the easiest bet of all time.

Mike McCoy needs to be fired by the Chargers

Hot seat, Mike McCoy. Someone needs to fire Mike McCoy. It's incredible. He's 23-29. He's on his fourth year. They were up 34-21 with six minutes left against the Saints. Week one they were up 27-10 with 11 minutes left. Someone put Mike McCoy out of his misery.

The Bears will move on from Jay Cutler in the offseason

I think they ought to give Jay Cutler a gold watch, say thanks for everything. We've got to move on. He'll start somewhere next year. I believe that they tried very hard to get Marcus Mariota.

Carson Palmer has 'turned back into a pumpkin' and is no longer elite.

Turns out Carson Palmer... Turned back into a pumpkin. It struck midnight, and Carson Palmer turned back into a glass slipper.

The Atlanta Falcons are officially back.

I have my who's back, the Atlanta Falcons. Falcons are back. They are back. Last week you had Matt Ryan back, right? Well, no, two weeks, three weeks ago I had Dan Quinn on my hot seat. Then I had Matt Ryan back. Now I have the Falcons back.

Jeff Fisher will lose his next two games because the Rams are in L.A.

Jeff Fisher is losing his next two games now that the Rams are in L.A. Hollywood Jeff is going to be reading the dailies. He's going to see his name and variety. And he's like 3-1, 3-1. I know another team from Golden State that was 3-1 not too long ago.

Andrew Luck gets a pass for mistakes because the Colts' offensive line is atrocious.

I'm done making fun of Andrew Luck. That's the worst offensive line I've ever seen. He was running for his life the entire time. I'm actually going to give him an active pass and let him know that it's okay. You can fuck up because that offensive line is atrocious.

The Cleveland Browns are the worst team in football.

Worst team in football... Cleveland Browns. They're also 0-3 against the spread.

The Patriots are definitely winning the Super Bowl this year

You think the Patriots are going to win the Super Bowl? Sure. Come on. Don't say sure. Just say yes or no. Yes. I mean, how could they not?

The Sam Bradford trade was a win for both the Vikings and the Eagles

I was the biggest winner because I said that it was a great trade for the Vikings and a great trade for the Eagles because the Eagles can now start Carson Wentz, who I believed in, and the Vikings now have Sam Bradford as a higher ceiling than whoever they were going to start.

Aaron Rodgers is officially back

Aaron Rodgers is [back]... Aaron gets really surly with the media. He pouts, tells everyone to relax, and then he goes out and kills the Lions. And I feel like we've done this every year.

Peyton Manning will not sign with the New England Patriots

Hard no. [Peyton Manning signing with the Patriots is a] hard no.

Brock Osweiler sucks

And Brock Osweiler, holy shit, I think he sucks. I don't know if that's like that vaunted Bill Belichick scheme on defense or whatever it is, but he certainly looked like a kindergartner, a really tall kindergartner out there.

Terrelle Pryor is the Cleveland Browns' best quarterback option because everyone else will get injured

So they asked him if he was going to be willing to play quarterback because obviously if you're a Cleveland Browns quarterback, it's like being in the movie Final Destination. They've already lost two. They've got [Cody] Kessler. So Kessler is going to get hurt this weekend, too. And they said, Terrell, would you play? And he goes, I cut my finger off for the team.

Mike McCarthy cycles play-calling duties annually just to avoid being held accountable for failure

Every year I feel like Mike McCarthy either gives up play calling or gets play calling back. If you move the play calling stick around, then nobody's really at fault.

Seeing Jack Del Rio go for two will lead to a wave of unnecessary two-point conversions across the NFL

The NFL is a copycat league. A lot of people don't talk about that. But seeing Jack Del Rio go for it and seeing all the media coverage that he had... All the other football coaches out there are going to be like, I want that. I want the media to be talking about my nuts on Monday morning. And so you're going to see a lot of unnecessary two point conversions.

Kirk Cousins is still a really good quarterback

My biggest takeaway is that Kirk Cousins is still really good. Oh, yeah. He is not afraid to sling it. That guy, he'll stare down a receiver on a slant route and not even look at the middle of the field.

Matt Ryan is officially back

I am going with Matt Ryan. He's back. Went on the road. Won a game. Matty Ice. Bring it back out.

Washington doesn't have a chance to right the ship and make the playoffs

I think [the Redskins] don't have a chance just because I think the division got that much better.

Tom Brady will be the best he's ever been in 2016 and the Patriots will win 14 or 15 games

I think New England's going to go 14-2 or 15-1. I think Tom Brady's so angry right now, and he's going to be the best player he's ever been.

The Rams will beat the Seahawks this week

I think [Jeff Fisher] is going to beat the Seahawks this week.

Rams-49ers was the worst NFL game of the year

It was probably the shittiest game. I'm just going to say it. It was the worst game I've ever seen in the NFL in the last year.

Jeff Fisher is on the hot seat because Hollywood demands style and points

I'm gonna go out on a limb here. I'm gonna say Jeff Fisher... You live in Hollywood. You got to score some points. Flash. They've canceled series out in Hollywood for less than just a week one dud... If you don't get the results, I think that he's going to be on the hot seat.

The Baltimore Ravens are not actually a good football team

The Ravens, people think the Ravens are going to be good because they're called the Baltimore Ravens, and so people assume that they're going to be good more often than not. But there's no reason to think that they're an actually good team.

My Week 1 NFL Lock is the Jaguars +5.5 at home against the Packers

This is my stone cold lock of the week. I've got the Jaguars at home, jagging off big time, plus five and a half against the Packers.

Sam Bradford better simulates what Teddy Bridgewater would have done for the Vikings than Shaun Hill

Sam Bradford, the thinking is, I believe better simulates what Teddy would have done if he would have been able to play. I don't know that Bradford can get there... it's going to be an uphill climb, but when things settle down, they're going to be better off with Bradford than they would be with Hill.

