Takes

The 'Banana Boat' crew would have kicked Gabrielle Union off the boat to fit Carmelo Anthony

I'm kicking my wife off the banana boat... I don't think we would get a, I don't think it would've been a banana boat [with all four]. But if I have to kick somebody? I'm kicking my wife off.

The reports of Bill Belichick's engagement to Jordon Hudson are fake news

I will wait until you know, Ms. Hudson and, and Mr. Belichick report this themselves. I do not believe, you know, the New York Times, fake news media. This is just a report as far as I'm concerned. ... I don't think Bill knows.

Tom Cruise used Top Gun: Maverick to make people forget about his Scientology controversies

Tom Cruise... Scientology thing is very weird... He just was like, yeah, I'm gonna put out a new Top Gun and everyone's gonna forget about that. ... It felt like the block was getting a little hot with the documentaries and everything. He's like, I know. Top Gun two. People won't care anymore.

The show 'The Librarians: The Next Chapter' looks like the dumbest show of all time

The librarians, the next chapter. They're showing these commercials in all these games. It like it. I can't believe it's a real show that is being made. It looks like this is the best whose guy ever dumb this fucking show of all time.

The Rock is the best movie ever made

The Rock is Back. And if you haven't seen The Rock it may, it might be the best movie ever made... It is the perfect movie. It's got everything. Sean Connery, Nick Cage, prisons, terrorists.

Live human performances will never be replicated or beaten by AI

It could never replicate the live experience though. So maybe AI can make a Spotify song... but you can't, you can't beat a live show. And that's the one thing I think some DJs lack is that they just, you know, I think adding in all these extra elements will make it dope.

AI can make a song for Spotify, but it can never replicate the live performance experience

It could never replicate the live experience though. So maybe AI can make a Spotify song... but you can't, you can't beat a live show. And that's the one thing I think some DJs lack is that they just, you know, I think adding in all these extra elements will make it dope.

Warren Zevon is arguably the greatest songwriter of all time

Warren Zevon might be my favorite songwriter of all time. And he's, he's deserved being in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame for a while. It's insane he wasn't.

Jordan Hudson is a smart marketer and the brains in her relationship with Bill Belichick

She's an incredible marketer. She is. I think she's the brains in that relationship. Jordan, if you can land us Bill Belichick on PMT, you can interrupt as many times as you want. We're a Pro-Girlfriend podcast. That's fact.

Bill Belichick may be in a 'reverse conservatorship' with his younger girlfriend

It feels like reverse. Using an older person with the younger person... you get a little older and you can't take care of yourself and then someone comes and takes care of you and then also takes everything.

Season 1 Tony Soprano is the hottest man who has ever lived

Season one Tony [Soprano] is the hottest man ever that's ever lived, dude. Like the, and that's all I want. The girls who wanted to fuck him, that's who I want to fuck me. That's how I live my life.

The card collecting community is mostly comprised of gatekeeping losers

I had the entire card community come after me and they do not like me and they are fucking losers... it's the gatekeepers. And the guys who are like, 'actually'.

It is more likely that Sydney Sweeney DMs Hank than it is for Augusta to invite him to play

You work on the, at the number one sports podcast in America. You think it's more likely that Sydney Sweeney [messes with] you than Augusta invites you?... I kind of agree with them. No one plays at Augusta. It's impossible. I kind of agree with them.

White Lotus Season 3 is the worst season of the series

I'd put it clearly number three. I think clearly number three, I think season, I'm gonna go season two. Yeah. Then season one. Barely. And then clearly season three.

The Ratliff fake-out suicide arc in White Lotus Season 3 was annoying and repetitive

The Ratliff story was, was one of my biggest issues... that was like the sixth time we had a dream sequence slash something happened where they tried to fake us out that he was committing suicide or killing his family. Enough of it.

The twist of Walton Goggins killing his father in the White Lotus finale was 'cheap'

Walton Goggins in like the last 10 minutes kills the guy. And then the other woman's like, 'why would you do that? He's your father.' It's like, come on... That felt a little ham-fisted. It was just a little cheap.

People will discover in my book that I am smarter and darker than they think I am

I think that people are going to discover that I'm smarter than people think that I am. And that also I'm a lot darker than people think that I am. I'm very honest in the book about my struggles and about my shortcomings and the difficulties that I've had... This dude really is goth in his soul.

The WWE Championship is essentially a de-facto office position with leadership responsibilities

What I really quickly found out is that it is almost a de-facto position in the office. It's a bigger position than just man and tights wrestling. There's a layer of responsibility, like a team captain. And especially for being a good guy character, to have the title this long is rather unheard of because everyone just tries to murder you every week.

