Takes

The 2026 World Cup draw will be rigged in favor of the United States.

The World Cup draw is tomorrow. ... I think this is gonna be the most rigged draw ever for the United States. And I put together my, this is my pick for our group: USA, Iran, South Africa, New Zealand.

The World Cup draw will be rigged for the United States

If anyone could pull it off, Trump doesn't care about soccer. Oh he does. He he's, he took the ball from FIFA. He's been bragging to everybody about how he got the World Cup. Make that happen buddy. Iceland is the smallest country to qualify for the World cup.

Soccer is the most boring popular sport in the world

Soccer? Don't under don't understand. It's the most popular sport in the world. Yep. By far. Yep. And I watch a game and it seems so fucking boring. Like I get the moment that you get the goal is very fun. But every other moment in between it is like, when are they gonna fucking do something?

CONCACAF is rigged to ensure the United States doesn't win the Gold Cup

I join the chorus of those who were saying CONCACAF rigged. They don't want to see the United States win the Gold Cup. They'd much rather have it be Mexico.

The US Men's National Team will win the 2026 World Cup

[Are we going to win the World Cup?] You bet we are. Why not? I'm eternally optimistic as a US soccer fan... the World Cup's gonna be here and in Mexico and Canada. It's fun to root for America.

Offsides should be removed from soccer

Offsides should be taken out of soccer. There should be no offsides.

The USMNT will never be great until the players care enough to fight fans in the stands

The United States will never be great at soccer until our players care enough to go into the stands and fight people from other countries. It just means more. That somehow a Malice at the Palace situation... these guys just fucking care about soccer.

The USMNT must fire Gregg Berhalter now or give up on the 2026 World Cup

Our players didn't play that well, but our coaching stunk. And so now he's gotta be fired. We gotta fire Greg. Now's time. If we're not gonna fire him now, just might as well give up on the World Cup.

The US Men's National Team should fire Greg Berhalter

I just wanna say that the United States men's national team should fire Greg Berhalter on the record. He was fired in 2022 and then they brought him back... we lost five one to Colombia. Right. And this is... it's not gonna happen. We know it's not gonna happen, but we're still keeping 'em around and it's very frustrating.

USMNT coach Gregg Berhalter stinks and should be fired

My Hot Seat is Greg Berhalter. Ooh. The coach of the US men's national team out. He should be out. Yeah. Hot Seat Greg. He lost to Trinidad in Tobago. Can't do that... He stinks. We brought him back. He doesn't get along with any of the best players on the team. Fire Greg. Fire him.

Messi's assist against the Red Bulls was the craziest pass I've ever seen

Beat the Red Bulls scored another or no? Yeah. Unbelievable goal. Probably the craziest pass I've ever seen in the, in the sport of football... I think it was [better than his World Cup pass].

Expected goals is the biggest crock of shit stat in sports

I'm a big expected goals guy. You know the expected goals account that tweets out... how many goals you should have scored... that is maybe the biggest crock of shit stat in sports. It's like, well based on how you guys really played, you won two to nothing.

The US Women's National Team will lose to Sweden in the 2023 World Cup

I'm gonna have to bet on the US women's national team against Sweden. I'm just gonna have to. They're gonna lose. Yeah, they're gonna lose.

The US Women's National Team are 'entitled babies'

No, you shouldn't be celebrating like that after you tie Portugal. Zero. Zero. You only won one game against Vietnam... So act listen, you haven't won shit yet. They're entitled, they're entitled babies.

Cristiano Ronaldo is the GOAT

Ronaldo, my goat got benched. People don't like Ronaldo. I don't understand. ... Ronaldo's the goat, Messi's great but Ronaldo greater.

The USA vs England 0-0 draw was the greatest tie of all time and should be known as the 'Miracle on Grass'.

It was the best, the greatest tie of all time. The tie heard around the world. We were calling it the the Miracle on Grass. And it was incredible. ... I traveled halfway around the world with a singular mission to bring home a fucking tie to the United States. We did.

Paul Rabil retiring was the best thing to happen to professional lacrosse

Is it a coincidence that the PLL had their best year ever after Paul Rabil retired? Was Paul Rabil bad for professional lacrosse? Some are saying.