The Rams and 49ers fan bases will have the most fights per game now that the Rams are in LA

I think anybody who plays at the Coliseum, that's where the fights are going to be. And so that's one fan base right there... The more people you have, the greater the chance you're going to have a bunch of fights. And I don't know what it is about 49ers fans. They like to scrap. It's going to get ugly when they play in LA.

The Bears will struggle in 2016 without Adam Gase to manage Jay Cutler

I worry about how the offense is going to be without Adam Gase there to keep Jay Cutler from being Jay Cutler. And Matt Forte's gone. I think they're going to have a hard time.

Trevor Siemian is the Tim Tebow of the 2016 Denver Broncos

I don't even care that Trevor Siemian is the starting quarterback. Every game he's been in, they've won. Absolutely. So he's the Tim Tebow of the Denver Broncos this year.

I am officially not retired and looking for the right NFL situation

I guess I am officially not retired at the moment. I think I'd pick up the right call, like the right situation that came about. I'm not completely done.

Russell Wilson will have a kid by February 2017

My new pick is Russell Wilson. Russell Wilson is deaf[initely]—now that I think about it, Russell Wilson is absolutely—he's going to have a kid. He for sure is having a kid. I'm going to call it February of next year.

Trading Sam Bradford for a first and fourth-round pick was a great deal for the Eagles

The Eagles, great trade for them. Any Eagles fan that's upset by this, I really don't know what to tell you. You just traded Sam Bradford. You weren't going to go to the playoffs, and you got a first and a fourth round.

Mark Sanchez will forever be a 'notable' player rather than a successful one

Mark Sanchez is forever just a notable. Not a bad place to be... He's not good. He's probably never going to get a full-time starting job again. But he will forever be a notable. He is a name that's there.

LeSean McCoy will have a massive bounce-back year in fantasy football

Take LeSean McCoy and your fantasy team. He was a mess last year. Philly was his home, right? He had all his boys there. Now he goes to Buffalo. I mean, I talked to him several times. I think he's got a new attitude. It's beyond him. Chip Kelly's gone. You know, everything's have changed. I look for him to have a big year.

I only got a college scholarship because I won $1,400 in an underground poker game

I went to this underground game in Pittsburgh. I borrowed 100 bucks from one of my friends... I had jack nine... I caught a full house... I end up having $1,400. My dad spots me the other $100. I go down to the camp. I kick a 65-yard field goal... Tony Gibson from West Virginia University is there. 'You want a scholarship to West Virginia?'... without that tournament happening, [I have] no chance.

Tony Romo's injury is actually a good thing for the Cowboys

I actually think that this is a good thing for the Cowboys. I do too. Because God bless him, Tony Romo... I don't know if there's been a quarterback that's gone from utter laughing stock... you want a guy who's lucky to be your quarterback more than anything.

Joey Bosa should condition his contract signing on the Chargers agreeing not to move to Los Angeles

I've got some really good PR advice for Joey, though. Here's how you get the public back on your side. It's very easy. You release a statement saying, 'I will accept the Chargers' offer under the condition that they agree to not move the team to L.A. next year.' Instantly, all of San Diego loves you, and there's nothing that the team can do about it.

Charlie Weis hacked life by getting paid $24 million specifically to not work

But if you really look at the facts, what Charlie's done with his career is what we should all strive for. And that's he's getting paid $24 million to not work. And in what world – he's basically hacked life, OK? ... He has figured out how to design an offense that's so bad that people will pay you not to implement it.

Charlie Weis will never get another coaching job unless he gets rid of his aggressive pet parrot

My biggest takeaway from the article is that he's not going to get another job until he gets rid of the bird in his house. ... It's a sun conure that dive bombs anybody that walks into his house. ... I think he got the parrot to get himself fired quicker at Kansas.

The NFL should be criticized for not suspending Aaron Hernandez while suspending Hope Solo for six months

Don't let this distract you from the fact that the NFL has yet to suspend Aaron Hernandez. ... Aaron Hernandez gets nothing and Hope Solo suspended for six months for talking.

Shaunae Miller crossed the finish line faster because she dove.

Like, why would you not dive? Right. It doesn't make any sense. Like, she crossed the finish line faster because she dove. David Eckstein... That guy used to dive into first base all the time. Nobody ever said he wasn't fast.

Josh McCown is the perfect backup quarterback

Josh McCown is the perfect backup quarterback. Because he doesn't rock the boat. He's just good enough to maybe show a little flash here and there. But then if you have to have him play more than a couple games, you're like, okay. He looks good in a set of front pleated khakis.

Ed Hochuli wears extra small jerseys to make his biceps look bigger

I'm saying if you think a guy that buys extra small jerseys and cuts off the ends of them, if you think and does 100 push-ups before he goes out on the field to make them look bigger, if you think that's a show-off, I think it's a show-off.

The regular NFL officials 'beat the league' in labor negotiations because the 'Fail Mary' gave them massive leverage

And the second thing is, they beat the league. The officials beat the league. They got more than what the league wanted to pay... because of what happened with the fail Mary play, you know, the thing was saying quickly and beat the league at their own game. They got more money than the league was planning to give. And they got extension of their pension, which the league wanted to bust.

Saints rookie Michael Thomas is a massive fantasy alert catching everything at camp

Mike Thomas from the New Orleans Saints has been catching everything, and he's an Ohio State guy too... Definitely a fantasy alert there.

Tim Tebow has a better playoff record than many 'great' NFL quarterbacks

People forget Tim Tebow is 1-1 in the playoffs. .500. That's a better record than a lot of great quarterbacks out there... That is the same amount of playoff wins as Tony Romo.