Takes

The Cleveland Browns will cover the 10-point spread against the Buffalo Bills

I do like the bills, but I think the Browns might cover... I like the Browns at the very least in the first half of this game. I like 'em to cover 10 points.

Colts -4.5 vs. Texans is a suspiciously low line that favors the Colts

I'm gonna take the Colts minus four and a half. I feel like the, that that's, that's a field goal line. Why is it four and a half? They know something.

The Bears are going to get their asses kicked by the Lions in Week 2

The Vikings are good. The Bears are bad. The Bears are gonna get their asses kicked by the Lions in a get right game in week two.

Daniel Jones will be serviceable for the Colts and can win eight games

Daniel Jones, when I say he is gonna be good, I, I would be shocked if he was like a, a pro bowl level quarterback, but I think he could be serviceable... I don't think he's going to be one of the better quarterbacks in the AFC, but I do think he could be good enough to win like eight games.

The Milwaukee Brewers never lose

The brewers do just never lose. I said it on Wednesday and they still haven't lost. They don't lose. They never lose. It's crazy. This team never loses.

I am officially retiring from participating in physical sports challenges

My fire fest is pretty simple. My body is broken. I'm, I'm too old for some of this shit. I did tweet that I was thinking about retirement, like not retirement from like this show, but retirement from our physical challenges. We played, we did six hour stream on Tuesday night... softball on Wednesday... oh my god, I can't walk right now. I think I need to retire from sports. I need to be a walking guy.

OKC will win the NBA title

If I were to, you know, guess... I'm going with OKC.

The Detroit Pistons have a very bright future because of Cade Cunningham

The Pistons have a very bright future because Cade Cunningham stepped up, stepped up like that level playoff series, young team getting their first taste of it. It sucks to hear, but the Pistons have a very bright future.

The Pistons finally winning a playoff game signals that all of Detroit sports are trending in the right direction

This is something that Pistons fans should enjoy and revel in and be like, yes. Like it is now trending towards the right way. All of Detroit sports, by the way, besides the Red Wings... the lions have been bad forever. They've obviously the last few years have been really good. The Tigers were bad for a really long time. They've been good. And now the Pistons.

Winning a Stanley Cup in Canada would make me 'Captain Canada'

I think about it all the time... [PFT: It'd be Captain Canada at that point.] Yeah. It's made me think about it too much. But I feel like I have my whole day planned when we win.

The Philadelphia Eagles are the favorites in the NFC

I think Philly's probably the favorite. Yeah. You gotta put Philly in there... Philadelphia Eagle defense man, Vic Fangio's got a couple rookies in the secondary... They're good man.

The Giants will win the international game in Germany against the Panthers

I actually think the Giants are gonna win. Do you know the Giants are leading the league in Sacks? 35. Their defensive line is very good... I like the Giants in this game just because I'm gonna bet it because it's gonna be on.

Georgia is the best team in the SEC

I think we all probably saw the best team in the SEC on Saturday night in, in it's Georgia. It's a healthy Georgia... they got pretty much everybody back against Texas And it showed. And that's, that's what they are. So to me Georgia's probably, you know, the best team in the league.

Texas and Alabama will play in the College Football National Championship

College Football national championship game. I'm going to go Texas versus Alabama.

The Philadelphia Phillies will defeat the New York Yankees in the World Series

World Series? I think the Philadelphia Phillies are the best team... Philly's over Yankees.

I predict the Bengals will eventually be back

I don't know if they're back yet, but I predict that they will be back... September's a bad month and then they get hot. And I think that's what's gonna happen again.

The Eagles are winning because the line making no sense means Vegas knows something

Honestly, it makes no sense that they're two point favorites in this game. I like the Eagles. I think we talked our way through it. I like the Eagles specifically because Vegas knows something. It makes no sense. The only sense I can think of is the way the Bucs have won... I think we take the Eagles as a team.

Russell Wilson will be the Week 1 starter for the Steelers

I think Russell Wilson. ...I just know that when they brought him in it was like they put tunnel vision on. They're like, Russell's our guy... I think the plan is Russell Wilson week one.

Jumping at the last second in a falling elevator will save your life

If you're an elevator and it falls and you jump at the end, you survive... I just looked it up. It's not true. It's not true. You would die.

TV reruns are actually actors performing the exact same script live for a second time

I used to think that when you'd watch a rerun of a show on TV, that it was an all new taping of the exact same script... I thought that like, I'd be watching Saved by the Bell... They're doing the same song, but they're just taping it again for us.

Chocolate milk comes from brown cows

I thought chocolate milk came from brown cows... I was up north driving past a brown cow and I pointed to my cousin, I said, you know, chocolate milk comes from those things.

Joe Burrow will not play an NFL game with his new bleached hair

I predict he will not play an NFL game with bleached hair... I think this is, this is just team building. This is just a guy being a dude, letting them make fun of him during training camp. And then I think once the regular season starts, then it's business hair.

Ryan Mountcastle will have a massive second half because he's over his vertigo

Ryan Mountcastle. He seems to be over the vertigos, but yeah, he does hit a lot of homers. So he's been saving them. He, this is what he told me. He's been saving them for the second half. And I got him having a big second half.

The Boston Celtics championship parade was the biggest in NBA history

Biggest, biggest parade in NBA championship history. Is that a fact? 1.5 million people.

The Oilers will win Game 3 of the Stanley Cup Finals at home

I feel like they are, the Oilers are going to win game three at home though. They need the tits. They need the tits.