Soccer is a joke because games are decided by penalty kicks with lasers in players' faces

I said that soccer is a joke. Like the fact that, you know, your spot at the world cup is determined by a fucking penalty kick with laser beams getting shot in your face is a joke.

It would be 'fucking hilarious' if the US Men's National Soccer Team loses by 6 goals and misses the World Cup

If the U.S. team loses by six goals tonight then they don't automatically qualify... I as a giant U.S. men's national team soccer fan, I can admit that if they lose by six goals tonight and don't qualify, that is fucking hilarious. I hope either they win or they lose by six or more goals tonight.

Michael Bradley only plays for the USMNT because his dad was the coach

The fucking coach's son that just keeps getting [minutes]... He's a guy who gets to play on the US team because his dad was a coach.

I'm boycotting the 2022 World Cup in Qatar unless the US makes it

I'm boycotting the World Cup. I'm boycotting the World Cup unless the U.S. makes it, in which case I might still boycott it. I think it's actually beneath the United States to play in a World Cup in stadiums that were built by little slaves.

Arsenal is a trash franchise and I'm officially 'Arteta Out'

Man U's a trash franchise, although I'd still rather cheer for them than Arsenal at this point... they stink. I'm Arteta out now. I think they should bring back Wenger.

I don't want the Waterdogs to win the championship if it is played on an NFL Sunday

If the Waterdogs want to be the best dogs possible, they would lose in the semifinals. So we don't have to watch them in the finals... I don't want to have to be burdened with them on an NFL Sunday.

US vs Mexico is no longer a soccer rivalry because the US wins every time

I would actually go as far as to say that it's not even a rivalry. A rivalry implies that both teams win occasionally. And if you look back at the history of our last two League of Nations Golden Cups, it's just basically us showing up out there.

The US men's 4x100 relay team is terrible.

So our four by 100 team sucks. And there were like a lot of people who were like, this is a debacle. How are we so bad at this? ... I really just don't care. Like, I want us to win, but if we don't, I don't lose any sleep over it.

Gareth Southgate is to blame for England's Euro loss due to delayed substitutions

I think south gate [Southgate], I think you took too long to meet the changes because when you brought on stack off [Saka] is when they equalized... Sack [Saka] was 19. How'd you make it a 19 year old, 10 [take] the final penny [penalty]? How can you make a 19 year old?

Soccer should change the rules to prohibit scoring on a penalty kick rebound

I don't think you should be able to rebound a penalty in soccer... I just feel like you should get it if you miss it you miss it... If you miss it, you miss it. It's a fucking free throw.

The United States will win the World Cup in Roger Bennett's children's lifetime

The America will be world champions... in your children's lifetime.

Cristiano Ronaldo is not a top three Ronaldo

It's time that we have an honest conversation about Ronaldo. I don't even think he's a top three Ronaldo. You've got Ronaldo, you've got Ronaldinho, who is named Ronaldo... Fat Ronaldo. He's number six overall Ronaldo.

The European Super League would actually have been sweet because of the high-level matchups.

The Super League kind of would have been sweet. ... Imagine if there was just a Wednesday, like every Wednesday afternoon, just the best teams in the world playing each other. ... would you watch because it's going to be sweet. They'd be like, yeah, I'd watch. ... It would have been fucking sweet.

The European Super League was a trial balloon that will eventually lead to it actually happening.

It's going to happen. The Super League's going to happen. This was a trial balloon that they sent out there.

America deserves all the credit for killing the European Super League

In order to kill something so evil as the Super League, you have to create it. So shouldn't Americans get credit for creating something that the world can get behind and [kill]? We did this. We created and killed it, so we deserve all the credit. Specifically this show and generally America.

Artificial turf is safer for professional soccer players than real grass

It's way safer for the players.

Mikel Arteta should be fired as Arsenal manager

I am Arteta out... He needs to fuck off. If [Kroenke] doesn't spend enough money, then he needs to fuck off... This is the lowest we've ever been [as a club].

Nike forced Ronaldo to play in the 1998 World Cup final after he suffered a seizure because they had invested too much in him as an athlete.