John Cena is a dick for trying to invalidate my authenticity

One of the big disagreements John Cena and I have had is he feels I'm not authentic enough or as authentic as he was. And I think at this point I'm pretty confident in who I am. To some people he's still John Cena, the hero, and to other people, especially the younger audience, he's kind of a dick.

April Fools' Day is the lowest form of comedy.

I'm done with this show. I'm done with this episode. I'm opting out for the rest of this episode. Because April Fools is the lowest form of comedy.

Being the partner of a massive celebrity like Sydney Sweeney is a 'down bad' situation in the short term but ultimately better for your long-term sanity.

So down bad right now. But yeah, I think long term would have, you'd have to be a very confident man to be able to deal with your fiance or wife having the entire internet be horny for her at all times. So... I think long term he's probably gonna be like, you know what? That was, that was gonna be tough.

The Impractical Jokers are 'sex creeps'

The impractical Joker suck ass... turns out two of the four creeps. Sex creeps. Allegedly. Allegedly. It was Joe and it was Myrrh. Allegedly. Okay. So Joe alleged, well I also wanna say for Joe, he has now checked himself into inpatient treatment. Smart for being a sex creep... Joe Gato is seeking treatment for, I guess being a sex creep. So he is been hitting up high school girls, hanging out with them, touching their stomachs, doing weird shit. And then Mur was allegedly deeming a bunch of underage girls too.

Timothee Chalamet and Kylie Jenner will break up during March Madness because he'll be too focused on basketball.

Kylie's probably gonna break up with him during the tournament. He's gonna be like, sorry babe, I gotta watch, I gotta watch Ball. You understand?

Knowing ball is a powerful enough skill to change a nation's perception of even the world's worst people.

Timothy Chalamet's proof that you can change an entire nation's perception of you by knowing Ball. If Osama Bin Laden would've declared his love for Miami of Ohio's football program, we would've been like, you know, we can always just rebuild those towers. ... If Kim Jong-un got three picks right on college game day, I'm pretty sure we'd all just be like, that's just our culture.

Binging a TV show is much better than watching it week-by-week

This is my big, i I like binging shows. I like just diving right into 'em. I don't know how people can watch a show like I gave up on House of Dragon. Yeah. Because I watched the first season and then it was four years and I was like, I don't remember fucking shit. I'm out.

Timothy Chalamet will be one of the greatest actors ever

He won a SAG award and then I, I just liked, I liked his speech... He kind of was just like, yeah, I wanna be one of the greats. I'm going hard.

Ryan Reynolds looks "scummy" and is the biggest loser in the Blake Lively movie drama

I think Ryan Reynolds is the biggest loser outta the whole thing... he's kind of looking a little scummy this whole thing. I haven't changed my opinion on him. I didn't have an opinion.

Shredder and the Ninja Turtles appear in every episode together but never actually kill each other

If you've ever watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Shredder is in every episode. The Ninja Turtles are in like every episode. They never actually kill each other. They just fight.

Using difficulty 'sliders' in games is for people who want to hide that they are playing on easy mode; you have to play on 'hard mode' to truly win

We love using sliders. We just like to change 'em before people can see. We just don't want people to know that we're doing sliders... I wanna play hard mode. Absolutely. You gotta play hard teams. You gotta play hard teams to win.

AC/DC should be the next Super Bowl halftime show performer.

I'm gonna agree with our good friend Michael Greer. He has a great idea for the next halftime show. AC DC. AC DC at halftime would fucking rock... just banger after banger.

Kendrick Lamar vs Drake is the biggest blowout in subjective art history

That the Kendrick Drake thing turned into — obviously art is entirely in the eye of the beholder... but in this one thing where people can interpret it either any way they see fit, like this is as big of a blowout as you'll ever see. Ever.

I am officially anti-biopic; the industry needs to let stories finish before buying the rights.

I've taken a bit of a stance against Biopics. I'm somewhat antibio pic. I just think enough. We've done 'em all and people are starting to get the rights to stories before they're even done happening. Like the Luigi Mangione thing happens... and then it's like someone gets the rights the next day. Let the story at least end before you buy the rights to it and start casting someone.

Boxing would become the most popular sport if all sports memories were erased

Boxing would be pretty, you'd be like, holy shit, these guys are just beating the fuck out of each other. Yeah. Boxing would be pretty sick.

