Takes

The upcoming election cycle will swing the comedy pendulum back toward censorship and sensitivity

I think this election's gonna swing it back. It'll go back to being [sensitive]. It'll go back... It's gonna get hot on the streets.

Hollywood won't cast a ginger as a lead actor

I just think they don't, they're never gonna make a, a ginger a lead... something about orange men, they just, it's hard to lead a movie... if Bill Burr can't do it, I don't think I've got a shot.

Boobs are officially back in pop culture

I told you Sydney Sweeney has done it. I think boobs are back guys. Yeah. That, that picture all time... Sydney Sweeney has done it.

Sydney Sweeney is bringing back the era of 'tits' over 'asses'

My who's back of the week is Sydney Sweeney. She was on SNL. ... People are saying, is Sidney Sweeney bringing back tits? Well, there's been don don't know. What would you say? A decade run where asses have been number one. ... We might look back in history and be like, when did Tits come back? Sidney Sweeney.

Ludacris should have a 'Lud Bowl' halftime show performing all his features

I think that they should do a Lud Bowl halftime show where it's Ludacris. It goes out and he performs like all of his features with all the other artists that have had him on their songs.

I was right about Brittany Mahomes being attractive

I want to just all due respect, Patrick, you've won... your wife is hot. And I would say that his wife is very attractive. Good job. I got this one right.

Taylor Swift should have dated someone on the Panthers to learn that life isn't that easy

I don't wanna say anything negative about Taylor Swift, but that that just, it it, it's unfair that Taylor Swift was basically introduced to the NFL this year. And she's already in the Super Bowl... she should have dated someone on like the Panthers. Yeah. Go to Bank of America Stadium Week 16. That's a fact. I wanna see David Tepper pouring a drink on her.

Drake leaked his own explicit video as a flex

Drake international superstar. He was jacking off and the video came out. I actually think my conspiracy theory brain tells me that Drake leaked this himself because it's a good angle... he's got a big dick and he's got a big dick. Yeah. So if anything it like my respect for Drake increased today.

I am intensely attracted to Tiffany Gomas

I have such an intense attraction to Tiffany Gomas. It is, it's actually, I am, I'm obsessed with her... I follow her on Instagram. I even like leave comments like 'looking good girl'... I think the thing I'm most attracted to is that there's a real, a mental issue there... I'm really attracted to her.

Braxton Berrios and Alix Earle are the hottest couple ever

Braxton Berrios is one of our guys. He's a thirst strapper. Correct. His hair, by the way, has been looking incredible. Yeah. No, they're the hottest couple ever. ... I think that they enjoy having sex with each other. They're probably the only, only, they're probably each person is probably the first person that the others had sex with that's like, oh, now I get why sex is great.

The rivalry with Sylvester Stallone made both of them more successful and drove them to improve

Stallone by being so good made me better. So he gets, it's kind of like a competition. If you go to the Olympics and you're the only one that is running the a hundred meter sprint, you know, you're not gonna get the performance out of it as if, if a bunch of guys are chasing you. And so it's always kind of the competition that creates performance.

GTA VI is the point where video games became indistinguishable from reality

GTA six finally released their trailer yesterday. And yeah, it, that's we've, we've done it. We've gotten to the point where I can't tell if it's a video game or real life. Unfortunately. That clip of the, of the girls shaking her booty on the, on the car. I was like, is that real? I don't, it finally happened where my brain can't process video games. In reality.

The Eminem song 'FACK' is the worst song of all time

I downloaded Eminem's song. Fac. FACK And it is maybe the worst song of all time, right? It's, it's so bad. I actually do think it's the worst song of all time.

I would never marry Ryan Russillo because we are like siblings

Ryan Russillo and I are finally together after all these years? No. He is my brother and this is the kind of relationship we have... No. 'cause he's like my brother and I'm just not into marrying my siblings.

Books are always better than the movies

Michael Lewis books—always better than the movie. Big Short? Ever heard of it? Moneyball? Ever heard of it? Blindside? Books are always better than the movie.

Swifties secretly want Taylor Swift's relationships to fail for the music

I think secretly Taylor Swift's own fan base is sabotaging her happiness... Swifties want Taylor to be happy on their own terms. They don't want Taylor Swift to find genuine happiness. They want her to be happy because she's found empowerment after a disastrous breakup.