The Celtics will beat the Mavericks in 7 games

My gut kneejerk is Celtics and seven

Kyrie Irving has never lost a closeout game

Kyrie Irving has never lost a closeout game. That's interesting. Yeah. So just remember that if you're new to DraftKings, listen up.

Fierceness is the best horse in the Kentucky Derby by three or four lengths

If all the horses run their best races, Fierceness wins the race, hands down. Talent wise, Fierceness is probably three or four lengths better than any other horse in the field.

The Bulls-Heat game will be a one-possession game with three minutes left

I honestly just, if my, if I had to give you my take on the game, it's gonna be a one possession game with three minutes left and then who the fuck knows?

Team USA will win every Olympic basketball game by 50 points

USA announced its Olympic roster for 2024 in Paris. And it is stacked. Yeah. They're looking to win every game by 50.

The Yankees have already won the World Series after their opening sweep of Houston

I'd just like to be the first to congratulate Jake's New York Yankees on winning the World Series. Yeah. Four game sweep in Houston. Congrats. Jake. Juan Soto got his pinstripes. New era.

The Rangers will beat the Dodgers in the World Series

I'll go Rangers over Dodgers.

North Carolina will win the 2024 National Championship

North Carolina. So shout out to the Howard Wagner.

Tennessee and Houston are my two picks to win the NCAA Tournament

I'm heavily leveraged in the Volunteers this year. I think Tennessee and Houston are my two picks.

The Denver Nuggets will win the NBA Championship back-to-back

I don't think I can make a future bet on this because the price isn't great, but I just think the nugs are gonna win again. I think it's back to back. Nugs.

My 2024 Final Four is Purdue, Houston, Arizona, and Tennessee

I think Purdue is gonna make the final four. I have to trust Houston. Gimme Arizona... and then I gotta ride with Tennessee. Tennessee, I'll take out Houston and put in Butler. No, I'll take Tennessee.

Travis Kelce to score a touchdown is the Super Wild Card prop of the year

Travis Kelce scored touchdowns plus money now. And the dolphins are not great guarding the tight end. And I do think that like when you get to the playoffs, Patrick Mahomes will be like, who can I trust? Travis Kelce's the guy I can trust.

Buffalo and Dallas are the two best teams in the NFL outside of San Francisco and Baltimore

The number two teams in each conference are pretty clearly Buffalo and Dallas. Not just the number two seeds, but the number two teams by both DVOA and weighted towards the end of the season. If somebody's gonna win this thing other than San Francisco or Baltimore, it's probably going to be Buffalo or Dallas.

Kirk Cousins will return to the Minnesota Vikings next season

Is Kirk Cousins gonna come back? I think he's, I I would guess that he's gonna come back to the Vikings... He'd probably be okay with taking a pay cut just to avoid the nuisance of having to move your family to a new city... Kirk Cousins back to the Vikings. We're announcing that right now.

Vic Fangio is the reason I believe in the Dolphins

I stand by the fact... the whole reason that I have believed in the Dolphins in the last couple weeks is 'cause of Vic Fangio today. Their defense was awesome. Shut out. Hard to shut out a team in the NFL. It is, it is... That's why I believe in the Dolphins is Vic Fangio.

The Vikings will beat the Bengals because Brian Flores' defense will confuse Jake Browning

I kind of like the Vikings in this game. And I like him because Brian Flores... is doing stuff that people can't even figure out with his defense zone. Blitzes just... he's doing a lot of multiples... I think that this is gonna be Jake Browning's first test. True test because the Colts and the Jaguars aren't great defenses. The Vikings have been playing like a great defense.

Bill Belichick will stay with the Patriots next year

I truly believe that he will be here next year. But if he does go to another team like the Washington Commanders, I mean it doesn't really, you know, ri rival with the New England Patriots... But I just don't see that happening after this year. I think he'll definitely have another year to redeem himself.

The Dolphins will be 11-3 heading into Christmas

Listen, [the Dolphins] have a chance to really get in a groove here. They've Commanders, Titans, Jets. Ooh, there, there's a very good chance they're 11 and three heading into Christmas.

Eagles vs. Chiefs on Monday Night Football will be the highest rated game of the season

I'm gonna say Eagles Chiefs Monday Night Football is going to be the highest rated game of the season moving forward. Ooh. Also there's a potential of Taylor appearing. In Prime time standalone. It has to be Super Bowl rematch.

Super Bowl Pick: Eagles vs. Ravens

I like the Eagles. I think... in the NFC, they're the most complete team right now... And AFC if Lamar continues to develop... If that defense hit stride in, in December, January... I think the Ravens become tough... I think he brings a different element and dimension to that team.

The Rams are the most perfectly average team in the NFL

I think they're the most perfectly average team in the NFL right now. ... They're right in the middle where they, they'll just beat all the bad teams and lose to all the good ones.

The Phillies will beat the Rangers in the World Series

World Series prediction: Phillies over the Rangers. It just feels like the Phillies won't be denied. They feel more inevitable this year.

The Packers are going to kick the shit out of the Raiders on Monday night

My overly direct take is Monday Night Football. I hate betting on this team, but I think the Packers are gonna kick the shit outta the Raiders.

The Chiefs will throttle the Jets because Taylor Swift is attending

Chiefs are going to fucking throttle them. The fact that Taylor Swift is going, the chiefs are going to fucking throttle them. And the chief's defense has not been talked about, has been very good this year.

The San Francisco 49ers will win the Super Bowl

Super Bowl Champ: San Francisco 49ers. It is going to be an amazing thing to see Deebo and Trent Williams walk out next to the dude with the big boombox at the Super Bowl.