I want to still be doing WrestleMania and getting put through tables when I'm 60 years old

I hope I'm still showing up at WrestleMania and someone's putting me through a table... my hope is that when I'm 60... someone's putting me through a table. I don't think [the competitive spirit] will happen to you [leave you].

Marshawn Lynch and the Legion of Boom era was the Golden Age of Seattle sports

You had a pretty good experience growing up then... Marshawn Lynch guy... Huge. Marshawn Lynch Legion of Boom, all that. Pete Carroll. That was in Golden, boom, Golden Age man.

I find myself actually liking LeBron James after watching the 'Starting Five' show on Netflix.

I have been watching, there's a lot episodes, so I'm, I'm not finished with it. But the NBA starting five show on Netflix. ... I do find myself like liking LeBron... He's funny. ... Like he's just, it's just the, he's funny. He's just a big goof.

Diddy killed Biggie Smalls

Diddy's a bad guy. And my take, I don't, this isn't like an a wildly original one. I think Diddy killed Biggie. Think about it. Think about it... when Biggie died, you remember Diddy was like all over tv. He did that. The video. I'll be missing you. Yeah. Like that he made his entire career about Yeah. Biggie. That is something that a psychopath killer would do.

Social media 'hacking' claims are 100% fake; people just mess up and use it as an excuse

Whenever someone says they're hacked, they're not hacked. They just fucked up. I don't still don't really understand how [Shannon Sharpe did that], 'cause it is a couple steps to go live [on Instagram].

Jay-Z picked Kendrick Lamar for the Super Bowl halftime show just to spite Drake

Jay-Z doesn't like Drake. So he basically did the opposite. He took Kendrick. Also, Kendrick Lamar. Yeah. They're just gonna make it to the Drake can never watch a Super Bowl again.

Kristin Cavallari is lying about having the best sex of her life

Kristin Cavallari said that her boyfriend, Mark Estes, Montana boy, who's 13 years younger than her, she's having the best sex she's ever had. It is, but it's also if you have to publicly say you're having the best sex you ever had, you're lying. The minute you say you have the best sex ever, everyone's like, dude, that's a lie.

Kirk Cousins has surprisingly good taste in music

This guy [Kirk Cousins] has good taste in music now. Or maybe, maybe we're just washed. It's actually 90% of a pop punk playlist. These are actually, this is our set list.

Boobs are officially back in style and the undisputed 1-1 pick for soft things

I'm going boobs. Correct. Boobs are back now. Sydney Sweeney brought boobs back for a while... And I'm glad that they are. Yes. Very soft.

Noah Lyles has every right to brag about being the fastest man on Earth after winning Olympic gold

She had a take, can you really brag about being the fastest person on earth if you win a race by 0.005 seconds?... I think [Noah Lyles] can if you win the gold medal.

Mick Foley (Mankind) is the toughest person ever

I'm gonna go with Mankind, Mick Foley, toughest dude ever fucking going. When he got slammed on a bed of tacks from Undertaker from the top of the Hell in a Cell... he is literally the toughest.

Simone Biles is such a great athlete that she could probably dunk on a regulation 10-foot rim

Our gymnastics team dominated again. Simone Biles is the GOAT... I think KD even said that she thinks, he thinks that Simone Biles could take an Alley-OOP, like she could dunk on a 10 foot rim.

Paul Walter Hauser should play Andy Reid in a movie about the coach's life

One [project] would be him [Paul Walter Hauser] playing Andy Reid in the Andy Reid story. I think he'd crush that.

The Academy Awards should be voted on 20 years after the movies come out to accurately gauge which ones truly lasted

The real best way to do it is to do the awards like 20 years after the movies come out. ... There's no spin, there's no, it's like I still watch that movie. I still love that movie. That was the best movie of 2004. It would be a more accurate gauge of whether a movie really works.

The rat at the end of 'The Departed' symbolizes the main character's past and the social ladder he was trying to climb

The writer had in the script... the idea of me, of me kind of climbing the social ladder. And now I find myself in this old brownstone, but there's still a rat that you, that rat comes across and it's, it's his past. It's the thing... it's meant to symbolize all that stuff.

Bluey is an actual drug for children

I had no idea what a drug Bluey was for kids. Oh yeah. But I had, there was a friend that came into town, their 5-year-old stay with us and the kid was like jumping all over... I turn on Bluey and it's like hypnotized. Bluey is a drug for kids. For sure.

Seasons three through eight of The Simpsons are the best television ever made.

I think Seasons three through eight on The Simpsons are the best TV ever made.