Bob Barker is the GOAT game show host

In my mind the GOAT game show host. Yeah. I mean I know Trebek... Trebek's great. It was, it was the GOAT game show. Right. And he was the host for so long... Just the perfect amount of kind of horny, you know, made sure that everyone got their pets spayed and neutered would get a little pissed off when people were dumb. He just was the best.

Taylor Swift is either a cult leader or a terrorist

Is Taylor Swift kind of a terrorist? She might be kind of a terrorist. It feels like she's got, I'll tell you what, She is either a cult leader or a terrorist and she's very good at doing both. Whichever one it is. So anything that she does, I'm on her side.

Kanye West's 'College Trilogy' is the best pound-for-pound album trilogy in history

To separate the art from the artist Right. And understand that these are maybe the three like pound for pound best albums out there... It is Kanye West College Dropout Late Registration. Graduation. They call it the College trilogy.

The Godfather Part III is so bad that it ruins the whole movie trilogy

Godfather three... one and two are so good... The Tri literally just say the Godfather of three doesn't exist. It like they try to make it so it's not a trilogy... The trilogy then sinks the whole trilogy within itself. That's not, that is incorrect.

Trilogies generally fail because the third installment almost always sucks

I think what we learned here is Trilogies low key suck. Yeah. Like I think we just learned that. 'cause that was a struggle to get that... except for the Father Son. Holy Ghost. Yeah. Shout out God.

Johnny Bananas is the GOAT of The Challenge

The answer's Johnny Bananas, that is the goat... as much as I love CT, he doesn't have the longevity that Johnny Bananas does. and he didn't have the mental game.

Michael Lewis embellished 'The Blind Side' facts for marketing purposes

I'm saying Michael Lewis may have embellished some of the facts, or woven it into a better story than it or a story that he thought was more marketable than the real story. ... Next thing you're gonna do is tell me that Billy Beane never won a World Series.

Jersey Shore is the most iconic reality TV show ever

If the debate is Jersey Shore versus Vanderpump Rules... Jersey Shore was like guys and girls liked Jersey Shore parties. There is no Vanderpump without Jersey Shore.

Melissa McCarthy is one of the most underrated comedic actresses of the last 20 years

Melissa McCarthy's very funny. One of the most underrated comedic actresses of the last 20 years.

Zach Bryan is the best musical artist of my generation

Check out Zach Bryan if you haven't. I think he's the best artist of ever. My generation. My generation.

Wes Anderson is a boring filmmaker

My Hot Seat is Wes Anderson, the filmmaker. ... I think he's boring. Does anybody else think he's boring? ... They're all kind of one movie. ... It's very filmmaker move to come out and be like, he refuses, he's disgusted at the thought of people even trying to do what he does.

Anyone named Kyle is likely crazy and not to be messed with.

Anyone named Kyle. Don't fuck with them. Kyle's, Kyle's are fucking crazy. Kyle's got... the sickest sound system in his car. Your parents tell you not to hang out with Kyle's. You don't want to. Yeah, because he'll get you in trouble.

Man on Fire is the best Denzel Washington movie to sit down and rewatch

Man On Fire. I love this movie. It might be my favorite like sit down and rewatch Denzel movie. This movie is a yet you jack the fuck up. I'm gonna give 'em both Five outta five balls.

Man on Fire is the perfect plane movie

You know what this is? It's also a perfect plane movie. If you're looking to kill, go like a three hour plane ride, man on fire every time. And you can watch it every time you're on a plane.

Hearing Creed or Dave Matthews Band on a Classic Rock station is an existential crisis

When I heard Creed on a classic rock channel, I lost my shit. ... I also heard Dave Matthews band on Classic Rock. Oh, that's, that sucks to think about. ... we are as far removed as Crash by Dave Matthews Band as when we were growing up. We were from like Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.

Bloodsport is one of the best action movies ever made.

I give Bloodsport a five balls. I love this movie. I'll always love this movie. It is a mandatory watch if you like action movies. It's the best.

Roman Roy will have the happiest life of the Roy siblings after the Succession finale

I actually think the one guy that that is gonna have the happiest life after this is probably Roman because he's still got billions of dollars and he's just gonna go off and be like a drunk horny weird asshole on his own, which is what makes him the happiest. Yeah. He's doing that type of shit. He doesn't, he never actually wanted real power.

Jimmy Tatro is a movie star

I've seen you [Jimmy Tatro] and stuff. You're a movie star. I am not a movie star. I think this is where I end up. I don't think you end up here.