Ronaldo... had a seizure out of nowhere right before the final... Some people think that he was drugged. But then... there's a conspiracy theory that Nike, because they had invested so much in Brazil, the Brazilian team and Ronaldo as Nike athletes, that Nike forced him to play even though he was like less than 24 hours after a seizure. And Nike basically stepped in and was like, 'He has to play no matter what.'

The MLS is a Ponzi scheme

I don't understand how they can keep adding teams. It is a Ponzi scheme. Because you just pay the existing owners and the talent isn't there to keep up.

I'm starting to think the global pandemic was rigged so we would all be forced to watch soccer

I swear to God I'm starting to get to woke that this is all been rigged so that we all have to watch soccer... We're here, life is now just soccer with a little side of horse racing.

Soccer is boring because you cannot use your hands

Soccer... simple, just because any sport that you can't use your hands, that's like 50% of your body and the stuff that are much more important and you can't even use it. You're just running around, at most you're scoring one goal. It's boring as fuck.

I am done with U.S. Men's Soccer after the loss to Canada

Just when you think it couldn't get worse, we lose to Canada. ... I'm done with the U.S. soccer until they start fucking just doing anything. ... I'm done being embarrassed. I want them to be good.

Christian Pulisic stunk in his Chelsea debut and might not be ready for the bright lights

I watched the whole game. He stunk. Is he not ready for the bright lights? They came in... he came in and it was 1-0, and then Manchester United scored three goals... I'm just going to say, as someone who was ready to declare this the biggest moment in USA soccer history, yeesh.

US Soccer audited finances prove the women players earn more than the men

My hot seat is people who think U.S. soccer is sexist and doesn't pay the women enough. Because our good friend DR came out with a tweet today where he showed that the women – U.S. soccer responded for the first time ever with what shows that their independently audited finances that show that their women players actually earn more than the men.

VAR is ruining soccer and we should go back to just complaining about refs

My other fire fest... is robots. Especially VAR robots in the World Cup, in the Women's World Cup. It's ruining soccer. It is absolutely ruining it. I'm actually the mindset that I'm out on instant replay across the board. I think we've gone too far. Fuck the robots. We need to complain about refs.

FIFA is the one organization out there that knows how to handle their shit.

If there's one organization out there that knows how to handle their shit, it's FIFA. This is like number 100 on their list right now of things to take care of right behind building stadiums that look like vaginas using slave labor.

I honestly thought I could be a Premier League goalie with one year of training

I swore I could be a Premier League goalie. And she's [my girlfriend, Kealia Ohai] a soccer player. So I was like, give me one year to train. I think I can do it. So she goes, okay, come to the field... She smoked a ball past my face so fucking fast. And I was like, no chance. You can give me five years to train. No chance.

If J.J. Watt had played rugby, he would be the greatest player ever and the U.S. would have won gold

If you had dedicated yourself to rugby when you were in high school, you would probably be the best rugby player in the history of the game, by far. And the U.S. probably would have won a gold medal.

Lionel Messi is the greatest soccer player of all time, better than Cristiano Ronaldo

Ronaldo versus Messi. Who's better? [Rooney:] Messi. Yeah, I think I've said it before, but they're both probably the best players ever to play the game. And I just think Messi is... In my eyes, the greatest ever.

The US not making the 2018 World Cup was the best thing for soccer in America

The U.S. not making this World Cup is actually the best thing that has ever happened for soccer in America... with the U.S. removed, you watch this World Cup... and people got to enjoy soccer for soccer and not worry about, are we good enough? Is the U.S. up there with them? They just got to enjoy the game.

Russia will defeat Spain in the World Cup knockout stage

On Sunday it is España versus Russia... Russia for sure.

Soccer players are frauds and the sport isn't that difficult to play

Soccer players are frauds. I don't think that it's that difficult to play soccer.

Harry Kane is a 'fraud' because he only scores tap-ins and penalties

Harry Kane, still a bust in my mind [because] he just only scores from like two feet out. He basically didn't even have to [try for the hat trick]. He just showed up, and I could have gotten that hat trick. I just need to hit two penalty shots.