Ken Jennings is the undisputed GOAT of Jeopardy

The host is Ken Jennings, who is the GOAT. He's the greatest Jeopardy player of all time. Won the most consecutive episodes... When they played a primetime event named GOAT to determine the greatest of all time, Ken Jennings won that against James [Holzhauer].

Draft Day would be one of the worst movies ever if it didn't have real NFL logos

Draft Day would be maybe one of the worst movies of all time if it didn't have the rights to the exact NFL logos and team names. If they had to make up like a fake NFL league, that movie would suck. Turns out that it rocks because it's like, oh, I recognize the Browns logo.

Taylor Swift is better than Beyonce

Who you got? Taylor Swift or Beyonce? It's Taylor Swift. Easy. Nah, it's so easy. It's all day... No, you guys, girls, no one knows a single Beyonce song, right? Yeah, she's super old. Taylor Swift. Much better vocalist.

Vince McMahon is leaning into his 'creepy old man' persona with his new mustache

The man is a showman. And if you're gonna be accused of being a pervert left and right, and all these people come out and say all these weird things about you. Of course Vince McMahon is gonna lean into that costume and grow a tiny little mustache. If you give a creepy old man $9 billion, he's gonna become a super creepy old man with a child molester mustache.

Best action movies are essentially porn but with fighting instead of sex

In college I would do man movie Fridays and we would watch the worst action movie you can watch. Bloodsport, Under Siege, Cobra. It's basically like watching porn, but instead of fucking, they just beat the fuck out of each other because the dialogue's that bad. Best of the Best 2, maybe my favorite movie ever.

Kyler Murray is right for using cheese plays in Madden

I am on Kyler Murray's side... Kyler Murray's in the right... you got your ass beaten in the Madden League... And then you went online to be like, well Kyler Murray's a bad guy cuz he beats me with the same play and I can't figure out a defense to stop it.

The first six seasons of Jersey Shore were 100% real

It was all fucking real. Yeah, all six seasons. ... When we shot those seasons, we were in a house 24/7 cameras everywhere for a full month. So you got to see everything. You didn't need to make anything up.

Grown men hating on women is pathetic

Britney Mahomes tweeted something about grown men talking shit about someone's wife is real weird... actually, grown ass men hating on women in general is pathetic. I'm taking Britney's side on this.

Tom Segura is on steroids

Tom Segura's on steroids. Yeah. Tom. Yeah. I can't believe people don't know that. No, no, no. He's been 270 pounds his whole life. And then last year he found 'discipline.' Sure, sure. Was it No, you don't think it's the proximity of him and Joe Rogan maybe happened the same fucking needles.

Megan Fox followed Eminem on Instagram specifically to spite Machine Gun Kelly

Megan Fox is back. Her and Machine Gun Kelly broke up and she unfollowed everybody on Instagram except for three people... Eminem... I feel like she just followed Eminem just to fuck with Machine Gun Kelly.

Denver is one of the best comedy towns in the United States

Denver's a very liberal city. Right. That's, most people know it as a liberal, but Colorado isn't all liberal. Yeah. There's a lot of conservative out there. It's kind of a purple place... It's unbelievable. It's one of the best comedy towns in the country in my opinion.

Steve Harvey is the greatest game show host of his generation

One guy who's transcended all of that and even surpassed Louie Anderson, who nobody thought ever could, is Steve Harvey with Family Feud. America's host.

The Office would be canceled by today's standards

Mindy Kaling I guess was interviewed and she was like, yeah, the office would've been like, if they had the office today, it would've been canceled. ... if the office today was made today and it was canceled, like then comedy just truly is dead.

The Rock is becoming too unlikable because he's too manufactured

At this point I regret to inform you that I think I'm out on the Rock... he seems like he's turned his entire life into a living breathing Upworthy headline... you've entered the weird online celebrity like John Legend, Chrissy Teigen era of I have to root a little bit against you now. You're too likable.

Roman Reigns and I are the only two real stars in wrestling

The two biggest stars in professional wrestling right now are me and Roman Reigns. We are the two people that everybody's talking about. Whether you're a professional wrestling fan or whether you're outside of that professional wrestling bubble.

The Marcus Jordan and Larsa Pippen relationship is MJ's final revenge on Scottie Pippen

I just imagined MJ being like, did you hear all that shit about Scottie saying that LeBron's better than me? Go hit up Larsa. Yeah, let's, let's start this relationship Dogs. That's tough.